I spent a week at home ordering every on.docx
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Ispentaweekathomeorderingeveryon
Ispentaweekathomeorderingeveryon-demanddeliveryIcraved.
GoogleExpressbegandeliveriesinNewYorkinMayandwilldebutintheDistrictinOctober.(PhilipMontgomery/CourtesyofGoogle)
Thecoffeearrivesbytextmessage.
Orrather,itarrivesbyafacelessghostnamedToni,who,forameagerfeeof$3,hasventuredtoStarbucksbefore8 a.m.,boughtmeanAmericanowithasplashofskimmilk,andleftitoutsidemybuildingwithoutrousingmefrommySaturday-morningslumber—likeSantaClaus,oraverygoodboyfriend.
BythetimeIgethertextandlumberdownstairsinmypajamas,Toni,whoworksfortheD.C.-baseddeliveryserviceFetchCoffee,hasvanished,leavingbehindonlyamysterious1970s-erathermoswithmymorningjoltinside.Thisreceptaclecreepsmeoutabit,butIampleasantlysurprisedtofindmydrinkstillhotinside,aspromised.Ileavethethermosbythedoor,asanoteinstructs,soFetchcan,uh,fetchiteventually.
Fetchismyfirstforayintothefledglingworldofon-demandservices,andasuccess.Itgivesmejustenoughofabuzztokeepgoing.Foraweek,Iordervariousitemsatwhim,thensitbackandwaitforthemtoarrive.
Acrossthecountry,swarmsofTonisareweavingthroughtraffic,racingtodoorstepsandhaulingawayourdirtyclothesordeliveringourroasted-cauliflowersandwichesandhandcrafted-in-the-Alpsvermouthatalmosttheexactmomentwedecidethatwewantthem.
On-demanddeliveryistherageofSiliconValley,whichmeansthatitwillsoonprobablybethedarlingofWashington,whereeveryoneworkstoomuch,nooneeverhasanytimeandjustabouttheonlyconsensuswe’veeverreachedisthatwaitinginlineisaself-inflictedtorture bestlefttotouristsandothersuckers.
Nowwecansummonbreakfasttacos,KoreanfriedchickenandevenShakeShacktoourdoorswithservicessuchasDoorDash,thePaloAlto,Calif.-basedcompanythatalsooperatesinPhoenix,Boston,HoustonanddozensofCaliforniacities.(Sohighareinvestorsondeliveryservicesthatthecompanypickedup$40 millioninfundingearlierthisyear.)
[Weorderedlunchfromsevendeliveryservicesandhere’swhofedusfastest]
Thenthere’s GoogleExpress,whichwilldispatchpregnancytestsfromWalgreensoranUrbanDecayNakedeye-shadowpalettefromcosmeticscandystoreUlta. Glamsquad or Veluxe willsendmakeupartistsandmanicuriststoyourdoor. Drizly and Ultra andotherliquorserviceswillbringoverbottom-shelfvodkaorpeatyJapanesewhiskyinanhourorless. Washio,theself-proclaimedUberoflaundry,sends“ninjas”toretrieveyourunmentionables.Andthereis,ofcourse,Uber,whichinadditiontotheoccasionalfor-kicks deliveryofkittens and icecream,isnowusingitsdriverstomakefooddrop-offsthroughaserviceithasdubbed UberEats.
EvenEtsy,thatoftenbizarrecraftmarketplace,issettotestsame-daydeliveriesinNewYorkof. . .well,wedon’tknowwhatyet,butprobably flowercrowns.Definitely flowercrowns.
This,we’retold,isthebeginningofafuturefreefromthehumdrumobligationsofpreviousgenerations,fromtheindignitiesofhavingtohuntforquartersforthedryer,eatinrestaurantsandgetdressedinthemorning.
ThetechnewssiteRe/Codehascalledit theInstantGratificationEconomy,anditwilltransformus.Imaginethetimeitwillgiveustopursueourhobbiesandourdreams,toimproveourrelationships.Imaginewhatwe’llcreate!
I’mmullingwhatI’lldowithallmynewfoundleisuretimeasIwait,andwait,forPostmatestodelivermyroastedacornsquashandBrusselssprouttacos.
I’mlivingtheliberateddream.
ExceptthatPostmates,theSanFrancisco-basedstart-upthatjustexpandedto40U.S.markets,haspostedthewrongmenufortherestaurantIselected,andtherearenosquashtacos.IgettwocallsandatextinformingmethatalthoughIcan’thavethesquash,I can havemushrooms.
ExceptthatIhavetohangrilyexplaintoPostmateseachtimetheycallthatI’mallergictomushrooms.Bytheendofthesecondconfusedexchange,I’mnotfeelingliberatedatall.I’mreachingfortheBenadryl.
AriannaWilson,left,aPostmatesdeliverywoman,picksupanorderfromFarEastTacoGrillein2013.TherestauranthassinceswitchedtoCaviar,anotherdeliveryservice.(JeffreyMacMillan)
Theinconveniencesoftheconvenienceindustryprovetobeathemethroughouttheweek:
Onenight,asIwaitformyWashiodrycleaningforanhourbeyondmyallotteddeliverytime,Ifindmyselfobsessivelycheckingmyphoneincasemyninjatexts.Hedoesn’t.(Inthisway,he’slikeabadboyfriend.)
MyorderforFrenchvermouthandginthroughDrizlygoesfarbetter:
IgetmypristinebottlesinaslickDrizlybag10 minutesintothedeliverywindow.Cooltrick,Ithink,asIlugthebottlesupstairs,buthowoftenwillIuseit?
