高中英语写作小作文批改邀请信.docx

高中英语写作小作文批改邀请信.docx

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高中英语写作小作文批改邀请信

高中英语写作小作文批改范文：

邀请信

第一篇

DearBob,

TherewillbeheldawonderfulmusicconcernforpianoandviolinintheMusicalHalloftheCentreConservatoryOfMusiconJunuary15st.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartat7:

00PMontime.ThiswillbefollowedbyaticketthatwehavetogivenyoubyExpressEmailSurvicebeforetheconcern.Ataround6:

50PM,January15st,youmayarrivedtotheCCOMbecausestaffischeckingourticketsaheadoftime.

IreallyhopeyoucanmakeitRSVPbefore6:

50PM,January15st,2013.

Sincerelyyours,

LiMing

修改意见：

DearBob，

Therewillbeheld（删除）awonderfulmusic（音乐会是concert）concernfor（改为concerning）pianoandviolinintheMusicalHalloftheCentreConservatoryOfMusiconJunuary（拼写错误，改为January）15st.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartat7:

00PMontime.ThiswillbefollowedbyaticketthatwehavetogivenyoubyExpressEmailSurvicebeforetheconcern.（理解有误，本意是让你写在这个occasion后面是另外一个活动）Ataround6:

50PM,January15st,youmayarrivedtotheCCOMbecausestaffischeckingourticketsaheadoftime.

IreallyhopeyoucanmakeitRSVPbefore6:

50PM,January15st,2013.

Sincerelyyours,

LiMing

2分

微点评：

你对模版的理解不透彻，还不清楚每部分要写的内容，建议你看看论坛上别的同学的作文，了解一下每部分具体要写什么内容。

第二篇

DearMark,

TherewillbeavolunteeractivitiyintheChildren'sWelfareInstituteOfNanjingonthisweekend.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.Theoccasionwillstartat08:

00.Thiswillbefollowedbyonemorearrangement.Ataround10:

00,therewillbeanotheractivityaftertheperformance.AllofusaregoingtoZhongshanparktohaveaPicnic,whilehelpingLily,theyoungestgirlinourgroup,tocelebrityherbirthday.Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit.RSVPbeforethedeadlineforSeptember15th.

修改意见：

DearMark,

Therewillbeavolunteeractivitiy（拼写错误，改为activity）intheChildren'sWelfareInstituteOfNanjingonthisweekend.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.Theoccasionwillstartat08:

00.Thiswillbefollowedbyonemorearrangement（此处应该写一个具体的活动）.Ataround10:

00,therewillbeanotheractivityaftertheperformance（删除）.AllofusaregoingtoZhongshanparktohaveaPicnic,whilehelpingLily,theyoungestgirlinourgroup,tocelebrity（改为celebrate）herbirthday.（给某人过生日，不要用help）Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit.RSVPbeforethedeadlinefor（删除，RSVPbefore的意思就是在…之前通知我）September15th.

加Sincerelyyours，

你的名字

3分

微点评：

要注意书信的写作格式，你对模版的理解不透彻而且英语基础比较薄弱，建议你多看看满分作文。

第三篇

DearXiaohui,

TherewilladinnerpartyatmyhouseonApril12,2013.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartatsixo’clockintheevening;withthetakingphotos.Thiswillbefollowedbyadinnerparty.Ataroundteno’clock,wewillhavefaceparty.

Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit,RSVPbeforeApril12,welookforwardtothepleasureofyourcompany.

Yourssincerely,

LiMing

修改意见：

DearXiaohui,

Therewill（加be）adinnerpartyatmyhouseonApril12,2013.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartatsixo’clockintheevening;withthetakingphotos.（删除）Thiswillbefollowedby{adinnerparty｝.Ataroundteno’clock,wewillhavefaceparty.（假面舞会是amasqueradeball）

Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit,RSVPbeforeApril12,welookforwardtothepleasureofyourcompany.

Yourssincerely,

LiMing

3分

微点评：

考研的小作文要写到100词，写的太少是要被扣分的，这个模版只是给你提供了一个思路，很多内容还是需要自己填充的，另外，你开头说有一个dinnerparty，那么第二段的occasion指的就是这个party，因此Thiswillbefollowed后面要加一个新的活动，不能还是dinnerparty了。

第四篇

DearBob,

Wewilltoholdaschool-widepartyforChineseculturalexchangeonSaturdaynextweekinSchoolClub.Iamsureyouwouldlikeit,asweallknowitforyouwondertohearanyregardingcultureofChina.

Thereoccasionwillstartingonseveno'clockinevening,withadinnerpartyforconvenientweunderstandotherperson.Ataroundnine,freeexchangewillbegin.

IfyoudonotanyprimayappointmentatSaturdaynextweek,welookforwardtothepleasureofyourcompany.

YoursTrulyLIMing

修改意见：

DearBob,

Wewilltoholdaschool-widepartyforChineseculturalexchangeonSaturdaynextweekinSchoolClub.Iamsureyouwouldlikeit,asweallknowitforyouwondertohearanyregardingcultureofChina.（不能理解你的意思）

There（改为The）occasionwillstarting（will后面加动词原形）on（改为at）seveno'clockin（加the）evening,withadinnerpartyforconvenientweunderstandotherperson（不能理解你的意思）.Ataroundnine,freeexchangewillbegin.

Ifyoudonot（加have）anyprimay（改为prior）appointmentat（改为on）Saturdaynextweek,welookforwardtothepleasureofyourcompany.

