Nettles副本.docx

Nettles副本.docx

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Nettles副本

4Nettles

1Howallmyownterritorywouldbealtered,asifalandslidehadgonethroughitandskimmedoffallmeaningexceptlossofMike.

我的世界发生了翻天覆地的变化，就像发生了山崩，除了迈克的离去，其余的所有记忆都被冲掉了。

TheimpactofMike’sleavingonmylifewasbeyondmyimagination.Ididn’texceptthatMike’sleavingwouldhavesuchatremendouspowerthatitwouldchangethemeaningofmyexistencecompletely.AllmythoughtswereaboutlossofMike.

2Duringthattimeoflifethatissupposedtobeareproductivedaze,withthewoman’smindallswampedbymaternaljuice,wewerestillcompelledtodiscussSimonedeBeauvoirandArthurKoestlerand“TheCocktailParty”.

生命中的那段时光本应该是忙于照看孩子，大脑处在一种产后带来的恍惚忙碌中，可我们却讨论着西蒙波娃、阿瑟凯斯特勒以及《鸡尾酒会》。

Atthattime,wewereyoungmothers,andweweresupposedtoleadaterriblybusylifefullofconfusionandbewildermentcausedbygivingbirthtoandraisingbabies.Andourmindsweresupposedtobefullyoccupiedbyhowtofeedthebabiesandthingslikethat.However,inthemidstofallthiswestillfelttheneedtodiscusssomeoftheimportantthinkersofourtimelikeSimonedeBeauvoirandArthurKoestlerandT.S.Eliot’ssophisticatedworkTheCocktailParty.

3…Iwouldbefrightened,notofanyhostilitybutofakindofnonexistence.

......这时我会感觉到害怕，不是因为人们之间的不友好，而是因为我感到自己不复存在。

Iwouldbefrightened,andmyfearwasnotcausedbymyneighbors’visiblyhostileandviolentwayoflife,butbyakindofformlessandhiddenemptinessandmeaninglessnessofhumanexistence.Whathappenedaroundmewastotallyirrelevanttome,andIfeltveryisolatedandalienated.

4Shedidnotaskme——wasitdelicacyordisapproval?

——aboutmynewlife.

她并没有询问我的新生活，或是缘于不便提起，或是出于对我的新生活不赞同。

Shedidnotaskmeaboutmynewlife,eitheroutofsubtleconsiderationformyfeelingaboutthissensitivesubjectoroutofdisapprovalofmynewlifestyle.

5Itwouldbeasleazythingtodo,inthehouseofhisfriends.

在他朋友的家里，那的确是很不应该做的事。

Itwouldbeamorallylowthing,anindecentthingtocommitinfidelityinthehouseofafriend.

6Iknownowthathewasapersonwhohadhitrockbottom.

我现在知道，他是世上最不幸的人。

Iknewthathewasapersonwhohadexperiencedtheworstinlife,thehardestexperienceapersonmighthavetoendure.

7Heandwifeknewthattogetheranditboundthem,assomethinglikethatwouldeitherbreakyouapartorbindyou,forlife.

他和妻子共同体验了这一切，这把他们绑在了一起，就像有些事在生活中要么把你们拆散，要么使你们终生在一起。

Theyexperiencedtheworsttogetherandtheyknewwhatitwaslikeandunderstoodthemeaningofthatexperience.Suchanexperienceposedthegravesttesttopeople.Iftheystoodthetest,theirfriendshipormarriagewouldbestrengthened,andascaredbondagewouldbeformedbetweenthem.Butiftheyfailedthetest,theirrelationshipwouldbebrokenandtheywouldbedrivenapart.

8Notriskingathingyetstayingaliveasasweettrickle,anundergroundresource.Withtheweightofthisnewstillnessonit,thisseal.

我们不拿它来冒险，而是让它像娟娟的细流慢慢地流淌，仿若地下资源。

将爱封存，让它静静地沉淀。

Iftheyactedonlove,theywouldtakerisks.Theywouldn’tdothatorgofurtherintheirrelationship,buttheywouldratherlettheirloveremainasasweettrickle,whichwouldflowongentlyandpermanently,andasanundergroundresource,whichwouldneverbefullytappedbutwouldnevergodry.

1Eachofthetreesontheplacehadanattitudeandapresence——theelmlookedsereneandtheoakthreatening,themaplesfriendly,thehawthornoldandcrabby.

