第二十二届韩素音翻译比赛汉译英官方译文和译文评析 来源.docx

1、第二十二届韩素音翻译比赛汉译英官方译文和译文评析 来源第二十二届韩素音翻译比赛汉译英官方译文和译文评析 蜗居在巷陌的寻常幸福Simple Happiness of Dwelling in the Back Streets隐逸的生活似乎在传统意识中一直被认为是幸福的至高境界。但这种孤傲遁世同时也是孤独的，纯粹的隐者实属少数，而少数者的满足不能用来解读普世的幸福模样。A secluded life has traditionally been deemed, as it seems, the supreme state of happiness, although such aloofness a

2、nd retirement breed loneliness as well. Few people in fact end up as genuine recluses, whose contentment does not suffice to construe what happiness is for all.有道是小隐隐于野，大隐隐于市。真正的幸福并不隐逸，可以在街市而不是丛林中去寻找。As a common saying goes, while the “lesser hermit” lives in seclusion in the country, the “greater h

3、ermit” does so in the city. Not necessarily in solitude does reside true happiness which can be found in busy streets rather than in the woods. 晨光，透过古色古香的雕花窗棂，给庭院里精致的盆景慢慢地化上一抹金黄的淡妆。那煎鸡蛋的“刺啦”声袅袅升起，空气中开始充斥着稚嫩的童音、汽车启动的节奏、夫妻间甜蜜的道别，还有邻居们简单朴素的问好。巷陌中的这一切，忙碌却不混乱，活泼却不嘈杂，平淡却不厌烦。Here in the city lanes the earl

4、y morning sunshine filters through the carved old-style latticed windows on the walls and faintly gilds the exquisite potted plants in courtyards. As eggs sizzle in frying pans, the morning begins to fill with rising sounds: the soft voices of children, the chugging rhythm of car engines, the sweet

5、exchange of goodbyes between husbands and wives, as well as the brief greetings among neighbors. Such back streets are busy but not chaotic, lively but not clamorous, plain but not wearisome.巷尾的绿地虽然没有山野的苍翠欲滴，但是空气中弥漫着荒野中所没有的生机。微黄的路灯下，每一张长椅都写着不同的心情，甜蜜与快乐、悲伤与喜悦，交织在一起，在静谧中缓缓发酵。谁也不会知道在下一个转角中会是怎样的惊喜，会是一家风

6、格独特食客不断的小吃店？是一家放着爵士乐的酒吧？还是一家摆着高脚木凳、连空气都闲散的小小咖啡馆？坐在户外撑着遮阳伞的木椅上，和新认识的朋友一边喝茶，一边谈着自己小小的生活，或许也是一种惬意。Although the green patches at the end of the back streets are not so lushly verdant as those on the mountains, the urban air is permeated with a vitality lacking in the wilderness. Under pale yellow street

7、 lamps, each bench embodies diversified feelingssweetness and happiness, joys and sorrowsall interwoven to slowly ferment in tranquility. No one knows what kind of pleasant surprise may be in store for him around the corner: a uniquely styled and busy cafe? Or a bar emitting jazz music? Or a coffee

8、shop with tall stools and a relaxed atmosphere? Perhaps it is also satisfying just to sit outdoors on a wooden chair under a sunshade, chatting over a cup of tea about daily trifles with new friends. 一切，被时间打磨，被时间沉淀，终于形成了一种习惯，一种默契，一种文化。All these elements, tempered and deposited by time, settled final

9、ly into a custom, a tacit understanding and a culture. 和来家中做客的邻居朋友用同一种腔调巧妙地笑谑着身边的琐事，大家眯起的眼睛都默契地闪着同一种狡黠；和家人一起围在饭桌前，衔满食物的嘴还发着含糊的声音，有些聒噪，但没人厌烦。When neighbors and friends come, they share witty jokes about personal trivialities, implicitly understanding each others eye movements of like astuteness. Fami

