哈佛大学幸福课第十课字幕文件Word格式文档下载.docx

哈佛大学幸福课第十课字幕文件Word格式文档下载.docx

《哈佛大学幸福课第十课字幕文件Word格式文档下载.docx》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《哈佛大学幸福课第十课字幕文件Word格式文档下载.docx（14页珍藏版）》请在冰豆网上搜索。

ssomethingwrongwiththemwhentheydon'

tsucceedinthequick-fix.Buttheyhavejust…Ijustwriteinthebookthatit'

spossibleifIdothesefivethings,I'

dbehappyfortherestofmylife.AndIdothesefivethings,andI'

mnothappier.AndIbegintoquestionmyself.Noquick-fix.Ittakestime.Nofiveeasystepstohappiness.Beforewegotothechangeprocess,thereareafewthingsweneedtounderstand.Thefirstthingtounderstandisthis—doI,doyoureallywanttochange?

Andit'

snotatrivialquestion.Itisnotarhetoricalquestionbecauseveryoftenontheconsciouslevelwemaybesayingyes,butonthesubconsciouslevelsomethingisstoppingus.Letmeshowyouanexample.SothisisthestudydonebyLangerand…andThompsonbackinthe80s.Andhereiswhattheydid.Theybroughtstudentsinorparticipantsin.Andtheyaskedthemwhethertheywantedtogetridofcertaincharacteristics,likerigidityorbeinggullibleorgrimness.Andtheyaskedthemwhethertheywantedtogetridofthesecharacteristicsandwhethertheysucceededinbecomingbetterinthisarea.Wereyouabletointroducechange,sowereyouabletoactuallybecomelessrigid,ifthiswasimportantforyoutochange,orlessgullible,orlessgrim?

Sothisisthefirsttwoquestionsthattheyasked.Didyouwanttoimproveit?

Didyouwannachangethis?

Andthenafter,theyansweredthesequestions.Therewasthesecondpartofthestudywheretheyaskedthemtoevaluatethepositive…thefollowingpositivecharacteristics.Consistency,isitimportanttoyou?

Isitimportanttoyoutobetrustworthy?

Andhowimportantitisforyoutobeandtobeperceivedasaseriousperson?

Andhereistheinterestingfindingofthisresearch.Thoseindividualswhoratedthepositivetraits—theonesinyellowwhoratedthemhigh—aspersonallyimportanttothemwerelesslikelytochangethenegatives.Doyouunderstandimplicationsofthestudy?

Let'

ssayIdowannagetridofrigidity.Idon'

tlikebeingrigid.However,atthesametime,consistencyisaveryimportantvaluetome.I'

mlesslikelytochangemyrigiditybecausetheyareassociatedinmymind.Andyeah,Idon'

twanttoberigid.Butatthesametimesubconsciousistalkinghere—Iwanttobeconsistent.Don'

tletgoofthisrigidity

becauseIcouplethem,Iassociatethemtogether.NotwantingtogetridofonebecauseIdon'

twantthebabyoutwiththebathwater.Andtometheyarelinked.Thesamewithgullibilityandtrustworthiness.Wecansaythattheothersideofgullibilitysomeonewho'

strustworthy.Nowgoingtotheextreme.Ibecomegullible.However,Idon'

tgetridofmygullibilitybecauseIdon'

twanttoalsogetridofmytrustworthiness.Samewithgrim.Imaybegrimbutthat'

salsosubconsciouslyasignofmyseriousness.Youknowforyears,literallyyears,whenI'

vebeenthinkingandwritingandanalyzingthenotionofperfectionism,Icouldn'

tunderstandwhyitdidn'

tgetbetter,forverylongtime.BecauseIknewperfectionismwashurtingme.Ireadtheresearch.Ilookthroughpersonalexperiences.Iknewitwashurtingmeintermsofmywell-beingforsure,butalsointhelongtermintermsofmysuccess.AndyetIcouldn'

tgetridofperfectionismuntilIreadthestudy.AndIaskedmyself,What'

stiedinmymind?

