跟卡耐基学英语 Learning English from Dale Carnegie.docx

跟卡耐基学英语 Learning English from Dale Carnegie.docx

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跟卡耐基学英语LearningEnglishfromDaleCarnegie

Part1Fundamentaltechniquesinhandlingpeople

highlights

Agreatmanshowshisgreatnessbythewayhetreatslittlemen.

Iwillspeakillofnoman.

Toknowallistoforgiveall.

Whendealingwithpeopleletusrememberwearenotdealingwithcreaturesoflogic,wearedealingwithcreaturesofemotion,creaturesbristlingwithprejudicesandmotivatedbyprideandvanity.

GodHimself,sir,doesnotproposetojudgemanuntiltheendofhisdays,onwhyshouldyouandI.

Don'tcriticize,condemnorcomplain.

Theonlywayonearthtoinfluenceotherpeopleistotalkaboutwhattheywant.

Itwasnecessary"tobaitthehooktosuitthefish".

Remember,firsttoarouseintheotherpersonaneagerwant.

HowcanImakethispersonwanttodoit?

Principle1:

Don'tcriticize,condemnorcomplain.

第一条原则：

不要批评、指责或抱怨。

WhenIwasstillyoungandtryinghardtoimpresspeople,IwroteafoolishlettertoRichardHardingDavis,anauthorwhoonceloomedlargeontheliteraryhorizonofAmerica.IwaspreparingamagazinearticleaboutauthorsandIaskedDavistotellmeabouthismethodofwork.Afewweeksearlier,I'dreceivedaletterfromsomeonewiththisnotationatthebottom:

"DICTATEDBUTNOTREAD".

Iwasquiteimpressed.Ifeltthatthewritermustbeverybigandbusyandimportant.Iwasn'ttheslightestbitbusybutIwaseagertomakeanimpressiononRichardHardingDavis,soIendedmyshortnotewiththewords:

"DICTATEDBUTNOTREAD".

Henevertroubledtoanswertheletter.Hesimplyreturnedittomewiththis,scribbledacrossthebottom:

"Yourbadmannersareexceededonlybyyourbadmanners."True,IhadblunderedandperhapsIdeservedthisrebuke,butbeinghumanIresentedit.IresenteditsosharplythatwhenIreadofthedeathofRichardHardingDavis10yearslater,theonethoughtthatstillpersistedinmymind,I'mashamedtoadmit,wasthehurtthathehadgivenme.

IfyouandIwanttostiruparesentmenttomorrowthatmayrankleacrossthedecadesandendureuntildeath,justletusindulgeinthelittlestingingcriticism,nomatterhowcertainwearethatitisjustified.

Whendealingwithpeople,letusremember:

wearenotdealingwithcreaturesoflogic,wearedealingwithcreaturesofemotion,creaturesbristlingwithprejudicesandmotivatedbyprideandvanity.

BittercriticismcausedthesensitiveThomasHardy,oneofthefinestnovelistsevertoenrichEnglishliterature,togiveup,forever,thewritingoffiction.CriticismdroveThomasChatterton,theEnglishpoet,tosuicide.

BenjaminFranklin,tactlessinhisyouth,becamesodiplomaticsoadroitathandlingpeople,thathewasmadeAmericanambassadortoFrance,andthesecretofhissuccess?

"Iwillspeakillofnoman,"hesaid,"andspeakallthegoodIknowofeverybody."

Anyfoolcancriticize,condemnandcomplain,andmostfoolsdo.Butittakescharacterandself-controltobeunderstandingandforgiving.

"Agreatmanshowshisgreatness,"saidCarlisle,"bythewayhetreatslittlemen."

BobHoover,afamoustestpilotandfrequentperformeratairshows,wasreturningtohishomeinLosAngelesfromanairshowinSanDiego,asdescribedinthemagazineFlightOperations:

At300feetintheairbothenginessuddenlystopped.Bydeftmaneuveringhemanagedtolandtheplanebutitwasbadlydamaged,althoughnobodywashurt.

Hoover'sfirstactaftertheemergencylandingwastoinspecttheaeroplane'sfuelandjustashesuspected,theWorldWarIIpropellerplanehe'dbeenflyinghadbeenfueledwithjetfuelratherthangasoline.

Uponreturningtotheairport,heaskedtoseethemechanicwhohadservicedhisaeroplane.Theyoungmanwassickwiththeagonyofhismistake.TearsstreameddownhisfaceasHooverapproached.Hehadjustcausedthelossofaveryexpensiveplaneandcould'vecausedthelossofthreelivesaswell.

