老爸老妈浪漫史第九季20集人物Word下载.docx

老爸老妈浪漫史第九季20集人物Word下载.docx

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GaryBlaumanishere,andIhadnoideahewascoming.hisreplycardmust’vegottenlostinthemail.Imean,where’shegonnasit?

ittookusweekstoplantheseatingchart!

Robin.sh...Igotyou.you’retalkingtotheseatingchartmaster.atmyownwedding,Imanagedtositsmall-townMinnesotansrightnexttoliberalNewYorkerswithgraceandaplomb.Table27stillgetstogetheronceayearforareunion.perhapsyou’veseentheirphotosonFacebook.likeIsaid..Igotyou.R:

Thanks,Marshall.

Codered!

grandma’ssittingnexttotheband,divorcedcouplesittingonetableawayfromeachother,oncoherentsinglestable.thisistheRobin’shairofseatingcharts.

T:

Singlestablesarecruel.Imean,whatifyouwenttoaweedingandtherewasatableofallfatguys?

M:

Thatwouldbeawesome.

You’reright,itwould.

1

Let’scrackthisGaryBlaumanmutfirst,andthenwe’llworkonthefatguytable.

Wait,didyousayGaryBlauman?

Yeah.why?

I...hate...thatguy.

Why?

RememberafewyearsagowhenIreadthatbiographyofTeddyRoosevelt?

Ionlywantedtotalkaboutonething.TeddyRooseveltwasthecoolestguyever!

B:

Oh,that’sit!

Nomorebooks,Ted.Idon’tlikethepersonyoubecomewhenyoureadbooks.

Here’sthedeal:

yougettotellusonemoreinterestingfactaboutTeddyRoosevelt.onemore,andthenyou’redoneforever.somakeitagoodone.

Okay.hewentblindinoneeye..fromgettinghittoohardinaboxingmatch...whilehewaspresident!

B:

That’saprettygoodone.wow.

Thatiskindof...

Right?

oh,andwhenhewasatHarvard...

All:

No!

no!

shutup!

oh,mygod!

please!

（画外）Well,onenight,wewerethrowingapartytocelebrate...something--whenaprettygirlIhadnevermetnoticedthebookonthecoffeetable.

Thegirl:

Ican’tbelieveyouhavethisbook.Ijustfinishedreadingit.TeddyRooseveltwascoolestguyever.T:

Aunicorn.（画外）Icouldn’tbelieveit.itwasastrokeofluckonparwiththe50-pagemanuscriptinRoosevelt’sbreastpocketthathelpedslowthatwould-beassassin’sbullet.

Dude,comeon.

Sorry.Anyway...enterGaryBlauman.

G:

IsthattheTeddyRooseveltbiography?

coolestguyever.

Girl:

right?

T（画外）:

SothethreeofusstartedtalkingTeddyRoosevelt.（画内）whenhetookthatfour-minuteflightonthewrightbrother’splane?

Socool!

ThetimeheclimbedthetallestmountaininEuropeonhishoneymoon.

Socool.

（画外）Andthat’swhenIrealized,BlaumanandIwerelockedinabattleofwillsthatmadeT.R’schargesanJuanHilllooklikeawalkinthepark.orshouldIsay,inthenationalpark,sinceitwasRooseveltwhospearheadedtheestablishment...

Dude,comeon.Igaveyouone.

Thebattleragedon.

Inaway,hewas...

Thearchetypeofthemodernpolitician!

Dude,knockitoff.

Knockwhatoff,bro?

Thisismyapartment,myTeddyRooseveltconversation,Igetthegirl.

Oh,sothefactthatyou’retheincumbentmeanssheshouldjustpickyou?

tellthattoWilliamHowardTaft.

YoutelltoTaft!

I’mnotTaft!

I’mTeddy!

Thehellyouare.MynameisTed!

Yeah,right.gosignthePayne-AldrichTariffAct,Taft!

Skinny-dippinginthePotomacriver.笑声

（画外）Andsothestandoffcontinued,hourspassed...thendays.

Dayspassed?

Dayspassed.finally,aT.R.Strickenbytropicalfever-onhisamazontrek,wecouldgonofurther.

WhenhewasAssistantsecretaryofthenavy...

Willyoujustpickoneofusalready,soIcaneitherhavesexorgotosleep!

smooth,bro.

Afterthatday,Ihaveneverlikedthatguy.solet’sjusttellRobinthiscan’tbedone,andsendGaryBlaumanpacking.

L:

DidyoujustsayGaryBlauman?

Yeah.

I...lovethatguy!

he’sthedevil!

He’sanangle.itwas2006,MarshallandIhadbrokenup,andIwasbackinnewyorkfeelingvulnerableandlisteningtomybreakupsongoverandover.

Sugarray’sfly.

Youknowit.

Thenyouremembernothingaboutbreakup

Ireallydon’t.anyway,thenIhitbottom.

There’sabottominsugarray?

what?

whyhaveIneverseenthatbefore?

I’vebeenusingcover-upandstrategicallyplacedstrapsforalongtimetokeepthispuppyquiet.

Afterallthistimesyouguysmadefunofmeformybreakupbutterflytattoo?

sowhyisitonlyhalfabutterfly?

BecauseGaryBlaumansawmeinthetattooparlor,draggedmeoutandtalkedsomesenseintome.G:

Lily.trustme,youandMarshallaregoingtogetbacktogether.andwhenyoudo,youwillbesogladyoudidnotgettheotherhalfofthatbutterfly.

Actually,Iwasgonnagetalittlemorethanabutterfly.

It’sgoodthatIranintoyou.

Marshall,blaumansavedyoufromalifetimeoflookingatsugarrayeverytimewedoitonyourbirthday.findhimaniceseat.

No,no,donotfindhimaseat.I’mtellingyou,thisguy...

Youfindhimanice...

（画外）Neitherofuswasgonnabackdown,sofinallywedecidedtotakeittothegroom...

DidyousayGaryBlauman?

GaryBlauman?

Yes.

Bma,Gary?

Point,comma,gettothedamn.

I...love...thatwehavetheopportunitytodestroygaryblauman’sweekendbykickinghimoutofthe

weeding!

Yes!

GaryBlaumanhaters’clubrighthere!

Whatthatguydidtome.oh...god!

itmakesmefurioustothisday!

okay,okay,I’mgonnatryandtellthisstorywithoutcompletelylosingit.ready?

okay,heregoes.Iwasatthe...nope,notegonnahappen.givemeasecond.Iwasatthebar.

Hey,barney!

What’sup.blauman?

haveaseat.

Oh,thanks.

Waiter:

Yourfries,needanything?

I’mgoodthanks.

Hewasnotgood,thanks,atall!

Oh,what?

dihetakeoneofyourfries?

Takeone?

takeone?

lily,itwouldhavebeenonethingifhetookoneofyfries;

thatwouldhavebeenonething.no,lily,thatday,blaumantook...dourofmyfries!

butthat’snoteventhecapper!

here’sthepartthatstillkeepsmeupatnight:

thefourthfryhetook...thefourthfryhetook...

Buddy,youoka...youokay?

Thefourthfryhetook...wasanaccidentalcurly.

Youdon’ttakeaman’saccidentalcurly.

Youtakeaman’swifebeforeyoutakehisaccidentalcurly.

Ifyouwantedcurlyfriessobad,whynotjustordertheminthefirstplace?

Yeah,yeah,yeah.causethat’swhatyouwantallcurlyfries.

Regularcutwithafewaccidentalcurlies.that’swhatyouwant.

That’sthedream.

He’sright.thatisthedream.

IrefusetolookdownfromthealtarasIsaymyvowelstothewomanofmydreams,andseethatdamned,stupid,accidental-curly-fry-stealingGaryblauman!

W:

I...hate...todisagreewithbarney.butIlovethatguy!

Ijustmethimearliertoday.

Oh,mygosh!

it’syou.

You’rethepoetWilliamZabka.

Nobodyeverrecognizesmeformypoetry.hehasallsixofmycollections.whenterrygrossinterviewedmeonfreshair,Garyblaumanrules!

J:

Garyblauman?

I...hate...thatIoncethoughtIlovedGaryblauman.

Ooh,thissoundsgood.

Gary’stheguythatIhadanaffairwith.tomfoundout,threwmeoutofthehouse.nowthekidsarefromabrokenhome.becauseofGaryblauman.everythingthatmatterstomeisgone.

Igotthatbeat.so,Iwasorderingthesefries...

Wait,wait,wait,wait,wait,blauman’sgay?

well...thenthatmeansthatnight,therealbattlewasbetweenblaumanandthegirl.andtheprize...wasthisguy.

Keeptellingyourselfthat,buddy.

Idon’twanttoseeGaryblaumanatmybrother’swedding.

NeitherdoI!

I’mthebrotherinquestion!

Now,now,holdon.

Order!

order!

robinputthisonmyplate,andsoI’willmakethedecision.now,let’stakeashort

recess.everybodyout.

Okay

Lily,outofcourtsettlement.dropthiswholething,andIwillgiveyoutenbucks.

Ican’tgohigherthanten.

I’mreadytogivemydecision.lotofgoodpointsonbothsides.butultimately...blaumanstays.

Mans:

Whatinthe...?

Foronesimplereason.thereisahigherlawateverywedding.Alawthattrumpsallotherarguments.whenthebrideasksforsomething,shegetsit.

Well,he’sright.

Thisfakecourtthingisadjourned.judged.

Well,Iguesslet’sgofindblaumanandtellhimthegoodnews.

Yeah,aboutthat.bitofawrinkle.Iwasjustinthehallway,ranintoblauman.Itoldhimifhedidn’tleaveimmediately,thenbillyZabkawasgonnacrane-kickhimintheface.

butthat’snotevenmymove!

Wehavetostophim.

Barney!

Comeon,comeon,comeon.

So,weallrunouttotheparkinglottostopGaryblaumanfromleavingthewedding...

Blauman,blauman,I’msorry.youcanstay.billywon’tkickyouintheface.

It’snotevenmymove.ifIwasgonnadoanything,I’dsweeptheleg,andputyouinabodybag;

everyoneknowsthat.

What...?

isthatfromoneofyourpoems?

Thankyouforthat.

Pleasestickaround,forthebride.you’renotTaft.evenifyouare,Rooseveltshouldn’thavedividedthepartylikethat.Imean,hehandedtheelectiontoWilson.

Completely,right?

Nowait!

allright?

forgetit!

and,james,I’msorryaboutyouandtom.butyouhavetostopblamingmeforyourowndecisions.well,guys,takeagoodlook.thisfaceyouwon’tbeseeingagain.

Come...

Thebri...thebri...

Gary...

He’sreallyleaving.

Hey,barney.youstill,uh,havemyweddingring?

I’vegotsomework