高分满分作文借鉴.docx
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高分满分作文借鉴
名校高分满分作文借鉴
话题一:
旅游/风俗习惯
外国友人来信咨询在北京要注意的风土人情和文化习俗,请你写一封回信介绍并提醒他在北京需要注意的风俗习惯并如何得体的表现,包括打招呼、餐桌礼仪及家庭法则。
提示词:
Greetingtablemannershomerules
范文一:
(101中学15分)
Howtobehavewhenwearetravelling
Nowadays,moreandmoreChinesepeopleprefertotravelaroundtheworld.TheybringtheChinesetraditionalvirtueabroad,butatthesametime,someoftheirbehaviorsreallydamageChinesereputationintheworld.It’snecessaryforustolearnhowtobehavewhenwe’retravelling.
Aboveall,we’resupposedtobecivilizedwhilevisitingfamousplaces.Insteadofdoingboringthingslikecuttingnamesonhistoricalsites,listeningtotheguidesareencouragedinordertoshowourrespectforthecountry.It’salsoabadbehaviortotakephotossecretlywithoutpermission.Intherestaurant,it’simpolitetotalkwithfriendsloudly,whichmayannoyothers.Whydon’twelearnsomepolitewordsinforeignlanguageandtrytocommunicatewithlocalpeople?
Thisreallyhelpsustohaveabetterunderstandingaboutdifferentcultures.
Whyarewesupposedtodoso?
Goodmannersmakeourtourmorecomfortableandpleasant.Asweallwanttohaveaharmoniousenvironmenttolivein,politebehaviorsleaveagoodimpressiononeverybody’sheart.OurcoursesaresymbolofChina,andeachChineseshouldpayhisowneffort.
(189字)
点评:
整体看,作者运用长句的能力很强,而且文章的组织性很强,内容很充实,全篇无语法错误再加上高级的长句运用,当然必须满分。
1.开篇内容很充实,有标黄长句,用词地道,搭配贴切,给评委很好的第一印象。
2.中间标红句子运用without这一小词非常地道。
3.结尾部分也有标黄长句,再次形成前后呼应,开头结尾都有高级长句坐镇,所以文章从内容从形式上都是一流水准。
实用借鉴词组及句型:
1.bringtheChinesetraditionalvirtueabroad把中国美德带到国外
2.damageChinesereputationintheworld破坏中国在国际上的名声
3.haveabetterunderstandingof…更好掌握…
4.it’salsoabadbehaviorto…=wearenotsupposedto…不建议做某事
5.wanttohaveaharmoniousenvironmenttolivein想要有一个和谐的生存环境
6.besymbolofsth.是某事的象征
7.sth.leaveagoodimpressiononeverybody’sheart.某事在某人心中留下好的印象
8.insteadofdoingsth,doingsth.isencouragedinorderto…与其做某事(不好的事)…做某事(好事)是值得鼓励的,因为这样可以(后加好处)
范文二:
(101中学15分)
Howtobeacivilizedtourist
FromtimetotimeitwasreportedthatChinesetouristbehavebadlywhentravelling.Itseemsparticularlyimportanttotelleveryonehowtobeacivilizedtouristnow.Firstofall,weareobligatedtoactproperly,orrather,bepoliteandfollowlocalruleswhentravelling.Obviously,litteringanddamaginghistoricalsitesbyengravingletters,whicharecommonamongtourist,arehateful.Wearedefinitelynotsupposedtodoso.Tobecivilized,weshouldbehavepolitely.Aswell-educatedpeople,touristarenotsupposedtotalkloudlyinpublic,whichisreallyannoying.Inaddition,Isuggestlearningsomelocalcustomsbeforewegotravelling,sothatwewon’tbreaktherulesunconsciouslywhentravelling.Thelocalswillbegladtoseeusbehaveintheirwaysandwe’llfeelalotmorerelaxedtoenjoyourtrip,avoidingthecaseswhenwe’reblindabouthowtobehaveproperlyandpolitely.Theseareallabouthowtobecivilizedtourists.Andweshouldneverignorethatourbehaviorsnotonlyrepresentourpersonalqualitiesandmanners,theyalsosymbolizethequalitiesofweChinese.
