英语写作高分秘籍.docx
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英语写作高分秘籍
01简洁即是美
StylishEnglishis...
Concise
简洁才是美
好的写作,首先而且至关重要的一点就是简洁。
繁冗的写作堆砌了许多无用的词藻,反而减弱表述的清晰度。
当然,也不能仅仅因为简短就认为短句一定优于长句。
只要一个单词确实能起到一定的作用,它就应该留在句中。
一般来说,只有在进行强调或修饰、美化句子时,才能使用重复的单词、语音和短语。
修改文章,就是要删繁就简。
比较下面这对句子,注意体会二者的差别及效果。
1)Dr.SunYat-senwenttoJapanbymeansofabigboat.
2)Dr.SunYat-senwenttoJapanbyboat.
斜体字部分较啰嗦,因为"by"就是"bymeansofboat"。
请看下列例句
Wordy:
Itmakesmefeelpainfultothinkthatshehastowork12hoursadayandsevendaysaweek.
Better:
Itpainsmetothinkthatshehastowork12hoursadayandsevendaysaweek.
Wordy:
ItwillbeouraimtoensureproperhealthcareforeachandeveryoneoftheChinesepeople.
Better:
OuraimistoensureproperhealthcareforallChinese.
Wordy:
Thisbookwillhelpyoumasterthebasicelementsofgoodwriting.
Better:
Thisbookwillhelpyoumasterthebasicsofgoodwriting.
Wordy:
Thesearchoftheforestthattheyconductedwasentirelycomplete.
Better:
Thesearchoftheforestwascomplete.
或Theyconductedacompletesearchoftheforest.
第二个句子合乎汉语表达习惯,即他们对森林进行了彻底的搜查。
Wordy:
Hehasnosenseofprinciples,whetherheisinpublicorinprivate.
Better:
Hehasnoprinciples,publicorprivate.
Wordy:
Wheneveranyonetelephonedhertoaskherforhelpwiththeirhomeworkshealwaysobligedrightaway.
Better:
Sheimmediatelyobligedanyonewhotelephonedforhelpwithhomework.
Wordy:
Inacautiousmannerthecarwentaroundthecorner.
Better:
Thecarnegotiatedthecorner.
Wordy:
Ifthegovernmentagencyfindsthatanindividualhasreceivedapaymenttowhichtheindividualwasnotentitled,whetherornotthepaymentwasduetotheindividual'sfaultormisrepresentation,theindividualshallbeliabletorepaytothegovernmentthetotalsumofthepaymenttowhichtheindividualwasnotentitled.
Better:
Ifthegovernmentagencyfindsthatyoureceivedapaymentthatyouweren'tentitledto,youmustpaytheentiresumback.
Wordy:
Anotherimportantaspectisgoodhealth.Itisoneofourgreatblessings.Itmaybeachievedthroughproperdietandexercise.Restisalsodesirable.
Better:
Thegreatblessingofgoodhealthmaybehadthroughproperdiet,exercise,andrest.
词语简化的一些技巧
✧策略之一:
用介词短语替代从句。
例:
Wordy:
Whiletheywereplayingtennis,shestartedanargumentthatlastedallmorning.
Better:
Duringtennisshestartedanargumentthatlastedallmorning.
Wordy:
Whenyoucometothesecondtrafficlight,turnright.
Better:
Atthesecondtrafficlightturnleft.
✧策略之二:
删除诸如"whois”或"thatis"之类的关系代词,变从句为短语。
例:
Wordy:
Thenovel,whichiswritteninthreeparts,toldastorythattookplaceintheMiddleAges.
Better:
Thethree-partnoveltoldastorysetintheMiddleAges.
注:
把句中的”threeparts”改用形容词来表达,节省了四个不必要的单词”whichiswrittenin”。
我们经常可以将关系代词如”that”去掉,这只会引起最少的变动。
✧策略之三:
剔除你不需要的单词
"Twojointpartnerswillpresenttheirviewsoveralong-distancetelephonecall."