AndyoucanimagineHoover'sanger.Onecouldanticipateatongue-lashingthatthisproudandprecisepilotwouldunleashforthatcarelessness.ButHooverdidn'tscoldthemechanic.Hedidn'tevencriticizehim,insteadheputhisbigarmaroundtheman'sshoulderandsaid,"ToshowyouI'msurethatyou'llneverdothisagain,IwantyoutoservicemyF-51tomorrow."

Insteadofcondemningpeople,let'strytounderstandthem.Let'strytofigureoutwhytheydowhattheydo.That'salotmoreprofitableandintriguingthancriticismanditbreedssympathy,toleranceandkindness.Toknowallistoforgiveall.

AsDoctorJohnsonsaid,"GodHimself,sir,doesnotproposetojudgemanuntiltheendofhisdays,ohwhyshouldyouandI."

Principle1:

Don'tcriticize,condemnorcomplain.

当我还很年轻的时候，非常爱表现。

我写了一封傻乎乎的信给作家理查德•哈丁•戴维斯，他一度在美国文坛上红得发紫。

我当时正准备为一本杂志撰写一篇关于作家的文章，所以我请戴维斯告诉我他的写作方式。

几个星期前，我曾收到一封别人的来信，信末写着：

“口述信，未读过。

”

我印象深极了。

我觉得回那封信的人一定很了不起、很忙碌、很重要。

我一点儿也不忙，但是我急于向理查德•哈丁•戴维斯表现一番，因此我就在短信的结尾写了这些字句作为结语：

“口述信，未读过。

”

他根本就不回我的信，只把信退还给我，并且在尾端草草写下：

“你真是没有礼貌。

”没错，我是做错了，也许我是咎由自取。

但，作为一个俗人，我极为恼火。

我实在是恼羞成怒，以至于十年这后得知理查德•哈丁的死讯时，我的心中仍然想着------我羞耻地承认------他那次对我的伤害。

如果你我明天想造成一种历经数十年、直到死亡才消失的反感，只要轻轻吐出一句恶毒的评语就够了------不论我们多么肯定自己那样做是理所当然的。

跟别人相处的时候，我们要记住：

和我们来往的不是满脑子逻辑的人，而是感情用事的，充满偏见、骄傲和虚荣的人。

刻薄的批评，使得敏感的托马斯•哈代------他是曾丰富了英国文学宝库的最佳小说家之一------永远放弃了小说写作。

批评也使得英语诗人托马斯•查特顿走向自杀。

本杰明•富兰克林年轻的时候手腕不够高明，后来跟人相处变得如此圆滑，如此老练，结果被任命为美国驻法大使。

那他成功的秘密是什么呢？

“我不说任何人的坏话，”他说，“我只说我所知道的每个人的长处。

”

任何蠢人都会批评、指责和抱怨，并且大多数的蠢人都经常这么做。

但是，要了解和谅解别人，就需要个性和自制。

“一个伟大的人，”卡莱尔说，“其伟大之处从他对待小人物的方式中也可以表现出来。

”

鲍勃•胡佛是一位著名的试飞员，常常做表演飞行。

一天，当他从圣地亚哥航空表演归来，在飞往洛杉矶家里的途中，正如《飞行》杂志所描写的那样，“在三百英尺的高空中，两个引擎突然熄火。

”虽然他凭借熟练的技术使飞机迫降，没有造成人员伤亡，但是飞机遭到严重损坏。

在迫降之后，胡佛第一个行动就是检查飞机的燃料。

正如他所料，他所驾驶的二战时期的螺旋桨飞机，装的居然是喷气机燃料而不是汽油。

回到机场以后，他要求见见那位为他保养飞机的机械师。

那位年轻的机械师为所犯的错误感到极为难过。

当胡佛走向他的时候，他泪流满面。

因为他造成了一架非常昂贵的飞机的损失，还差一点儿让三个人丢掉性命。

你可以想像胡佛当时的冲天怒气，并且预料这位极具荣誉心、事事要求精确的飞行员必定会痛斥机械师的疏忽。

但是胡佛并没有责骂那位机械师，甚至没有批评他。

相反地，他把手臂搭在那位机械师的肩膀上，对他说：

“为了表示我相信你不会再犯同样的错误，我要你明天继续为我保养F-51飞机。

”

让我们不要责怪别人，让我们试着了解他们，试着弄明白他们为什么会那样做。

这比批评更有益处，也更有意义；这也孕育了同情、容忍和仁慈。

全然了解，就是全然宽恕。

正如约翰逊博士所说：

“先生，上帝他自己不到世界末日都不审判世人，而你我何必要出口不逊呢？

”

第一条原则：

不要批评、指责和抱怨。

Principle2:

Arouseintheotherpersonaneagerwant.