(185字)
点评:
这篇文章没有上一篇好,原因在于
1.没有分段。
层次性不够强。
2.句型相对比较单一,长句结构不够丰富
3.使用的高级词汇以及地道用法也不如上一篇多
但这篇还是得到满分的主要在于无语法错误,表示建议类的句型比较丰富,并且句型在使用的时候比较地道的体现在于有插入语的运用。
实用借鉴词组及句型:
1.Itseemsparticularlyimportantto…做某事看起来尤其重要
2.tobeacivilizedtourist做一个文明的游客
3.weareobligatedtoactproperly我们有责任举止妥当
4.breaktherulesunconsciously无意中没有遵守规则
5.Thelocalswillbegladtoseeusbehaveintheirways按照当地人的做事风格来做会让他们很开心。
(此处如果能引用DoasRomansdo也不错。
)
6.representourpersonalqualities代表我们的个人品行
7.symbolizethequalitiesofweChinese.代表我们中国人的品行(注意这里两个代表“represent”和“symbolize”体现词汇的丰富性)
范文三:
(101中学14分)
Howtobehavewhenwearetravelling
Itisbelievedthat“havinggoodmanners”isoneoftheChinesecultures.Unfortunately,manyChinesetouristsbehavebadlywhiletheyaretravelling.Asastudent,everyoneshouldbehaveasacivilizedtourist.
Everyoneplaysanimportantpartwhiletravelling,especiallyinforeigncountries.Firstofall,wearenotsupposedtospeakloudlywhentravellingasenjoyingthebeautifulsceneryisfarmoreimportant.Ofcourse,wearenotexpectedtolittleordamagethehistoricalsites.Thefamousplacesofinterestalwaysfullofpeople.Insteadofjumpingthequeue,wehadbetterstandinlineandwait.
Thebehaviorofpersonreflectsthespiritofhisnation.ItisreportedthatmoreandmoreChinesetouristshavebadmannerswhilethey’retravellingabroad.Inordertosolveit,weshouldbehavewellwhenwearetravelling.Havinggoodmannerscannotonlyprotecttheplaceswevisit,butcanchangewhatforeignpeoplethinkofChinesepeople.Althoughthere’sstilllongwaytogo,Ibelievethatthebetterwebehave,thebetterfuturetherewillbe.
(180字)
点评:
此篇和前两篇满分作文相比,差距较大
1.最大的一个问题就是重复语意太多,几乎每一句的后面都有一个when/while(weare)travelling.(共出现5次)此外句子类型不够丰富,有车呼噜话来回说之嫌。
2.此外,开头不够精彩,相对开头,结尾比较突出,特别是notonly…butalso…这句写得比较好。
但还是得到了14分的高分,主要是因为语法错误较少(主要是人称和数的变化的一致性,此篇已经进行更改),要点齐全,有运用长句的意识,句子间的衔接比较自然。
实用借鉴词组及句型:
1.Itisbelievedthat据说…(还可以进行升级为itisbelievedwithoutexceptionthat…)
2.playsanimportantpartin…在某事中扮演重要的角色
3.sth.isfarmoreimportant某事更加重要
4.Insteadofdoingsth.,wehadbetterdo…与其做某事,我们最好做…
5.Sth.reflectsthespiritofsth.某事反映了…
6.There’sstilllongwaytogo.还有很长的路要走。
7.thebetterwebehave,thebetterfuturetherewillbe.我们举止越好,未来就越美好。
话题二:
写人/TheHeroinMyHeart
范文一:
(人大附15分)
Everyonehastheheroinhisheart.Asforme,IhavealwaysregardedmyEnglishteacherasmyherobecauseofherpatientandkindness.
Tobeginwith,asateacher,shehasalwaysbeenveryindustriousandcarefultowardsherwork.Notonlyisshearesponsibleperson,butalsosheisveryoptimisticandoftenencouragesustoworkharderwhenwefeeldown.Lastbutnotleast,sheisthoughtfulandpatientandisalwaystheretohelpuswhenwecomeacrossproblemseitherwithourstudiesorwithourlives.
Forexample,onceIgotveryanxiousbeforethefinalexambecauseIalwaysmadesmallmistakesinmytasksandhomework.Aftershelearnedaboutthis,sheinvitedmetositnexttoherandspentalongtimetalkingwithmeandgivingmeadviceonhowtokeepcalm,whichhelpedmefacetherealityandimprovemyselfmorequickly.
Fromher,Ihavelearnedbothknowledgeandgoodvirtues.Herbehavioralwaysremindsmetobeoptimisticinfaceofdifficultiesandtobepatientwiththepeoplearoundme.Fortheseresons,sheiswithoutdoubtthebestheroinmyheart.
