Seats of the Haughty.docx

Seats of the Haughty.docx

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SeatsoftheHaughty

SeatsoftheHaughty

Goldenbydayandsilverbynight,anewtrailnowleadstousacrosstheIndianOcean.DuskykingsandprinceshavefoundourBombayoftheWest;andfewbetheirtrailsthatdonotleaddowntoBroadwayontheirjourneyfortoadmireandfortosee.

Ifchanceshouldeverleadyounearahotelthattransientlyshelterssomeoneofthesesplendidtouringgrandees,IcounselyoutoseekLucullusPolkamongtherepublicantuft-huntersthatbesiegeitsentrances.Hewillbethere.Youwillknowhimbyhisred,alert,Wellington-nosedface,byhismannerofnervouscautionmingledwithdetermination,byhisassumedpromoter'sorbroker'sairofbusyimpatience,andbyhisbright-rednecktie,gallantlyredressingthewrongsofhismaltreatedbluesergesuit,likeabattlestandardstillwavingabovealostcause.Ifoundhimprofitable;andsomayyou.Whenyoudolookforhim,lookamongthelight-horsetroopofBedouinsthatbesiegethepicket-lineofthetravellingpotentate'sguardsandsecretaries--amongthewild-eyedgeniiofArabianAfternoonsthatgathertomakeastoundingandegregriousdemandsupontheprince'scoffers.

IfirstsawMr.PolkcomingdownthestepsofthehotelatwhichsojournedHisHighnesstheGaekwarofBaroda,mostenlightenedoftheMahrattaprinces,who,oflate,atebreadandsaltinourMetropolisoftheOccident.

Lucullusmovedrapidly,asthoughpropelledbysomepotentmoralforcethatimminentlythreatenedtobecomephysical.Behindhimcloselyfollowedtheimpetus--ahoteldetective,ifeverwhiteAlpinehat,hawk'snose,implacablewatchchain,andloudrefinementofmannerspokethetruth.Abraceofuniformedportersathisheelspreservedthesmoothdecorumofthehotel,repudiatingbytheirairofdisengagementanysuspicionthattheyformedareservesquadofejectment.

Safeonthesidewalk,LucullusPolkturnedandshookafreckledfistatthecaravansary.And,tomyjoy,hebegantobreathedeepinvectiveinstrangewords:

"Ridesinhowdays,doeshe?

"hecriedloudlyandsneeringly."Ridesonelephantsinhowdahsandcallshimselfaprince!

Kings--yah!

Comesoverhereandtalkshorsetillyouwouldthinkhewasapresident;andthengoeshomeandridesinaprivatedining-roomstrappedontoanelephant.Well,well,well!

"

Theejectingcommitteequietlyretired.Thescornerofprincesturnedtomeandsnappedhisfingers.

"Whatdoyouthinkofthat?

"heshoutedderisively."TheGaekwarofBarodaridesinanelephantinahowdah!

Andthere'soldBikramShamsherJangscorchingupanddownthepig-pathsofKhatmanduonamotor-cycle.Wouldn'tthatmaharajahyou?

AndtheShahofPersia,thatoughttohavebeenMuley-on-the-spotforatleastthree,he'sgotthepalanquinhabit.Andthatfunny-hatprincefromKorea--wouldn'tyouthinkhecouldaffordtoamblearoundonamilk-whitepalfreyonceinadynastyortwo?

Nothingdoing!

HisideaofaBalaklavachargeistotuckhisskirtsunderhimanddohismileinsixdaysoverthehog-wallowsofSeoulinabull-cart.That'sthekindofvisitingpotentatesthatcometothiscountrynow.It'saharddeal,friend."

Imurmuredafewwordsofsympathy.Butitwasuncomprehending,forIdidnotknowhisgrievanceagainsttherulerswhoflash,meteor-like,nowandthenuponourshores.

"ThelastoneIsold,"continuedthedispleasedone,"wastothatthree-horse-tailedTurkishpashathatcameoverayearago.Fivehundreddollarshepaidforit,easy.Isaystohisexecutionerorsecretary--hewasakindofaJeworaChinaman--'HisTurkeyGibbetsisfondofhorses,then?

'

"'Him?

'saysthesecretary.'Well,no.He'sgotabig,fatwifeintheharemnamedBadDorathathedon'tlike.Ibelieveheintendstosaddleherupandrideherupanddowntheboard-walkintheBulbulGardensafewtimeseveryday.Youhaven'tgotapairofextra-longspursyoucouldthrowinonthedeal,haveyou?

'Yes,sir;there'smightyfewrealrough-ridersamongtheroyalsportsthesedays."

AssoonasLucullusPolkgotcoolenoughIpickedhimup,andwithnogreatereffortthanyouwouldemployinpersuadingadrowningmantoclutchastraw,Iinveigledhimintoaccompanyingmetoacoolcornerinadimcafe.

Anditcametopassthatman-servantssetbeforeusbrewage;andLucullusPolkspakeuntome,relatingthewhereforesofhisbeleagueringtheantechambersoftheprincesoftheearth.

"DidyoueverhearoftheS.A.&A.P.RailroadinTexas?

