《老友记》中英文剧本第四季第十二集.docx
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《老友记》中英文剧本第四季第十二集
412TheOneWithTheEmbryos
[Scene:
MonicaandRachel's,it’s0-Dark:
30,inotherwordsit’sreally,reallyearly.Everyone’sasleep,andallthroughtheapartmentsnotacreaturewasstirring,notevenamouse.Thatisexceptforthechick,whoturnsouttobearoosterandiscrowinginthesun.Needlesstosay,thisawakensMonicaandRachelwhorushintotheirlivingroom,searchingforthecauseofthesound.]
Rachel:
Whatthehellisthat?
!
!
（toMonica）Whatthehellisthat?
Isthatyou?
（Monicanodsherheadno,andRachelrealizeswhatismakingthatsound.）Ohhhhhhh!
（stormsovertoChandlerandJoey’swithMonicaintrail.）
Monica:
Boy,youarereallynotamorningperson.
Rachel:
（angrily）BACKOFF!
!
!
（Shestartsbangingontheirdoor.）Getup!
Getup!
Getup!
Goddamnit!
Getup,getup,getup,getup,getup!
!
（Chandleropensthedoor,finally.）
Rachel:
Whatisthatnoise?
Chandler:
You!
Joey:
It’sthechick!
She’s…goingthroughsomechanges.
Monica:
Whatkindofchanges?
Chandler:
Wellthevetseemstothinkthat’sshe’sbecomingarooster.（Theroostercrows.）We’regettingasecondopinion.
OPENINGCREDITS
[Scene:
MonicaandRachel's,it’slaterthatmorning,everybodyhasgottenupandRossandPhoebehasjoinedthemforbreakfast.Rachelisreturningfromshopping.]
Phoebe:
Hey!
Ross:
Hey,whatareyoudoingshoppingateightinthemorning?
Rachel:
Well,I’vebeenupsincesix.Thankstosomebody’sdumb-assrooster.
Phoebe:
Youguysyoureallyshouldgetridofthoseanimals.Theyshouldn’tbelivinginanapartment.
Rachel:
Yeah!
Especiallynotwithalloftheseknivesandcookbooksaround…
Phoebe:
Allright.I’mgonnagotothefertilitydoctorandum,seeifI’mreadytohaveFrankandAlice’sembryotransferredintomyuterus.
Ross:
Now,howwilltheyknowifyou’reready?
Phoebe:
Oh,they’rejustgonnaumm,looktoseeifmyendometrialayeristhick.
Chandler:
Oh,Icanuh,checkthatforya.
Phoebe:
Okayeveryone,thinkthick.
All:
Good-bye!
Goodluck!
（SheopensthedoortorevealMonicaandJoey.）
Phoebe:
Hi!
Wishmeluck!
Monica:
Oh,goodluck.
Joey:
Goodluck.（toMonica）AndI’mstillright!
Monica:
Thatissooonottrue!
Rachel:
What?
Joey:
She’smadbecauseIknowtoday’sherlaundrydayandthatmeansshe’swearingheroldladyunderpants.
Chandler:
Icancheckthatforya.
Monica:
Ijust—Ican’tbelievethatyouthinkthatyouandChandlerknowmeandRachelbetterthanweknowyou.
Chandler:
Well…we-wedo.YoucanonlyeatTicTacksinevennumbers.
Joey:
Yeah,what’sthatabout?
Chandler:
（toRachel）Andyou…Ross,Ibelieve,ifyoucheckRachel’sbagyouwillfindahalf-eatenboxofcookiesinthere.
Ross:
（Hedoesso,andfindsahalf-eatenboxofcookies.）You’regood.（Triesacookie.）Thesearenot.
Rachel:
I’msonotimpressed.Everybodysnackswhentheyshop.
Monica:
Yeah.
Joey:
Ohyeah?
Ross,howmanyitemsleftinthatbag?
Ross:
Five.
Chandler:
Okay,tenbuckssaysthatwecannameeveryiteminthatbag.
Rachel:
Howmanyguessesdoyouget?
Joey:
Six.
Ross:
Challengeextended.
Monica:
Deal!
Ross:
Challengeexcepted.
Joey:
Allright,we’llstartwith…apples.
Ross:
We’llbestartingwithapples.
