the 1000000 bank note.docx

the 1000000 bank note.docx

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the1000000banknote

The￡1,000,000BankNote

MarkTwain

WhenIwastwenty-sevenyearsold,Iwasamining-broker'sclerkinSanFrancisco,andanexpertinallthedetailsofstocktraffic.Iwasaloneintheworld,andhadnothingtodependuponbutmywitsandacleanreputation;buttheseweresettingmyfeetintheroadtoeventualfortune,andIwascontentwiththeprospect.

Mytimewasmyownaftertheafternoonboard,Saturdays,andIwasaccustomedtoputitinonalittlesail-boatonthebay.OnedayIventuredtoofar,andwascarriedouttosea.Justatnightfall,whenhopewasaboutgone,IwaspickedupbyasmallbrigwhichwasboundforLondon.Itwasalongandstormyvoyage,andtheymademeworkmypassagewithoutpay,asacommonsailor.WhenIsteppedashoreinLondonmyclotheswereraggedandshabby,andIhadonlyadollarinmypocket.Thismoneyfedandshelteredmetwenty-fourhours.Duringthenexttwenty-fourIwentwithoutfoodandshelter.

    Aboutteno'clockonthefollowingmorning,seedyandhungry,IwasdraggingmyselfalongPortlandPlace,whenachildthatwaspassing,towedbyanurse-maid,tossedalusciousbigpear-minusonebite-intothegutter.Istopped,ofcourse,andfastenedmydesiringeyeonthatmuddytreasure.Mymouthwateredforit,mystomachcravedit,mywholebeingbeggedforit.ButeverytimeImadeamovetogetitsomepassingeyedetectedmypurpose,andofcourseIstraightenedupthen,andlookedindifferent,andpretendedthatIhadn'tbeenthinkingaboutthepearatall.Thissamethingkepthappeningandhappening,andIcouldn'tgetthepear.Iwasjustgettingdesperateenoughtobravealltheshame,andtoseizeit,whenawindowbehindmewasraised,andagentlemanspokeoutofit,saying:

    "Stepinhere,please."

    Iwasadmittedbyagorgeousflunkey,andshownintoasumptuousroomwhereacoupleofelderlygentlemenweresitting.Theysentawaytheservant,andmademesitdown.Theyhadjustfinishedtheirbreakfast,andthesightoftheremainsofitalmostoverpoweredme.Icouldhardlykeepmywitstogetherinthepresenceofthatfood,butasIwasnotaskedtosampleit,IhadtobearmytroubleasbestIcould.

    Now,somethinghadbeenhappeningtherealittlebefore,whichIdidnotknowanythingaboutuntilagoodmanydaysafterwards,butIwilltellyouaboutitnow.Thosetwooldbrothershadbeenhavingaprettyhotargumentacoupleofdaysbefore,andhadendedbyagreeingtodecideitbyabet,whichistheEnglishwayofsettlingeverything.

    YouwillrememberthattheBankofEnglandonceissuedtwonotesofamillionpoundseach,tobeusedforaspecialpurposeconnectedwithsomepublictransactionwithaforeigncountry.Forsomereasonorotheronlyoneofthesehadbeenusedandcanceled;theotherstilllayinthevaultsoftheBank.Well,thebrothers,chattingalong,happenedtogettowonderingwhatmightbethefateofaperfectlyhonestandintelligentstrangerwhoshouldbeturnedadriftinLondonwithoutafriend,andwithnomoneybutthatmillion-poundbank-note,andnowaytoaccountforhisbeinginpossessionofit.BrotherAsaidhewouldstarvetodeath;BrotherBsaidhewouldn't.BrotherAsaidhecouldn'tofferitatabankoranywhereelse,becausehewouldbearrestedonthespot.SotheywentondisputingtillBrotherBsaidhewouldbettwentythousandpoundsthatthemanwouldlivethirtydays,anyway,onthatmillion,andkeepoutofjail,too.BrotherAtookhimup.BrotherBwentdowntotheBankandboughtthatnote.JustlikeanEnglishman,yousee;plucktothebackbone.Thenhedictatedaletter,whichoneofhisclerkswroteoutinabeautifulroundhand,andthenthetwobrotherssatatthewindowawholedaywatchingfortherightmantogiveitto.

    Theysawmanyhonestfacesgobythatwerenotintelligentenough;manythatwereintelligent,butnothonestenough;manythatwereboth,butthepossessorswerenotpoorenough,or,ifpoorenough,werenotstrangers.Therewasalwaysadefect,untilIcamealong;buttheyagreedthatIfilledthebillallaround;sotheyelectedmeunanimously,andthereIwasnowwaitingtoknowwhyIwascalledin.Theybegantoaskmequestionsaboutmyself,andprettysoontheyhadmystory.FinallytheytoldmeIwouldanswertheirpurpose.IsaidIwassincerelyglad,andaskedwhatitwas.Thenoneofthemhandedmeanenvelope,andsaidIwouldfindtheexplanationinside.Iwasgoingtoopenit,buthesaidno;takeittomylodgings,andlookitovercarefully,andnotbehastyorrash.Iwaspuzzled,andwantedtodiscussthematteralittlefurther,buttheydidn't;soItookmyleave,feelinghurtandinsultedtobemadethebuttofwhatwasapparentlysomekindofapracticaljoke,andyetobligedtoputupwithit,notbeingincircumstancestoresentaffrontsfromrichandstrongfolk.

