恋情难以修成正果注意20个危险信号.docx

1、恋情难以修成正果注意20个危险信号恋情难以修成正果？注意20个危险信号Feel like you cant get him (or yourself) to commit? There might have been red flags along the way that you missed. Heres how to tell if your relationship is not on the right track.你觉得男友（或自己）难以对恋情从一而终？在恋情发展的道路上或许有许多危险信号。下面的方法可以帮你辨别恋情是否偏离了正确的轨道。1.You never talk about

2、 the future从不探讨未来Its great to live in the moment, but if you dont make plans for whats next, your relationship could end up being short-term.活在当下固然不错，然而，如果不为将来制定计划，你们的恋情注定只是昙花一现。“Making future plans is a healthy ingredient for a growing relationship,” says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite

3、 Your Pleasure. “Its also an indicator of the commitment you have to each other.”艾米莱文是一位性指导，也是“点燃你的快乐”机构的创始人。她说，“为将来制定计划是恋情发展的健康要素，也是你们相互忠诚的指示器。”2.Hes told you that hes not the marrying kind他说不想结婚This seem like an obvious barrier to a serious relationship, but many women ignore it when men say this,

4、 thinking they can change him. Its time to start taking him at face value.这似乎是通往认真的恋情非常明显的障碍，但是当男性这样说的时候，许多女性总是选择忽略，认为她们可以改造男友。从现在开始，对男人就要以貌取人。“Men repeatedly tell women they are simple beings,” says Levine. “If he shows you or tells you who he is, then believe him. It will save you a ton of time an

5、d energy. Wake up! Youre Mrs. Right Now, not the future Mrs. insert his last name here.”莱文说，“男人总是告诉女人他们是简单的生物。如果他向你表现或者告诉你他是什么样的人，那就相信他。这样会为你节约很多时间和精力。醒醒吧！你只是他现在的意中人，而不是他将来的妻子。”3.Youre keeping other guys on the back burner与其他人藕断丝连Dont expect a commitment until you take the plunge and jump in with bo

6、th feet!不要期望对方忠诚，除非你自己矢志不渝，全心全意地对待这段恋情！“Having other men in the periphery is often an indication that you know the main guy isnt the best match for you,” says Levine. “Or that youre scared to take the leap of faith into intimacy.”“与其他男人藕断丝连通常意味着你知道现任男友并不是最适合你的，”莱文说。“或者你害怕信仰跨越到亲密。”4.You have nothing

7、in common except sex除了性生活外没有共同点If all you have in common is what happens between the sheets it may be hard to achieve the level of intimacy you really desire.如果你们仅仅在滚床单的时候才有共同点，那么你们的恋情很难达到自己渴望的亲密程度。“Hot sex is more than satisfying and can give you a perpetual glow, but its not enough to make for a h

8、ealthy balanced relationship,” says Levine.“和谐的性爱非常令人满意，也可以让你永葆青春的光彩，但是对于维系健康平衡的恋情来说是远远不够的。”莱文说。5.You have lots in common, but no sex life有很多共同语言，但性生活不和谐If youre missing this one important ingredient in your relationship, its likely there will be no next level.如果恋情中这个重要因素不能满足，那么你们的关系或许难以获得进展。“You do

9、nt need another friend or a future roommate,” says Levine. “A solid relationship usually encompasses a best friend and lover.”“你需要的并不是又一位朋友或者未来的室友。”莱文说。“稳定的恋情通常把朋友和恋人完美地结合起来。”6.You live together未婚同居If youre already doing all the stuff that goes with married life without the formal commitment, there

10、may be no motivation to move things to the next level.如果你们还没结婚就已经过着和已婚人士别无二致的生活，那么你们的恋情也没有继续发展的动机了。“The old saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? says a lot,” according to Levine. “Thinking of us as cows is degrading, but the overall meaning makes sense. Men are more likely to h

11、old off from moving a relationship forward when theyre content and already getting what they want.”莱文表示，“有一句谚语说，如果能得到免费的牛奶，为什么还要买牛呢？这句话说明了很多问题。把我们自己比作牛或许有点贬低自己，但是整体的意思却是有道理的。当男人已经非常满意，别无所求，他们就不想让恋情更进一步。”7.His parents are divorced对方父母离异Sometimes parents can give us a negative idea of what marriage is

12、 or instill a lack of trust in us through their actions. “Our relationship role models are often our blueprint,” says Levine. “It may be all he knows.”有时父母使我们对婚姻产生消极的观念，或者他们的行为让我们对婚姻缺乏信任。“我们的恋爱榜样通常决定我们的未来。”莱文说。“他知道的或许只有这些。”If your man feels this way, its important to talk through his issues and help

13、 him understand that your relationship is something totally different.如果你的男友有这样的想法，必须针对这个问题跟他促膝交谈，帮助他明白你们的恋情和他的父母是完全不同的。8.None of his friends are married他的朋友全是单身If his pals arent in serious relationships, he may be less motivated to take the leap.如果他的朋友都没有认真发展一段感情，那么，你的男友也没有太大的动力跨越这个圈子。“If his frien