Chandler:
（toRoss）Stopthatnow!
（Rossrevealsabagofapples.）
Chandler:
Yes!
Joey:
Okay.Uhh,tortillachips,yogurt.
Chandler:
Dietsoda.
Ross:
Yes.Yes.Yes.（They’reperfectsofar.）
Chandler:
Orangejuice.
Rachel:
No!
There’snoorangejuiceinthere!
Wewin!
!
Monica:
Ha-ha!
Ross:
Theyhaveanotherguess.
Rachel:
Okay,well,wewonthatone.
Joey:
Okay,thelastthing…
Chandler:
Oh-oh,oh,oh-oh!
（WhisperssomethinginJoey’sear.）
Joey:
No-no,notforlikeanothertwoweeks.
Chandler:
Igotit!
Scotch…tape.（They’reright.）
Ross:
Howdidyouknowshewouldbuyscotchtape?
Chandler:
Well,weusedthere’suplastnightmakingscaryfaces.
Monica:
Aww,man!
Chandler:
Allright!
Tenbuck!
Forkitover!
Coughitup!
Paythepiper!
Gimmeit.
Monica:
Thatdoesnotmeanyouknowusbetter,I-Iwantarematch.
Rachel:
Yeah,andnoneofthesestupidgroceryquestions,realpersonalquestions.
Monica:
Yeah!
Andthewinnergetsahundredbucks.
Joey:
Serious?
Monica:
Areyouscared?
Joey:
No!
Allright,who-whomakesupthequestions?
Monica:
Rosswilldoit.
Ross:
Ohsure,"Rosswilldoit!
"It’snotlikehehasajob,orachild,oralifeofhisown.
Rachel:
Fine!
We’llaskPhoebe.
Ross:
No-no-no,I-Iwannaplay.
[Scene:
TheDoctor’soffice,Dr.ZaneisexaminingPhoebeasFrankandAlicewatch.]
Dr.Zane:
Itlookslikeyouruterusisreadyforimplantation.
Phoebe:
Oh!
Iknewit!
Iknewit!
Ifeltreallythickthismorning.
Frank:
Well,okay,sowhat’snow—goget,gogettheeggs,put‘eminthere.
Dr.Zane:
Okay,it’lltakejustalittlewhiletopreparetheembryos.
Phoebe:
Embryossss?
Asin,"Morethanone?
"
Dr.Zane:
Um-hmm,fiveactually.
Phoebe:
Five?
Okay,whereamIgivingbirth,ahospitalorabigboxunderthestairs?
Dr.Zane:
Wedofivebecausethatgivesyoua25%chancethatatleastonewillattach.
Phoebe:
That’sit!
25percent?
Thatmeansthat’sit’slike75percentchanceofnobabyatall!
Frank:
Hey,y’knowIwasthinking,whataretheoddslikeif-if,ifyoustufflike200oftheminthere?
Alice:
Sweety,now,she’sawoman,notagumballmachine.
Phoebe:
Okay,welly’knowwhat,don’tworryyouguys,‘causeI’m-I’mgonnadothisasmanytimesasittakestogetitright.
Frank:
Well,yousee,the-thethingis,we-weonlygot,wekindahaveoneshottomakeitright.
Alice:
Umm,itcosts$16,000eachtimeyoudothis.So,umm,we’rekindausingallthemoneywehavetodoitjustthisonetime.
Phoebe:
Whoa!
!
That—okay,that’salotofpressureonmeandmyuterus.（toDr.Zane）So,wellokay,soisthere—ismaybeistheresomethingthatIcandoy’knowjusttolikehelpmakesureIgetpregnant?
Dr.Zane:
No,I’msorry.
Phoebe:
Wow!
Youguysreallydon’tknowanything!
Frank:
Iknow!
Whydon’tyougetdrunk!
Thatworkedforalotofgirlsinmyhighschool.
[Scene:
MonicaandRachel's,thegameisabouttobegin.]
Monica:
Youguys!
Doyourealizethatanyminutenow,Phoebecanbepregnant?
Joey:
Huh.
Rachel:
Iknow!
Iknow,it’ssuchahuge,life-alteringthing.
Joey:
Iknow.
（Theyallpauseandthinkaboutit.）
Ross:
Thetestisready.