这里的每一棵树都表现出某种神态。

比如，榆树看上去宁静安详，橡树则咄咄逼人，枫树亲切友好，而山楂树则老气横秋、脾气暴躁。

2Therewasakeenalarmwhenthecryname,awirezingingthroughyourwholebody,afanaticfeelingofdevotion.

当他喊我的名字时，我会紧张万分，全身蹭地就像过了电似的，一种狂热的忠诚感油然而生。

3Onemorning,ofcourse,thejobwasallfinished,thewellcapped,thepumpreinstated,thefreshwatermarveledat.

一天早晨，工作全部完成，这是意料中的事。

井上了盖子，水泵从新安装好了，大家对清新的井水赞叹不已。

4Inmykitchenorinhers,onceaweekorso,distractedbyourchildrenandsometimesreelingforlackofsleep,westokedourselvesuponstrongcoffeeandcigarettesandlaunchedoutonarampageofwalk——aboutourmarriages,ourfights,ourpersonaldeficiencies,ourinterestinganddiscreditablemotives,ourforgoneambitions.

我们大约每周都要在我家或她家厨房小聚一次。

孩子们总是不断打扰我们，有时我们还会因为缺觉而感到头晕目眩，于是我们就用大量的浓咖啡和香烟给自己提神，开始天南海北的聊天，所谈的话题无所不包：

我们的婚姻、奋斗、个人的不足、既有趣又有些丢脸的动机，以及我们曾有过的理想抱负。

5Sunnyhadgivenhimfreshsheetsratherthanunmakingandmakingupagainthebedhehadleftforme.

赛妮给了他干净的床单，免得在他留给我的床上重新叠被、铺床。

6Mysleepwasshallow,mydreamsmonotonouslylustful,withirritatingandunpleasedsubplots.

我睡得很浅，没完没了地做着充满情欲的梦，中间还穿插着令人不快的小情节。

7Thebushesrightattheedgeofthegrasslookedimpenetrable,butcloseuptherewerelittleopenings,thenarrowpathsthatanimalsorpeoplelookingforgolfballshadmade.

紧挨着草地边上的灌木丛看上去似乎无法穿过，但走近了可以看到一些小缺口和窄窄的孝敬，这是被动物或者找高尔夫球的人们踩出来的。

8Itlookedasifalargeportionoftheskyhaddetacheditselfandwasbearingdownbustlingandresolute,takinganotquiterecognizablebutanimateshape.

看上去，天空的一大部分似乎脱离了主体，喧闹着、果断地压向地面，那形状虽然说不出具体像什么，但像是一种活物的样子。

9Thiswasmoreofaritual,arecognitionofsurvivalratherthanofourbodies’inclinations.

我们的拥抱并不是出于身体的渴望，而是庆祝劫后余生的一种表示。

6DeathofaPig

1Itisatragedyenactedonmostfarmswithperfectfidelitytotheoriginalscript.Themurder,beingpremeditated,isinthefirstdegreebutisquicklyandskillful,andthesmokedbaconandhamprovideaceremonialendingwhosefitnessisseldomquestioned.

这就好像绝大多数的农场里上演的精确的忠实于原剧脚本的一幕幕悲剧。

这杀戮蓄谋已久，毋庸置疑，然而手段敏捷利落，提供给喜庆盛宴的熏肉和火腿便是他们的结局，至于这样的结局是否值得则无人质疑。

Thetragedyhasanending-thekillingofapigandtheservingofitsmeat.Thekillingdeliberatelyplannedandcarriedoutefficiently,isthemostserioustypeofmurder.However,whetherpigsshouldendtheirlivesthatwayhasneverbeenquestioned.

2Apigcouldn’taskforanythingbetter——ornonehas,atanyrate.

一头猪不可能要求比这更好的条件了——或许压根没有提过要求。

Apigcouldn’taskforanybetterlivingconditions,atleastnopighasevercomplained.Inaword,mypiglivedinapleasantenvironment.Notethehumorhere——apigcouldn’tspeak;thereforeitcouldn’tletusknowwhetheritwascontentedwithitslivingconditions.

3…andwhenapig（orachild）refusessupperachillwaveoffearrunsthroughanyhousehold,orice-household.

......当猪不吃食（或孩子）不吃饭时，房主或者冰库主都会感到一丝恐惧。

Theauthoriscomparingapigtoachild.Thetwosharequitesomesimilarities:

hungryallthetimeanddeartothefamily.

