英语故事Lincolns HumorWord下载.docx

英语故事Lincolns HumorWord下载.docx

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亚伯拉罕·

林肯幽默的一面

Lincoln’sHumor 

ByGordonLeidner 

TodaywethinkofAbrahamLincolnasagreatleader—perhapsourgreatest.Werecallhiseloquentspeeches,hisdedicationtotheUnion,andhissuperiorleadership.Wehonorhisdevotiontoduty,sacrifice,andhonesty.

Whatwedon’tthinkoftodaywhenwethinkofAbrahamLincolnis“agoodjoke.”InLincoln’sday,however,hewasawellknownhumoristandstoryteller.TheanecdoteabouttwoQuakerwomendiscussingLincolnandConfederatepresidentJeffersonDavisatthebeginningoftheCivilWarisillustrative:

ThefirstQuakerladysaid,aftersomecontemplation,thatshebelievedtheConfederacywouldwinthewarbecause“JeffersonDavisisaprayingman.”“ButAbrahamLincolnisaprayingmantoo,”thesecondQuakerladyprotested.“Yes,”thefirstadmitted,“buttheLordwillthinkAbrahamisjoking.”

Lincolninheritedhispenchantforjokesandstorytellingfromhisfather,ThomasLincoln.WhenAbewasachildhelovedtolistentohisfatherandothermenswapyarnsaroundthewoodstove.Ashegrewolderhebecameincreasinglyadeptattellingandre-tellinghumorousstories,frequentlymodifyingthemtoaccommodateeachsituation.WhenLincolnbecamealawyer,heusedhisjokesandstoriestogainthegoodwillofjuries,andmorethanoncehisopposingcounselwouldcomplaintothejudgethatLincoln’sstorieswereirrelevantanddistractingtothejury.ThetroubleforthemwasthatEighthCircuitJudgeDavidDavislovedLincoln’sjokesmorethananyoneelseinthecourtroom.

TypicalofajokeJudgeDavislovedwasonewhichLincolntoldtopokefunathimself:

IfeellikeIoncedidwhenImetawomanridinghorsebackinthewoods.AsIstoppedtoletherpass,shealsostopped,and,lookingatmeintently,said:

“IdobelieveyouaretheugliestmanIeversaw.”SaidI,“Madam,youareprobablyright,butIcan’thelpit!

”“No,”saidshe,“youcan’thelpit,butyoumightstayathome!

”

AnotheroneofLincoln’s8thCircuityarnswastheoneaboutamaninCortlandtcountywhohadraisedahogofsuchtremendoussizethatpeoplecamefrommilesaroundtoseeit.Oneofthepeoplesawthehog’sownerandinquiredabouttheanimal.“W’all,yes,”theoldfellowsaid:

“I’vegotsuchacritter,mightybigun,butIguessI’llhavetochargeyouaboutadollarforlookin’athim.”Thestrangerglaredattheoldmanforaminuteorso,handedhimthedesiredmoney,andstartedtowalkaway.“Holdon,”saidtheoldman,“don’tyouwanttoseethehog?

”“No,”saidthestranger.“Lookinatyou,I’veseenasbigahogasIeverwanttosee!

HetoldanotherstoryofatimehewassplittingrailswhenamancarryingariflewalkeduptohimanddemandedthatLincolnlookhimdirectlyintheeye. 

Lincolnstoppedhisworkandobligedtheman,whocontinuedtosilentlystareathimforsomeminutes.FinallythemantoldLincolnthathe“hadpromisedhimselfyearsagothatifheevermetamanuglierthanhimself,hewouldshoothim.”Lincolnlookedattheman’sriflemischeviouslyandsaidnothing. 

FinallyLincolnpulledopenhisshirt,threwouthischest,andexclaimed,“IfIamuglierthanyou,goaheadandshoot—becauseIdon’twanttolive!

Asapolitician,Lincolnmadeexcellentuseofhishumorousstories.HislongtimepoliticalopponentStephenA.DouglascomplainedthatLincoln’sjokeswere“likeaslapacrossmyback.Nothingelse—notanyofhisargumentsoranyofhisrepliestomyquestions—disturbsme.Butwhenhebeginstotellastory,IfeelthatIamtobeovermatched.”MorethanonceDouglasandotherpoliticalopponentsofLincoln’ssawtheireloquentlypresentedargumentsforgottenbytheaudienceafterLincolnfolloweduptheirspeecheswithahomelystoryoranecdote.AtAlton,Illinois,duringthelastofthe“greatdebates”withDouglas,LincolntoldastorythatillustratedhowhefeltaboutapoliticalfeudthatwascurrentlyragingbetweenDemocraticsenatorDouglasandtheheadoftheDemocraticParty.Hesaidhefeltliketheoldwomanthat,notknowingwhowasgoingtowinabrawlbetweenherhusbandandabear,decidedtocheerforbothofthem:

“Goithusband,goitbear!

InanotherinstanceLincolngotatremendouslaughfromtheaudiencewhenhesaidoneofSenatorDouglas’argumentswas“asthinasthehomeopathicsoupthatwasmadebyboilingtheshadowofapigeonthathadstarvedtodeath.”

WhenLincolnbecamepresident,heusedhisjokesforadifferentpurpose.Hewouldfrequentlyusethemtogetridofvisitorsthathadover-stayedtheiralottedvisitingtime.Inthesesituationshewoulduseafunnystorytoillustrateapointhewastryingtomake,andthen—whilethelistenerswerelaughing—wouldeasethemoutthedoor.