YoursTruly（t写，加逗号）

LIMing

2分

微点评：

你的英语基础比较薄弱，建议你多背一些满分作文，积累一些好词好句。

第五篇

DearBob,

TherewillbeaNewYearpartyholdedbytheStudents'UnionofChineseLanguageandLiteratureDepartmentatschoolstadiumonJanuary1st.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartat6:

00o'clockintheevening.Thiswillbefollowedbyahotdancingfarewellwithallstudentsthere.Ataroundonehourlater,thegameconcerningnotonlydareortruthbutalsotablegameswillstart.

Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeitandcelebratethefestivalwithus.RSVPbeforeDecember27th.

YoursfaithfullyLiMing

修改意见：

DearBob,

TherewillbeaNewYearpartyholded（改为held）bytheStudents'UnionofChineseLanguageandLiteratureDepartmentatschoolstadiumonJanuary1st.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartat6:

00o'clockintheevening.Thiswillbefollowedbyahotdancing（改为dance）farewellwith（用词不当，farewellwith是和…挥别的意思，而在hotdance后面还有活动）allstudentsthere.Ataroundonehourlater（ataround后面加具体的时间点）,thegameconcerningnotonlydareortruthbutalso（改为dareortruthand）tablegameswillstart.

Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeitandcelebratethefestivalwithus（makeit就有后面和我们一起庆祝节日的意思了.）RSVPbeforeDecember27th.

Yoursfaithfully（加逗号）

LiMing

4分

微点评：

你对模版不熟悉，建议你多看看满分作文，熟悉一下这类作文的写作思路。

对于不熟悉其词义或用法的词，尽量不用。

5-7分

第一篇

DearKate,

TherewillbeaChristmaspartyatEnglishcorneronDec.25th.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.Theoccasionwillstartat6p.m.Thiswillbefollowedbyagame.Ataround7p.m.ameetingwillbeheld.Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit.RSVPbeforeDec.24th.

CampusEnglishCorner

October22,2012

修改意见：

DearKate,

TherewillbeaChristmaspartyatEnglishcorneronDec.25th.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.Theoccasionwillstartat6p.m.Thiswillbefollowedbyagame.Ataround7p.m.ameetingwillbeheld.Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit.RSVPbeforeDec.24th.

（加Sincerelyyours，）CampusEnglishCorner

October22,2012（删除）

5分

微点评：

考研小作文的字数要求是100词左右，你的作文虽然没有大问题，但是包含的内容太少，句型变换等也太少了。

另外，要注意书信的格式。

第二篇

DearMissYuan,

TherewillbeacelebritypartyforthenewyearintheactivityroomonthenextSaturday.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartat6o’clockintheevening.Thiswillbefollowedbyaseriousofwonderfulperformancesplayedbyourclassmates.Ataround8o’clock,weprojectsomeinteractionactivitiestoanimatetheatmospheresoastopromotetherelationshipsofclassmates.What’smore,wepreparedsomegiftstobepresentedtothewinners.

Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit.RSVPbeforethenextWednesday.

Yourssincerely,

LiMing

修改意见：

DearMissYuan,

Therewillbeacelebrity（改为celebration）partyforthenewyearintheactivityroomonthenextSaturday.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartat6o’clockintheevening.Thiswillbefollowedbyaserious（拼写错误，改为series）ofwonderfulperformancesplayedbyourclassmates.Ataround8o’clock,weprojectsomeinteractionactivitiestoanimatetheatmospheresoastopromotetherelationshipsofclassmates.What’smore,wepreparedsomegiftstobepresentedtothewinners.

Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit.RSVPbeforethe（删除）nextWednesday.

Yourssincerely,

LiMing

7分

微点评：

写作文的时候再细心一些，注意单词的拼写。

背单词时要把词义背牢。

第三篇

DearProfessor,

TherewillanAcademicExchangeofEastAsiaInternationalLawatNo.1lecturetheatreonApril19,2012.Weshouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartat14:

30.ThiswillbefollowedbyacommunicationaboutapplicationoflawofEastAsiaeconomictradewithotherprofessorsandexpertscomefromJapan,Koreaandothercountries.Ataround19:

30,adancingpartywillbeholdinginuniversityauditorium.

Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit.RSVPbeforeApril12,2012.

LawSchoolPKU

April5,2013

修改意见：

DearProfessor,

TherewillanAcademicExchangeofEastAsiaInternationalLawatNo.1lecturetheatreonApril19,2012.Weshouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartat14:

30.ThiswillbefollowedbyacommunicationaboutapplicationoflawofEastAsiaeconomictradewithotherprofessorsandexpertscome（改为coming）fromJapan,Koreaandothercountries.Ataround19:

30,adancingpartywillbeholding（改为held）inuniversityauditorium.

Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit.RSVPbeforeApril12,2012.

加Yourssincerely,

LawSchoolPKU

April5,2013（删除）

7分

微点评：

注意书信的格式以及被动语态的问题。

一句话里不能有两个谓语动词。

第四篇

DearBob,

TherewillbeasummercelebratepartyforteenagersattheplaygroundofBeijingForginUniversityonthisweekend.Wewouldbehonoredtohaveyoutherewithus.

Theoccasionwillstartat9:

00to11:

00inthemorningoftheWeekend.Thiswillbefollowedbyamusicgatheringwhichyoucancommunicatewithothers,alsoyoucaneatvariouskindsofdeliciousfood.Ataroundthenexttimeto5:

00pm,itisthefreetimeforustotakeaseriesofactivities,suchasplayingcards,singingsongsandsoon.

Ireallyhopeyoucanmakeit.RSVPbeforethefinaldatethatIhaveinformedtoyou.

Sincerelyyours,

LiMing

修改意见：

DearBob,

Therewillbeasummercelebratepartyforteenager