英语故事Lincolns Humor.docx
《英语故事Lincolns Humor.docx》由会员分享,可在线阅读,更多相关《英语故事Lincolns Humor.docx(3页珍藏版)》请在冰豆网上搜索。
英语故事LincolnsHumor
英语故事
Lincoln’sHumor
亚伯拉罕·林肯幽默的一面
Lincoln’sHumor
ByGordonLeidner TodaywethinkofAbrahamLincolnasagreatleader—perhapsourgreatest.Werecallhiseloquentspeeches,hisdedicationtotheUnion,andhissuperiorleadership.Wehonorhisdevotiontoduty,sacrifice,andhonesty.
Whatwedon’tthinkoftodaywhenwethinkofAbrahamLincolnis“agoodjoke.”InLincoln’sday,however,hewasawellknownhumoristandstoryteller.TheanecdoteabouttwoQuakerwomendiscussingLincolnandConfederatepresidentJeffersonDavisatthebeginningoftheCivilWarisillustrative:
ThefirstQuakerladysaid,aftersomecontemplation,thatshebelievedtheConfederacywouldwinthewarbecause“JeffersonDavisisaprayingman.”“ButAbrahamLincolnisaprayingmantoo,”thesecondQuakerladyprotested.“Yes,”thefirstadmitted,“buttheLordwillthinkAbrahamisjoking.”
Lincolninheritedhispenchantforjokesandstorytellingfromhisfather,ThomasLincoln.WhenAbewasachildhelovedtolistentohisfatherandothermenswapyarnsaroundthewoodstove.Ashegrewolderhebecameincreasinglyadeptattellingandre-tellinghumorousstories,frequentlymodifyingthemtoaccommodateeachsituation.WhenLincolnbecamealawyer,heusedhisjokesandstoriestogainthegoodwillofjuries,andmorethanoncehisopposingcounselwouldcomplaintothejudgethatLincoln’sstorieswereirrelevantanddistractingtothejury.ThetroubleforthemwasthatEighthCircuitJudgeDavidDavislovedLincoln’sjokesmorethananyoneelseinthecourtroom.
TypicalofajokeJudgeDavislovedwasonewhichLincolntoldtopokefunathimself:
IfeellikeIoncedidwhenImetawomanridinghorsebackinthewoods.AsIstoppedtoletherpass,shealsostopped,and,lookingatmeintently,said:
“IdobelieveyouaretheugliestmanIeversaw.”SaidI,“Madam,youareprobablyright,butIcan’thelpit!
”“No,”saidshe,“youcan’thelpit,butyoumightstayathome!
”
AnotheroneofLincoln’s8thCircuityarnswastheoneaboutamaninCortlandtcountywhohadraisedahogofsuchtremendoussizethatpeoplecamefrommilesaroundtoseeit.Oneofthepeoplesawthehog’sownerandinquiredabouttheanimal.“W’all,yes,”theoldfellowsaid:
“I’vegotsuchacritter,mightybigun,butIguessI’llhavetochargeyouaboutadollarforlookin’athim.”Thestrangerglaredattheoldmanforaminuteorso,handedhimthedesiredmoney,andstartedtowalkaway.“Holdon,”saidtheoldman,“don’tyouwanttoseethehog?
”“No,”saidthestranger.“Lookinatyou,I’veseenasbigahogasIeverwanttosee!
”
HetoldanotherstoryofatimehewassplittingrailswhenamancarryingariflewalkeduptohimanddemandedthatLincolnlookhimdirectlyintheeye.
Lincolnstoppedhisworkandobligedtheman,whocontinuedtosilentlystareathimforsomeminutes.FinallythemantoldLincolnthathe“hadpromisedhimselfyearsagothatifheevermetamanuglierthanhimself,hewouldshoothim.”Lincolnlookedattheman’sriflemischeviouslyandsaidnothing.
FinallyLincolnpulledopenhisshirt,threwouthischest,andexclaimed,“IfIamuglierthanyou,goaheadandshoot—becauseIdon’twanttolive!
”
Asapolitician,Lincolnmadeexcellentuseofhishumorousstories.HislongtimepoliticalopponentStephenA.DouglascomplainedthatLincoln’sjokeswere“likeaslapacrossmyback.Nothingelse—notanyofhisargumentsoranyofhisrepliestomyquestions—disturbsme.Butwhenhebeginstotellastory,IfeelthatIamtobeovermatched.”MorethanonceDouglasandotherpoliticalopponentsofLincoln’ssawtheireloquentlypresentedargumentsforgottenbytheaudienceafterLincolnfolloweduptheirspeecheswithahomelystoryoranecdote.AtAlton,Illinois,duringthelastofthe“greatdebates”withDouglas,LincolntoldastorythatillustratedhowhefeltaboutapoliticalfeudthatwascurrentlyragingbetweenDemocraticsenatorDouglasandtheheadoftheDemocraticParty.Hesaidhefeltliketheoldwomanthat,notknowingwhowasgoingtowinabrawlbetweenherhusbandandabear,decidedtocheerforbothofthem:
“Goithusband,goitbear!
”
InanotherinstanceLincolngotatremendouslaughfromtheaudiencewhenhesaidoneofSenatorDouglas’argumentswas“asthinasthehomeopathicsoupthatwasmadebyboilingtheshadowofapigeonthathadstarvedtodeath.”
WhenLincolnbecamepresident,heusedhisjokesforadifferentpurpose.Hewouldfrequentlyusethemtogetridofvisitorsthathadover-stayedtheiralottedvisitingtime.Inthesesituationshewoulduseafunnystorytoillustrateapointhewastryingtomake,andthen—whilethelistenerswerelaughing—wouldeasethemoutthedoor.