ThishappenedoncewhenLincolnwasaskedwhathewasgoingtodowithageneralthathadfailedseveralassignments.Anxioustogetridofhisquestioners,hetoldthemthatthequestionremindedhimofablacksmithheknewbackinNewSalem.Oneday,whentheblacksmithdidn’thavemuchtodo,hestartedhisfireandbeganheatingupapieceofsoftiron.Whenhegotithothecarriedittotheanvilandbegantohammerit,thinkinghewouldwelditintoanagriculturalimplement.Hepoundedawayforsometimeuntilhegotitfashionedintosomeshape,butdiscoveredthattheironwasnotbigenoughfortheimplementhehadinmind.Hethenputitbackintotheforge,heateditupagain,andrecommencedhammering,havingdecidedtomakeaclawhammer.Afterawhileheconcludedthattherewastoomuchironforahammer.Soagainheheatedit,thistimethinkinghewouldformanaxe.Afterhammeringandweldingitintoshape,heconcludedtherewasnotenoughironlefttomakeanaxe.Hewasnowgettingtiredanddisgustedattheresultofhisvariousfailures.Sofinallyhefilledhisforgefullofcoal,workedupatremendousheat,andbroughttheremaininglumpofirontoawhiteheat.Withhistongshelifteditfromthebedofcoals,andthrustingitintoatubofwaternearby,exclaimedwithanoath,“Well,ifIcan’tmakeanythingelseofyou,Iwillmakeyouintoabigfizzle,anyhow!

”Afterheescortedhislaughingvisitorsoutthedoor,LincolndecidedtosendthegeneraloutwesttofightIndians.

AnotherexampleofLincoln’shumorduringthewarwaswhenhetalkedaboutConfederateGeneralJohnB.Hood’sarmyafterithadbeenannihilatedinthebattleofNashville,Tennessee.Lincolnsaid“IthinkHood’sarmyisaboutinthefixofBillSykes’sdog,downinSangamoncounty.BillSykeshadalong,yallerdog,thatwasforevergettingintotheneighbors’meathousesandchickencoops.Theyhadtriedtokillitahundredtimes,butthedogwasalwaystoosmartforthem.Finally,oneofthemgotabladderofacoon,andfilleditupwithpowder,tyingtheneckaroundapieceofpunk.Whenhesawthedogcominghefiredthepunk,splitopenahotbiscuitandputthebladderin,thenbuttereditallnicelyandthrewitout.Thedogswalloweditatagulp.Prettysoontherewasanexplosion.Theheadofthedoglitontheporch,thefore-legscaughtastraddlethefence,thehind-legsfellintheditch,andtherestofthedoglayaroundloose.PrettysoonBillSykescamealong,andtheneighborsaid;

“BillIguessthereain’tmuchofthatdogofyour’nleft.”“Well,no,”saidBill;

“Iseeplentyofpieces,butIguessthatdog,asadog,ain’tofmuchmoreaccount.”LincolnconcludedthatalthoughtherewerestillpiecesofHood’sarmyleft,thearmy,asanarmy,wasn’tofmuchmoreaccount.

Astheresponsibilitiesoftheofficeofpresidentbecamemoreunendurable,Lincolnusedhumorforself-therapy.Hewantedtolessenthetensionsinhimselfandthosearoundhim,andhefrequentlypointedfunatpompousgeneralswhendoingthis.Hesaidthatheoncesawashort,fatgeneralthatremindedhimofamanheknewinSpringfieldwhosenamewasEnoch.HesaidEnoch’slegsweresoshortthatwhenhewalkedthroughthesnowtheseatofhistrouserswipedouthisfootprints.

Lincolntoldofthepreacherthatsaid,duringhissermon,thatalthoughtheLordwastheonlyperfectman,theBiblenevermentionedaperfectwoman.Awomanintherearofthecongregationcalledout“Iknowaperfectwoman,andI’veheardofhereverydayforthelastsixyears.”“Whowasshe?

”askedthesurprisedminister.“Myhusband’sfirstwife,”camethereply.

ListeningtotwogroupsofmenthatcametoargueastowhetherornotaSt.Louischurchshouldbeclosedasaresultofstatementsofdisloyaltyfromitsminister,Lincolnsaidthatthesituationremindedhimofastory.HesaidthatamaninSangamonCountyhadamelonpatchthatkeptgettingruinedbyawildhog.Finallyheandhissonsdecidedtotaketheirgunsandtracktheanimaldown.Theyfollowedthetrackstotheneighboringcreek,wheretheydisappeared. 

Theydiscoveredthemontheoppositebank,andwadedthrough.Theykeptonthetrailacoupleofhundredyards,whenthetracksagainwentintothecreek,andpromptlyturnedupontheotherside.Outofbreathandpatience,thefarmersaid“Johnyoucrossoverandgouponthatsideofthecreek,andI’llkeepuponthisside,becauseIbelievethathogisonbothsidesofthecreek!

”“Gentlemen,”concludedLincoln,“thatisjustwhereIstandinregardtoyourcontroversiesinSt.Louis.Iamonbothsides.Ican’tallowmyGeneralstorunthechurches,andIcan’tallowyourministerstopreachrebellion.”

OnecannottrulyappreciateLincolnwithoutunderstandinghishumorousside.Lincolncertainlydeservesthecredithe’sreceivedforwhatheaccomplishedinthewayofpreservationoftheUnionandfreeingtheslaves.ButLincolnhadalighterside,also,andheusedhisjokesandstoriesbothforthepurpose