Well,thatdon'tstandforSamaritanActor'sAidPhilanthropy.Iwasdownthatwaymanagingasummerbunchofthegumandsyntax-chewersthatplaytheIdlewildParksintheWesternhamlets.Ofcourse,wewenttopieceswhenthesoubretteranawaywithaprominentbarberofBeeville.Idon'tknowwhatbecameoftherestofthecompany.Ibelievethereweresomesalariesdue;andthelastIsawofthetroupewaswhenItoldthemthatforty-threecentswasallthetreasurycontained.IsayIneversawanyofthemafterthat;butIheardthemforabouttwentyminutes.Ididn'thavetimetolookback.ButafterdarkIcameoutofthewoodsandstrucktheS.A.&A.P.agentformeansoftransportation.Heatonceextendedtomethecourtesiesoftheentirerailroad,kindlywarningme,however,nottogetaboardanyoftherollingstock.

"AbouttenthenextmorningIstepsoffthetiesintoavillagethatcallsitselfAtascosaCity.Iboughtathirty-centbreakfastandaten-centcigar,andstoodontheMainStreetjinglingthethreepenniesinmypocket--deadbroke.AmaninTexaswithonlythreecentsinhispocketisnobetteroffthanamanthathasnomoneyandowestwocents.

"Oneofluck'sfavouritetricksistosoakamanforhislastdollarsoquickthathedon'thavetimetolookit.ThereIwasinaswellSt.Louistailor-made,blue-and-greenplaidsuit,andaneighteen-caratsulphate-of-copperscarf-pin,withnohopeinsightexceptthetwogreatTexasindustries,thecottonfieldsandgradingnewrailroads.Ineverpickedcotton,andInevercottonedtoapick,sotheoutlookhadultramarineedges.

"Allofasudden,whileIwasstandingontheedgeofthewoodensidewalk,downoutoftheskyfallstwofinegoldwatchesinthemiddleofthestreet.Onehitsachunkofmudandsticks.Theotherfallshardandfliesopen,makingafinedrizzleoflittlespringsandscrewsandwheels.Ilooksupforaballoonoranairship;butnotseeingany,Istepsoffthesidewalktoinvestigate.

"ButIhearacoupleofyellsandseetwomenrunningupthestreetinleatheroverallsandhigh-heeledbootsandcartwheelhats.Onemanissixoreightfeethigh,withopen-plumbedjointsandaheartbrokencastofcountenance.Hepicksupthewatchthathasstuckinthemud.Theotherman,whoislittle,withpinkhairandwhiteeyes,goesfortheemptycase,andsays,'Iwin.'Thentheelevatedpessimistgoesdownunderhisleatherleg-holstersandhandsahandfuloftwenty-dollargoldpiecestohisalbinofriend.Idon'tknowhowmuchmoneyitwas;itlookedasbigasanearthquake-relieffundtome.

"'I'llhavethisherecasefilledupwithworks,'saysShorty,'andthrowyouagainforfivehundred.'

"'I'myourcompany,'saysthehighman.'I'llmeetyouattheSmokedDogSaloonanhourfromnow.'

"ThelittlemanhustlesawaywithakindofSwissmovementtowardajewelrystore.Theheartbrokenpersonstoopsoverandtakesatelescopicviewofmyhaberdashery.

"'Them'samightyslickoutfitofhabilimentsyouhavegoton,Mr.Man,'sayshe.'I'llbetahossyouneveracquiredtheright,title,andinterestinandtothemclothesinAtascosaCity.'

"'Why,no,'saysI,beingreadyenoughtoexchangepersonalitieswiththismoneyedmonumentofmelancholy.'Ihadthissuittailoredfromaspeciallineofcoatericks,vestures,andpantingsinSt.Louis.Wouldyoumindputtingmesane,'saysI,'onthiswatch-throwingcontest?

I'vebeenusedtoseeingtime-piecestreatedwithmorepolitenessandesteem--exceptwomen'swatches,ofcourse,whichbynaturetheyabusebycrackingwalnutswith'emandhaving'emtakenshowingintintypepictures.'

"'MeandGeorge,'heexplains,'areupfromtheranch,havingaspelloffun.UptolastmonthweownedfoursectionsofwateredgrazingdownontheSanMiguel.Butalongcomesoneoftheseoilprospectorsandbeginstobore.Hestrikesagusherthatflowsouttwentythousand--ormaybeitwastwentymillion--barrelsofoiladay.AndmeandGeorgegetsonehundredandfiftythousanddollars--seventy-fivethousanddollarsapiece--fortheland.SonowandthenwesaddlesupandhitsthebreezeforAtascosaCityforafewdaysofexcitementanddamage.Here'salittlebunchofthedinerothatIdrawedoutofthebankthismorning,'sayshe,andshowsarolloftwentiesandfiftiesasbigaroundasasleeping-carpillow.TheyellowbacksglowedlikeasunsetonthegableendofJohnD.'sbarn.Mykneesgotweak,andIsatdownontheedgeoftheboardsidewalk.

"'Youmusthaveknockedaroundarightsmart,'goesonthisoilGrease-us.'Ishouldn'tbesurprisedifyouhavesawtownsmorelivelierthanwhatAtascosaCityis.Sometimesitseemstomethatthereoughttobesomemorewaysofhavingagoodtimethanthereishere,'speciallywhenyou'vegotplentyofmoneyanddon'tmindspendingit.'

"ThenthisMotherCary'schickofthedesertsitsdownbymeandweholdaconversationfest.Itseemsthathewasmoney-poor.He'dlivedinranchcampsallhislife;andheconfessedtomethathissupremeideaofluxurywastorideintocamp,tiredoutfromaround-up,eatapeckofMexicanbeans,hobblehisbrainswithapintofrawwhisky,andgotosleepwithhisbootsforapillow.Whenthisbarge-loadofunexpectedmoneycametohimandhispinkbutperkypartner,George,andtheyhiedthemselvestothisclumpofouthousescalled