Michael Lewis Chapter 02 Never Mention Money.docx

Michael Lewis Chapter 02 Never Mention Money.docx

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MichaelLewisChapter02NeverMentionMoney

ChapterTwo.NeverMentionMoney.IwanttobeaninvestmentbankerIfyouhad10,000sheres[sic]Isellthemforyou.Imakealotofmoney.Iwilllikemyjobvery,verymuch1willhelppeopleIwillbeamillionaireIwillhaveabighouseItwillbefunfromaSeven-year-oldMinnesotaschoolboy,"WhatIWanttoBeWhenIGrowUp,"datedMarch1985IWASLIVINGinLondoninthewinterof1984,finishingamaster'sdegreeineconomicsattheLondonSchoolofEconomics,whenIreceivedaninvitationtodinewiththequeenmother.Itcamethroughadistantcousinofminewho,yearsbefore,andsomewhatimprobably,hadmarriedaGermanbaron.ThoughIwasnotthesortofpersonregularlyinvitedtodineatSt.James'sPalace,thebaroness,happily,was.Irentedablacktie,boardedthetube,andwent.Thiseventwasthefirstlinkinachainofimprobabilities,culminatinginajobofferfromSalomonBrothers.WhathadbeenadvertisedasacloseencounterwithBritishroyaltyprovedtobeafundraiserwithsevenoreighthundredinsurancesalesmen.WefannedoutacrosstheGreatHallindarkwoodenchairsonwineredcarpetsbeneathsootyportraitsoftheroyalfamily,asifauditioningtobeextrason"MasterpieceTheatre."SomewhereintheGreatHall,asluckwouldhaveit,weretwomanagingdirectorsfromSalomonBrothers.Iknewthisonlybecause,asluckwouldfurtherhaveit,Iwasseatedbetweentheirwives.ThewifeofthemoreseniorSalomonBrothersmanagingdirector,anAmerican,tookourtablefirmlyinhand,oncewe'dfinishedcraningourneckstosnatchaglimpseofBritishroyalty.WhenshelearnedthatIwaspreparingtoenterthejobmarketandwasconsideringinvestmentbanking,sheturnedtheeveningintoaninterview.Sheprodded,quizzed,needled,andunsettledmeforaboutanhouruntilfinallyshestopped,satisfied.Havingexaminedwhatgoodhadcomefrommytwenty-fouryearsonearth,sheaskedwhyIdidn'tcomeandworkontheSalomonBrotherstradingfloor.Itriedtokeepcalm.IwasafraidthatifIappearedtooeager,itmightdawnonthewomanshehadmadeaterriblemistake.IhadrecentlyreadJohnGutfreund'snowlegendarycommentthattosucceedontheSalomonBrotherstradingfloorapersonhadtowakeupeachmorning"readytobitetheassoffabear."That,Isaid,didn'tsoundlikemuchfun.Iexplainedtohermynotionofwhatlifeshouldbelikeinsideaninvestmentbank.（Thedescriptionincludedabigglassoffice,asecretary,alargeexpenseaccount,andlotsofmeetingswithcaptainsofindustry.ThisoccupationdoesexistwithinSalomonBrothers,butitisnotrespected.Itiscalledcorporatefinance.Itisdifferentfromsalesandtrading,thoughbotharegenerallyreferredtoasinvestmentbanking.Gutfreund'stradingfloor,wherestocksandbondsareboughtandsold,istherough-and-tumblecenterofmoneymakingandrisktaking.Tradershavenosecretaries,offices,ormeetingswithcaptainsofindustry.Corporatefinance,whichservicesthecorporationsandgovernmentsthatborrowmoney,andthatareknownas"clients,"is,bycomparison,arefinedandunworldlyplace.Becausetheydon'triskmoney,corporatefinanciersareconsideredwimpsbytraders.ByanystandardsotherthanthoseofWallStreet,however,corporatefinanceisstillajunglefullofchest-poundingmales）.TheladyfromSalomonfellsilentattheendofmylittlespeech.Then,inabreath,shesaidlimp-wristed,overlygroomedfellowsonsmallsalariesworkedincorporatefinance.Wherewasmychutzpah?

DidIwanttositinanofficeallday?

WhatwasI—somenumbnut?

Itwasprettyclearshewasn'tlookingforananswer.Shepreferredquestions.SoIaskedifshehadtheauthoritytooffermeajob.Withthisshedroppedthesubjectofmymanhoodandassuredmethatwhenshegothome,shewouldhaveherhusbandtakecareofit.Attheendofthemealtheeighty-four-year-oldqueenmothertotteredoutoftheroom.We—theeighthundredinsurancesalesmen,thetwomanagingdirectorsfromSalomonBrothers,theirwives,andI—stoodinrespectfulsilenceasshecrepttowardwhatIatfirsttooktobethebackdoor.ThenIrealizedthatitmustbethefrontofthepalaceandthatwefundraisertypeshadbeenletinlikedeliveryboys,throughtheback.Anyway,thequeenmotherwasheadedourway.BehindherwalkedJeeves,straightasabroom,cladinwhitetieandtailsandcarryingasilvertray.FollowingJeeves,inprocession,wasateamofsmall,tubulardogs,calledcorgis,thatlookedlikelargerats.TheEnglishthinkcorgisarecute.TheBritishroyals,Iwaslatertold,nevergoanywherewithoutthem.AcompletehushenvelopedtheGreatHallofSt.James'sPalace.Asthequeenmotherdrewnear,theinsurancesalesmenbowedtheirheadslikechurchgoers.Thecorgishadbeentrainedtocurtsyeveryfifteensecondsbycrossingtheirbacklegsanddroppingtheirratlikebelliesontothefloor.Theprocessionatlastarrivedatitsdestination.Westoodimmediatelyatthequeenmother'sside.TheSalomonBrotherswifeglowed.I'msureIglowed,too.Butsheglowedmore.Herdesiretobenoticedwastangible.ThereareanumberofwaystograbtheattentionofroyaltyinthepresenceofeighthundredsilentagentsofthePrudential,butprobablythesurestistoshout.That'swhatshedid.Specifically,sheshouted,"Hey,Queen,NiceDogsYouHaveThere!

"Severaldozeninsurancesalesmenwentpale.Actuallytheywerealreadypale,soperhapsIexaggerate.Buttheyclearedtheirthroatsagreatdealandstaredattheirtasselloafers.Theonlypersonwithinearshotwhodidn'tappeardistinctlyuncomfortablewasthequeenmotherherself.Shepassedoutoftheroomwithoutmissingastep.AtthatoddmomentinSt.James'sPalace,representativesoftwoproudinstitutionshadflowntheirfinestcolorssidebyside:

Theunflappablequeenmothergracefullydealtwithanembarrassingsituationbyignoringit;theSalomonBrothersmanagingdirector'swife,drawingonhiddenreservesofnerveandinstinct,restoredthebalanceofpowerintheroombyhollering.Ihadalwayshadasoftspotfortheroyals,andespeciallythequeenmother.ButfromthatmomentIfoundSalomonBrothers,thebleacherbumsofSt.James's,equallyirresistible.Imeanit.Tosome,theywerecrude,rude,andsociallyunacceptable.ButIwouldn'thavehadthemanyotherway.Thesewere,asmuchasanyinvestmentbankerscouldbe,mypeople.AndtherewasnodoubtinmymindthatthisunusuallyforcefulproductoftheSalomonBrothersculturecouldpersuadeherhusbandtogivemeajob.IwassooninvitedbyherhusbandtotheLondonofficesofSalomonandintroducedtotradersandsalesmenonthetradingfloor.Ilikedthem.Ilikedthecommercialbuzzoftheirenvironment.ButIstilldidnothaveaformaljoboffer,andIwasn'tsubjectedtoaproperroundofjobinterviews.Itwasprettyclear,consideringtheabsenceofharshcrossexamination,thatthemanagingdirector'swifehadbeentruetoherwordandthatSalomonintendedtohireme.Butnooneactuallyaskedmetoreturn.AfewdayslaterIreceivedanothercall.WouldIcaretoeatbreakfastat6:

30A.M.atLondon'sBerkeleyHotelwithLeoCorbett,theheadofSalomonrecruitingfromNewYork?

IsaidnaturallythatIwould.AndIwentthroughthepainfulandunnaturalprocessofrisingat5:

30A.M.andputtingonabluesuittohaveabusinessbreakfast.ButCorbettdidn'toffermeajobeither,justaplateofwetscrambledeggs.Wehadapleasanttalk,whichwasdisconcerting,becauseSalomonBrothers'recruitersweremeanttobebastards.ItseemedclearCorbettwantedmetoworkatSalomon,buthenevercamerightoutandproposed.Iwenthome,tookoffthesuit,andwentbacktobed.Finally,puzzled,ItoldafellowstudentattheLondonSchoolofEconomicswhathadhappened.AshebadlywantedajobwithSalomonBrothers,heknewexactlywhatIhadtodo.SalomonBrothers,hesaid,nevermadejoboffers.Itwastoosmarttogivepeoplethechancetoturnitdown.SalomonBrothersonlygavehints.IfIhadbeengivenahintthatitwantedtohireme,thebestthingformetodowascallLeoCorbettinNewYorkandtakethejobfromhim.SoIdid.Icalledhim,reintroducedmyself,andsaid,"IwanttoletyouknowthatIaccept.""Gladtohaveyouonboard,"hesaid,andlaughed.Right.Whatnext?

HeexplainedthatIwouldstartlifeat"theBrothers"inatrainingprogramthatcommencedtheendofJuly.HesaidthatIwouldbejoinedbyatleast120otherstudents,mostofwhomwouldhavebeenrecruitedfromcollegesandbusinessschools.Thenhehungup.Hehadn'ttoldmewhatIwouldbepaid,norhadIasked,becauseIknew,forreasonsthatshallsoonemerge,thatinvestmentbankersdidn'tliketotalkaboutmoney.Dayspassed.Iknewnothingabouttradingand,asaresult,nexttonothingaboutSalomonBrothers,forSalomonBrothersis,morethananyotheronWallStreet,afirmrunbytraders.IknewonlywhatIhadreadinthepapers,andtheysaidthatSalomonBrotherswastheworld'smostprofitableinvestmentbank.Trueasthatmightbe,theprocessoflandingajobwiththefirmhadbeensuspiciouslypleasant.Aftersomeinitialgiddinessaboutthepromiseofpermanentemployment,Ibecameskepticalofthedesirabilityoflifeonatradingfloor.Itcrossedmymindtoholdoutforajobincorporatefinance.Haditnotbeenforthecircumstances,ImightwellhavewrittentoLeo（wewereonafirst-namebasis）tosayIdidn'twanttobelongtoanyclubthatwouldhavemesoquicklyforamember.ThecircumstanceswerethatIhadnootherjob.Idecidedtolivewiththestigmaofhavinggottenmyfirstrealjobthroughconnections.Itwasbetterthanthestigmaofunemployment.Anyotherpathontoth