friends第一季第23集剧本.docx
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friends第一季第23集剧本
123TheOneWiththeBirth
[Scene:
Thehospital,Ross,Rachel,Chandler,Joey,andMonicaareinthewaitingroom,waitingforCarolandSusantoarrive.]
Ross:
She'snothereyet.She'snothere.She'shavingmybabyandshe'snothere.
Monica:
I'msureeverything'sfine.Hasherwaterbrokeyet?
Ross:
Idon'tknow,butwhenIspoketoher,shesaidshehadalreadypassedthemucusplug.
(Joeymakesasoundofabsolutedisgust.)
Joey:
Dowehavetoknowaboutthat?
Monica:
Joey,whatareyougonnadowhenyouhaveababy?
Joey:
I'mgonnabeinthewaitin'room,handingoutcigars.
Chandler:
Yes,Joey'smadearrangementstohavehisbabyinamoviefromthe50's.
Ross:
God,Idon'tbelievethis.Shecouldbegivingbirthinthecab.
Rachel:
Oh,Ross,relax.It'sprobablyliketwodollarsforthefirstcontraction,andthenfiftycentsforeachadditionalcontraction.
(EveryonelooksatRachelasthoughshemadeatastelesscomment.)
Rachel:
What,it'sokwhenChandlerdoesit?
Chandler:
Youhavetopickyourmoments.
(Phoebearrives,guitarinhand.)
Phoebe:
DidImissit,didImissit?
Ross:
She'snotevenhereyet.
Monica:
What'swiththeguitar?
Phoebe:
Ijustthoughtwemightbehereforawhile.Youknow,thingsmightgetmusical.
(CarolandSusanarrive.)
Ross:
(toCarol)Wherethehellhaveyoubeen?
Susan:
Westoppedatthegiftshop.
Carol:
Iwaslookingatstuffedanimals,andSusanwantedaChunky.
Ross:
SusanwantedaChunky.We'rehavingababy,ok,ababy,youdon'tstopforChunkys.
Chandler:
Iusedtohavethatbumpersticker.
(EveryoneisamusedbyChandler'scomment.)
Chandler:
(toRachel)YouseewhatImean.
OpeningCredits
[Scene:
Carol'sHospitalRoom,Carolisonthebed,RossandSusanareatherside.]
Ross:
StoppedforaChunky.
Carol:
Letitgo,Ross.
Susan:
Igotanextraone.Youwantthis?
(holdsthecandyinfrontofRoss'face)
Ross:
(weakly)No.
(Carol'sdoctor,Dr.Franzblauarrives.)
Dr.Franzblau:
Hey,how'smyfavoriteparentingteamdoing?
Ross:
Dr.Franzblau,hi.
Dr.Franzblau:
So,Iunderstandyou'rethinkingofhavingababy?
Well,Iseeyou'reninemonthspregnant.That'sagoodstart.Howyoudoingwithyourcontractions?
Carol:
Oh,Ilovethem.Eachone'slikealittlepartyinmyuterus.
Susan:
They'reeveryfourminutesandlast55seconds.
Ross:
59seconds.(holdsuphiswatch)Quartz,ha.
Susan:
Swissquartz,ha,ha.
Carol:
AmIallowedtodrinkanything?
Dr.Franzblau:
Icechips,justicechips.They'reatthenurses'station.
Ross:
I'llgetit.
Susan:
No,I'mgettingit.I'llberightback.
Ross:
Igotit—I'mgettingit!
(TheybothleavejustasRachelenterstheroom,holdingacup.)
Rachel:
Hi,Ithoughtyoumightlikesomeicechips.
Carol:
Thanks.
Rachel:
Andifyouneedanythingelse,I—(noticesthehandsomeDr.Franzblau)—donotbelievewe'vemet.Hi.I'm,uh,RachelGreen.I'mCarol's...ex-husband's...sister'sroommate.
Dr.Franzblau:
Itisnicetomeetyou.I'mDr.Franzblau.I'myourroommate's...brother's...ex-wife'sobstetrician.
Rachel:
Oh,that'sfunny!
[Scene:
TheWaitingRoom,ChandlerisfallingasleeponMonica'sshoulder.]
Monica:
Iwantababy.
Chandler:
Mmmm.Nottonight,honey.Igotanearlydaytomorrow.
Monica:
Getup.Comeon.Let'sgetsomecoffee.
Chandler:
Oh,ok,'causeweneverdothat.
