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ItwasseveralmonthsagothatIgavemyveryfirstmajorpublictalkattheForbes30Under30summit:
1,500brilliantpeople,allundertheageof30.Thatmeantthatin1998,theoldestamongthegroupwereonly14,andtheyoungest,justfour.Ijokedwiththemthatsomemightonlyhaveheardofmefromrapsongs.Yes,I'
minrapsongs.Almost40rapsongs.
Butthenightofmyspeech,asurprisingthinghappened.Attheageof41,Iwashitonbya27-year-oldguy.Iknow,right?
HewascharmingandIwasflattered,andIdeclined.Youknowwhathisunsuccessfulpickuplinewas?
Hecouldmakemefeel22again.Irealizedlaterthatnight,I'
mprobablytheonlypersonover40whodoesnotwanttobe22again.
Attheageof22,Ifellinlovewithmyboss,andattheageof24,Ilearnedthedevastatingconsequences.
CanIseeashowofhandsofanyoneherewhodidn'
tmakeamistakeordosomethingtheyregrettedat22?
Yep.That'
swhatIthought.Solikeme,at22,afewofyoumayhavealsotakenwrongturnsandfalleninlovewiththewrongperson,maybeevenyourboss.Unlikeme,though,yourbossprobablywasn'
tthepresidentoftheUnitedStatesofAmerica.Ofcourse,lifeisfullofsurprises.
NotadaygoesbythatI'
mnotremindedofmymistake,andIregretthatmistakedeeply.
In1998,afterhavingbeensweptupintoanimprobableromance,Iwasthensweptupintotheeyeofapolitical,legalandmediamaelstromlikewehadneverseenbefore.Remember,justafewyearsearlier,newswasconsumedfromjustthreeplaces:
readinganewspaperormagazine,listeningtotheradio,orwatchingtelevision.Thatwasit.Butthatwasn'
tmyfate.Instead,thisscandalwasbroughttoyoubythedigitalrevolution.Thatmeantwecouldaccessalltheinformationwewanted,whenwewantedit,anytime,anywhere,andwhenthestorybrokeinJanuary1998,itbrokeonline.ItwasthefirsttimethetraditionalnewswasusurpedbytheInternetforamajornewsstory,aclickthatreverberatedaroundtheworld.
WhatthatmeantformepersonallywasthatovernightIwentfrombeingaxxpletelyprivatefiguretoapubliclyhumiliatedoneworldwide.Iwaspatientzerooflosingapersonalreputationonaglobalscalealmostinstantaneously.
Thisrushtojudgment,enabledbytechnology,ledtomobsofvirtualstone-throwers.Granted,itwasbeforesocialmedia,butpeoplecouldstillxxmentonline,emailstories,and,ofcourse,emailcrueljokes.Newssourcesplasteredphotosofmeallovertosellnewspapers,banneradsonline,andtokeeppeopletunedtotheTV.Doyourecallaparticularimageofme,say,wearingaberet?
Now,IadmitImademistakes,especiallywearingthatberet.ButtheattentionandjudgmentthatIreceived,notthestory,butthatIpersonallyreceived,wasunprecedented.Iwasbrandedasatramp,tart,slut,whore,bimbo,and,ofcourse,thatwoman.Iwasseenbymanybutactuallyknownbyfew.AndIgetit:
itwaseasytoforgetthatthatwomanwasdimensional,hadasoul,andwasonceunbroken.
Whenthishappenedtome17yearsago,therewasnonameforit.Nowwecallitcyberbullying(网络欺凌)andonlineharassment(网络骚扰).Today,Iwanttosharesomeofmyexperiencewithyou,talkabouthowthatexperiencehashelpedshapemyculturalobservations,andhowIhopemypastexperiencecanleadtoachangethatresultsinlesssufferingforothers.
In1998,Ilostmyreputationandmydignity.Ilostalmosteverything,andIalmostlostmylife.
Letmepaintapictureforyou.ItisSeptemberof1998.I'
msittinginawindowlessofficeroominsidetheOfficeoftheIndependentCounselunderneathhummingfluorescentlights.I'
mlisteningtothesoundofmyvoice,myvoiceonsurreptitiouslytapedphonecallsthatasupposedfriendhadmadetheyearbefore.I'
mherebecauseI'
vebeenlegallyrequiredtopersonallyauthenticateall20hoursoftapedconversation.Forthepasteightmonths,themysteriouscontentofthesetapeshashungliketheSwordofDamoclesovermyhead.Imean,whocanrememberwhattheysaidayearago?
Scaredandmortified,Ilisten,listenasIprattleonabouttheflotsamandjetsamoftheday;
listenasIconfessmyloveforthepresident,and,ofcourse,myheartbreak;
listentomysometimescatty,sometimeschurlish,sometimessillyselfbeingcruel,unforgiving,uncouth;
listen,deeply,deeplyashamed,totheworstversionofmyself,aselfIdon'
tevenrecognize.
Afewdayslater,theStarrReportisreleasedtoCongress,andallofthosetapesandtrans,thosestolenwords,formapartofit.Thatpeoplecanreadthetransishorrificenough,butafewweekslater,theaudiotapesareairedonTV,andsignificantportionsmadeavailableonline.Thepublichumiliationwasexcruciating.Lifewasalmostunbearable.
