全国创新英语大赛优秀范文及点评文档格式.docx

全国创新英语大赛优秀范文及点评文档格式.docx

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　　陈茜

　　江苏省哈尔滨市第三中学高三18班

　　Deargrandfather:

　　Howareyou?

　　Iamwritingtoinviteyoutojoinus,inthenextyear,tobeavoluntearinthegreatevent,whichistoholdinShanghai.We,agenerationborninthe90sinourcity,havemadeateamtodothevolunteerwork.AndyouarewelcomedbyallourteammembersawingtoyourgreatamountofknowledgeaboutChinesetraditionsandculture.Pleasedon'

ttellmeyouaretoooldtodothisjob.Ibelieveyouaresuretoacceptmyinvitationafterreadingmyfollowingexplannationoftheimportanceofthevolunteerwork.

　　Nowadays,volunteerwork,whichhasraisedpublicinterestandconcern,isbecommingmoreandmorepopularthroughouttheworld.Asisknowntoall,volunteerworkisnotonlymeaningfulbutalsonecessary.Onemypersonalwete,what'

smore,it'

sinterestingandpleasant!

Ithelpusdevelopoursel.

　　Firstly,forindividuals,especiallythoseyoung,todovolunteerworkisanawailuabewanytogoinsocialexperience.Bydoingvolunteerwork,theycanmeetvorriouspeopleandtheymayrunacrossallkindsoftroubles.Theyhowever,canbecomematureanddeterminedbysolvingtheseproblems.Youknow,nopains,nogains.Also,individualswillrealizethattheydomakeadifferenceinsomeoneelse'

slife,eventhewholeevent,theworld!

Theirconfidencecanberovisedandconfidenceiswhatittakestodoanyjobwell.

　　Forfamilies,ifyou'

rethesidethatreceivedthehelpofthevolunteers,ofcouseyourissuewillbemoreeasilydealtwith.Ifyou'

rethesidewhogiveothersyourhand,youwillrealizethereexistsnobetterwaytoeducateyourchildrenthat“avirtwredeseruesamother”becauseyou'

llgetthebestpresent-smiledeeplyfromone'

sheart,inthewholeworld.

　　Itisagreatchanceforallmembersgettingclosertoeachotherincommunitiesbytakingpartinvolunteerwork.Theirteamspirits,theirco-operationwillbegreatimproued.So,whynot?

　　Themostimportantly,forthewholeworld,fortheentirehumanrace,volunteerworkwillmakeearthabetterplacetolivein,itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowtherearesomanypeoplearewillingtohelpothersalthoughtheycan'

tgetmoneyfromit.Itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowweareallbrothersandsisters,thatweareallfamilies.

　　Mydeargrandfather,canreon!

JoinusandhelpintroduceowrgreatChineseculturetotheworld.21centuringisonopencewtury.Youcantrustyourselfandpleasetrustus,too!

We'

llhelpyouandweneedyouhelp!

Let'

smaketheworldabetterplacebybeingavolunteer!

It'

sasmallstepforusbutitisaleurgeoneforthewholeworld!

　　Loveyou.

　　Yourgranddaught.

　　专家建议：

　　句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位，建议多练练关联词的用法。

词汇不够丰富，句型变化不多，建议多看些范文，多练一些经典句型。

　　专家点评：

　　文章立意很好，整体结构清晰，语言大体流畅，还能够引经据典，显示出有一定的英语文化底蕴。

　Tobeavolunteer，Bringarayofsunshine

　　陈天悦

　　山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班

　　DearTom:

　　Itisagreatpleasureformetohavethewondefulchancetoputpentopaperandsendmygreetingstoyou.Yousaidthatyouwantedtobeavolunteeranddidn'

tknowwhetheryoushouldornot.Iwanttohelpyouanalyseit.

　　Inmyopinion.Ithinkitisnotnolyagoodchancetohelpothersbutalsoagoodopportunitytomakeselp-improvement.You'

dbetterparticipateinthevolunteerwork.Ifwecompaneyouthtoflouers,asisoftenthecase,thentheyoungvolunteersarethemostbeautifulflowers.Byjoininginthevounteerwork,youwillleamhowtohelpothersandhowtoloveothers.What'

smoreyoucanalsofinditoutthattherearemanypeoplesufferingfromdisasterandthenyouwillvalueyourcomfortablelife.Althoughyoumayfeelverytiredasavolunteeranditmaycostyoumuchtimetohelpothers,Istillinsistthatyoushouldbeavolunteerbecausetheadvantagesbrightaboutbyvolunteerworkoverweighthedisadvantages.

　　Itallthepeoplerefusedtobevolunteers,thepeoplesufferedfromthemay12earthquakecouldloseheartandmostofthemwouldn'

thavethechancetosurvivefromthatdisaster.Ifnoneofthepeoplewantedtobeavolunteer,theBeijingolympicGameswouldbeafailure.Ifeverypeopledidn'

tfeellikebeingavolunteer,therewouldbenopeoplecleaningtheenvironmentandprotectingthebeautifulsceneryautomatically.Itwasterrible!

Fromallmentionedabove,volunteersplayaveryimportantpartinourdailylife.TobeavolunteerwillgaingloryforChina.Asisbrowtoall,Chinesechildrenarealwayslaughedatforlackofpractice.Sotobeavolunteerisagoodchancetocanpensateforit.

