Go to Paris happy holiday.docx
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GotoParishappyholiday
himready.AndsoSirMarhausaroseandarmedhim,andtherewasamasssungaforehim,andhebrakehisfast,andsomountedonhorsebackinthecourtofthecastle,theretheyshoulddothebattle.Sotherewasthedukealreadyonhorseback,cleanarmed,andhissixsonsbyhim,andeveryeachhadaspearinhishand,andsotheyencountered,whereasthedukeandhistwosonsbraketheirspearsuponhim,butSirMarhaushelduphisspearandtouchednoneofthem.Thencamethefoursonsbycouples,andtwoofthembraketheirspears,andsodidtheothertwo.AndallthiswhileSirMarhaustouchedthemnot.ThenSirMarhausrantotheduke,andsmotehimwithhisspearthathorseandmanfelltotheearth.Andsoheservedhissons.AndthenSirMarhausalightdown,andbadthedukeyieldhimorelsehewouldslayhim.Andthensomeofhissonsrecovered,andwouldhavesetuponSirMarhaus.ThenSirMarhaussaidtotheduke,Ceasethysons,orelseIwilldotheuttermosttoyouall.Whenthedukesawhemightnotescapethedeath,hecriedtohissons,andchargedthemtoyieldthemtoSirMarhaus.Andtheykneeledalldownandputthepommelsoftheirswordstotheknight,andsohereceivedthem.Andthentheyholpuptheirfather,andsobytheircommonassentpromiseduntoSirMarhausnevertobefoesuntoKingArthur,andthereuponatWhitsuntideafter,tocomeheandhissons,andputthemintheking'sgrace.*
[*Footnote:
Thestoryisborrowed,languageandall,fromtheMorted'Arthur.--M.T.]
"Evensostandeththehistory,fairSirBoss.NowyeshallwitthatthatverydukeandhissixsonsaretheywhombutfewdayspastyoualsodidovercomeandsendtoArthur'scourt!
"
"Why,Sandy,youcan'tmeanit!
"
"AnIspeaknotsooth,letitbetheworseforme."
"Well,well,well,--nowwhowouldeverhavethoughtit?
Onewholedukeandsixdukelets;why,Sandy,itwasaneleganthaul.Knight-errantryisamostchuckle-headedtrade,anditistedioushardwork,too,butIbegintoseethatthereISmoneyinit,afterall,ifyouhaveluck.NotthatIwouldeverengageinitasabusiness,forIwouldn't.Nosoundandlegitimatebusinesscanbeestablishedonabasisofspeculation.Asuccessfulwhirlintheknight-errantryline--nowwhatisitwhenyoublowawaythenonsenseandcomedowntothecoldfacts?
It'sjustacornerinpork,that'sall,andyoucan'tmakeanythingelseoutofit.You'rerich--yes,--suddenlyrich--foraboutaday,maybeaweek;thensomebodycornersthemarketonYOU,anddowngoesyourbucketshop;ain'tthatso,Sandy?
"
"Whethersoeveritbethatmymindmiscarrieth,bewrayingsimplelanguageinsuchsortthatthewordsdoseemtocomeendlongandoverthwart--"
"There'snouseinbeatingaboutthebushandtryingtogetarounditthatway,Sandy,it'sSO,justasIsay.IKNOWit'sso.And,moreover,whenyoucomerightdowntothebedrock,knight-errantryisWORSEthanpork;forwhateverhappens,thepork'sleft,andsosomebody'sbenefitedanyway;butwhenthemarketbreaks,inaknight-errantrywhirl,andeveryknightinthepoolpassesinhischecks,whathaveyougotforassets?
Justarubbish-pileofbatteredcorpsesandabarrelortwoofbustedhardware.CanyoucallTHOSEassets?
Givemepork,everytime.AmIright?
"
"Ah,peradventuremyheadbeingdistraughtbythemanifoldmatterswhereuntotheconfusionsofthesebutlateadventuredhapsandfortuningswherebynotIalonenoryoualone,buteveryeachofus,meseemeth--"
"No,it'snotyourhead,Sandy.Yourhead'sallright,asfarasitgoes,butyoudon'tknowbusiness;that'swherethetroubleis.Itunfitsyoutoargueaboutbusiness,andyou'rewrongtobealwaystrying.However,thataside,itwasagoodhaul,anyway,andwillbreedahandsomecropofreputationinArthur'scourt.Andspeakingofthecowboys,whatacuriouscountrythisisforwomenandmenthatnevergetold.Nowthere'sMorganleFay,asfreshandyoungasaVassarpullet,toallappearances,andhereisthisolddukeoftheSouthMarchesstillslashingawaywithswordandlanceathistimeoflife,afterraisingsuchafamilyashehasraised.AsIunderstandit,SirGawainekilledsevenofhissons,andstillhehadsixleftforSirMarhaus
MADAME,seeingmepacificandunresentful,nodoubtjudgedthatIwasdeceivedbyherexcuse;forherfrightdissolvedaway,andshewassoonsoimportunatetohavemegiveanexhibitionandkillsomebody,thatthethinggrewtobeembarrassing.However,tomyreliefshewaspresentlyinterruptedbythecalltoprayers.Iwillsaythismuchforthenobility:
that,tyrannical,murderous,rapacious,andmorallyrottenastheywere,theyweredeeplyandenthusiasticallyreligious.NothingcoulddivertthemfromtheregularandfaithfulperformanceofthepietiesenjoinedbytheChurch.MorethanonceIhadseenanoblewhohadgottenhisenemyatadisadvantage,stoptopraybeforecuttinghisthroat;morethanonceIhadseenanoble,afterambushinganddespatchinghisenemy,retiretothenearestwaysideshrineandhumblygivethanks,withoutevenwaitingtorobthebody.TherewastobenothingfinerorsweeterinthelifeofevenBenvenutoCellini,thatrough-hewnsaint,tencenturieslater.AllthenoblesofBritain,withtheirfamilies,attendeddivineservicemorningandnightdaily,intheirprivatechapels,andeventheworstofthemhadfamilyworshipfiveorsixtimesadaybesides.ThecreditofthisbelongedentirelytotheChurch.AlthoughIwasnofriendtothatCatholicChurch,Iwasobligedtoadmitthis.Andoften,inspiteofme,Ifoundmyselfsaying,"WhatwouldthiscountrybewithouttheChurch?