All:
Yeah!
Yes!
（Theyallrightintothelivingroom,allexcited.）
Ross:
Okay,eachteamwillanswertenquestions.Thefirstteamthatanswersthemostquestionswins.Okay,thecategoriesare,FearsandPetPeeves,AncientHistory,Literature,andIt’sAllRelative.Now,thecointosstoseewhogoesfirst.（Heflipsthecoinandtheyallwatchithitthetableandstop.Thentheyalllookupathim,toseewhogoesfirst.）Okay,somebodycallitthistime.
All:
Ohyeah!
（Rossflipsthecoinagain.）
Rachel:
Tails!
Ross:
It’sheads.（Theguyscelebrate.）Gentlemen,pickyourcategory.
Chandler:
FearsandPetPeeves.
Ross:
WhatisMonica’sbiggestpetpeeve?
Joey:
Animalsdressedashumans.
Ross:
That’scorrect.Ladies?
Monica:
Samecategory?
Ross:
AccordingtoChandler,whatphenomenonscaresthebejeezusoutofhim?
Monica:
MichaelFlatley,LordoftheDance!
Ross:
Thatiscorrect.
Joey:
（toChandler）TheIrishgigguy?
!
Chandler:
Hislegsflailaboutasifindependentofhisbody!
Ross:
Gentlemen,you’repick.
Joey:
It’sAllRelative.
Ross:
MonicaandIhaveagrandmotherwhodied,youbothwenttoherfuneral,namethatgrandmother!
Joey:
（toChandler）Nana?
Chandler:
Shehasarealname.
Joey:
（answeringthequestion）Althea!
Chandler:
Althea?
!
Whatareyoudoing?
!
Joey:
Itookashot.
Chandler:
AreyousureitwasAlthea?
!
Ross:
Altheaiscorrect.
Chandler:
Niceshooting!
（Rossmotionsforthegirlstopick.）
Rachel:
We’lltakeLiterature!
!
Ross:
Everyweek,theTVGuidecomestoChandlerandJoey’sapartment.Whatnameappearsontheaddresslabel?
Rachel:
Chandlergetsit!
It’sChandlerBing!
Monica:
No!
!
Ross:
I’mafraidtheTVGuidecomestoChinandolorBong.
Monica:
Iknewthat!
Rachel!
Useyou’rehead!
Chandler:
Actually,it’sMissChinandolorBong.
[Scene:
TheDoctor’soffice,Phoebeisgivingapeptalktothepetriedishcontainingtheembryos.]
Phoebe:
Hello,tinyembryos.Well,I’m-I’mPhoebeBuffay,hi!
I’m-I’m-I’mhopingtobeyouruterusforthenextninemonths.Youshouldknow,thatwe’redoingthisforFrankandAlice,whoyouknow,you’vebeenthere!
Umm,y’knowtheywantyousomuch,sowhenyouguysgetinthere,reallygrabon.Okay,and-andIpromisethatI’llkeepyousafeandwarmuntilyou’rereadytohavethemtakeyouhome,so…Oh!
Andalso,ummnexttimeyouseeme,I’mscreaming,don’tworry,that’swhat’ssupposedtohappen.
Dr.Zane:
Ready?
Phoebe:
Uh-huh.（Totheembryos）Goodluck.
[Scene:
MonicaandRachel's,thegameiscomingtoaclose.]
Ross:
Allright,thescoreisninetoeightinfavoroftheguys.Ladiesifyoumissthisthegameistheirs,pickyourcategory.
Rachel:
（shouting）It’sAllRelative!
!
Ross:
Youdon’thavetoshouteverything.
Rachel:
（shouting）I’msorry!
Ross:
Ooh.WhatisthenameofChandler’sfather’sLasVegasall-maleburlesque?
Monica:
VivaLasGaygas!
Chandler:
Unfortunatelythatiscorrect.
TheGirls:
Yes!
!
Ross:
Allright,wehaveatie.Luckily,Ihavepreparedforsuchanevent.（Heopensupanenvelopeandholdsupsomenotecards.）TheLightningRound!
All:
Ohhhh.
Ross:
Thirtyseconds,allthequestionsyoucananswer.
Monica:
Youguysaredead,Iamsogoodatlighting
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