(ChandlerandMonicaleave.CuttoJoey,watchingtheKnicks/Celticsgameontelevision.)
Joey:
(tothescreen)Shoot!
Shoot!
Shoot!
Shoot,orjustfalldown.That'sgoodtoo.
(Ayoungpregnantwomanenters.)
Lydia:
Knickfan?
Joey:
Oh,yeah.
Lydia:
Oh,boy,dotheysuck.
Joey:
Hey,listen,lady....(seesthatshe'spregnant)...whoa.
Lydia:
Look,lookatyourman,Ewing.Niceshot.Youknowwhat,hecouldn'thitwaterifhewasstandingonaboat.
Joey:
Ohyeah?
Andwhodoyoulike?
Lydia:
TheCeltics.
Joey:
TheCeltics?
Ha.Theycouldn'thitaboatif...wait.Theysuck,alright?
Lydia:
Oh,shutup.Youknow,it'sarebuildingyear.You...waah!
Joey:
Wha?
Wha..aa?
Letmegetthefather.Hey,weneedafatheroverhere!
Weneedafather!
Lydia:
Thereisnofather.
Joey:
Oh,oh,oh,sorry.
Lydia:
Ok,that'sok.I'mfine.I'm...oh!
Joey:
Oh,uh,ok.Rightthisway.Alltheotherpregnantwomenseemtobegoin'inhere.
Lydia:
Ok.
(JoeyaccompaniesLydiatoahospitalroom.)
[Scene:
TheWaitingRoom,Phoebeisplayingasong.Chandler,Monica,andRossarethereaswell.]
Phoebe:
(singing)
They'retinyandchubbyandsosweettotouch,
andsoonthey'llgrowupandresentyousomuch.
Nowthey'reyellingatyouandyoudon'tknowwhy,
youcryandyoucryandyoucry.
Andyoucryandyoucryandyoucry...
(RossgivesPhoebeadollar.)
Phoebe:
Thanks,Ross.
Ross:
Yeah.I'mpayingyoutostop.
Phoebe:
Ok.
(Awomanpassesby,carryingnewborntwins.)
Phoebe:
Oh,look,twins.Hi,guys.Oh,cute,cute.
Monica:
Nofair.Idon'tevenhaveone.Howcometheygettwo?
Chandler:
You'llgetone.
Monica:
Ohyeah?
When?
Chandler:
Allright.I'lltellyouwhat.Whenwe're40,ifneitheroneofusaremarried,whatdoyousayyouandIgettogetherandhaveone?
Monica:
Whywon'tIbemarriedwhenI'm40?
Chandler:
Oh,no,no.Ijustmeanthypothetically.
Monica:
Ok,hypothetically,whywon'tIbemarriedwhenI'm40?
Chandler:
No,no,no.
Monica:
Whatisit?
Istheresomethingfundamentallyunmarriableaboutme?
Chandler:
(trapped)Uh,uh.
Monica:
Well?
Chandler:
DearGod!
Thisparachuteisaknapsack!
(throwshimselfoverthebackofthechairhewassittingin)
(Rachelenters,inaformaldress.)
Rachel:
Hey.
Phoebe:
Hey.Ooh,lookatyou,dressy-dress.
Monica:
Didyougohomeandchange?
Rachel:
Yeah,well,it'sanimportantday.Iwannalooknice.Um,hasuhDr.Franzblaubeenby?
Monica:
No,Ihaven'tseenhim.
Rachel:
Well,whereishe?
Heissupposedtobehere.(Pause)Whatifthebabyneedshim?
Chandler:
Rachel,whatisthedealwithyouanddoctors,anyway?
Was,like,yourfatheradoctor?
Rachel:
Yeah,why?
Chandler:
Noreason.(turnsaround,makesan'OhmyGod'gesturewithhiseyes)
[Scene:
JoeyandLydiainthehospitalroom.Lydiaisonthephonewithhermother.]
Lydia:
Mom,we'vebeenthroughthis.No,I'mnotcallinghim.Idon'tcareifitishiskid,theguy'sajerk.No,I'mnotalone.Joey'shere.(pause)Whatdoyoumean,Joeywho?
(coversthephone,toJoey)Joeywho?
Joey:
Tribbiani.
Lydia:
JoeyTribbiani.Yes,ok.Holdon.(toJoey)Shewantstotalktoyou.Takethephone.