"
Afterprayerswehaddinnerinagreatbanquetinghallwhichwaslightedbyhundredsofgrease-jets,andeverythingwasasfineandlavishandrudelysplendidasmightbecometheroyaldegreeofthehosts.Attheheadofthehall,onadais,wasthetableoftheking,queen,andtheirson,PrinceUwaine.Stretchingdownthehallfromthis,wasthegeneraltable,onthefloor.Atthis,abovethesalt,satthevisitingnoblesandthegrownmembersoftheirfamilies,ofbothsexes,--theresidentCourt,ineffect--sixty-onepersons;belowthesaltsatminorofficersofthehousehold,withtheirprincipalsubordinates:
altogetherahundredandeighteenpersonssitting,andaboutasmanyliveriedservantsstandingbehindtheirchairs,orservinginonecapacityoranother.Itwasaveryfineshow.Inagalleryabandwithcymbals,horns,harps,andotherhorrors,openedtheproceedingswithwhatseemedtobethecrudefirst-draftororiginalagonyofthewailknowntolatercenturiesas"IntheSweetByeandBye."Itwasnew,andoughttohavebeenrehearsedalittlemore.Forsomereasonorotherthequeenhadthecomposerhanged,afterdinner.
Afterthismusic,thepriestwhostoodbehindtheroyaltablesaidanoblelonggraceinostensibleLatin.Thenthebattalionofwaitersbrokeawayfromtheirposts,anddarted,rushed,flew,fetchedandcarried,andthemightyfeedingbegan;nowordsanywhere,butabsorbingattentiontobusiness.Therowsofchopsopenedandshutinvastunison,andthesoundofitwasliketothemuffledburrofsubterraneanmachinery.
Thehavoccontinuedanhourandahalf,andunimaginablewasthedestructionofsubstantials.Ofthechieffeatureofthefeast--thehugewildboarthatlaystretchedoutsoportlyandimposingatthestart--nothingwasleftbutthesemblanceofahoop-skirt;andhewasbutthetypeandsymbolofwhathadhappenedtoalltheotherdishes.
Withthepastriesandsoon,theheavydrinkingbegan--andthetalk.Gallonaftergallonofwineandmeaddisappeared,andeverybodygotcomfortable,thenhappy,thensparklinglyjoyous--bothsexes,--andbyandbyprettynoisy.Mentoldanecdotesthatwereterrifictohear,butnobodyblushed;andwhenthenubwassprung,theassemblageletgowithahorse-laughthatshookthefortress.LadiesansweredbackwithhistoriettesthatwouldalmosthavemadeQueenMargaretofNavarreoreventhegreatElizabethofEnglandhidebehindahandkerchief,butnobodyhidhere,butonlylaughed--howled,youmaysay.Inprettymuchallofthesedreadfulstories,ecclesiasticswerethehardyheroes,butthatdidn'tworrythechaplainany,hehadhislaughwiththerest;morethanthat,uponinvitationheroaredoutasongwhichwasofasdaringasortasanythatwassungthatnight.
Bymidnighteverybodywasfaggedout,andsorewithlaughing;and,asarule,drunk:
someweepingly,someaffectionately,somehilariously,somequarrelsomely,somedeadandunderthetable.Oftheladies,theworstspectaclewasalovelyyoungduchess,whosewedding-evethiswas;andindeedshewasaspectacle,sureenough.JustasshewasshecouldhavesatinadvancefortheportraitoftheyoungdaughteroftheRegentd'Orleans,atthefamousdinnerwhenceshewascarried,foul-mouthed,intoxicated,andhelpless,toherbed,inthelostandlamenteddaysoftheAncientRegime.
Suddenly,evenwhilethepriestwasliftinghishands,andallconsciousheadswerebowedinreverentexpectationofthecomingblessing,thereappearedunderthearchofthefar-offdooratthebottomofthehallanoldandbentandwhite-hairedlady,leaninguponacrutch-stick;andsheliftedthestickandpointedittowardthequeenandcriedout:
"ThewrathandcurseofGodfalluponyou,womanwithoutpity,whohaveslainmineinnocentgrandchildandmadedesolatethisoldheartthathadnorchick,norfriendnorstaynorcomfortinallthisworldbuthim!
"
Everybodycrossedhimselfinagrislyfright,foracursewasanawfulthingtothosepeople;butthequeenroseupmajestic,withthedeath-lightinhereye,andflungbackthisruthlesscommand: