Desperate Housewives 3X02 It Takes Two.docx

Desperate Housewives 3X02 It Takes Two.docx

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DesperateHousewives3X02ItTakesTwo

DesperateHousewives

3X02:

ItTakesTwo

OriginalAirdateonABC:

October1,2006

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MaryAliceVoiceover:

PreviouslyonDesperate.housewives...

Tom:

Itmeansalottohertofeelincluded.

MaryAliceVoiceover:

Sometimesdarkcloudshavesilverlinings...

Susan:

Hesortofaskedmeout.

Susan:

It'sokaywithyouifIgooutwithhim?

MaryAliceVoiceover:

Sometimestheydon't.

Gabrielle:

Oncethatbabycomes,I'mgonnabestuckraisingachildalone.

MaryAliceVoiceover:

WhenitcomestolifeonWisteriaLane...

Orson:

Willyoumarryme?

MaryAliceVoiceover:

Thingsthatseemtoogoodtobetrue...

Carolyn:

Doessheknowyoukilledyourwife?

MaryAliceVoiceover:

Usuallyturnout...

Carolyn:

Getawayfromhimnowwhileyoucan.

MaryAliceVoiceover:

...tobedeadly.

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[Bree'sLivingRoom]

（Breeissmilingasshelooksatherthreefriends.）

MaryAliceVoiceover:

Bridesaresensitivecreatures.Andnooneknowsthisbetterthanthebridesmaidswhohavetodealwiththem.

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[Flashback-Susan'sDiningRoom]

（SusanisunderthediningroomtableworkingonthetrainofBree'sweddingdress.）

Susan:

Well,Ithinkaten-foottrainisgreat,butashorteronewouldbejustasniceandyouwouldn'thavetoworryaboutpeopletrippingonit.

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[Flashback-Lynette'sKitchen]

（LynetteissittingathertabletalkingtoBree.Lynetteisholdingacupofcoffeeandalistofdutiesinherhands.）

Lynette:

Personally,Ilovesmokedrabbit,butforasurecrowd-pleaseryoucan'tbeatchicken.

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[Flashback-Gabrielle'sKitchen]

（GabrielleistalkingtoBree.Gabriellehasawalkmanandearphonesinherhands.）

Gabrielle:

Uh,sure,whodoesn'tloveastringquartet.Butifyougotaband,maybepeoplecoulddanceasopposedtosway.

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[PresentDay-Bree'sLivingRoom]

（Breeissmilingatthegirls.）

MaryAliceVoiceover:

Buttheoneareawherebridesmaids'tactismostrequiredinvolvesthedress...

Bree:

Sowhatdoyouthink?

MaryAliceVoiceover:

...she'srequiredtowear.

（Susan,LynetteandGabriellearestandinginfrontofBreewearingmatchinglimegreenbridesmaiddresses.）

Susan:

Well,ah,I'mnotsurethatI'veeverseenthisshadeofgreenbefore.

Bree:

Yeah,don'tyouthinkitwillbegorgeouswithmycoloring?

Gabrielle:

Yes,itwouldlookperfect.

Lynette（underherbreath）:

Forsomeonewithyourcoloring.

（GabrielleelbowsLynette.）

Bree:

ImeanIwasluckytofindthese.It'snoteasyputtingaweddingtogetherintwoweeks.

Susan:

Thenwhytherush?

Gabrielle:

Yeah,Bree,Ialwaysthoughtofyouasapersonwhowantstimetoplan.

Bree:

Well,OrsonandItalkedaboutitandwejustfeelatourage,it'ssillytowait.Andwithyourhelp,I'msurewecangetitalldone.

Lynette:

Well,wearehappytopitchin.

Bree:

Oh,thatremindsme.（pointingtoLynette）Ihavetogetacopyoftheseatingchartforyou.Gaby,youareinchargeofthecenterpieces.（pointingtoSusan）Anddon'tworrySusan,Iwillthinkofajobforyou.