10、ly members sit around the dining table, chattering through mouthfuls of food, and no one is bothered by the noise.小巷虽然狭窄，却拉不住快乐蔓延的速度Those lanes, narrow as they may be, cannot hold back the pervading happiness.随着城市里那些密集而冰冷的高楼大厦拔地而起，在拥堵的车流中，在污浊的空气里，人们的幸福正在一点点地破碎，飘零。大家住得越来越宽敞，越来越私密。自我，也被划进一个单独的空间里，小心地不

11、去触碰别人的心灵，也不容许他人轻易介入。可是，一个人安静下来时会觉得，曾经厌烦的那些嘈杂回想起来很温情很怀念。But as dense, cold high-rises shoot up in the city, woefully accompanied by traffic congestion and air pollution, peoples happiness is little by little being eroded and lost. With more dwelling space and privacy, one has his “self” encircled in

12、a solitary world, careful not to infringe on the souls of others, while also seeking not to be infringed upon. However, when one quiets down, the once tiresome hubbub now may evoke warm feelings and nostalgia.比起高楼耸立的曼哈顿，人们更加喜欢佛罗伦萨红色穹顶下被阳光淹没的古老巷道；比起在夜晚光辉璀璨的陆家嘴，人们会更喜欢充满孩子们打闹嬉笑的万航渡路。就算已苍然老去，支撑起梦境的应该是老房

13、子暗灰的安详，吴侬软语的叫卖声，那一方氤氲过温馨和回忆的小弄堂。To Manhattan with soaring skyscrapers, people prefer Florence with sun-bathed ancient alleys by the towering red dome (1); to Lujiazui with dazzling night lights, people prefer Wanhangdu Road with narrow lanes full of rollicking children. Even as one grows old, it is

14、likely that his dreams would be embellished by the serenity of the grey old houses, the calls of vendors in a soft-toned local dialect, and the small lanes filled with soothing memories.如果用一双细腻的眼眸去观照，其实每一片青苔和爬山虎占据的墙角，都是墨绿色的诗篇，不会飘逸，不会豪放，只是那种平淡的幸福，简简单单。If observed with a perceptive eye, every inch of

15、the walls and corners adorned with moss and ivy becomes a verdurous poem, which, neither elegant nor powerful, represents plain and simple happiness.幸福是什么模样，或许并不难回答。幸福就是一本摊开的诗篇，关于在城市的天空下，那些寻常巷陌的诗。Perhaps it is not so difficult to define happiness after all. Happiness is an unfurled scroll of poems,

16、describing ordinary alleys under the city skies.夜幕笼罩，那散落一地的万家灯火中，有多少寻常的幸福正蜗居在巷陌No one knows how much simple happiness is seeping through those back streets lit up by the scattered lamps as the night falls.注释(1) 即佛罗伦萨的Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore (圣母百花大教堂）。据说该教堂是世界排名第三的大教堂，坐落在佛罗伦萨的中心地带.是佛罗伦萨最为著

17、名的地标之一。圣母百花大教堂最为著名的是教堂圆顶.八角圆顶为红色，顶高31米，最大直径为43米，建成时是当时最大的圆顶，圆顶的正中为尖顶塔亭。（来源：http:/www. 汉译英参赛译文评析:翻译非易事，得失寸心知第二十二届韩素音青年翻译奖竟赛汉译英参赛译文评析本届大赛共收到汉英翻译的参赛译文613份，是韩素音青年翻译奖竞赛汉译英奖项单独设立以来参赛译文最多的一次。汉英翻译参赛译文大致是英汉翻译参赛译文的二分之一，与往届参赛译文数量比例一致。在评审参赛译文时我们看到，大多数参赛者极其认真，仔细研究竞赛原文，考证其中的信息内涵，在翻译时对原文的风格、遣词造句的特点都予以考虑和再现，有些参赛者还就