Whatgoeshandinhandisdriveandambition.AndifIhadtodefinemyself—thisisoneofthefirstthings—andbecauseIdidn'

twanttolosethesecharacteristics,mysubconsciousdidn'

tletme,stoppedmefromgettingridoftheperfectionism,perfectionismwhichIdefineasadebilitatingfearoffailure.We'

llhaveawholeweekonperfectionism.Sowe'

llgetmoreindepthifyou'

llunderstandwhatitmeans.AnditwasonlyonceIunderstoodthatformethesetwothingsgohandinhand,Iwasabletounpackthemtodistinguishthem.IsaidIwanttokeeponenottheother.Orforexample,worryandanxiety.LookI'

vementionedthesemanytimesbefore,nexttimeI'

lltalktoyouabouttheprocessthatIunderwenttoovercomeanxiety.PartofmesincethetimeIcan'

tremembermyselfbeinganxiouswhetherit'

sbeforematchesinsquash,whetherit'

sbeforeexams,whetherit'

sbeforespeakingupinsectionwhenIwasanundergrad.AndIwantedtostopthat.Ididn'

twantthat.However,Ididn'

tletgoofworryandanxietybecauseIalsosortwithresponsibility.WellifI'

manxious,itcanmeanI'

mresponsible.SoIprepareforclassmuchmoreasopposedtojustletgoand

becomeaslacker.SoIassociatedapositivetraitwhichisresponsibility.AndrememberBrandon?

Nooneiscomingveryimportanttrait—responsibility.Butthatpreventedmefromlettinggo—subconsciouslevel,notconsciousoftheworryandanxietythatIoftenexperienced.Guilt,againthereisgoodguilt,thereisbadguilt.Youknowitis.Well,Idon'

twanttogetridofguiltbecausewhatthatmeansI'

mnotbeingempathicandsensitivetowardotherpeople.Veryoftenweconnectthetwo.Theygohandinhand.Anothercoupleisthenotionofsimplifying.Thisissomethingverypersonaltome.IwantedtodolessbecauseIknewthattakingontoomanyactivitieswasactuallyhurtingme…washurtingmyproductivity,creativity,well-being.Icouldn'

tsimplify.Why?

BecauseIassociateitinmymindwithlosingmyedge.SoIdidn'

tletgo.Orfault-finding—wetalkedaboutthisaweekago.Whydopeoplenotletgooffault-finding?

Whydotheyremainpessimistic?

Becausetheyconnectitwiththesenseofrealism.Idon'

twannastopbeingrealistic.Idon'

twannabeoneofthosedetachedPollyannas.AndthereforeIdon'

tletgoofmyfault-finding.Happiness.Oneofthemostsignificantbarriertopeople'

shappinessisthattheyassociatehappinesswithslackingoff,becausethedominantparadigm.IfI'

mhappynow,Iignoreexperiencingpain.ItmeansI'

mlettinggo.ItmeansI'

mnotgonnabesuccessful.ItmeansI'

mgonnalosemyedge.ItmeansI'

mgonnalosemydriveandambition.Sooursubconsciouspreferstokeep…keepusunhappy,sothatwedon'

tlosetheotherthingsthatwevaluehighly,thingssuchasambition,thingssuchashavinganedge,thingssuchasourhardwork.Nowofcourse,whenwelookatthemweknowthattheydon'

tnecessarilyhavetogohandinhand.Onthecontrary,forexample,happiness,weknowfromthebroadenandbuildtheory—thepositiveemotionsareactuallyassociatedwithhigherlevelsofsuccess—whereasI'

lltalkabout

afterspringbreak,whenwetalkaboutperfectionism.Weknowfromresearch,you'

llbeabletoconnectitalsointheperson.Manyofyouwillbeabletoconnectitinthepersonallevel.Weknowthatlettinggoofthisfearoffailureandcoping,puttingourselvesonthelinemore,learningfromfailureslookingatitasa…asasteppingstonethatcontributestooursuccessinthelongterm.Itdoesn'

tneedtotakeawayfromourdriveandambitiononthecontrary.Andthekeyifwewannaovercomethisfearoffailureortheworry/anxiety,ortheguilt,ortheslackofhappiness,orgettingabetterunderstandingofthesecharacteristics.Forexample,understandingthatIwanttoletgoofmyfearoffailure,thedebilitatingfearoffailure,notjustfearoffailure,becauseeveryoneisafraidoffailuretosomeextent,buttoletgoofthedebilitatingfearoffailureandyetmaintainmydriveorambition.Somoreinnuanceunderstandingthatyouneedtogohandinhand.Or,Ican'

t,youknow,Ineverusedtobeabletosaynotopeople.Youknow,suchashortword,suchaneasyword,sodifficultattimestosay.Why?

BecauseIseemyselfandnowIwantotherpeopletoseemeasempathicassensitiveasunder…asaniceguy.AndthenIunpackthetwo.Anditreallydoesn'

thavetohandinhand.IcansaynotopeopleverysensitivelybecauseveryoftenwhenIsayyestoothers,I'

msayingnotomyself,andinthelongterm,veryoftentotherelationship.SonowIhadabettermorenuanceunderstandingofwhenIcansaynoandwhenIdon'

twanttosaynowhilemaintaini