4Youcouldseehimdownthereatanyallhours,hidwhitefacepartingthegrassalongthefenceashewobbledandstumbledabout,hisstethoscopedangling——ahappyquack,writinghisvillainousprescriptionsandgrinninghiscorrosivegrin.

你每时每刻都能在猪栏处看到他，摇着尾巴、跛着脚，那张白脸沿着篱笆拨开草丛——像个脖子上吊着听诊器的快活的庸医，在开出邪恶的处方时露出龋齿奸笑着。

Fredwasquiteexcitedabouttheevent.Hewasdownatthepigpenallthetime.Becauseofhisswollenjoints,hemovedabout.Hewaslikeadoctor,withhislong,droopingearsdanglinglikeastethoscope,andhescrabbledonthegroundasifhewereprescribingsomemedicine.

5Whentheenemabagappeared,andthebucketofwarmsuds,hishappinesswascomplete,andhemanagedtosqueezehisenormousbodybetweenthetwolowestrailsoftheyardandthenassumedfullchargeoftheirrigation.

当灌肠剂和大桶的肥皂泡出现时，他彻底开心了，设法从低矮的院子的横木下费力地挤过他那硕大的身躯并且主动担任灌肠治疗员的角色。

Whenitwastimetodosethepig,Fredbecameevenmoreexcited,andhemanagedtogetthroughthefence,andactedasifhewastakingchargeofthemedicaltreatment.

6…ourswasabusinesslikeprocession,withFred,thedishonorablepallbearer,staggeringalongintherear,hisperversebereavementshowingineveryseeminhisface;andthepost-mortemperformedhandilyandswiftlyrightattheedgeofthegrave,sothattheinwardsthathadcausedthepig’sdeathprecededhimintothegroundandhelayatlastrestingsquarelyonthecauseofhisownundoing.

我们的送葬队像模像样，弗雷德扮演着不太称职的护棺人，蹒跚着尾随在后面，脸上的每条皱纹中都展现出亲人丧亡的表情。

在墓边，验尸过程快捷而熟练，将那些致猪于死地的内脏先扔进坑里，最后让他刚好躺在上面。

Ourprocessionwasaseriousandefficientone.Fred,whoactedasthepallbearer,walkedunsteadilyintheback,thoughhewasnotqualifiedforthatfunction.Thesorrowoflosingafamilymemberwasshownclearlyinhisface.Theautopsyofthebody’sinwardswasdonerightatthesideofthegrave.Theintestinesofthepigwerefirstthrownintothegrave,sothepigcouldlieexactlyonthosethingsthatcausedhisdeath.

7…andtheprematureexpirationofapigis,Isoondiscovered,adeparturewhichthecommunitymarkssolemnlyonitscalendar,asorrowinwhichitfeelsfullyinvolved.

......我很快发现，像猪的早亡这样的离别大家都会庄重地标记在日历上，这是牵涉整个社区的悲伤。

Ifapigdiesbeforeheissupposedto,itisaseriousmatterforthewholecommunitytoremember.Thewholecommunitywouldsharethesadnessforhisdeath.

8Ihavewrittenthisaccountinpenitenceandingrief,asamanwhofailedtoraisehispig,andtoexplainmydeviationfromtheclassiccourseofsomanyraisedpigs.

我写下这篇文字表达我的忏悔和悲伤，我没有把猪养好，也没法解释为什么我的猪没有像其他猪那样长大。

Thepurposeofthisessayistoshoethattheauthorissorryforwhathashappenedtohispig,sincehehasfailedtoraisethepigandcannotprovideareasonwhyhispigdidn’tgrowthewayotherpigshavegrown.

9Thegraveinthewoodsisunmarked,butFredcandirectthemournertoitunerringlyandwithimmensegoodwill,andIknowheandIshalloftenrevisitit,singlyandtogether,inseasonsofreflectionanddespair,onflaglessmemorialdaysofourownchoosing.

林中的坟墓没有做标记，但是弗雷德能带着极大的善意引领悼念者准确无误地到达那里。

在回想往事和绝望的时候，在一个我们自己选择的不升旗的纪念日里，我知道我和弗雷德会经常来这里，独自或一同来看望死去的猪。

Thepig’sgraveinthewoodsdoesn’thaveatombstone,butwheneversomebodywantstovisitit,Fredwillshowhimtheway.Iknowwewilloftenvisitit,separateortogether,whenweneedtoponderoverproblemsorwhenwearedepressed.TheauthorandFredwilloftenvisitth