ThishappenedoncewhenLincolnwasaskedwhathewasgoingtodowithageneralthathadfailedseveralassignments.Anxioustogetridofhisquestioners,hetoldthemthatthequestionremindedhimofablacksmithheknewbackinNewSalem.Oneday,whentheblacksmithdidn’thavemuchtodo,hestartedhisfireandbeganheatingupapieceofsoftiron.Whenhegotithothecarriedittotheanvilandbegantohammerit,thinkinghewouldwelditintoanagriculturalimplement.Hepoundedawayforsometimeuntilhegotitfashionedintosomeshape,butdiscoveredthattheironwasnotbigenoughfortheimplementhehadinmind.Hethenputitbackintotheforge,heateditupagain,andrecommencedhammering,havingdecidedtomakeaclawhammer.Afterawhileheconcludedthattherewastoomuchironforahammer.Soagainheheatedit,thistimethinkinghewouldformanaxe.Afterhammeringandweldingitintoshape,heconcludedtherewasnotenoughironlefttomakeanaxe.Hewasnowgettingtiredanddisgustedattheresultofhisvariousfailures.Sofinallyhefilledhisforgefullofcoal,workedupatremendousheat,andbroughttheremaininglumpofirontoawhiteheat.Withhistongshelifteditfromthebedofcoals,andthrustingitintoatubofwaternearby,exclaimedwithanoath,“Well,ifIcan’tmakeanythingelseofyou,Iwillmakeyouintoabigfizzle,anyhow!
”Afterheescortedhislaughingvisitorsoutthedoor,LincolndecidedtosendthegeneraloutwesttofightIndians.
AnotherexampleofLincoln’shumorduringthewarwaswhenhetalkedaboutConfederateGeneralJohnB.Hood’sarmyafterithadbeenannihilatedinthebattleofNashville,Tennessee.Lincolnsaid“IthinkHood’sarmyisaboutinthefixofBillSykes’sdog,downinSangamoncounty.BillSykeshadalong,yallerdog,thatwasforevergettingintotheneighbors’meathousesandchickencoops.Theyhadtriedtokillitahundredtimes,butthedogwasalwaystoosmartforthem.Finally,oneofthemgotabladderofacoon,andfilleditupwithpowder,tyingtheneckaroundapieceofpunk.Whenhesawthedogcominghefiredthepunk,splitopenahotbiscuitandputthebladderin,thenbuttereditallnicelyandthrewitout.Thedogswalloweditatagulp.Prettysoontherewasanexplosion.Theheadofthedoglitontheporch,thefore-legscaughtastraddlethefence,thehind-legsfellintheditch,andtherestofthedoglayaroundloose.PrettysoonBillSykescamealong,andtheneighborsaid;“BillIguessthereain’tmuchofthatdogofyour’nleft.”“Well,no,”saidBill;“Iseeplentyofpieces,butIguessthatdog,asadog,ain’tofmuchmoreaccount.”LincolnconcludedthatalthoughtherewerestillpiecesofHood’sarmyleft,thearmy,asanarmy,wasn’tofmuchmoreaccount.
Astheresponsibilitiesoftheofficeofpresidentbecamemoreunendurable,Lincolnusedhumorforself-therapy.Hewantedtolessenthetensionsinhimselfandthosearoundhim,andhefrequentlypointedfunatpompousgeneralswhendoingthis.Hesaidthatheoncesawashort,fatgeneralthatremindedhimofamanheknewinSpringfieldwhosenamewasEnoch.HesaidEnoch’slegsweresoshortthatwhenhewalkedthroughthesnowtheseatofhistrouserswipedouthisfootprints.
Lincolntoldofthepreacherthatsaid,duringhissermon,thatalthoughtheLordwastheonlyperfectman,theBiblenevermentionedaperfectwoman.Awomanintherearofthecongregationcalledout“Iknowaperfectwoman,andI’veheardofhereverydayforthelastsixyears.”“Whowasshe?
”askedthesurprisedminister.“Myhusband’sfirstwife,”camethereply.
ListeningtotwogroupsofmenthatcametoargueastowhetherornotaSt.Louischurchshouldbeclosedasaresultofstatementsofdisloyaltyfromitsminister,Lincolnsaidthatthesituationremindedhimofastory.HesaidthatamaninSangamonCountyhadamelonpatchthatkeptgettingruinedbyawildhog.Finallyheandhissonsdecidedtotaketheirgunsandtracktheanimaldown.Theyfollowedthetrackstotheneighboringcreek,wheretheydisappeared.
Theydiscoveredthemontheoppositebank,andwadedthrough.Theykeptonthetrailacoupleofhundredyards,whenthetracksagainwentintothecreek,andpromptlyturnedupontheotherside.Outofbreathandpatience,thefarmersaid“Johnyoucrossoverandgouponthatsideofthecreek,andI’llkeepuponthisside,becauseIbelievethathogisonbothsidesofthecreek!
”“Gentlemen,”concludedLincoln,“thatisjustwhereIstandinregardtoyourcontroversiesinSt.Louis.Iamonbothsides.Ican’tallowmyGeneralstorunthechurches,andIcan’tallowyourministerstopreachrebellion.”
OnecannottrulyappreciateLincolnwithoutunderstandinghishumorousside.Lincolncertainlydeservesthecredithe’sreceivedforwhatheaccomplishedinthewayofpreservationoftheUnionandfreeingtheslaves.ButLincolnhadalighterside,also,andheusedhisjokesandstoriesbothforthepurpose