初一英语笑话简短.docx

1、初一英语笑话简短初一英语笑话简短1. 初一的英语小笑话,短一点,有中文翻译 He is really somebody - My uncle has 1000 men under him. - He is really somebody. What does he do? - A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 - 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 - 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ - 墓地守墓人。 my little dog cant read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious litt

2、le dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: Its no use, my little dog cant read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 友爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不熟悉字。” Advice for Kid A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement commu

3、nity. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,Get the kid. 忠告“年轻者” 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。假如你只要65岁的话， 千万别进退休社区。由于那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。” A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: God, what is a million

4、 dollars to you? and God says: A penny, then the man says: God, what is a million years to you? and God says: a second, then the man says: God, can I have a penny? and God says In a second 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问：主啊， 一百万美元对你意味着多少？上帝回答：一便士.男子又问：那一百万年呢？上帝说：一秒钟.最终男子恳求道：上帝，我能得到一便士吗？上帝回答：过一秒钟. He Won Tommy: How

5、is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真蹩脚，怎样回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做嬉戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 2. 短篇英语笑话（初一）一分钟 TOMS EXCUSE Te

6、acher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow. 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：学校-慢行。 DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tims mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The tea

7、cher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you? No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim. 你爸爸帮你了吗？ 一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发觉他全做对了。老师很兴奋 ，同时也非常惊

8、异。 他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：蒂姆，你这次的作业全都 做对了，怎样回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？ 不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由本人做了。 英语幽默笑话 Tom call Jims name:I cant bear such a foolish! and Jim say:You mother could (bear)！ 汤姆对着吉姆骂道：我受不了你这个苯蛋了！ 吉姆说：你妈妈能！ 附：bear 有两重意思：生和忍耐这个笑话正是依据这点. Tom call Jims name:I cant bear such a foolish! and Jim say:You mother could (bea

9、r)！ 汤姆对着吉姆骂道：我受不了你这个苯蛋了！ 吉姆说：你妈妈能！ 附：bear 有两重意思：生和忍耐这个笑话正是依据这点. 圣诞节英语笑话 Peace and love for you at Christmas from all your students. 祝老师圣诞节布满平安和爱。 Wishing you a sparkling Christmas and bright happy New Year! May the season bring much pleasure to you. 愿你的圣诞光荣夺目，愿你的新年绚烂辉煌！佳节欢乐！ Wishing you all the bles

10、sings of a beautiful Christmas season. 愿你拥有圣诞节全部美妙的祝愿。 Wishing you all the happiness of the holiday season. 祝节日幸福如意。 Hope all your Christmas dreams come true！ 愿你全部的圣诞幻想都成真！ 英语短笑话 一：She Didnt Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room.

11、 Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。 “How do you know?” asked her father. “She didnt sayanything.” 二：I Have Turned It Over A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! Its too dirty. Would you like to

12、wash it now?” The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I dont think its necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”。 3. 学校简短英语小笑话 )They are directly from America. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in t

13、he States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They a

14、re real US dollars. They are directly from America. 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国探望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员仔细检查了每一张钞票，看能否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最终实在忍耐不住说：“信任我，先生，也请你信任这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 4. 初一英语小笑话 简要的 不要对话那种 One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.Girl: Father, I have sinned.Preache

15、r: What did you do, little girl?Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?Girl: He touched my breast.Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.Preacher: Thats no reason to call him that.Girl: But he also took of

16、f my cloth.Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)Girl: Yes, thats what he did.Preacher: Thats still no reason to call him that.Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what。 Preacher: (evil laugh。) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)Girl: (After a few minutes。 ) Ugh。 Yeah, t

17、hats what he did。 Preacher: My dear girl, thats still no reason to call him a。Girl: But he had AIDS!Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH1)TOMS EXCUSETeacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-GoSlow.汤姆的借口老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着

18、：学校-慢行。 DID YOUR DAD。2)Tom call Jims name:I cant bear such a foolish!and Jim say:You mother could (bear)！汤姆对着吉姆骂道：我受不了你这个苯蛋了！吉姆说：你妈妈能！附：bear 有两重意思：生和忍耐这个笑话正是依据这点.3)Tom call Jims name:I cant bear such a foolish!and Jim say:You mother could (bear)！汤姆对着吉姆骂道：我受不了你这个苯蛋了！吉姆说：你妈妈能！附：bear 有两重意思：生和忍耐这个笑话正是依据

19、这点.4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: God, what is a million dollars to you? and God says: A penny, then the man says: God, what is a million years to you? and God says: a second, then the man says: God, can I have a penny? and God says In a second一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问：主啊， 一百万美元对你意

20、味着多少？上帝回答：一便士.男子又问：那一百万年呢？上帝说：一秒钟.最终男子恳求道：上帝，我能得到一便士吗？上帝回答：过一秒钟.5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”一盒小火柴妈妈让汤米去公路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。 汤米回来后

21、，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” 6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing！开车父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。 7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I

22、 gave you yesterday?”“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.“Youer a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”“She is the one who sells the candy.”好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。” 他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈傲慢地说. “再给你两分钱。 可你为什么对

23、那位老太太那么感爱好呢？”“她是个卖糖果的。”8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother.“Id know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”他的耳朵在我的衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。 他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”“一个男孩咬了我一口。

24、”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。” 9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is be

25、side the swallow.两只鸟老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？同学：我指不出，但我晓得答案。 老师：请说说看。同学：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 5. 谁有英语小笑话,既简洁又短,要初一看得懂 1.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to b

26、e moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,Get the kid. 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。 假如你只要65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。由于那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。 每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。” 2.Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red? Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight. Mother: Thats a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting? Freddie

27、: Me and Jackie Smith. 妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？ 弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻挡一次打架？ 妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。 弗雷迪：我和杰克史密斯。 3.A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortuna

28、tely the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation. After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. Id rather not, the clergyman said, I dont want Him to know Im here. 一位闻名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们准备在回家前吃点东西。 但很不巧只要一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。 饭后，一位老人要牧

29、师祈祷。 “我想我是免了，”牧师说。“我不想让主晓得我在这里。” 4.Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him? Jack: Certainly. Tom: And why? Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me. 汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？ 杰克：当然应当了。 汤姆：为什么？ 杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。 5. I was accompanying m

30、y husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded. Why are you so nervous? I asked hi

31、m. The numbers are the date of our anniversary. my usband confessed. 我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的手提式计算机。 机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他急躁的等着我那困顿的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。 最终他最终想起来了。 “你为什么那么紧急呢？”我问他。 “这密码是我们结婚留念日。”他承认道 6. An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: How much this stuff? Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap. The lady said, It is too much, give it to me for fourteen. I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven. It is still too much, replied the old lady, give it to me for five. 一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？” “七美元，太太，这是很廉价的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，