（Breegoesupstairs.）

Susan:

Here'sajob.Howabouttalkingyououtofmarryingahomicidaldentist?

Gabrielle:

Susan!

Wedon'tknowthat!

Allwehaveissomecrazywoman'saccusation.

Susan:

Hiswifevanishedandhedidn'teventellBree.Howmuchmoreproofdoyouneed?

Lynette:

Hesaysheinnocent.Shebelieveshim.Ifwesaywedon't,she'lljustenduphatingus.

Susan:

Well,I'msorryIcannotsithereonmykeylimeassandwatchBreemaketheworstmistakeofherlife!

（Breeclearsherthroat.Theladiesturnandseehercomingdownthestairsholdingtheseatingchart.）

Bree:

Andwhatmistakewouldthatbe?

Susan:

Well.Um.Honestly...

MaryAliceVoiceover:

Yes,abridesmaidcanquestionmanyofthebride'schoices...

Susan:

Thesedressesarehideous.

MaryAliceVoiceover:

...butthegroomisn'toneofthem.

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OpeningCredits

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[Gabrielle'sHouse]

（TwomencarefullycarryaweddingcakewithBrideandGroomfigurinesontopofitintoGabrielle'shouse.）

MaryAliceVoiceover:

Theperfectcouple.We'veallmetthem,haven'twe?

Thatmanandwomansoclearlymadeforeachother,wefeelcertaintheyareontheroadtohappiness.Butthatroadhasmanydetours.

（FocusinonapictureofCarlosandGabrielleattheirwedding.）

MaryAliceVoiceover:

Andevenperfectcouplescanfindthemselvesatadeadend.

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（AlvinPortsmithDivorceMediationOffice）

Carlos:

Youwantwhat?

Gabrielle:

Youheardme.AndIwantthebedroomstereo,wantthemarbleconsoleandthatpaintingofSaintAugustine.

Carlos:

Youdon'tevenknowwhoheis!

Gabrielle:

Iknowhematchesthedrapes!

Mr.Portsmith:

People,canwefocushere.

Gabrielle:

AndIwantmypearlnecklaceback.Don'tthinkIdidn'tnoticethatyouswipedit.

Carlos:

Thatwasmymama's,andhersbeforeher.Ithinkitbelongsinmyfamily.

Gabrielle:

TherewasatimeyouthoughtIbelongedinyourfamily.Andyougotoverthat!

（CarlosgrabsforsomefrenchfriesonaplateinfrontofGabrielle.Sheslapshishand.）

Gabrielle:

Stopeatingmyfries!

Carlos:

I'mhungry.

Gabrielle:

Youknowwhatthedoctorsaid.（toMr.Portsmith）Youshouldseehischolesterol.Thismanbleedsbacongrease.

Mr.Portsmith:

Enough!

Youtwoaregonnahavetofindawaytodealwitheachotherbecauseyouareabouttobringachildintothisworld.Anddivorcedornot,oncethatchildarrives,youwillbeboundtogetherforaslongasyoulive.

Gabrielle:

Well,inthatcase,havesomemorefries.

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[Lynette'sPorch]

（NoraandLynettecomeoutthedoor.）

Nora:

I'llpickKaylauponSunday.

Lynette:

Whenever,justgo.YouandTurkhaveagreattime.

Nora:

Ohtrustme,wewill.

（Anoldbeat-upvanisparkedinfrontofLynette'shouse.StandingbythedoorisamaninatankT-shirtwithtattoosandlonghair,noddingtoNora.）

Nora:

Themanisajackhammer.

Lynette:

Ah.

（Tomwalksupcarryinggroceries.）

Nora:

Bye,Tom.

Tom:

Hi.

Nora:

SeeyouSunday.

（NorarunstoTurk.）

Tom:

Whereisshegoing?

Lynette:

SheandTurkaregoingdowntotheriverfortheweekend.

