英语笑话大全Word文档格式.doc
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2.TheAdvantageofAlcohol
Inordertoprovetheharmfuleffectofalcohol,theteacherputabugintoaglassfilledwithalcohol,soonthebugdied.Theteacheraskedastudent,"
whatdoesthisshow?
"
Thestudentanswered,"
Itshowsthatpeoplewon'
tgetparasitesiftheydrinkmorealcohol."
酒的好处
为了证明酒精对生物的危害,老师把一只虫子放入装有酒精的杯子里,虫子很快就死了。
老师问一个学生:
“这说明了什么?
学生答道:
“说明人多喝酒,就不会长虫子。
3.ExchangetheTortoisefortheWolf
Teacher:
Somestudentsarebecomingarrogant.Doyourememberthestoryaboutracebetweenthehareandthetortoise?
Now,Xiaoming,willyoupleasetelluswhytheharewasdefeatedbythetortoise?
Xiaoming:
Becausetheharefellasleep.
Absolutelyright!
Whatshouldwedosothattheharewon'
tfallasleep?
Exchangethetortoiseforthewolf.
把乌龟换成狼
老师:
有些同学开始骄傲了,大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗。
小明,你说说看,兔子为什么输给乌龟?
小明:
因为它睡觉了。
对极了!
我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢?
把乌龟换成狼!
搞笑电脑问题大全:
能帮我重启网络吗?
Computerhelpdesksareusedtofieldingoddballrequestsbutsometimesthequestionsleaveeventhebestofthemstumped.
Suchas:
"
Whyisn'
tmywirelessmouseconnectedtothecomputer?
Or:
CanyouresettheInternetforme?
Thentherewasthequestionerwhoasked:
WherecanIgetsoftwaretotrackUFOs?
RobertHalfTechnology,aproviderofinformationtechnologyprofessionalsbasedinMenloPark,California,asked1,400chiefinformationofficersfromcompaniesacrosstheUnitedStatestocomeupwiththemostbafflingquestionstheirhelpdesksortechnicalsupportteamshadeverreceived.Amongthemoreunusualwere:
--"
Mycomputeristellingmetopressanykeytocontinue.Whereisthe'
any'
key?
Canyourearrangethekeyboardalphabetically?
Mydaughterislockedinthebathroom,canyoupickthelock?
Canyoutellmetheweatherforecastfornextyear?
CanyouinstallcableTVonmyPC?
ThentherewasthecomputeruserwhoconfusedtheCD-ROMdrivewithadrinkholderandasked:
HowdoIgetmycomputer'
scoffee-cupholdertocomeoutagain?
KatherineSpencerLee,executivedirectorofRobertHalfTechnology,saidsuchquerieswereatestoftheskillsofthehelpandtechnicalsupportdesks.
Theseunusualrequestshighlighttheneedfortechnicalsupportpersonneltoalsodemonstratepatience,empathyandasenseofhumor,"
shesaid.
帮用户解决电脑问题是电脑技术支持的主要职责,但有时用户提的问题甚至把IT精英们都给难倒了。
比如:
“为什么我的无线鼠标没连在电脑上?
再如:
“能帮我重启一下网络吗?
还有人会问:
“在哪能下载追踪UFO的软件?
总部位于加州门罗园的“罗伯特1/2”IT咨询公司日前对美国各地的1400位公司IT主管进行了一项调查,让他们列出公司的技术咨询或支持部门所遇到的“最难回答”的问题。
其中包括:
“电脑提示:
请按任意键继续。
这个任意键在哪?
“你能将键盘按字母顺序重排吗?
“我女儿被锁在浴室了,你能开锁吗?
“能不能帮我查查明年的天气预报?
“能帮我在电脑上安装有线电视吗?
还有一位用户将光盘驱动器(CD-ROM)与一种杯架混淆了,问曰:
“怎么把电脑上的咖啡杯架弄出来?
“罗伯特1/2”IT咨询公司的执行官凯瑟琳•斯宾塞•李说,这些问题对于技术人员来说的确是个考验。
她说:
“技术人员在解答这些问题时,一定要有耐心,要理解用户,还要有些幽默感。
lFreshRicher
Afreshricherispurchasingcoffininthestoreforthedeath.Apersonaskshim:
“Whichoneisbetter?
”Hesays:
“Ofcoursethezinc1)-filledismoredurable2),butthewoodenishelpfultothehealth.”
新贵
一个新贵在墓葬品商店选购他死时要用的棺材,有人问他:
“最好买哪一种?
”他说:
“镀锌的棺材当然比较耐用,但木制棺材有益于健康。
”
NOTE注释:
1.zincn.锌vt.涂锌于.
2.durableadj.持久的,耐用的
l
lTheredsorthegreens?
Twoapplesupinatreewerelookingdownontheworld.Thefirstapplesaid,“Lookatallthosepeoplefighting,robbing,rioting--nooneseemswillingtogetalongwithhisfellowman.Somedayweappleswillbetheonlyonesleft.Thenwe'
llruletheworld.”Repliedthesecondapple,“Whichofus--theredsorthegreens?
红的还是绿的?
树上的两只苹果俯瞰着世界。
第一只苹果说:
“瞧瞧这些人吧,争斗、抢劫、骚乱——似乎就没有人愿意与别的人好好相处。
总有一天,我们苹果就会成为世上惟一的幸存者。
到那时我们就将统治世界。
”第二只苹果回答说:
“我们中的哪些呢——红的还是绿的?
lYoudon’thavetopayforlightning
Teacher:
Whocantellmethedifferencebetweenlightningandelectricity?
Student:
Youdon’thavetopayforlightning.
闪电不用付钱
谁能告诉我闪电与电的区别?
学生:
闪电不用付钱。
本文无注释
lHonesty
Amanwhoisdrivingacarstoppedbyapoliceofficer.Thefollowingexchangetakesplace...
Man:
What'
stheproblem,officer?
Officer:
Youweregoingatleast75ina55zone.
No,sir,Iwasgoing65.
Wife:
Oh,Harry.Youweregoing80.(Mangiveshiswifeadirtylook.)
I'
malsogoingtogiveyouaticketforyourbrokentaillight.
Brokentaillight?
Ididn'
tknowaboutabrokentaillight。
OhHarry,you'
veknownaboutthattailforweeks.(Mangiveshiswifeanotherdirtylook.)
malsogoingtogiveyouacitationfornotwearingyourseatb