18、原文中可能影响理解的信息注释，这些都是一个合格译者必须具备的认真态度和高度负责精神。从参赛译文质量来看，有些译文对原文信息再现得较为准确、细腻、周到，令评阅者感到欣喜，有些参赛译文整体不错，但个别地方有些美中不足，有些参赛译文字字对应，不敢越雷池一步，有些参赛译文无拘无束、犹如天马行空一般。下面就从五个方面来对本次汉英翻译中的问题进行分析。1-标题的翻译本届韩素音青年翻译奖汉译英竞赛原文，选自新民晚报2009年11月19日B14版刊登的一篇散文，作者是上海市巿西中学高二学生卢嘉西。原文的笔触优雅清淡，立意新颖，犹如一幅随意浸染的写意画，旨在唤起人们在物质财富日趋丰富、人际关系渐趋淡漠的现代社会

19、对简单却又充满人情味的岁月的美好回忆。美国戏剧家、散文家罗纳德邓肯(Ronald Duncan)曾经说过：It would seem that happiness is something to do with simplicity, and that it is the ability to extract pleasure from the simplest things.(转弓I自$|、致4L， 2003 ：154)作者也正是从人们再熟悉不过的一些街头小景、居家常景中去感捂寻常百姓的寻常幸福。竞赛原文的标题为蜗居在巷陌的寻常幸福，语言简练，音意皆美，寥寥数字就点出了文章的主旨。蜗居原为名

20、词，其意为蜗舍，喻意居室狭小，出自明章懋与刘知府惟馨书：况今老病龙钟，杜门待尽，则陋巷蜗居，乃其素分。另据XX百科解释，蜗居的释义有三条:比喻窄小的住所。常用作谦词。伏处；潜居。因每月还房贷，经济能力受限，从而生活行为受限的一种生活形态。从613篇参赛译文中我们看到了参赛者对标题的不同翻译方法（见例1)。例1 ：蜗居在巷陌的寻常幸福翻译方法 标题翻译实例逐字对译 (1) The Ordinary Happiness of Living like Snail in a Small andHumble Alley Abode(2) The usual happiness snail-like li

21、ving in an alley(3) The Ordinary Happiness of a Shell Dwelling in the Alley拟人拟物 (4) Ordinary Happiness Dwelling in the Narrow Lanes(5) Ordinary Happiness Nestling in Streets and Alleys(6) Plain happiness lurking in alleys(7) The Ordinary Happiness Cramped in the Alleyways(8) Homely Happiness that Re

22、sides in Cramped Abodes in Lanes(9) Plain Happiness Snails in Small Alleys引申 (10) Ordinary Happiness of Dwelling Humbly at Alley Abodes(11) The Common Happiness of Dwelling in Alleys(12) Happiness enjoyed by the common people dwelling in anutshell重心调整 (13) Alleys, the Humble Nestle of Ordinary Happi

23、ness(14) A City Alleyway Snuggling Amongst Happy Homes结构重组 (15) Simple Happiness of an Alley Life(16) The Ordinary Happiness of Lane Dwellers(17) Dwelling in the Alleys, a Plain Happiness(18) The Homely Happiness of Being an Alley Hermit(19) Ordinary Mortals Contentment(20) Limited Alley Dwelling, U

24、nlimited Happy Living(21) Flowers of Common Happiness Blossom among the Lanes说明：作者为了说明相关问题对表格中的实例进行了有针2thi的归类，这些分类相互交叉或不够严密，并非非此即彼。其中有些译文使用了多种方法，但是为了清晰简洁，作者并未将其分别归类。有些参赛者对照原文逐字对译（见例1中的句1-3)，将蜗居与snail联系起来，保留了原文蜗的意象，但是这种过分拘泥于原文的译法可能会导致意义的损失，让读者理解感到困惑。有些参赛者将原文理解为拟人或拟物手法（句49)，并在译文中进行了再现，这样的处理有违作者的原意，况且句

25、6中的lurking和句7、句8中的cramped,会有损于译文的意义和给读者的感受。重心调整的译文形式新颖，体现了参赛者的灵活思维，但是此处所列举的两例（句13和句14)在意义上与原文有出人。结构重组法是参赛者使用较多的一种方法，有些结构简洁灵活，反映了参赛者对原文较为深入的理解以及对原文结构的大胆超脱，其中有可资借鉴的实例（句15和句16)，也有因调整带来偏差的译文（句19)。这里还要特别提一下句21。该译文可以说音形意皆美的佳作，译者的思维非常活跃，完全摆脱了原文结构的束缚，然而经过评审组激烈的讨论，还是未予认可，认为该译文与原文相差较大，巳经不是翻译，而是译者本人的创作了，因此不能称为