Tom:

That'sTurk?

That'sthenewboyfriend?

Uh-uh,no!

Lynette:

Hey,hey,hey!

Please!

Tom:

Idon'twantmydaughterhangingaroundwithaguylikethat!

Lynette:

Youhaven'tevenmethim.Hecouldbethesweetestmanintheworld.

（TomandLynettelookovertoTurkandNora.NorajumpsintoTurksarmsandTurkgrabsNora'sbutt.）

Lynette:

Moreimportantly,eversinceheenteredthepicture,SqueakyFrommisneveraround.Ithasbeenbliss!

Ihaven'tmadethisface.（shegritsherteeth）inaweek.Ifyouruinthis,sohelpme,Iwillhurtyou!

Tom:

Justlookathim.Lookathim.Please,Iswearthatisachild'sskullhangingfromhismirror!

Doesn'tthatconcernyou?

Lynette:

No,I'mgood.Couldbeamonkey.

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[Restaurant]

（Susan,withIan,islookingatamenu.）

Susan:

IthinkIwillhavetheMescalineSalad.

Ian:

That'sit?

That'sallyou'rehaving?

Susan（whispering）:

Well,allofthefoodisveryexpensive.

Ian（whispering）:

Youdon'tneedtowhisper.Thewaiterknowsthey'rerobbingusblind.Youcanhavewhateveryouwant.

Susan:

InthatcaseI'llhavethelobsterbisqueandthevealwiththeblacktruffles.Isthatokay?

Ian:

Yeah,that'sfine.I'lljusthaveJanemovedtotheVAHospital.

Susan:

Ohmygod!

Ian:

I'mkidding.It'sfine.I'llhavewhatshe'shaving.

Waiter:

Ofcourse.Thankyou.

Ian:

God,Iloveseeingyoulaugh.

Susan:

Oh,well,it'sbeenalongtimesinceI'vebeeninamoodto,thankyou.

（SusanreachesoverandsqueezesIan'shand.）

Ian:

Oh,dearGod.

Susan:

DidIsqueezetoohard?

Ian:

No,it'smywife'sparents.

Susan:

Oh,oh,wow.Oh,isthisgoingtobeawkward?

Ian:

No,no,no.No,notunless,ofcourse,theyseeus.

Jeff:

Ian!

Ian:

Awkward.Jeff,Renee,what,whatadelightfulsurprise.

Renee:

It'ssogoodtoseeyou,dear.

（TheybothlookatSusanandthere'salongpause.）

Renee:

Hello,I'mRenee,andthisismyhusband,Jeff.

Susan:

SusanMayer.

Ian:

Doctor!

DoctorSusanMayer.She'snewtoJane'sneurologyteam.

Renee:

Oh,IjustassumedyouworkedinIan'spublishinghouse.

Susan:

Well,yes,andhownicethatwouldhavebeen,huh?

Um,but,no,no,I'mabrainspecialist.

Jeff:

Oh,Dr.Mayer,maybeIcanaskyou.Ourdaughter'smostrecentEEGshowedbrainspikes?

Butitdidn'tchangethescoreonherGlascowscan.Whyisthat?

Susan:

Whatanexcellentquestion.

（Later,Susanhasdrawnasideofaheadandbrainonanapkin.）

Susan:

Andthisisthe,uh,spinalcord.Andit,ofcourse,attachestothebrain.

Jeff:

Youdon'thavetodumbitdownforus,doctor.We'vebeendealingwithJane'sconditionforyears.

Susan:

Oh,good.Um,I'm,um,well,thenlet'sgettechnical.

Ian:

Let'sgiveDr.Mayerthenightoff.Shewasinsurgeryfortenhourstodayperformingacraniotomy.

Renee:

That'sexactlytheprocedureJanehad.How'ditgo?

Susan:

Uh,well,I,itjust,wow.Ihearmyphonevibrating.（intohe