Old Friends Season 4 E22.docx

Old Friends Season 4 E22.docx

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OldFriendsSeason4E22

TheOneWithTheWorstBestManEver

Phoebe:

That’slikethetenthtimeI’vepeedsinceI’vebeenhere!

Monica:

That’salsolikethetenthtimeyoutoldus.

Phoebe:

Yeah,ohI’msorry,itmustbereallyhardtohear!

Itellya,it’saloteasierhavingthreebabiesplayBringingintheNoise,BringingindaFunkonyourbladder!

I’msosickofbeingpregnant!

TheonlyhappinessIgetisfromacupofcoffee,whichofcourseisdecaf,‘cause—Oh!

I’mpregnant!

Ross:

Pheebs,did…youwantacookie?

Phoebe:

Thankyousomuch.

Rachel:

Souh,Pheebs,honey,howarethosemoodswingscoming?

Phoebe:

Ihaven’treallyhadanyyet.

Ross:

Heyguys!

Chandler:

Hey.

Joey:

Hey!

Ross:

Allright,here’sthering.

Chandler:

Yes!

Yes!

Athousandtimes,yes!

Ross:

Souh,anyideasforthebachelorpartyyet?

Joey:

Whoa-whoa-whoa!

Beforeyoustarthandingoutweddingringsandplanningbachelorparties,don’tyouhavetodecidewhoyourbestmanisgonnabe?

Chandler:

Oh,it’sawkward.It’sawkward.It’sawkward.

Ross:

Isort’vealreadyaskedChandler.

Joey:

What?

!

Hegottodoitatyourfirstwedding!

Ross:

Joey,Ifiguredyou’dunderstand.Imean,I-I’veknownhimalotlonger.

Joey:

ComeonRoss!

Look,I-Idon’thaveanybrothers;I’llnevergettobeabestman!

Chandler:

YoucanbethebestmanwhenIgetmarried.

Joey:

I’llnevergettobeabestman!

Ross:

Wait-wait,so,yougettobemybestmantwiceandInevergettobeyoursatall?

Chandler:

Ohno-no-no,you—yeah,ofcourseyougettobemybestman.

Joey:

Whataboutme?

!

You-youjustsaidIcould!

Chandler:

I’mnotevengettingmarried!

Okay,thisisaquestionforsciencefictionwriters!

Joey:

Ican’tbelieveyou’renotpickingme.

Ross:

Hey,howcanitnotbeme?

!

HeyHey!

Chandler:

I’mnoteven…I’mnoteven…

Ross:

Fine,y’knowwhat,that’sit.Fromnowon,Joey,Iwantyoutobemybestman.

Joey:

Yes!

Shameaboutyouman.

Phoebe:

Stopit!

Monica:

What?

Phoebe:

Oneofthebabiesiskicking.

Monica:

Ithoughtthatwasagoodthing.

Phoebe:

It’snotkickingme,it’skickingoneoftheotherbabies.Oh!

Don’tmakemecomeinthere!

Joey:

Hey!

Monica:

Hey!

Joey:

DoyouguyshavelikeabigbowlIcanborrow?

Monica:

Yeah,there’sonerightunderthecabinet.

Joey:

Thanks.

Monica:

Whydoyouneedit?

Joey:

Oh,we’rehavingabigpartytomorrownight.Later!

Rachel:

Whoa!

Hey-hey,youplanningoninvitingus?

Joey:

Nooo,later.

Phoebe:

Hey!

!

Getyourassbackhere,Tribbiani!

!

Rachel:

Hormones!

Monica:

WhatPhoebemeanttosaywasumm,howcomeyou’rehavingapartyandwe’renotinvited?

Joey:

Oh,it’sRoss’sbachelorparty.

Monica:

Sooo?

Joey:

Areyoubachelors?

Monica:

Nooo!

Joey:

Areyoustrippers?

Rachel:

Nooo!

Joey:

Thenyou’renotinvited.

Rachel:

Allrightfine!

You’renotinvitedtothepartywe’regonnahaveeither.

Joey:

Oh-whoa,whatparty?

Rachel:

Wellumm…

Monica:

ThebabyshowerforPhoebe!

Joey:

Babyshower.Wow!

ThatsoundssooolikesomethingIdon’twanttodo!

Later!

Phoebe:

Ican’tbelieveI’mgonnahaveaparty!

Thisissogreat!

Aparty!

Yay!

!

