shitmydadsayss01e09.docx

1、shitmydadsayss01e09100:00:03,710 - 00:00:05,680- I cant believe you watch that show.200:00:05,680 - 00:00:08,100- I think its funny. Ilike the fat orange guy.300:00:08,100 - 00:00:10,500- I told you,dad. Thats snooki.400:00:11,260 - 00:00:12,230Well,hes funny.500:00:12,230 - 00:00:15,530Tim,you wann

2、a watch theseidiots on jersey shore?600:00:15,530 - 00:00:18,590- Id love to,but Im aboutto hand scrub your delicates.700:00:18,590 - 00:00:21,620So Ive got my own situation.800:00:21,910 - 00:00:24,860- Do you want more money?- Wish for it.900:00:24,860 - 00:00:27,360- Do you want love?- Wish for i

3、t.1000:00:27,360 - 00:00:30,470- Do you want a better job?- Wish for it.1100:00:30,470 - 00:00:31,800- Who the hell is this?1200:00:31,800 - 00:00:35,040- Im guessing its life coach and best-selling author charlotte ann robinson.1300:00:35,040 - 00:00:39,430- Hi. Im life coach and best-selling autho

4、r charlotte ann robinson.1400:00:39,430 - 00:00:41,340But I could be wrong.1500:00:41,570 - 00:00:46,910- All this can be yours byusing my wish method- W- I-s-h.1600:00:46,910 - 00:00:49,860Want it. See.1700:00:49,860 - 00:00:52,980Happen. Wish!1800:00:52,980 - 00:00:57,700I want. To see. The guidos

5、 fight!1900:00:57,700 - 00:01:03,740- Join me for my amazing seminar atthe. San diego airport suites hotel.2000:01:03,740 - 00:01:05,520This friday through monday.2100:01:05,520 - 00:01:08,890I guarantee your liveswill be changed forever.2200:01:08,890 - 00:01:11,750I wish to see you there.2300:01:1

6、1,750 - 00:01:14,360- What a bunch of garbage.- I know!2400:01:14,360 - 00:01:17,660What it. See it. Happen.2500:01:17,660 - 00:01:20,300She dropped an i. Its not wish.2600:01:20,300 - 00:01:23,670- Its wisih.- Its stupid.2700:01:23,670 - 00:01:26,600You want something, you workfor it. You dont wisi

7、h for it.2800:01:26,600 - 00:01:30,600What mindless rubes wouldfall for such an obvious scam?2900:01:30,600 - 00:01:35,740- Oh,my god,we just came back fromthe wish seminar, and it was amazing.3000:01:35,740 - 00:01:37,410- Our lives were changed forever.3100:01:37,410 - 00:01:40,130And all we had t

8、o do was.- Both: wish.3200:01:40,130 - 00:01:42,160Well,wish and quit our jobs.3300:01:42,160 - 00:01:44,300Wait-what? Why did youguys quit your jobs?3400:01:44,300 - 00:01:46,650- Because our wish is tostart our own business.3500:01:46,650 - 00:01:48,830- Well,do you haveanything else lined up?3600

9、:01:50,220 - 00:01:52,400- Nope. Nothing but a wish.3700:01:53,230 - 00:01:56,960- I wish Id rememberedto lock the door.3800:01:57,450 - 00:02:01,220-=-=http:/ytet.org=- Proudly Presents3900:02:03,160 - 00:02:05,860Shit My DadSays Season 01 Episode 094000:02:06,340 - 00:02:09,110-=-=http:/ytet.org=-

10、 Sync: 4100:02:09,110 - 00:02:13,770- Pop,before you judge us- - You are titanic idiots!4200:02:13,770 - 00:02:15,270I said before.4300:02:15,270 - 00:02:17,230- Ed,we hated working for that company.4400:02:17,230 - 00:02:19,050We always wanted to sellreal estate on our own.4500:02:19,050 - 00:02:23

11、,810- So before you yell at us- - This is the dumbestthing youve ever done. You are titanic idiots!4600:02:24,660 - 00:02:26,320- I dont think heknows what before means.4700:02:26,320 - 00:02:32,180- You dont quit a paying job selling real estateto take an unpaying job selling real estate!4800:02:32

12、,930 - 00:02:35,670- You have no idea how horribleit was to work at that company.4900:02:35,670 - 00:02:38,100Our boss katie- She was a monster.5000:02:38,100 - 00:02:41,970What was that,uh,that terrible nameshe used to call you? It was,uh.5100:02:41,970 - 00:02:46,150- It was. Titanic idiot.- Yes.5

13、200:02:46,700 - 00:02:47,450Yes,that was it.5300:02:47,450 - 00:02:52,780Do you have idea what its like to work for adespicable taskmaster who insults you all day long?5400:02:52,780 - 00:02:54,950I do!5500:02:54,950 - 00:02:56,760Zip it,hazel.5600:02:56,760 - 00:02:59,960I got a toilet ringwith you

14、r name on it.5700:03:03,490 - 00:03:05,360- Look,dad,weve always wantedto start our own company.5800:03:05,360 - 00:03:07,610We just never had thecourage to go ahead and do it.5900:03:07,610 - 00:03:10,120Charlottes wish seminar gaveus that push that we needed.6000:03:10,120 - 00:03:13,560- I dont w

