第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登.docx

第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登.docx

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第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登

第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登

2011年01月19日14:

12腾讯高考我要评论（3）

题目：

Directions:

Readthefollowingparagraphandwriteacompositionasstatedatabout300wordsin60minutes.Yourcompositionwillbegradedaccordingtoclarity,accuracyandmeaningfulness.

InaccordancewithCRInews,thespiritofChinesevolunteers,fromrespondingtotheMay12earthquaketothe2008BeijingOlympicGames,notonlytouchedtheChinesepeople,butalsogeneratedworldwideattention.Officialstatisticsshowthatchinahasaccumulatedabout8billionhoursofvolunteerworkfrom380millionvolunteerssince1993andisgoingtohavemoreandmorevolunteers,especiallytheyouth.

Howdoyouunderstandvolunteerwork?

Inwhatway（s）isitimportanttopromotethewell-beingofindividuals,families,communitiesandtheworldatlarge?

Yourwritingoughttocontainthreeparts,yourviewpoint,thesupportingideas,andtheconclusion.

Comeandjoinusinvolunteerworkrightnow!

陈茜

江苏省哈尔滨市第三中学高三18班

Deargrandfather:

Howareyou?

Iamwritingtoinviteyoutojoinus,inthenextyear,tobeavoluntearinthegreatevent,whichistoholdinShanghai.We,agenerationborninthe90sinourcity,havemadeateamtodothevolunteerwork.AndyouarewelcomedbyallourteammembersawingtoyourgreatamountofknowledgeaboutChinesetraditionsandculture.Pleasedon'ttellmeyouaretoooldtodothisjob.Ibelieveyouaresuretoacceptmyinvitationafterreadingmyfollowingexplannationoftheimportanceofthevolunteerwork.

Nowadays,volunteerwork,whichhasraisedpublicinterestandconcern,isbecommingmoreandmorepopularthroughouttheworld.Asisknowntoall,volunteerworkisnotonlymeaningfulbutalsonecessary.Onemypersonalwete,what'smore,it'sinterestingandpleasant!

Ithelpusdevelopoursel.

Firstly,forindividuals,especiallythoseyoung,todovolunteerworkisanawailuabewanytogoinsocialexperience.Bydoingvolunteerwork,theycanmeetvorriouspeopleandtheymayrunacrossallkindsoftroubles.Theyhowever,canbecomematureanddeterminedbysolvingtheseproblems.Youknow,nopains,nogains.Also,individualswillrealizethattheydomakeadifferenceinsomeoneelse'slife,eventhewholeevent,theworld!

Theirconfidencecanberovisedandconfidenceiswhatittakestodoanyjobwell.

Forfamilies,ifyou'rethesidethatreceivedthehelpofthevolunteers,ofcouseyourissuewillbemoreeasilydealtwith.Ifyou'rethesidewhogiveothersyourhand,youwillrealizethereexistsnobetterwaytoeducateyourchildrenthat“avirtwredeseruesamother”becauseyou'llgetthebestpresent-smiledeeplyfromone'sheart,inthewholeworld.

Itisagreatchanceforallmembersgettingclosertoeachotherincommunitiesbytakingpartinvolunteerwork.Theirteamspirits,theirco-operationwillbegreatimproued.So,whynot?

Themostimportantly,forthewholeworld,fortheentirehumanrace,volunteerworkwillmakeearthabetterplacetolivein,itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowtherearesomanypeoplearewillingtohelpothersalthoughtheycan'tgetmoneyfromit.Itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowweareallbrothersandsisters,thatweareallfamilies.

Mydeargrandfather,canreon!

JoinusandhelpintroduceowrgreatChineseculturetotheworld.21centuringisonopencewtury.Youcantrustyourselfandpleasetrustus,too!

We'llhelpyouandweneedyouhelp!

Let'smaketheworldabetterplacebybeingavolunteer!

It'sasmallstepforusbutitisaleurgeoneforthewholeworld!

Loveyou.

Yourgranddaught.

专家建议：

句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位，建议多练练关联词的用法。

词汇不够丰富，句型变化不多，建议多看些范文，多练一些经典句型。

专家点评：

文章立意很好，整体结构清晰，语言大体流畅，还能够引经据典，显示出有一定的英语（论坛）文化底蕴。

Tobeavolunteer，Bringarayofsunshine

陈天悦

山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班

DearTom:

Itisagreatpleasureformetohavethewondefulchancetoputpentopaperandsendmygreetingstoyou.Yousaidthatyouwantedtobeavolunteeranddidn'tknowwhetheryoushouldornot.Iwanttohelpyouanalyseit.

Inmyopinion.Ithinkitisnotnolyagoodchancetohelpothersbutalsoagoodopportunitytomakeselp-improvement.You'dbetterparticipateinthevolunteerwork.Ifwecompaneyouthtoflouers,asisoftenthecase,thentheyoungvolunteersarethemostbeautifulflowers.Byjoininginthevounteerwork,youwillleamhowtohelpothersandhowtoloveothers.What'smoreyoucanalsofinditoutthattherearemanypeoplesufferingfromdisasterandthenyouwillvalueyourcomfortablelife.Althoughyoumayfeelverytiredasavolunteeranditmaycostyoumuchtimetohelpothers,Istillinsistthatyoushouldbeavolunteerbecausetheadvantagesbrightaboutbyvolunteerworkoverweighthedisadvantages.

Itallthepeoplerefusedtobevolunteers,thepeoplesufferedfromthemay12earthquakecouldloseheartandmostofthemwouldn'thavethechancetosurvivefromthatdisaster.Ifnoneofthepeoplewantedtobeavolunteer,theBeijingolympicGameswouldbeafailure.Ifeverypeopledidn'tfeellikebeingavolunteer,therewouldbenopeoplecleaningtheenvironmentandprotectingthebeautifulsceneryautomatically.Itwasterrible!