WhatIneedissomeonetosparemethedrudgeryofbuyingtoiletpaper.
WhichiswhereInstacartwouldseemtocomein.Butthistime,Ididn’tevengettotheordering.ThecatlitterIcangetIRLfor$8.99atGiantissomehow$13.49atSafewaythroughtheservice,plusatleast$5.99indeliveryfeesifIwantitwithinthehour.(Drizlycharges$5;GoogleExpresscharges$4.99foreachstoreyouorderfrom.)I’mallforsomeoneelselugging20 poundsofpetparaphernaliaforme,but,IrealizeasIscantheprices,I’mnottoogoodtosavesomemoney.
OnGoogleExpress—deliveringmorefreetime!
—Ican’tfindtheunbleachedconecoffeefiltersIlike,andthehint-of-limetortillachipsthatdomakeitintomyonlinecartjustasquicklygoout.They’vesoldoutbeforeIcanplacemyorder,andbesides,GoogleExpressinformsme,itcan’tbringmyStarWarscharacter-shapedmacaroniandcheesetoday,anyway.Alloftoday’sdeliverytimes—whichwouldhavemechainedtomyapartmentfora four-hourwindow—areunavailable,too.
MickJaggerwasright:
Youcan’talwaysgetwhatyouwant.Worse,Ican’tevengetthethingsIneed.(UnlessI’mwillingtopay40 percentmore,plusadeliverycharge.)
Igiveupanddrivetothestore.
Deliveryisn’tnew,ofcourse.Fordecades,we’veopenedourdoorstofindnewspapers,flowers,pizza,Chinesefoodandsingingtelegrams.Peapod,foundedin1989,haddeliveredamilliongroceryordersby1998.Andtechnically,afewentrepreneurialzealotslaunchedon-demanddeliveryinthelate1990swithWebsitessuchasUrbanfetchandK,whichcouldbringyouPop-Tarts,DVDsandprophylacticsasfastasyoucouldgetapizzadelivered.
Butnowwecanenterourcreditcardnumbersdirectlyintoanapp(conveniently,they’llprobablybestoredforalleternity).We’renotafraidtotapourphonescreensonceortwiceandbedonewiththewholeexchange.Whenitcomestoflaggingacab,weincreasinglypreferit.
Thatculturalshift,saysTonyChen,co-founderofFetchCoffee,hasopenedthedoorforawaveofthesenewpurveyorsofconvenience.It‘sjustunclearhowthey’regoingtomakeanymoney.
“Themarginsarenothigh,”Chensaysofhiscoffeebusiness,whichcharges$3perdeliveryandhasonlyafewdozenregularsubscribers.Butthen,hesays,“mostdeliverycompaniesareworkingonverylowmargins.”
Lowmarginsweren’ttheproblemforservicessuchasK,whichflamedoutin2001afterlosingbucketsofinvestors’money:
Theyweresimplytooearlyforasocietythatwasstillwaryofshoppingonline,Cheninsists.
Er,yeah,butnow,eventhoughIcanhaveacoffeedroppedonmydoorstep—aslongasIonlywantStarbucks,andaslongasIwantitdeliveredbefore10 a.m.—Ican’thelpthinkingthatIcouldjustwalktothecornerandgetitmyself.
SowhydoIfeellikeIdon’thavethetimetodoit?
Becausewe’reworkingforasmanyhoursasourbodieswillletus.
“Theexpectationsforeverybodyatworkhavereallyratchetedupoverthepast30years,sothenyoureallyhavenotimeforthestuffoflife,”saysBrigidSchulte,aformerWashingtonPostreporterandauthorofthebest-sellingbook“Overwhelmed:
HowtoWork,Love,andPlayWhenNoOneHastheTime.”
It’sprobablynotacoincidencethaton-demanddeliveryisthebrainchildofSiliconValley,wherecompaniesofferlunches,napareas,shuttlestoworkandother“perks”designedtokeepemployeesonthejobinsteadofstuckintraffic,or,youknow,workingontheirsociallives.
What’slostinthenameofefficiency?
Ihavenofriendlychatswithaneighborhoodbaristaortheownerofmyfavoritesandwichplace.Ican’texplaintothedrycleanerhowsentimentalI’vebecomeaboutmyfair-tradebatik-printdressfromAfrica.Myvariousninjascantextme,butIcan’teverreachthem.
Deliveryoffersspeedandescapefromdutieslongconsidereddrudgework,butinteractingwithothers,Schultesays,hasbeenproventoboosthappiness.Thedeliveryeconomy“doesreallyraisethosequestionsabouthumanconnection,”shesays.“Coulditbethatthisfreesupmoretimesothatwecanbewiththepeoplewe do loveandcareabout?
Thatcouldpotentiallybeagoodthing.
“Or,”sheasks,“isitjustanothercoarseninganddistancingofourselvesfromotherpeople?
”
Aweekintomylittleexperiment,Iwakeuphungryforabanhmi.There’sonerestaurantintownthatdeliversasolidone,butit’sclosedonMondays.
I’vealreadybeguntoacceptthatdeliveryculturerequiresalotofsettling.IpretendI’mcapableofgoingwiththeflowanddecidethatIcanprobablygoforsomeMexicanfoodinstead.Buttherestaurantdownthestreetisn’topeneither,orsosaysmyDoorDashapp.
Onawhim,Icall.Asitturnsout,they’renotclosedatall.Iorderanavocadotortaforcarry-out,andjustbeforehangingup,Iaskwhenitwillbeready.
Thewomanontheotherendpauses.“Um,fivem