15、anna look back 50 yearsfrom now and say I didnt take a chance,6100:03:13,560 - 00:03:16,000I didnt start abusiness with my husband.6200:03:16,000 - 00:03:18,600And now its too late. Hes dead.6300:03:18,600 - 00:03:23,100Wal-ho- Holdon a second.6400:03:23,310 - 00:03:24,650Why am I dead?6500:03:24,65

16、0 - 00:03:27,120- Shark attack. It was on the news.6600:03:27,950 - 00:03:31,850You let some shyster talkyou into quitting your jobs?6700:03:31,850 - 00:03:35,250- No,no,charlottes the real deal,and she brought me up onstage.6800:03:35,250 - 00:03:38,090It was amazing. Changed my life forever.6900:0

17、3:38,090 - 00:03:44,200The only time Ive ever heard of anybody havingtheir life changed forever onstage was in tijuana.7000:03:45,980 - 00:03:49,880It involved a donkeyand a ziploc baggie.7100:03:50,770 - 00:03:53,550- That was the worstfamily vacation ever.7200:03:54,110 - 00:03:56,020You are too c

18、ynical,ed.7300:03:56,020 - 00:03:59,140Charlotte has made millionshelping people just like us.7400:03:59,140 - 00:04:04,070- Hey,listen,Im all for taking advantage of weak-minded people.7500:04:04,620 - 00:04:07,510Thats how I got laidin the fifties,but.7600:04:08,640 - 00:04:13,130Anyone who says,

19、just wish for it anditll happen, theyre full of crap.7700:04:13,130 - 00:04:16,210Well,we believe it, and we thinkwere gonna be very successful.7800:04:16,210 - 00:04:19,000- Every idiot thinkstheyre gonna be successful.7900:04:19,000 - 00:04:21,130Thats why theyre idiots!8000:04:21,130 - 00:04:23,6

20、50Vince!- All right,all right. Look,dad.8100:04:24,920 - 00:04:27,470Were not like the other idiots.8200:04:28,330 - 00:04:29,650Good one,honey.8300:04:29,650 - 00:04:33,060- I cant believe the two of you did this.- Look,pop,we just made a pretty major life decision.8400:04:33,060 - 00:04:35,880It w

21、ould be nice if you were a little bit supportive.- Yeah.8500:04:36,280 - 00:04:41,110- Could you say something. Positive?- Of course. Im positive.8600:04:41,110 - 00:04:45,060That this supernova of garbagewill explode in your face.8700:04:45,060 - 00:04:48,720You titanic idiots!8800:04:50,630 - 00:0

22、4:53,750- Why do we keep gettingthis guy fathers day gifts?8900:04:59,930 - 00:05:04,690hey. Can I interest you in a little t&a?9000:05:06,460 - 00:05:10,200Excuse me?- Turkey and avocado sandwich. Im famous for them.9100:05:10,200 - 00:05:12,910- Ah. T&a. Turkey andavocado. - Mm-hmm.9200:05:12,910

23、- 00:05:16,000- Glad you didnt ask me ifI wanted a baloney and jam.9300:05:17,890 - 00:05:19,760- Well,do you want one or not?- Im good.9400:05:19,760 - 00:05:21,840Im just doing some researchfor this article Im writing.9500:05:21,840 - 00:05:25,220Well,what do you know? A real job.9600:05:25,790 -

24、00:05:28,370Whod of thought youd bethe son Id be proud of?9700:05:29,670 - 00:05:33,260- Well,you only got two. I figure I got a 50-50 shot.9800:05:33,570 - 00:05:34,850Whats the assignment?9900:05:34,850 - 00:05:37,140- I pitched my editor a storyon charlotte ann robinson,10000:05:37,140 - 00:05:40

25、,350you know,that wish lady who convincedvince and bonnie to quit their jobs?10100:05:40,350 - 00:05:45,110- Yeah,well, if you wanna do a storyon a woman who makes wishes come true,10200:05:45,110 - 00:05:49,060go to the cactus club intijuana and ask for conchita.10300:05:49,980 - 00:05:53,440- That

26、s just a story about prostitutes.- Id read it.10400:05:53,750 - 00:05:56,280Guaranteed happy ending.10500:05:57,900 - 00:06:00,140- Thanks,dad. Anyway.10600:06:00,140 - 00:06:04,800My angle on the story is how these self-help gurustend to do really well in difficult economic times.10700:06:04,800 -

27、00:06:07,180- In my day,we didnt call them self-help gurus.10800:06:07,180 - 00:06:09,820We called them snake oil salesmen.10900:06:09,820 - 00:06:14,900And we would tar and feather themand run them out of town on a rail.11000:06:15,860 - 00:06:20,690- Then you loaded up your musket and went out to

28、fight them indians,right,pa?- Thats right.11100:06:20,690 - 00:06:26,550You make sure when you write that article youtalk about all the crap that woman peddles.11200:06:26,550 - 00:06:28,950- You know,this bookis pretty interesting.11300:06:28,950 - 00:06:32,240- Im gonna go check out her seminar today.- Ill save ya a trip.11400:06:32,630 - 00:06:34,290Heres your story.11500:06:34,290 - 00:06:37,790Give people what they want,and theyll pay ya for it.11600:06:37,790 - 00:06:40,370Its also conchitas book.11700:06:41,680 - 00:06:43,210Here.11800:06:44,290 - 00:06:45,850