Fromallmentionedabove,volunteersplayaveryimportantpartinourdailylife.TobeavolunteerwillgaingloryforChina.Asisbrowtoall,Chinesechildrenarealwayslaughedatforlackofpractice.Sotobeavolunteerisagoodchancetocanpensateforit.

Frommypointofview,it'shightimethatyoubecameavolunteerandlearnedtohelpothers.Ifeveryonemakesacontributiontohelpingothers,theworldwillbemuchmorebeautiful!

Atlast,wishyouallthebest!

Yourssincerely.

Lily.

专家建议：

一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准，但结构显然不够简洁清晰，所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章，有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。

专家点评：

文章二三段的结构很混乱，建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性，并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写，而不是都堆在一段内，让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证，很混乱。

另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富，比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用：

helpothers就显得过于单一了~

Theimportanceofvolunteerwork

崔静远

辽宁省鞍山市鞍山市第一中学高三18班

Inmyopinion,volunteerworkisquiteanimportantpartofthemodernsociety.Thereasonsareasfollows.

Inthemoderntime,thankstothedeselopmentofeconomyandtechnolodge,materialenjoyment13earnedbothinhigherqualityandlargerquantiy.Atapriceofthis,individunlsaretakingtheriskoflosingtheirownvaluesandevensparingnoefferttomaketheirfartaneevenatthepriceoftheinterestofthesociety.Sothevolunteerworkhasbeenplayinganimportantpartasaspiritualcomfortnotonlytothereceiversbutalsotothevolunteers,promotingthewell-beingofthelove-givers,makingertravalueforothersandkeepingaperfectbalanceofthewholesociety.

Infamilies,volunteerworkwillhelptoemphasizetheimportanceofmorality,meetemotionalneedsandevenbecomeavivideducationallesson.Parents,whoarewidelyregardedasthefirstandmostimportantteachersoftheirchildren,areteachingtheirchildrenthroughtheactivitieswhichmusttruelytoachthedeepestpartoftheyoungsouls,insteadofserious,traditionalcrivicalwords.Also,duringtheprocess,inwhicheverymembershowstustruelove,othermembersareabletorecognizehimfromadifferencepointofview.Thiskindofawarnessispromisedtopromotethecommunicationofthefamilyinthefuture.Inthewholeworld,thevolunteerworkcanbeconsideredtobeanappropriatepartoftheglobalization,duringwhichtheworldisbecomingaGlobalvillage.Andthenaturalandeconomicchisastersaredrivingpeoplefromdifferentcultaralbackgroundstostandtogetheronthesameside,emphasizingtheinterestofthewholeworld,whichmustnotbedeffendedwithoutanycountry'sparticipation.Anditisthevolunteerworkthatcanbegrantedtheroleofofferinghelpinitshourofmarimumneed.

Allinall,volunteerworkistruelyaninreplacablepartofthesocietyanditisourresponsibilitytogiveourhandstomaketheworldabetterplace.

专家建议：

建议该生平时利用好学校里使用的中学英语教科书，因为教科书的权威性不容置疑，选材也适合中学生，是精读甚至背诵的最好选择。

之所以推荐给作者教科书，是因为该考生在写作长句子时出现较多错误，说明该生的语法基础不够夯实，那么中学英语课本就恰好能弥补这个弱点。

专家点评：

文章结构清晰明了，简洁明了的开头和结尾紧扣主题，精干又有力，很方便读者对文章主旨的把握。

中间部分的逻辑性强，思路也很清晰。

唯一不足的是在一些长难句的表达上出现了一些错误，有些句子让人很难理解。

在以后的写作中可以多关注长句子的练习。

VolunteerLife

代昱丞

辽宁省本溪市高级中学高二15班

Asweknow,“volunteer”isakindof“work”thatyouoffertodoit,andalso,itisforfree.

Fromschoolstoshops,fromOlympicstoworldwars,volunteersareeverywhere.AndtoChinesepeople,lastyearisanimpresive（impressive）yearbecauseofvolunteers.InMay12earthquakeandthe2008BeijingOlympicGams,volunteersplayedareallyimportantrole.TheytouchedeveryChinese'sheart,includingme.

Idon'tusuallyhavechancestodovolunteer'swork,butIhavesomecreativeideasaboutit.Inmyopinion,helpingothersisakindofvolunteeranditisimportanttoourlives.Wecan'tbecomeavolunteerinpoorruralarea,butwecanhelpclassmatessowe（solve）amathproblem;wecan'tjointheOlympics,butwecantakepartinasportsmeetinginschoolanddevelopethespiritof“higher,faster,stronger”inotherways;wecan'tgotoWenchuan,butwecansendour“gifts”there.Infact,wearevolunteeringeverydayandeverywhere,butweignoreitsometimes.

Volunteerisnotasimplematteraboutyourself,italsohasgreatinfluencetoyourlife,yourfamily,eventheworld.Iftherearenotvolunteersanymore,everyoneisselfishandvain,theworldwillbealonelyplace.Volunteercanbringpeoplewarmandkindfeelingsandhelpimproveyourpersonality.Whenyouarevolunteering,you'llfindthebeautyoftheworldandlifeandyoureallyfeelandtouchsomehardexperience,itisabletoleadyoutotreatyourfamily,yourlife,yourfridends（friends）morepreviously.Mydadoncetoldmeastory:

atthetimeofBeijingOlympicGamesoneyear'sflash