写完这样的句子后,你自己再读一遍,挑出单词”joint”和”telephone”,注意删去不必要的词。
✧策略之四:
表达否定意义时,尽量避免使用否定词。
英语中很多词不用"no's"或者"not's"也能表达否定含义的词汇,你尽可以采取更为委婉的表达方式。
例:
Thuscollegestudentswhodonothavesufficientfinancialbacking,
也就是collegestudentswholackssufficientfinancialbacking。
如果你不想使用太多的否定词,就应该尽量避免使用它们。
赘句范例及其改进建议
Wordy(赘语)
Improved(替换语)
asausualrule
asarule
atthatpointintime
then
atthispointintime
now
atyourearliestconvenience
now,soon
concerningthematterof
about
duetothefactthat
because
forthereasonthat
because
hasproveditselftobe
hasproved,is
inconnectionwith
with
inorderto
to
inrelationto
with
intheeventthat
if
modernfactoriesoftoday
modernfactories
nextstepstotake
nextsteps
puzzlinginnature
puzzling
regardlessofthefact
although
thereasonwhyisthat
because
totaleffectofallthis
totaleffect
withreferenceto
about
02变化才是真
StylishEnglishhas…
VarietyBrevityisnotalwaysavirtue
变化才是真
简短未必是美德
许多人将简洁与简短混为一谈,其实二有很大区别。
简洁的主旨是用尽量少的词汇讲述整个故事,简短的主旨则是为保持文章篇幅短小,精心撰写或随意删除文中的某些词语或章节。
简洁并不意味着总写短句子。
事实上,如果句式缺乏变化,文章就会显得支离破碎,缺少联系,让人觉得写作技巧贫乏。
句式的变化能令文章协调而流畅,会让读者感觉到作者对主题把握得游刃有余。
虽然短句没什么语法错误,但用得太多会使本应合在一起的意思分离开来。
记住:
不要使用一串串短的、支离破碎的句子。
要理清自己的思路,尽量使句子长度有所变化。
例:
Before:
TheArtofStrategywaswrittenbySunTzu.Itisafifty-six-hundred-wordChineseclassicalwork.Thewriterputforthasetofprinciplesinaverytightlycompressedmanner.Theydealwithhowtodefeatoppositionsandwinbattles.
这种表达的问题在于:
(1)简单的“主语+谓语”结构太多;
(2)"written"和"writer", "TheArtofStrategy"和"It","setofprinciples"和"they"为重复用语;
(3)读起来很单调。
After:
Inhisfifty-six-hundredwordclassic,TheArtofStrategy,SunTzuputforthatightlycompressedsetofprinciplesforachievingtriumphoveropposition.
介词结构+同位语+主语+谓语的形式比较好,因为将"SunTzu"放到了最重要成分-主语的位置,其他成分按逻辑排序居次要地位。
整个句子很流畅。
再看下面各例
Choppy:
Ofcourse,theweaponsatSunTzu'stimewerequiteprimitive.Thearmieswereverylarge.TheywerenearlyaslargeasthoseinWorldWarTwo.ThedevastationandhumansufferingswerejustasprofoundasinWorldWarTwo.
Better:
ComparedwithWorldWarTwo,theweaponsatSunTzu'stimewerequiteprimitive,butthearmieswerenearlyaslargeandthedevastationandhumansufferingjustasprofound.
Choppy:
Proverbsareshortsayings.Theyaredrawnfromlongexperience.
Better:
Proverbsareshortsayingsdrawnfromlongexperience.
Choppy:
Peoplechangeandplaceschangeaswell.Jenniferfeltthisstrongly.Shehadbeenawayforelevenyears.
Better:
Onreturningafteraneleven-yearabsence,Jenniferhadastrongfeelingofhowpeopleandplaceschange.
Choppy:
Beijingstreetsarecrowdedwithtaxis,companycarsandprivatevehiclesownedbythenewlyaffluent.Thenumberhasbeenrisingrapidlyinthelastfewyears.Thelateststatisticsshowtherearenow1.2millionvehiclesinBeijingalone.
Better:
Taxis,companycarsandprivatevehiclesownedbythenewlyaffluenthavecrammedBeijingstreetsinrisingnumbersinthelastfewyears-1.2millionvehiclesatlastcount.
Choppy:
MobyDickisabook.Itisalongbook.Itisaboutawhale.AmannamedAhabtriestokillit.HermanMelvillewroteit.
Better:
HermanMelvillewrotealongbookcalledMobyDick.Itisthestoryofastruggleofamanagainstawhale.
Choppy:
Thousandsofbuildingsmetthesamefate.Thisaloneisnowbeingpreserved.Itmarksthecenterofthenuclearexplosion.Itisbeingpreservedasasymbol.ItsymbolizesourwishthattherebenomoreHiroshimas.
