7 Ways to Say No Without Offending Anyone.docx

7 Ways to Say No Without Offending Anyone.docx

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7WaystoSayNoWithoutOffendingAnyone

7WaystoSay“No”WithoutOffendingAnyone

“No”withoutoffendinganyone’sfeeling?

Well,thereis“No,Ican’t”,“No,

Idon’thavetime”and“No,Idon’twantto”.Buttheproblemis

thatmanyofustrytoavoidsituationsthatrequireustosay“No”topeople.

Inalmosteveryculturethislittlewordisassociatedwithrejection,failure,

egoismandalackoftactandempathytowardsothers.

Ican

notrecallhowmanytimesIhaveeatenburnt,undercooked,blandandpoorly

tastingdishessimplybecauseIdidnotwanttohurtthefeelingsoftheperson

whohadcookedthem.OrthetimeswhenIboughtsomething,Ididnotneed,

becauseIfeltguiltyleavingashopempty-handedafterspending20minutesof

theshopassistant’stime.

Whether

itisourmanager,acustomerservicerepresentativeoranacquaintanceasking

forafavor,forsomeunexplainablereasonmanyofusfeelmentalresistance

whenwehavetovoiceastraight-forward“No”.

Ifyou

arearareexception,whohasnoproblemsaying“IwishIcould,butIdo

notwantto”pleaseshareyoursecret!

Whatisrunningthroughyourhead

whenan8-yearoldwithhugeblueeyesoffersyoutobuyaboxofGirlScouts

cookies?

Orwhenyourbossasksyouinamatter-of-factvoiceifyoucanstay

afterhourstofinishaproject?

Howdo

yousay“No”withoutoffendinganyoneorfeelingguiltyafterwards?

Onthe

otherhand,howdoyouNOTsay“No”whenyouknowthatifyougoalongwith

everythingotherpeoplewantfromyou,youwouldbephysically,mentallyand

emotionallyexhausted?

believetheanswertothisquestionliesinthewisdomoftheEasternworld.

Yousee,manyorientalcultures,Chinesebeingoneofthem,donotevenhavea

“N”-word.Instead,theyusethousandsofwaystoexpresstheirdisagreement

andnoneoftheminvolvessayingastraight-forward“No”.

There

isagreatlessontobelearnedfromsuchapproachtocommunication.

If

justlikeme,yousometimesfinditdifficulttobedirectaboutsaying“No”,

youcanstillbeassertiveandexpressyoudisagreementinamoresubtle,yet

equallypowerfulway.Thegreatthingaboutthismethodisthatitgetsyour

pointacrosswithoutmakingyoulookbad,unprofessional,insensitiveor

uncaring.

Here

are7SneakyWaystoSay“No”withoutOffendingAnyone

1.

“Thissoundsinteresting,butIhavetoomuchonmyplateatthemoment.”

When

youstartyourdisagreementwithacompliment:

“thissoundsinteresting”,it

makesthepersonlessdefensiveandgivesyouavalidreasontodecline“Ihave

toomuchonmyplateatthemoment”.

2.

“I’msorrybutlasttimeIdid___,Ihadanegativeexperience.”

This

isalife-saverformeeverytimeIhavetoexplaintopeoplethatIdonoteat

meat.BeforeIwouldsaythatIwasavegetarian,butforsomereasonthis

explanationhasneverworkedonhospitableItaliangrandmothers.Theywouldtry

tofeedmebacon,sausageandoctopuses（yuck!

）explainingitwith“thisis

notmeat”or“Ijustputalittleinthisdish”.

NowI

simplysay,“I’msorry,butIcannoteatmeat.LasttimeIdid,Ihada

terribleheadache.”Anditworkslikeacharm,becausenoonewantstohurt

youonpurpose.

The

focushereisnotonwhatyouwantordonotwanttodo,butonyourprevious

badexperience.

3.

“I’dlovetodothis,but____”

This

isagreatwayofsayingthatyouliketheidea,youarewillingtohelp,but

youjustcannotdoitatthemoment.

Note:

Justdonotgointoalengthyjustificationofwhyyoucannotdoit.

First,

itisnotnecessary.Timeisalimitedresourceandwhenyousay“yes”toone

task,youhavetosay“no”tootheropportunitiesthatmightbemoreimportant,

urgentandbeneficialtoyouatthemoment.Second,offeringalengthy

explanationmakesyousoundguiltyandunsure,sopeoplemightpushfurtherto

seeifyouwillagree.

4.

“I’mnotthebestpersontohelponthis.Whydon’tyoutryX?

”

Ifyou

feelthatyoucannotcontributemuchtothetask,havenotimeorlackthe

resources,donotbeataroundthebush!

Letthepersonknowitupfront.This,

however,doesnotmeanthatyoucannotbehelpful.Youcanstillreferthe

persontoaleadtheycanfollowupon.

5.“I

can’tdothis,butIcando____（lessercommitment）.”

This

isanothervariationofthepreviousmethod.Youaresaying“No”toarequest,

butyouarestillofferingyourhelponyourownterms,choosingtheeasier,

lesstime-consumingcommitment.

6.

“Youlookgreat,but___doesnotdoyoujustice”

This

isagreatwaytodiplomaticallyexpressyouropinionwhensomeoneasksyoua

questionabouttheirappearance,withouthurtingtheotherperson’sfeelings

（especiallyifthepersonaskingyouisyourfriend,yoursuperiororyour

spouse）.

7.

“Thatsoundsgreat,butIjustcan’tputonemorethingonmycalendarforthe

nextfewweeks.Letmecallyou___（specifictimerange）.”

Sometimes

youmightgetaproposal,anideaorarequestthatsoundsinteresting.But

consideringtheamountoftasksonyourto-dolist,youdonotfeelliketaking

anothercommitmentjustyet.

In

thiscase,insteadofsayingastraightout“No”,youaregivingyourselftime

toreflectbeforemakingafinaldecision:

“Letmecallyou___（specific

timerange）.”

However,

ifyouarenotinterested,donotleavethepersonhangingon.Useotherways

tosay“No”thataremoredefinitive（e.g.methods#1,#2or#3）.Itismore

disappointingwhenthepersoniscountingonyouandyouletthemdown.

Doyou

finditdifficulttosayexpressyourdisagreementorturndownanoffer?

What

arethephrasesthatyouusetosay“No”withoutoffendinganotherperson,yet

beingfirminyourdecision?