　　Frommypointofview,it'

shightimethatyoubecameavolunteerandlearnedtohelpothers.Ifeveryonemakesacontributiontohelpingothers,theworldwillbemuchmorebeautiful!

　　Atlast,wishyouallthebest!

　　Yourssincerely.

　　Lily.

　　一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准，但结构显然不够简洁清晰，所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章，有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。

　　文章二三段的结构很混乱，建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性，并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写，而不是都堆在一段内，让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证，很混乱。

另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富，比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用：

helpothers就显得过于单一了~

　Theimportanceofvolunteerwork

　　崔静远

　　辽宁省鞍山市鞍山市第一中学高三18班

　　Inmyopinion,volunteerworkisquiteanimportantpartofthemodernsociety.Thereasonsareasfollows.

　　Inthemoderntime,thankstothedeselopmentofeconomyandtechnolodge,materialenjoyment13earnedbothinhigherqualityandlargerquantiy.Atapriceofthis,individunlsaretakingtheriskoflosingtheirownvaluesandevensparingnoefferttomaketheirfartaneevenatthepriceoftheinterestofthesociety.Sothevolunteerworkhasbeenplayinganimportantpartasaspiritualcomfortnotonlytothereceiversbutalsotothevolunteers,promotingthewell-beingofthelove-givers,makingertravalueforothersandkeepingaperfectbalanceofthewholesociety.

　　Infamilies,volunteerworkwillhelptoemphasizetheimportanceofmorality,meetemotionalneedsandevenbecomeavivideducationallesson.Parents,whoarewidelyregardedasthefirstandmostimportantteachersoftheirchildren,areteachingtheirchildrenthroughtheactivitieswhichmusttruelytoachthedeepestpartoftheyoungsouls,insteadofserious,traditionalcrivicalwords.Also,duringtheprocess,inwhicheverymembershowstustruelove,othermembersareabletorecognizehimfromadifferencepointofview.Thiskindofawarnessispromisedtopromotethecommunicationofthefamilyinthefuture.Inthewholeworld,thevolunteerworkcanbeconsideredtobeanappropriatepartoftheglobalization,duringwhichtheworldisbecomingaGlobalvillage.Andthenaturalandeconomicchisastersaredrivingpeoplefromdifferentcultaralbackgroundstostandtogetheronthesameside,emphasizingtheinterestofthewholeworld,whichmustnotbedeffendedwithoutanycountry'

sparticipation.Anditisthevolunteerworkthatcanbegrantedtheroleofofferinghelpinitshourofmarimumneed.

　　Allinall,volunteerworkistruelyaninreplacablepartofthesocietyanditisourresponsibilitytogiveourhandstomaketheworldabetterplace.

　　建议该生平时利用好学校里使用的中学英语教科书，因为教科书的权威性不容置疑，选材也适合中学生，是精读甚至背诵的最好选择。

之所以推荐给作者教科书，是因为该考生在写作长句子时出现较多错误，说明该生的语法基础不够夯实，那么中学英语课本就恰好能弥补这个弱点。

　　文章结构清晰明了，简洁明了的开头和结尾紧扣主题，精干又有力，很方便读者对文章主旨的把握。

中间部分的逻辑性强，思路也很清晰。

唯一不足的是在一些长难句的表达上出现了一些错误，有些句子让人很难理解。

在以后的写作中可以多关注长句子的练习。

VolunteerLife

　　代昱丞

　　辽宁省本溪市高级中学高二15班

　　Asweknow,“volunteer”isakindof“work”thatyouoffertodoit,andalso,itisforfree.

　　Fromschoolstoshops,fromOlympicstoworldwars,volunteersareeverywhere.AndtoChinesepeople,lastyearisanimpresive（impressive）yearbecauseofvolunteers.InMay12earthquakeandthe2008BeijingOlympicGams,volunteersplayedareallyimportantrole.TheytouchedeveryChinese'

sheart,includingme.

　　Idon'

tusuallyhavechancestodovolunteer'

swork,butIhavesomecreativeideasaboutit.Inmyopinion,helpingothersisakindofvolunteeranditisimportanttoourlives.Wecan'

tbecomeavolunteerinpoorruralarea,butwecanhelpclassmatessowe（solve）amathproblem;

wecan'

tjointheOlympics,butwecantakepartinasportsmeetinginschoolanddevelopethespiritof“higher,faster,stronger”inotherways;

tgotoWenchuan,butwecansendour“gifts”there.Infact,wearevolunteeringeverydayandeverywhere,butweignoreitsometimes.

　　Volunteerisnotasimplematteraboutyourself,italsohasgreatinfluencetoyourlife,yourfamily,eventheworld.Iftherearenotvolunteersanymore,everyoneisselfishandvain,theworldwillbealonelyplace.Volunteercanbringpeoplewarmandkindfeelingsandhelpimproveyourpersonality.Whenyouarevolunteering,you'

llfindthebeautyoftheworldandlifeandyoureallyfeelandtouchsomehardexperience,itisabletoleadyoutotreatyourfamily,yourlife,yourfridends（friends）morepreviously.Mydadoncetoldmeastory:

at