26、佳译。引申法是本次大赛中参赛者使用最为广泛的一种手法，也符合原作者的本意。纵观原文，作者所言的寻常幸福其实是从简单朴实的生活中获得的快乐和满足，贯穿语篇的是生活在小巷的人们在寻常生活中的幸福感受。基于上文的分析，我们认为，寻常幸福译为simple happiness更为贝占切些，Backstreet (或back street) 的意思是 a small quiet street that is away from the main part of a town(参见Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English, Pearson Education Li

27、mited, 2005),更切合原文的巷陌之意。因此参考译文为Simple Happiness of Dwelling in the Back Streets。2.逻辑的贯通与梗滞理解原文包括理解原文的字词、字词的明示和隐含意义、句子之间的逻辑关联、遣词造句的特点及其与意义之间的相关性以及上述诸多因素所形成的原文风格。汉语是语义型语言，在几千年的重意、重神、重风骨、重凌虚的哲学和美学的传统影响下，形成了一种注重内在关系、隐含关系、模糊关系的语言结构素质。（潘文国，2004: 335)这些特点渗透在中国人的思维方式之中，表现在汉语言作品中，形成了汉语重意合的语言特点，上下文内容之间的关联和内容的

28、层次需要读者意会和领悟，与英语注重形式中的逻辑性并通过显性的方式进行关联的特点差别较大。译者会无意之中将这种思维方式和语言表达方式迁移到翻译作品中，对汉英翻译产生负面影响。例2:比起高楼耸立的曼哈顿，人们更加喜欢佛罗伦萨红色穹顶下被阳光淹没的古老巷道；比起在夜晚光辉璀碟的陆家嘴，人们会更喜欢充满孩子们打闹嬉笑的万航渡路。参赛译文1 ： Comparing to Manhattan with high-rise skyscrapers, people prefer the ancient lanes below the red domes in the sunshine in Florence.

29、 Comparing with Lujiazui bright in Shanghai in the evening and at night, people prefer Wanhangdulu Street full of children s noise and laughing in high jinks. (085)参赛译文2 ： People prefer the ancient lanes under the red domes of Florence to Manhattan full of high-rises, or Wanhangdu Road bustled with

30、playing children to the twinkling lights of Lujiazui financial center at night. (056)参赛译文3 ： Compared to Manhattan with high-rise towers, people prefer the ancient lanes bathing in the sunshine under the red dome in Florence; compared to the brilliantly illuminated Lujiazui at night, people favor th

31、e Wanhangdu Road where children are frolicking and laughing everywhere. (405)例2反映了汉语隐性逻辑的典型特征，从文字上看，作者是对曼哈顿和古老巷道两个不同概念进行比较，三个参赛译文均直接按照原文的文字进行翻译，造成了译文比较结构失衡。参赛译文3忽略了英文的逻辑性要求和逻辑主语必须与主句主语一致的原则，使用了两个compared的分词结构，其逻辑主语与主句的主语发生矛盾，从而造成语法错误。此处的红色穹顶指佛罗伦萨的圣母百花大教堂(Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore),该教堂的红色八角圆顶是佛罗伦萨的标志之一，参考译文采用了单数形式，译为the red dome。因此，在翻译时要对原文中隐约可见的意义脉络进行梳理，要对其内在逻辑关系进行调整。3.缺位、错位与越位自1898年严复在天演论译例言中首次提出译事三难：信、达、雅，翻译界掀起过多次讨论，虽然信作为翻译首要原则的地位没有动摇，但是对信的内容、层次、程度始终都是众说纷纭，莫衷一是。其实，忠实可以分为三个层次：忠实原文的字词，忠实原文的句子结构忠实原文的精神实质。在翻译实践和翻译探讨时，人们往往把忠实停留在第一个层面上，认为忠实就是要和原文对应，要在译文中再现出原文的每个字，每一个词，甚至是每一个标点符号，