Idon’tknowwhy.

Joey:

ThisiswhatI’vegotgoingforthepartysofar,liquorwise.Getalotofliquor.

Ross:

Great.Great.

Joey:

Okay,nowuh,intermsoftheinvitelist,I’vegotyou,me,andChandlerandI’mgonnainviteGunther‘cause,well,we’vebeentalkingaboutthisprettyloud.

Gunther:

I’llbethere.

Joey:

Allright—oh!

Listen,Iknowthisisyourparty,butI’dreallyliketothenumberofmuseumgeeksthataregonnabethere.

Ross:

Yeah.Tellyawhat,let’snotinviteanyoftheanthropologists,onlythedinosaurdudes!

Joey:

Okay!

We’llneedasix-packofZima.

Chandler:

Heyguys,whatareyoudoing?

Ross:

Oh,justplanningmybachelorpartywithmybestman.

Chandler:

Yeah,well,goodlucktryingtotopthelastone.

Ross:

Yeah,see,Idon’tthinkit’sgonnathatdifficultconsideringthisonewon’tbetakingplaceinthebasementofaPizzaHut.

Chandler:

Oh,I’mRoss.I’mRoss.I’mtoogoodfortheHut;I’mtoogoodfortheHut.

Ross:

Look,IgottagopickupBen.EverythingsofarsoundsgreatJoey,justremembertokeepitonthemellowside,okay?

Justacoupleofguyshangingoutplayingpoker,no-nostrippersoranythingokay?

Joey:

Yougotit.

Ross:

Okay,seeyalater.

Chandler:

Seeya.Havefunplanningyourmellowbachelorparty.

Joey:

Well,there’sgonnabestrippersthere.Hedidn’tsayanythingaboutnostrippers.

Chandler:

Hejustsaid,"Nostrippers."

Joey:

Oh,Ichosenottohearthat.

Monica:

LookwhatIgot!

LookwhatIgot!

LookwhatIgot!

Canyoubelievetheymaketheseforlittlepeople?

Rachel:

Littlevillagepeople.

Monica:

Okay,lookatthisone.Thisismyfavourite.

Rachel:

Oh,thatissosweet!

Monica:

Iknow!

Phoebeisgonnalovedressingtheminthese!

Rachel:

Huh.Except,Phoebe’snotgonnabetheonethatgetstodressthem.

Monica:

Becauseshe’snotgonnagettokeepthebabies.

Rachel:

OhmyGod!

Wearethrowingthemostdepressingbabyshowerever!

Monica:

Waitaminute!

Unless,wegiveherallgiftsshecanuseaftershe’sdonebeingpregnant.Like-likeumm,regularcoffee,Tequila.

Rachel:

Oh,andsomebodycangetthoseleatherpantsshe’salwayswanted!

Monica:

Oh,she’sgonnalovethat!

Phoebe:

Whatthehellisthis?

!

What,didyouactuallythoughtitwouldmakemefeelbettertogivemestuffthatIcan’tuseforanothertwomonths?

!

Thissucks!

Allright,what’smynextpresent?

!

All:

Idon’thaveanything.

Ross:

Heylistenman,aboutthestripper…

Joey:

Yeah?

Ross:

Goodcall!

Chandler:

Okay,alittleannouncement,alittleannouncement.I’vedecidedthatmybestmanis,mybestfriendGunther!

Gunther:

What’smylastname?

Chandler:

CentralPerk?

Gunther:

ThanksfornotmarryingRachel.

Joey:

Oh-whoa-wait,Guntherdon’t-don’tforgetyourshirt.

Ross:

Hey-hey,whatarethose?

Joey:

Oh,littlepartyfavours,checkitout!

Ross:

Wow!

Yeah!

Joey:

Oh-oh!

Chandler:

Okay,okay,alittleannouncement,Ijustwanteveryonetoknowthatthepositionofmybestmanisstillopen!

Anduh,soisthepositionofthebride.

TheStripper:

Great!

Ross:

Smoothman.Yeah,yougotsomechilieonyourneck.Well,Ijustwanttosay,thankseveryone,this-thiswasgreat.Andhey!

SeeyouguysMondaymorning.ThanksJoey.

Joey:

Oh,hey,don’tforgetyourshirt.

Ross:

Oh,thanks!

Joey:

Okay,hey,museumgeeks,party’sover.Okay.Wavebye-byetothenicelady.Thereyougo.Backtoyourparent’sbasement.Allright.Comeonboys,comeonout!

