15No Signposts 1n the SeaWord文档格式.docx
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VEaskoille-West
Inthedining-saloonIsitatatablewiththreeothermen;
Laurasitssomewayoftwithamarriedcoupleandtheirdaughter.Icanobserveherwithoutherknowing,andthisgivesmepleasure,foritisasinamovingpicturethatIcannotethegraceofhergestures,whethersheraisesaglassofwinetoherlipsorturnswitharemarktooneofherneighboursortakesacigarettefromhercasewiththoseslenderfingers.Ihaveneverhadmuchofaneyefornoticingtheclothesofwomen,butIgettheimpressionthatLauraisalwaysingreyandwhitebyday,lookingcoolwhenotherpeopleareflushedandshinyinthetropicalheat;
intheeveningshewearssoftrichcolours,darkred,olivegreen,midnightblue,alwaysofthemostsuppleflowingtexture.Iventuredtosaysomethingofthekindtoher,whenshelaughedatmyclumsycomplimentandsaidIhadbettertaketowritingfashionarticlesinsteadofpoliticalleaders.
ThetallColonelwhosenameisDalrympleseemsanicechap.HeandIandLauraandaChinesewomanimprobablycalledMmeMerveillehavemadeupaBridge-fourandthusbeguileourselvesforanhourorsoafterdinnerwhileothersdanceondeck.TheColonel,whoisnottoooffensivelyanEmpire-builder,sometimestriestotalktomeaboutpublicaffairs;
hesaysheusedtoreadme,andisrathercharminglydeferential,prefacinghisremarksby'
Ofcourseit'
snotformetosuggesttoyou…"
andthenproceedingtotellmeexactlyhowhethinkssometopicalitemofourdomesticorforeignpolicyshouldbehandled.Heisbynomeansstupidorill-informed;
alittleopinionatedperhaps,andjustaboutasfartotheRightasanybodycouldgo,butIlikehim,andtrynottoteasehimbyputtingforwardviewswhichwouldonlybringapuzzledlooktohisface.Besides,Idonotwanttobecomeinvolvedindiscussion.Iobservewithamusementhowtotallytheconcernsoftheworld,whichonceabsorbedmetotheexclusionofallelseexceptanoccasionalrelaxationwithpoetryormusic,havelostinterestformeeventotheextentofaboreddistaste.DoubtlesssomeinstinctimpelsmegluttonouslytocramthesethelastweeksofmylifewiththegentlerthingsIneverhadtimefor,releasingsomesuppressedinclinationwhichinfactwasalwayslatent.OrmaybeLaura'
sunwittinginfluencehascalleditout.
DismissiveasPharisee,Iregardedasmoonlingsallthosewhoselifewaslivedonalesspracticalplane.Protestsaboutdamageto'
naturalbeauty'
frozemewithcontempt,forIbelievedinprogressandcouldsparenoregretsforalakedammedintohydraulicuseforthebenefitofanindustrialcityintheMidlands.Andsoitwasforallthings.Ahardmaterialismwasmycreed,acceptedasalawofprogress;
anyascriptionofdisinterestedmotivesarousednotonlymysuspicionbutmyscorn.
AndnowseehowIstand,assentimentalandsensitiveasanyoldmaiddoingwater-coloursofsunsets!
IonceflatteredmyselfthatIwasanadultman;
InowperceivethatIamgloriouslyandabolescentlysilly.AnewClovis,lovingwhatIhavedespised,andsufferingfromcalf-loveintothebargain,IwantmyfillofbeautybeforeIgo.GeographicallyIdidnotcareandscarcelyknowwhereIam.Therearenosignpostsinthesea.
Theyoungmoonliesonherbacktonightasisherhabitinthetropics,andas,Ithink,issuitableifnotseemlyforavirgin.Notastarbutmightnotshootdownandaccepttheinvitationtobecomeherlover.Whenallmyfellow-passengershavefinallydispersedtobed,Icreepupagaintothedeserteddeckandslipintotheswimmingpoolandfloat,nolongerwhatpeoplebelievemetobe,amiddle-agedjournalisttakingaholidayonanocean-goingliner,butaliberatedbeing,bathedinmythologicalwaters,anEndymionyoungandstrong,withagodforhisfatherandavisionoftheworldinspiredfromOlympus.Allweightisliftedfrommylimbs;
Iamonewiththenight;
Iunderstandthemeaningofpantheism.HowmyfriendswouldlaughiftheyknewIhadcometothis!
Tohavediscarded,asIbelieve,allusualfrailties,tohavebecomeincapableofenvy,ambition,malice,thedesiretoscoreoffmyneighbour,toenjoythispurificationevenasIenjoythecleanvoluptuousnessofthewarmbreezeonmyskinandthecoolsupportofthewater.Thus,Iimagine,mustthepiousfeelcleansedonleavingtheconfessionalafterthesolemnityofabsolution.
SometimesLauraandIleanoverthetaffrail,andthatishappiness.Itmaybebydaylight,lookingatthesea,rippledwithlittlewhiteponies,orwithnoripplesatallbuton-lythelazysatinofblue,marbledattheedgewherethepassageofourshiphasdisturbedit.Oritmaybeatnight,whentheskysurelyseemsblackerthaneverathomeandthestarsmoregolden.Irecallaphrasefromthediaryofahalf-literatesoldier,‘Thestars