Joey:
(takesphone)Hi,yeah,it'sme.(Listens)Oh,nonono,we'rejustfriends.(Listens)Yeah,I'msingle.(Listens)25.(Listens)Anactor.(Listens)Hello?
Lydia:
She'snotmuchofaphoneperson.
Joey:
Yeah,so,uh,so,uh,what'sthedealwiththisfatherguy,Imean,ifsomeonewashavin'mybabysomewhere,I'dwannaknowaboutit,youknow?
Lydia:
Hey,Knickfan,amIinterestedinyourviewsonfatherhood?
Uh,no.
Joey:
Ok,look,maybeIshouldjustgo.
Lydia:
Maybeyoushould.
Joey:
Goodluck,anduh,takecare,huh?
(Heleaves,butthenreturnsamomentlater.)
Joey:
YouknowwhattheCelticsproblemis?
Theylettheplayersruntheteam.
Lydia:
Oh,thatissonottrue.
Joey:
Oh,itis.
Lydia:
Itisn't.
Joey:
Itis.
Lydia:
Isn't!
[Scene:
Carol'sHospitalRoom,RossandSusanarecoachingCarol.]
Ross:
Breathe.
Susan:
Breathe.
Ross:
Breathe.
Susan:
Breathe.
Ross:
Breathe.
Susan:
Breathe.
Carol:
You'regonnakillme!
Ross:
15moreseconds,14,13,12...
Carol:
Countfaster.
Susan:
It'sgonnabeok,justremember,we'redoingthisforJordie.JustkeepfocusingonJordie.
Ross:
WhothehellisJordie?
Susan:
Yourson.
Ross:
No-no-no.Idon'thaveasonnamedJordie.Weallagreed,myson'snameisJamie.
Carol:
Well,JamiewasthenameofSusan'sfirstgirlfriend,sowewentbacktoJordie.
Ross:
What?
Whoa,whoawhoawhoa,whatdoyoumean,backtoJordie?
WeneverlandedonJordie.WejustpassedbyitduringthewholeJessy,Cody,Dylanfiasco.
Carol:
Ow,ow,ow,ow,legcramp,legcramp,legcramp.
Ross:
Igotit.
Susan:
Igotit.
Ross:
Igotit!
Hey,yougettosleepwithher,Igetthecramps.
Susan:
No,youdon't.
Carol:
Allright,that'sit.Iwantbothofyouout.
Ross:
Why?
Susan:
Hestartedit!
Ross:
No,youstartedit.
Susan:
Youdid!
Carol:
Idon'tcare.Iamtryingtogetapersonoutofmybodyhere,andyou'renotmakingitanyeasier.
Ross:
But...
Carol:
Nowgo!
Ross:
(toSusan)Thanksalot.
Susan:
(toRoss)Seewhatyoudid.
Ross:
(toCarol)Yeah,listen...
Carol:
Out!
(RossandSusanbothangrilyleavethehopsitalroom.)
[Scene:
Lydia'sHospitalRoom,JoeyishelpingLydiagothroughlabor,anurseisnowpresentinherroomaswell.]
Nurse:
Breathe,breathe,breathe...
Lydia:
Oh,no.
(JoeylooksdownatLydia.)
Joey:
Ew!
Whatisthat?
Somethingexploded!
Nurse:
It'sjustherwaterbreaking.Calmdown,willyou?
Joey:
(panicked)Waterbreaking,whatdoyoumean?
What'sthat,waterbreaking?
Nurse:
(toJoey)Breathe,breathe,breathe.
[Scene:
TheHall,RossandSusanarearguing.]
Ross:
Please.Thisissoyourfault.
Susan:
How,howisthismyfault?
Ross:
Look,Carolneverthrewmeoutofaroombeforeyoucamealong.
Susan:
Yeah?
Well,there'salotofthingsCarolneverdidbeforeIcamealong.
Ross:
Youtryin'tobeclever?
Afunnylady?
Susan:
Youknowwhatyourproblemis?
You'rethreatenedbyme.
Ross:
Oh,I'mthreatenedbyyou?
Susan:
Yes.
(Phoebehasheardthemarguingandcomesdownthehall,takingthemintoabroomcloset.)
Phoebe:
Hey,hey,ok,allright,that'sit!
Getinhere.Comeon.Mygod,youguys,Idon'tbelieveyou.Therearechildrencomingintotheworldinthisverybuildingandyournegativefightingnoisesarenotthefirstthingtheyshouldbehearing.Sojuststopalltheyelling,juststopit!
Ross