Hereyougo.Allright.

TheStripper:

Ohhh,lookatthelittlebirdies!

Arethoseyours?

Joey:

Yeah!

TheStripper:

Wow,Ididn’tknowtheyletyoukeepchickensandducksaspets.

Joey:

Ohyeah-yeah.AndIgottheducktotallytrained.Watchthis.Stareatthewall.Hardlymove.Bewhite.

TheStripper:

Youarereallygoodatthat.Souh,Ihadfuntonight,youthrowonehellofaparty.

Joey:

Ohthanks.Thanks.Itwasgreatmeetin’ya.Andlistenifanyofmyfriendsgetsmarried,orhaveabirthday,oraTuesday…

TheStripper:

Yeah,thatwouldbegreat.SoIguessumm,goodnight.

Joey:

Ohunlessyouuh,youwannahangaround.

TheStripper:

Yeah?

Joey:

Yeah.I’llletyouplaywithmyduck.

Joey:

Hey,stripper!

Joey:

Thestripperstolethering!

!

Thestripperstolethering!

!

Chandler!

Chandler,getup!

Getup!

Thestripperstolethering!

Chandler:

What?

Joey:

Theringisgone!

Chandler:

Ugh.Justasec,givemeaminutetowakeupforthis—Ah-ha-ha!

!

Youlostthering!

You’retheworstbestmanever!

Joey:

Dude,thisisn’tfunny!

WhatamIgonnado?

!

Igotobedlastnight,everything’scool!

Iwakeupthismorning,thestripper’sgoneandtheringisgone!

Chandler:

Yousleptwiththestripper?

Joey:

Ofcourse!

!

Phoebe:

Hi,guys.

Rachel:

Hi!

Phoebe.

Monica:

HiPhoebe.

Phoebe:

I-IwantedtoapologiseifI—y’knowseemedatadedgyyesterdayatmyshower.Y’knowit’sjustthehormones,y’know.

Rachel:

Nowe…

Monica:

Hormones.

Rachel:

…hormones,yeah.

Phoebe:

Anyway,Ijustwantedtosaythankyou,itwasjust,itwassosweet.

Monica:

Wow,youseemtobedoingsomuchbetter.That’sgreat.Sohow-howarethingsgoing?

Phoebe:

Good.Y’know—no-no,okay,it’s-itfeelslikeeverything’sbeenaboutmelately,sowhat’shappeningwithyou?

Rachel:

Oh,well,actuallywewerejusttalkingaboutmenotgoingtoRoss’swedding.

Phoebe:

Oh!

Rachel:

Itjustmightbetoohard,giventhehistoryandallthat…

Phoebe:

Wow!

ThisremindsmeofthetimewhenIwasumm,livingonthestreetandthisguyofferedtobuymefoodifIsleptwithhim.

Rachel:

Well,h-howisthislikethat?

Phoebe:

Well,let’ssee,it’snot.Really,likethat.Because,youseethatwasanactualproblem,anduh,yoursisjustlikey’knowabunchofy’knowhighschoolcrapthatnobodyreallygivesy’know…

Rachel:

I’m-I’msorry,Ijustthoughtthat…

Phoebe:

Alrighty,herecomethewaterworks.

Joey:

Ugh!

Idon’tknowwhatI’mgoingtodo!

Icalledthecompanythatsentandth-theydon’tcare!

ThenIcalled9-1-1andtheylaughedatme,ifthisisn’tanemergency,thenwhatis?

Ross:

Heyguys!

Chandler:

Hey!

Joey:

Hey…

Ross:

Ijustwantedtothankyouagainforlastnight,whatagreatparty!

Andtheguysfromworkhadablast.Y’know,oneofthemhadneverbeentoabachelorpartybefore.Yeah!

And-andanotheronehadneverbeentoapartybefore,so…

Joey:

Souh,hey,thatuh,thatweddingring,huh?

Man,that’snice!

Ross:

Yeah,right!

Joey:

Iwasuh,IwasthinkingImightwanttopickoneofthosebabiesupformyself,Imightwanttogetoneofthose…

Ross:

Thatring?

Whenmygrandmotherfirstcametothiscountry,thatringandtheclothesonherbackwereallshehadwithher.

Chandler:

Soyoumightsay,theringisirreplaceable?

Ross:

Ohabsolutely!

Ithasbeeninmyfami