Thiswasnotsomethingthathappenedwithregularitybackthenin1998,andbythis,Imeanthestealingofpeople'
sprivatewords,actions,conversationsorphotos,andthenmakingthempublic--publicwithoutconsent,publicwithoutcontext,andpublicwithoutxxpassion.
Fastforward12yearsto20XX,andnowsocialmediahasbeenborn.Thelandscapehassadlybexxemuchmorepopulatedwithinstanceslikemine,whetherornotsomeoneactuallymakeamistake,andnowit'
sforbothpublicandprivatepeople.Theconsequencesforsomehavebexxedire,verydire.
IwasonthephonewithmymominSeptemberof20XX,andweweretalkingaboutthenewsofayoungcollegefreshmanfromRutgersUniversitynamedTylerClementi.Sweet,sensitive,creativeTylerwassecretlywebcammedbyhisroommatewhilebeingintimatewithanotherman.Whentheonlineworldlearnedofthisincident,theridiculeandcyberbullyingignited.Afewdayslater,TylerjumpedfromtheGeorgeWashingtonBridgetohisdeath.Hewas18.
MymomwasbesideherselfaboutwhathappenedtoTylerandhisfamily,andshewasguttedwithpaininawaythatIjustcouldn'
tquiteunderstand,andtheneventuallyIrealizedshewasreliving1998,relivingatimewhenshesatbymybedeverynight,relivingatimewhenshemademeshowerwiththebathroomdooropen,andrelivingatimewhenbothofmyparentsfearedthatIwouldbehumiliatedtodeath,literally.
Today,toomanyparentshaven'
thadthechancetostepinandrescuetheirlovedones.Toomanyhavelearnedoftheirchild'
ssufferingandhumiliationafteritwastoolate.Tyler'
stragic,senselessdeathwasaturningpointforme.Itservedtorecontextualizemyexperiences,andIthenbegantolookattheworldofhumiliationandbullyingaroundmeandseesomethingdifferent.In1998,wehadnowayofknowingwherethisbravenewtechnologycalledtheInternetwouldtakeus.Sincethen,ithasconnectedpeopleinunimaginableways,joininglostsiblings,savinglives,launchingrevolutions,butthedarkness,cyberbullying,andslut-shamingthatIexperiencedhadmushroomed.Everydayonline,people,especiallyyoungpeoplewhoarenotdevelopmentallyequippedtohandlethis,aresoabusedandhumiliatedthattheycan'
timaginelivingtothenextday,andsome,tragically,don'
t,andthere'
snothingvirtualaboutthat.ChildLine,a nonprofitthat'
sfocusedonhelpingyoungpeopleonvariousissues,releasedastaggeringstatisticlatelastyear:
From20XXto20XX,therewasan87percentincreaseincallsandemailsrelatedtocyberbullying.Ameta-analysisdoneoutoftheNetherlandsshowedthatforthefirsttime,cyberbullyingwasleadingtosuicidalideationsmoresignificantlythanofflinebullying.Andyouknowwhatshockedme,althoughitshouldn'
thave,wasotherresearchlastyearthatdeterminedhumiliationwasamoreintenselyfeltemotionthaneitherhappinessorevenanger.
Crueltytoothersisnothingnew,butonline,technologicallyenhancedshamingisamplified,uncontained,andpermanentlyaccessible.Theechoofembarrassmentusedtoextendonlyasfarasyourfamily,village,schoolorxxmunity,butnowit'
stheonlinexxmunitytoo.Millionsofpeople,oftenanonymously,canstabyouwiththeirwords,andthat'
salotofpain,andtherearenoperimetersaroundhowmanypeoplecanpubliclyobserveyouandputyouinapublicstockade.Thereisaverypersonalpricetopublichumiliation,andthegrowthoftheInternethasjackedupthatprice.
Fornearlytwodecadesnow,wehaveslowlybeensowingtheseedsofshameandpublichumiliationinourculturalsoil,bothon-andoffline.Gossipwebsites,paparazzi,realityprogramming,politics,newsoutletsandsometimeshackersalltrafficinshame.It'
sledtodesensitizationandapermissiveenvironmentonlinewhichlendsitselftotrolling,invasionofprivacy,andcyberbullying.ThisshifthascreatedwhatProfessorNicolausMillscallsacultureofhumiliation.Considerafewprominentexamplesjustfromthepastsixmonthsalone.Snapchat,theservicewhichisusedmainlybyyoungergenerationsandclaimsthatitsmessagesonlyhavethelifespanofafewseconds.Youcanimaginetherangeofcontentthatthatgets.Athird-partyappwhichSnapchattersusetopreservethelifespanofthemessageswashacked,and100,000personalconversations,photos,andvideoswereleakedonlinetonowhavealifespanofforever.JenniferLawrenceandseveralotheractorshadtheiriCloudaccountshacked,andprivate,intimate,nudephotoswereplasteredacrosstheInternetwithouttheir gossipwebsitehadoverfivemillionhitsforthisonestory.AndwhatabouttheSonyPicturescyberhacking?
Thedocumentswhichreceivedthemostattentionwereprivateemailsthathadmaximumpublicembarrassmentvalue.
Butinthiscultureofhumiliation,thereisa