    Iwouldhavepickedupthepearnowandeatenitbeforealltheworld,butitwasgone;soIhadlostthatbythisunluckybusiness,andthethoughtofitdidnotsoftenmyfeelingtowardsthosemen.AssoonasIwasoutofsightofthathouseIopenedmyenvelope,andsawthatitcontainedmoney!

Myopinionofthosepeoplechanged,Icantellyou!

Ilostnotamoment,butshovednoteandmoneyintomyvestpocket,andbrokeforthenearestcheapeatinghouse.Well,howIdideat!

WhenatlastIcouldn'tholdanymore,Itookoutmymoneyandunfoldedit,tookoneglimpseandnearlyfainted.Fivemillionsofdollars!

Why,itmademyheadswim.

    ImusthavesattherestunnedandblinkingatthenoteasmuchasaminutebeforeIcamerightlytomyselfagain.ThefirstthingInoticed,then,wasthelandlord.Hiseyewasonthenote,andhewaspetrified.Hewasworshiping,withallhisbodyandsoul,buthelookedasifhecouldn'tstirhandorfoot.Itookmycueinamoment,anddidtheonlyrationalthingtherewastodo.Ireachedthenotetowardshim,andsaid,carelessly:

    "Givemethechange,please."

    Thenhewasrestoredtohisnormalcondition,andmadeathousandapologiesfornotbeingabletobreakthebill,andIcouldn'tgethimtotouchit.Hewantedtolookatit,andkeeponlookingatit;hecouldn'tseemtogetenoughofittoquenchthethirstofhiseye,butheshrankfromtouchingitasifithadbeensomethingtoosacredforpoorcommonclaytohandle.Isaid:

    "Iamsorryifitisaninconvenience,butImustinsist.Pleasechangeit;Ihaven'tanythingelse."

    Buthesaidthatwasn'tanymatter;hewasquitewillingtoletthetriflestandovertillanothertime.IsaidImightnotbeinhisneighborhoodagainforagoodwhile;buthesaiditwasofnoconsequence,hecouldwait,and,moreover,IcouldhaveanythingIwanted,anytimeIchose,andlettheaccountrunaslongasIpleased.Hesaidhehopedhewasn'tafraidtotrustasrichagentlemanasIwas,merelybecauseIwasofamerrydisposition,andchosetoplaylarksonthepublicinthematterofdress.Bythistimeanothercustomerwasentering,andthelandlordhintedtometoputthemonsteroutofsight;thenhebowedmeallthewaytothedoor,andIstartedstraightforthathouseandthosebrothers,tocorrectthemistakewhichhadbeenmadebeforethepoliceshouldhuntmeup,andhelpmedoit.Iwasprettynervous;infact,prettybadlyfrightened,though,ofcourse,Iwasnowayinfault;butIknewmenwellenoughtoknowthatwhentheyfindthey'vegivenatrampamillion-poundbillwhentheythoughtitwasaone-pounder,theyareinafranticrageagainsthiminsteadofquarrelingwiththeirownnear-sightedness,astheyought.AsIapproachedthehousemyexcitementbegantoabate,forallwasquietthere,whichmademefeelprettysuretheblunderwasnotdiscoveredyet.Irang.Thesameservantappeared.Iaskedforthosegentlemen.

    "Theyaregone."Thisinthelofty,coldwayofthatfellow'stribe.

    "Gone?

Gonewhere?

"

    "Onajourney."

    "Butwhereabouts?

"

    "TotheContinent,Ithink."

    "TheContinent?

"

    "Yes,sir."

    "Whichway-bywhatroute?

"

    "Ican'tsay,sir."

    "Whenwilltheybeback?

"

    "Inamonth,theysaid."

    "Amonth!

Oh,thisisawful!

Givemesomesortofideaofhowtogetawordtothem.It'softhelastimportance."

    "Ican't,indeed.I'venoideawherethey'vegone,sir."

    "ThenImustseesomememberofthefamily."

    "Family'saway,too;beenabroadmonths-inEgyptandIndia,Ithink."

    "Man,there'sbeenanimmensemistakemade.They'llbebackbeforenight.WillyoutellthemI'vebeenhere,andthatIwillkeepcomingtillit'sallmaderight,andtheyneedn'tbeafraid?

"

    "I'lltellthem,iftheycomeback,butIamnotexpectingthem.Theysaidyouwouldbehereinanhourtomakeinquiries,butImusttellyouit'sallright,they'llbehereontimeandexpectyou."

    SoIhadtogiveitupandgoaway.Whatariddleitallwas!

Iwasliketolosemymind.Theywouldbehere"ontime."Whatcouldthatmean?

Oh,theletterwouldexplain,maybe.Ihadforgottentheletter;Igotitoutandreadit.Thisiswhatitsaid:

    "Youareanintelligentandhonestman,asonemayseebyyourface.Weconceiveyoutobepoorandastranger.Enclosedyouwillfindasumofmoney.Itislenttoyouforthirtydays,withoutinterest.Reportatthishouseattheendofthattime.Ihaveabetonyou.IfIwinityoushallhaveanysituationthatisinmygift-any,thatis,thatyoushallbeabletoproveyourselffamiliarwithandcompetenttofill."

    Nosignature,noaddress,nodate.

    Well,herewasacoiltobein!

Youarepostedonwhathadprecededallthis,butIwasnot.Itwasjustadeep,darkpuzzletome.Ihadn'tthe