Better:
Ofthethousandsofbuildingsthatmetthesamefate,thisalone,markingthecenterofthenuclearexplosion,isnowbeingpreservedtosymbolizeourwishthattherebenomoreHiroshimas.
Choppy:
Ihavealwayshadadream.Mydreamhasbeentobeafamouswriter.Everyonewouldreadmybooks.Iwouldbecomeverywealthy.
Better:
Ihavealwaysdreamedofbeingawealthy,famouswriter,readbyeveryone.
Choppy:
Thisisawreck.ItwasformerlythestatelyImperialGarden.Itispreserveddeliberatelyasareminderandsymbol.
Better:
Thiswreck,formerlythestatelyImperialGarden,ispreserveddeliberatelyasareminderandsymbol.
句式变化的一些技巧
英语的一个显著特征是它可轻易地把简单结构(一个中心意思)转化为复合结构(两个中心意思)和复杂结构(一个中心意思和一个从属意思)甚至转化为复合-复杂结构(两个或以上的意思)。
主句,又称独立句,表达可独立成句的思想内容。
从句,又称非独立句,表达不能独立成句,而需与主句一起构成完整的思想内容。
达到句式多变的最佳期途径是把关键词或短语换到开头或结尾,从中发现达到你的目的和适合你的品味的最好方法。
通过连接短句--省词,增词,改变词序或把不那么重要的思想放到从句中去--你就可以写出更流畅,成熟的句子。
例
Before:
LuHaograduatedlastsummer.HejoinedtheFirstAutoWorksinChangchunsoonaftergraduation.Hereceivedanengineeringdegreefromhiscollege.
采用从句能将这三个简单句以不同方式连接起来。
After:
Aftergraduatinglastsummerwithanengineeringdegree,LuHaosoonjoinedtheFirstAutoWorksinChangchun.
(介词结构+主语+谓语)
或:
Anengineeringdegree-holder,LuHaojoinedtheFirstAutoWorksinhangchunlastsummersoonaftergraduation.
(同位语+主语+谓语+状语)
或:
Havinggraduatedwithanengineeringdegree,LuHaojoinedtheFirstAutoWorksinChangchunlastsummer.
(状语+主语+谓语)
03切忌过于依赖从句
关于"but"的用法
中国人喜欢使用"but"从句:
同中文一样,在英文中这也是连接两个短句的简单方法。
要避免单一的"but"从句,可以考虑采用以下这些变化形式:
Plain:
Thechildrenatschoolwerefamiliarwithmanygames,butLiHuahadneverevenheardofthem.
Interesting:
ThechildrenatschoolwerefamiliarwithgamesLiHuahadneverevenheardof.
Plain:
Theroomwassilent,butsuddenlytherewasaclapofthunderoutside.
Interesting:
Thesilenceoftheroomwasbrokenbyasuddenclapofthunderoutside.
Plain:
Theywerepassionateloversnotonlyonstagebutalsooffstage.
Better:
Theywerepassionateloversonstageandoff.
Plain:
Outsidethecinema,shelitacigarette,notnecessarilybecauseshehadadesiretosmoke,butbecauseshefelttheneedforwarmth.
Better:
Outsidethecinema,shelitacigarette,asmuchfromtheneedforwarmthasfromanydesiretosmoke.
Plain:
Itwasmeanttobeabriefkiss,butitturnedintoalong,lingeringone.
Interesting:
Whatwasmeanttobeabriefkissturnedintoalong,lingeringone.
Plain:
Musiclightenslife,butliteraturedeepensit.
Interesting:
Musiclightenslife;literaturedeepensit.
Plain:
Thefilm"ChariotsofFire"isaboutsomeyoungrunners,butitismorethanjustthat.
Interesting:
Thefilm"ChariotsofFire"ismuchmorethanjustastoryofyoungrunners.
Plain:
Itisnothisheightbuthisweightthatpreventedhimfromcompetingintherace.
Interesting:
Hisweight,nothisheight,preventedhimfromcompetingintherace.
Plain:
Susanseemedunsuitableforthepart,butsheturnedouttobethebestactressintheproduction.
Interesting:
Susanseemedunsuitableforthepart,yetsheturnedouttobethebestactressintheproduction.
Plain:
OldWangisoftendescribedasahappy-go-luckyperson,butthelasthalfhourofthehikehomehewasinterestedinnothingbutabathandabed.
Interesting:
OldWang,anotherwisehappy-go-luckyperson,thoughtofonlyt