super-kids-and-superproblems.docx

super-kids-and-superproblems.docx

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Notsolongago,mostparentswantedtheirkidstobelikeeverybodyelse.Theywereoftenasupsetifachildwereprecociousastheywereifthechildwereslow.Precocitywaslookeduponasbeingbadforthechild’spsychologicalhealth.Theassumptionwas“earlyripe,earlyrot.”

Nowthathaschanged.Formanyparentstodaythereisnosuchthingasgoingtoofast,andtheirmajorconcernisthattheirchildstayaheadofthepack.Farfrompresumingthatprecocityhasbadeffectspsychologically,theybelievethatbeingabovethenormbringsmanybenefits.Theassumptionis“earlyripe,earlyrich!

”

Themajorconsequenceofthisnewparentingpsychologyisthatmanycontemporaryparentsareputtingtremendouspressureonchildrentoperformatever-earlierages.Afirstgradeteachertoldmethatanangrymotherscreamedatherbecauseshehadgiventhewoman’ssona“Satisfactory.”“HowisheevergoingtogetintoM.I.T.ifyougivehima‘Satisfactory?

’”themotherwailed.

Manyparentsnowenrolltheirchildinprestigiousnurseryschoolsassoonasthepregnancyisconfirmed.Andoncethechildisoldenough,theycoachthechildforthescreeninginterview.“Whentheycounteverythinginsight,”onenurseryschooldirectorsaid,“youknowtheyhavebeendrilledbeforetheinterview.”ParentsbelievethatonlyifthechildgetsintothisorthatprestigiousnurseryschoolwillheorsheeverhaveachanceatgettingintoHarvard,Yale,orStanford.Forthesamereason,ourelementaryschoolsaresuddenlyfilledwithyoungstersinenrichedandacceleratedprograms.

Itisnotjustinacademicstudythatchildrenarebeingpushedharderatever-earlierages.SomeparentsstarttheirpreschoolchildreninsportssuchastennisandswimminginhopesthattheywillbecomeOlympicathletes.Ayoungmanwhoattendedoneofmychilddevelopmentlecturesstoppedbyafterwardtoaskmeaquestion.HeworksasatennisinstructoratanexclusiveresorthotelinFloridaandwantedtoknowhowtomotivatehisstudents.WhenIaskedhowoldtheywerehetoldmethattheyrangedinagefromthreetofiveyears!

Thepressuretomakeordinarychildrenexceptionalhasbecomealmostanepidemicinsports.Ihadhighhopesforsoccer,whichcanbeplayedbyallmakesandmodelsofchildren,big,small,andinbetween.Butinmoststatessoccerhasbecomeascompetitiveandselectiveasbaseball,football,andhockey.Thestarmentalityprevails,andthelesstalentedyoungstersimplydoesn’tgettoparticipate.Playisoutandcompetitionisin.

Thepressureforexceptionalityisequallypowerfulatthesecondarylevel.Highschoolstudentsarepressurednotonlytogetgoodgradesbuttogetintoasmanyadvanced-placementclassesaspossible.Aroundthecountryprivatetutoringcentersaresproutinguplikedandelionsinthespring,offeringlessonsineverythingfrombeginningreadingtotakingcollegeentranceexams.Otherparentsurgetheirchildrentostartdatingatanearlyagesothattheywillhavegoodinterpersonalskillsandabetterchancetowinthemosteligiblemates.

Clearly,thereisnothingwrongwithwantingchildrentodotheirbest.Itisnotthenormal,healthydesireofparentstohavesuccessfulchildrenthatistheproblem,buttheexcessivepressuresomeparentsareputtingonchildren.

Whythispushforexcellence?

Sinceparentstodayarehavingfewerchildrentheirchancesofhaving“achildtobeproudof”arelowerthanwhenfamilieswerelarger.Thecostofchildrearinghasalsoincreaseddramatically,soasuccessfulchildalsoprotectsone’sinvestment.Butmostofall,manyoftoday’sparentshavecarvedouttheirownsuccessfulcareersandfeelverymuchinchargeoftheirlives.Theyseenoreasontheyshouldnottakechargeofchildrearinginthesamemannerandwiththesamesuccess.Asuccessfulchildistheultimateproofoftheirsuccess.

Theresultisthatmanyparentsarefartoointrusive.Bydecidingwhatandwhenchildrenshouldlearn,theyrobthemoftheopportunitytotaketheinitiative,totakeresponsibilityfortheirmistakesandcreditfortheirachievements.Suchpracticesruntheriskofproducingchildrenwhoaredependentandlackinginself-esteem.Today’sparentswantsuperkids,butwhattheyareoftengettingaresuperproblems.

Althoughcorrelationiscertainlynotcausation,itishardnottoconnectthereportedincreaseinstresssymptomsoverthelastdecadewiththepressureontoday’schildrentobesuperkids.ThestoriesIhearasItravelaboutthecountryarefrightening.Agirlwhowasinvolvedinfourdifferentout-of-schoolactivities（ballet,horsebackriding,Brownies,andmusiclessons）developedseverefacialticsatageeight.IrvingSigelofEducationalTestingServicetells

thestoryofasix-year-oldwho,whiledoingherhomework,askedhermother,“IfIdon’tgetthereright,willyoukillme?

”Awomantold