英文已如此搞笑翻译却更加残暴Word格式.docx

1、晚到的老鼠有奶酪！b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you dont have a good partner, youd better have a good hand.XXOO就象打桥牌。如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。9、Some people are like Slinkies . not really good for

2、anything, but you cant help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由脏了！11、War does not de

3、termine who is right - only who is left.战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。14、Me

4、n have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.男人就两种状态：饿和性饥渴。要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.光总是比声音跑的快点.这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B.16、My mother never saw the irony in ca

5、lling me a son-of-a-bitch.我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。18、If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of payments.你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is

6、 the answer.XXOO并不是结论而是个问题.爽不爽才是答案.20、Evening news is where they begin with Good evening, and then proceed to tell you why it isnt.晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！意译：想当年哥戴套都能

7、让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科!22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea. does that mean that one enjoys it?如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。b:所谓知识就是知

8、道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧告诉你这终还是男女有别24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。26、I didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetar

9、ian老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站28、If I agreed with you wed both be wrong.要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。29、Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv

10、ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.a. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with G

11、uess on it.so I said Implants?瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着 “Guess”.俺就问了一句：“.隆过？”32、Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。33、Why does someone believe you when you

12、say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。b. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释d. 宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。35、A bank is a place that will

13、lend you money, if you can prove that you dont need it.银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方。36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.a. 对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫！38、A cle

14、ar conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.a. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？b.自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜”c. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女b. 想立牌坊就得会装。40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟41、Women will never be

15、equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感此时估计男女能平等。42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.小腿上的骨头在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where

16、all the bad girls live.圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.46、I discovered I scream the same way whether Im abou

17、t to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨叫声是一样滴。47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。48、I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！49、Whenever I

18、fill out an application, in the part that says If an emergency, notify: I put DOCTOR. Whats my mother going to do?当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什么忙？50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！51、Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful

19、man is usually another woman.每一个成功的男人背后都有一个女人。每一个翻了船的成功男人背后往往是另一个女人。52、I always take life with a grain of salt, .plus a slice of lemon, .and a shot of tequila.生活对于我来说是小菜一碟，我通常就着盐和柠檬，再来一小杯烈性酒。生活，是一团麻.绳，.再加一根蜡烛.一柄皮鞭。意译b: 生活，不就是先狂吃菜，然后把烈性白酒一饮而尽？53、The sole purpose of a childs middle name, is so he can

20、tell when hes really in trouble.小孩子要中间名，纯粹是为了让他知道他啥时候真的有麻烦了。直译a：起个全名就为了揍孩子前可以底气十足地喊出来。贾君鹏这名字就为了让他妈喊他回家吃饭！54、Its not the fall that kills you; its the sudden stop at the end.跳楼的时候，“啊”的时候还没死，“啪！”那才是死了。55、Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.人工智能从来敌不过天然傻逼。56、Never hit a man with gla

21、sses. Hit him with a baseball bat.不要用眼镜腿来打男人，用棒球击杆。意译: 要下手就得狠，甭来毛毛雨。57、Theres a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they cant get away.要想留住谁，在抱摔的时候有一条细线区分出你是否为高手。其他译法：抱摔是留不住女人的，搂抱才管用。抱和爆是有区别的。推倒和拥抱是有微妙的区别的哟！拥抱和柔道里的压制是有区别的！58、A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant

22、 resist.所谓砍价，就是这东西虽然你不需要，但价格太好必须要买下来！59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.绝对不要和长得丑的争执，他们已经没什么可输的了。60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.我的观点或许改变了，但我是正确的这一事实却亘古不变。我们要搞共产主义，也要搞有中国特色的社会主义。61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wan

23、t a second opinion. He said okay, youre ugly too.心理医师：你神经病！ 我：能说点别的吗？好！而且你真TM丑！62、A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? Father replied, I dont know son, Im still paying.一单纯傻儿子问他爹：“爸，结婚到底要花多少钱啊？”他爸说：“儿啊，我真不知道.没看见我还在交钱吗？63、Some people say If you cant beat them, jo

24、in them. I say t beat them, beat them, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.有人说“打不过，就合作”。我说“打不过，也要打”。因为丫们指望你加入，得来点惊喜！64、When in doubt, mumble.脑子不好使的话，你就嘟囔。不明白的话，哼哼试试。65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.我已决定长生不老，目前为止，感觉良好。66、Hospitality: m

25、aking your guests feel like theyre at home, even if you wish they were好客就是：让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。67、If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you!跳伞是这样一种运动：不成功则成仁！68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.电视侮辱你的智商，电脑则是吐你槽的终极存在！69、Knowledge is power

26、, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.知识就是力量，力量会邪恶化。那么就好好学习当大魔王吧！70、Money cant buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.钱买不来幸福，但有了它，痛苦的日子会好熬一点。71、Always borrow money from a pessimist. He wont expect it back.跟悲观主义者借钱吧！他反正不指望你还！72、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry

27、about never happen.担忧真的好使！老子担心的事儿90%都没发生！73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.贞操如泡影，一戳无踪影。74、Nostalgia isnt what it used to be.这年头，连怀旧都不如从前够味儿了。75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.只要主义真，猪也成超人。信春哥 ，得永生76、I shouldve known it wasnt going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, Im a Libra and shes a bitch.我早就该知道我跟我 EX没戏！归根结底，我是天枰她是JP！77、Hallmark Card: Im so miserable without you, its almost like youre still here.豪马克卡上的话：没有你我痛苦万分，正如你就在此处。（没有女人冷冷清清，有了女人鸡犬不宁）78、Youre never too old to learn something stupid.越活越2活到老,2到老79、A diplomat is som