第二条原则：

撩起对方的急切欲望。

IoftenwentfishingupinMaineduringthesummer.Personally,I'mveryfondofstrawberriesandcream,butIfoundthatforsomestrangereason,fishpreferworms.SowhenIwentfishingIdidn'tthinkaboutwhatIwanted,Ithoughtaboutwhattheywanted.Ididn'tbaitthehookwithstrawberriesandcream,ratherIdangledawormoragrasshopperinfrontofthefishandsaid,"Wouldn'tyouliketohavethat?

"

Whynotusethesamecommonsense...whenfishingforpeople?

ThatiswhatLloydGeorge,GreatBritain'sPrimeMinister,duringWorldWarI,did.Whensomeoneaskedhimhowhemanagedtostayinpoweraftertheotherwartimeleaders,Wilson,OrlandoandClemenceau,hadbeenforgotten,herepliedthatifhisstayingontopmightbeattributedtoanyonething,itwouldbetohishavinglearntthatitwasnecessary"tobaitthehooktosuitthefish."

Whytalkaboutwhatwewant?

That'schildish,absurd.Ofcourseyou'reinterestedinwhatyouwant.Youareeternallyinterestedinitbutononeelseis.Therestofusarejustlikeyou.Weareinterestedinwhatwewant.

So,theonlywayonearthtoinfluenceotherpeopleistotalkaboutwhattheywant.Andshowthemhowtogetit.

Rememberthattomorrowwhenyou'retryingtogetsomebodytodosomething,if,forexample,youdon'twantyourchildrentosmoke,thendon'tpreachatthemanddon'ttalkaboutwhatyouwant,butshowthemthecigarettesmaykeepthemthatfrommakingthebasketballteamorwinningthe100yarddash.

Thisisagoodthingtorememberregardlessofwhetheryou'redealingwithchildrenorcalvesorchimpanzees.Forexample,ononedayRalphWaldoEmersonandhissontriedtogetacalfintothebran.Theymadethecommonmistakeofthinkingonlyofwhattheywanted.Emersonpushedandhissonpulled,butthecalfwasdoingjustwhattheyweredoing.Hewasthinkingonlyofwhathewanted,sohestiffenedhislegsandstubbornlyrefusedtoleavethepasture.TheIrishhousemaidsawtheirpredicamentandshecouldn'twriteessaysorbooks,butonthisoccasionatleast,shehadmore"horsesense"or"calfsense"thanEmersonhad.Shethoughtofwhatthecalfwanted.Sosheputhermaternalfingerinthecalf'smouthandletthecalfsuckherfingerasshegentlyledhimintothebarn.

Everyactyouhaveeverperformedsincethedayyouwerebornwasperformedbecauseyouwantedsomething.WhataboutthetimeyougavealargecontributiontotheRedCross?

Ahyes,that'snoexceptiontotherule.YougavetheRedCrossthedonationbecauseyouwantedtolendahelpinghand.Youwantedtodoabeautiful,unselfish,divineact."Inasmuchasyehavedoneituntooneoftheleastofthese,mybrethren,yehavedoneituntome."

Ifyouhadn'twantedthatfeelingmorethanyouwantedyourmoney,youwouldnothavemadethecontribution,ofcourseyoumighthavemadethecontributionbecauseyouwereashamedtorefuseorbecauseacustomeraskedyoutodoit.Butonethingiscertain.Youmadethecontributionbecauseyouwantedsomething.

HarryA.Overstreet,inhisilluminatingbook,InfluencingHumanBehavior,said,"Actionbringsoutofwhatwefundamentallydesireandthebestpieceofadvicewhichcanbegiventowould-bepersuaders,whetherinbusiness,inthehome,intheschool,inpolitics,isfirstarouseintheotherpersonaneagerwant.Hewhocandothishasthewholeworldwithhim.Hewhocannotwalksalonelyway."

Stancamehomefromworkoneeveningtofindhisyoungestson,Tim,kickingandscreamingontheliving-roomfloor.Hewastostartkindergartenthenextdayandwasprotestingthathewouldnotgo.Stan'snorm