(203字)
点评:
这篇文章之所以成为人大附的高分范文,最主要的原因在于作者能够很好的将要点融入到高级的长难句当中,并且全文无语法错误,通读下来十分流畅,思路清晰,层次分明,表达高级。
实用借鉴词组及句型:
1.IhavealwaysregardedmyEnglishteacherasmyherobecauseofherpatientandkindness.我总是把我的英语老师当成我的英雄,因为她的耐心和友好。
2.Notonlyisshearesponsibleperson,butalsosheisveryoptimisticandoftenencouragesustoworkharderwhenwefeeldown.不仅因为她是一个负责的人,还因为她乐观的态度并且经常在我们失落的时候鼓励我们。
(此句以notonly开头语法上需要倒装,后面butalso运用正常语序即可,并且作者并不满足于知识套用这个句型而是继续把句子写长加上了when引导的时间状语从句)
3.sheisthoughtfulandpatientandisalwaystheretohelpuswhenwecomeacrossproblemseitherwithourstudiesorwithourlives.她思虑周全又有耐心,还经常在我们遇到学习或生活中的困难时帮助我们。
(此句又是一个成功的长句,首先是thoughtful和patient这些小词用的精准贴切,其次是不仅运用when引导时间状语从句还有either…or…和准确运用。
)
4.infaceofdifficulties面对困难
5.Sb.iswithoutdoubt…某人毫无疑问是…
范文二:
(人大附12分)
Everyonehashisheroinhisheart.Myheroismyteacher-Ms.Gao.Sheiskindandhelpful.AndIstillremembertheexperiencethatmademegetbackmyconfidenceinthenation-wideEnglishspeechcompetitionlastyear.
Atfirst,Ididn’tknowwhattowriteformyspeech,butaftertalkingtomyteacherandreadingsomebooks,IhadsomeideasandwithMs.Gao’shelp,Ipracticemyspeechmanytimes.Onthedayofthecompetition,Isawmanypeoplethereandthismademefeelverynervous.IstartedtoworrythatIwouldforgetmyspeech.ThenIrememberwhatMs.Gaotoldme-closemyeyesandtakedeepbreaths.Ididthatanditmademefeelmuchbetter.Whenmyturncame,Igavemyspeechwithconfidence.IwaitedanxiouslyfortheresultandwhenIheardthatIwasthefirstpricewinner,Ijumpedupanddowninjoy.
Inaword,sheisaniceandhelpfulteacherinmyheart.Sheisarealheroinmyheart.
(186字)
点评:
这篇文章首先比较好的一点是内容完整,讲述的故事的阐释力比较强,但是没有能上一档文的一个重要原因在于写的比较保守,词汇运用比较简单,短句较多,让人眼前一亮的长句少,几乎没有。
结尾也比较简单。
实用借鉴词组及句型:
1.Istillremembertheexperiencethatmademegetbackmyconfidenceinthenation-wideEnglishspeechcompetitionlastyear.我依然记得的一次经历是去年国家级英语演讲比赛时让我重拾信心。
(作为这篇文章中仅有两个好句中的一个长句,首先由that定语从句,后面还加上了地点和时间状语)
2.IwaitedanxiouslyfortheresultandwhenIheardthatIwasthefirstpricewinner,Ijumpedupanddowninjoy.我焦急地等待结果,当我听到自己获得第一名的时候高兴得跳起来。
3.Jumpupanddowninjoy开心地跳上跳下
话题三:
你是否符合“文明之星”
范文一:
(101中学12月考15分)
Ithinkmybehaviorsurelymeetthestandardofbeing“astarstudentofcivility”.Iampoliteandmodestallthetime.Ihavenevertalkedbacktomyparentsathomeeveniftheyarestronglyagainstmyidea.Besides,Ineverbreakinwhiletheyarevoicingtheiropinions.What’smore,Ineverfailtokeepawayfromdirtywords.Indeed,Ineverinsultorlookdownuponothers.Inaddition,Ilovehelpingothers.I’malwayseagertohelppeoplearoundmewhentheyhavedifficulties.Onweekends,Ialsotakeoversomehouseworkfrommyparents,likesweepingandmoppingthefloor.
I’mwillingtobelikethatanddothesethings.Politenessisanobvioussymbolofcivilizationandtherewillbenodifferencesbetweenhumansandanimalsifeveryoneisrude.IalsoconsiderhelpingothersawonderfulthingwhenothersbenefitfrommyhelpandIgetgreatpleasureatthesametime.Helpingothers,ashaslongbeenpraisedasamorality,playsanindispensabler