幽默英语演讲稿多篇Word格式.docx

1、所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的. the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily?最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?god answered. 上帝回答:when i made woma

2、n, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give fort. 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人. i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many time

3、s will e even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子. i gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without plaining. 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人

4、都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言. i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. even when her child has hurt her badly. she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears. 我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害

5、她的时候 她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧 i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. 我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏 i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her s

6、trengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心 for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed. it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness. when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she d

7、oes for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good. 因为这些种种的困难， 我也同样赐她流下眼泪， 这是当她在需要时可以使用的， 这是她唯一的软弱之处 当你看到她哭泣的时候， 告诉她你有多么地爱她， 告诉她她为所有人所做的一切， 即使这样她可能还是会哭泣， 但你会使她的心里得到安慰 she is special!please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and spec

8、ial women in their lives. 她是独特的！请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人， 有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人 but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is. each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier. 但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物 每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每

9、一步都更轻松 love your mother always 永远爱你的母亲， and keep her smiling 并且使她微笑常在 第二篇：新初中幽默英语演讲稿love your mother爱你的母亲一个小男孩问他的妈妈. she told him.因为我是女人,她告诉他. he said.我不明白.他回答his mom just hugged him and said,.later the little boy asked his father,. was all his dad could say.,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的.the little boy grew up and

10、 became a man,still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.god answered.when i made woman,i decided she had to be special.i made her shouldersstrong enough to carrythe weight of the world, yet,made her arms gentle enough to give fort.当我创造女人的时候,我决定把她造的很特别,第三篇：七年级五班英语幽默故事大赛演讲稿do you like

11、stories?i want to tell you a true story.it happened to a friend of mine a year ago.while my friend ,george, was reading in bed, two thieves climbed into his kitchen.after they had entered the house,they went into the dining room.it was very dark,so they turned on a torch.suddenly, they heard a voice

12、 behind them. whats up? whats up?someone called. the thieves dropped the torchand ran away as quickly as they could.george heard the noiseand came downstairs quickly.he turned on the light,but he couldnt see anyone.the thieves had already gone.but georges parrot, henry, was still there. whats up, ge

13、orge?he called.nothing, henry.george said and smiled. go back to sleep.第四篇：幽默英语英语幽默对话buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）女:actually id rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱.）经典对话二：男：can i have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）女：why? dont you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？） 经典对话三：im a photographer. ive been looki

14、ng for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。m a plastic surgeon. ive been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。经典对话四：is this seat empty?这个座位是空的吧？yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。） 经典对话五：havent i seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？yes. thats wh

15、y i dont go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。经典对话六：will you go out with me this saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）女：sorry. im having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。） 经典对话七：i think i could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。 are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？第五篇：英语幽默the insane asylumlate one night at the insane

16、 asylum, one inmate shouted, “i am napoleon.” another one said, “ how do you know?”.the first inmate said, “god told me!”just then, a voice from another room shouted, “i did not!improvementone student said to another, “how are your english lessons ing along?“fine, i used to be one who couldnt unders

17、tand the english men, and now its the english men who cant understand me.”all except the musica keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. to make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lom

18、onade, cake, chocs and ices. just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little sally, “have you enjoyed yourself today?“oh, yes, miss” said sally, “it was lovely. all except the music, that is.”half or five tenthsteacher: would you rather have one half of an orange or five tent

19、hs?gerad: i would much rather have the half. think carefully and tell me why. because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.the reason for being late why are you late for school every morning?jonny: because every time i get to the corner, a guidepost says, “ school-go slow

20、ly”.when do people talk least?st a: when do people talk least?st b: in february. why? because february is the shortest month in a year.plural form of childt: whats the plural form of “man”?s: its “men”,.goodand the plural of “child”? twins.my sisters fingers why are you late this time? please sir, i

21、 bruised two fingers knocking a nail at home. i dont see any bandages. oh, they werent my fingers! i told my little sister to hold the nail.what is the climate of new zealand whats the climateof new zealand?very cold, sir.wrong. but, sir! when they send us meat it always arrives frozen!lightening wh

22、y the lightening never strike the same place twice? because the stroke place isnt there any more.how many rabbits? now, jonathan, if i gave you three rabbits and then the next day i gave five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? nine, sir! nine? ive got one already.to go to heavensunday school

23、teacher: hands up all those who want to go to heaven? hands upwhat about you,terry? you havents got your hand up -dont you want to go to heaven?terry: i cant. my mum told me to go straight home.i wasnt asleepwhen a group of women got on the bus, all the seats wear occupied. the conductor noticed a m

24、an who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said, “ wake up, sir!“i was not asleep,” said the man.“not asleep? but you had your eyes closed.”“i know.i just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car”our tailsa lecturer on evolution had been go

25、ing on for nearly two hours and then he started again, and he said , “let me ask the evolutionist a question-if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?“ill venture an answer, ” said an old lady. “we have worn them off sitting here so long.”the umbrellaa gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbr

26、ella in the hall. he put on the handle a card on which was ritten: “this umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up 100 pounds and i shall be back in ten minutes.”when he came back , he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was ritten: “this card belongs to a man who can run ten

27、 miles an hour , i shall not e back.”the great event what great event happened in 1809? abraham lincoln was born? right! and what great event happened in 1812? lincoln had his third birthday.always share!an old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one coca cola and one portion of french fries. the old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the coda cola into two glasses, half for him and half for his wife. he devided all the frech fries half-and-half. he gave half to his wife and kept half