14、ds all have a bachelor mentality, there is a good chance it can rub off on him, too,” says Levine. “Who we surround ourselves with often explains our behaviors.”“如果他的朋友全都崇尚单身，那么这种情绪也极有可能传染给他。”莱文说，“我们周围是什么样的朋友通常能够映射我们自己的行为。”9.Youre both acting like youre single两人都保持单身时的行为Even though youre coupled you

15、re still staying out til all hours, hanging out with friends more than each. If you want a more serious relationship, you both need to approach the relationship with an “us” instead of “me” mentality.即使你们正在恋爱，却仍然彻夜不归，与朋友在一起的时间超过陪伴恋人的时间。如果你们想要更加认真严肃的恋情，两人都应该以“我们如何”而不是“我如何”的心态来对待感情。“If youre enjoying

16、other peoples company in groups more than the two of you being alone, youre likely not content with what you have together,” says Levine.“如果你喜欢和许多其他人在一起超过两人独处，你可能对两人的相处模式不满意。”莱文说。10.You dont make time for the relationship不愿为恋情付出时间If one or both of you is putting work, family or friends first, its ti

17、me to get your priorities straight if you want stay together.假如其中一人或两人都把工作，家人或朋友放在首位，如果想要继续发展的话，是时候调整重心了。“If your relationship isnt your priority, then your relationship is likely not being nourished, which can create resentment and distance,” says Levine.“如果恋情不是你的优先事项，那么你们的恋情可能没有得到悉心呵护，这会导致怨恨和距离。”莱

18、文说。11.You havent made your desires clear未明确表达心中渴望If he doesnt know how you really feel, he may not understand that moving things forward is important to you. So tell him!如果他不知道你的真实感受，那么他或许也不能理解恋情进一步发展对你的重要性。坦白告诉他！“You should always make what you want clear from the very beginning,” says matchmaker S

19、iggy Flicker. “You dont want to waste your time and not be true to yourself. You shouldnt stay with a man if youre afraid of telling him what you need and want.”“你从最开始就应该明确说出自己想要的。”赛吉弗利克说。“你不想浪费时间，不想掩饰真我。如果你不敢告诉他你需要什么，想要什么，那就不应该和他在一起。”12.You keep things casual太随便Because youre afraid of scaring him o

20、ff, youve given him the idea that you could take him or leave him. This relationship will go nowhere fast until you come clean.担心把他吓怕了，所以给他造成你觉得他可有可无的错觉。赶紧坦白承认吧，否则你们的恋情终将夭折。“Being scared means that you are now giving that person too much credit and power that he doesnt deserve,” says Flicker. “You h

21、ave to lead with your true self from the very beginning and if he doesnt like you for who you are, then tell them to go to the left!” (Shout out to Beyonce).“害怕意味着你给了对方太多的信任和他不应得的权利。”弗利克说。“你必须从一开始就表现出真我，如果他不喜欢你的本来面目，那就告诉他出门左转！”（歌手碧昂丝有一首歌曲“irreplaceable”，其中有一句多次重复的歌词就是“to the left”。）13.Youre settling

22、把他作为备胎You know hes not the one, but youre keeping him around as a backup plan. But this is one plan that will never lead to a happy ending.你知道他并不是合适的对象，却仍然不肯分手，把他作为备胎。但是这样永远不会迎来美满的结局。“This is an act of desperation that will only lead to depression,” says Flicker. “You are now setting yourself up to

23、fail. I would rather be home with a green mask on my face than with a partner I had no chemistry with or desire to be with in life.”“这是一种绝望的行为，只会导致沮丧。”弗利克说。“你已经为自己安排好失败的结局了。我宁肯戴上面具一个人在家，也不想跟一个不来电，不感兴趣的伴侣一起共度余生。”14.Youve skipped over traditional steps略过传统程序If youve missed important milestones such as

24、 calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend or saying I love you, then you may be way off the path toward the next level of your relationship. Start making up for lost time now even if it means going on your first date again!如果你错过了重要的里程碑，比如亲密地称呼对方为男友或女友，或者从未说过“我爱你”，那么你就和恋情升温背道而驰了。从现在开始弥补即使意味着第一次约会重演！Th

25、ere are many reasons couples skip over the traditional steps. Maybe youre in a long distance relationship, or you got off to a whirlwind start and threw caution to the wind. In any case, missing these checkpoints means you both lose the chance to assess the relationship and look at your partnership

26、in a more serious light.情侣们略过传统的步骤有许多原因。或许你们是异地恋，或者你们的恋情进展像旋风一样快，不顾一切。无论是哪种情况，错过这些“关卡”意味着双方都失去了评估恋情，以更严肃的角度看待恋情的机会。“Anything that happens too fast, ends just as fast,” says Flicker.“任何事情都是开始得越快，结束得越快。”弗利克说。15.You havent traveled together从未一起旅行Traveling together forces you to navigate new territory a

27、nd experience exciting and unfamiliar situations as a couple. It can be an essential step in really getting to know your partner.一起旅行促使两人作为情侣探索新的领域，经历心动和新鲜的环境。这是深入了解恋人不可或缺的步骤。“Traveling is the best form of therapy and when you travel with a partner you learn a lot about that persons habits and chara

28、cter,” says Flicker. “Then you can make a decision on whether or not you can live with that persons habits.” So get up and go somewhere exotic destination not required.“旅行是治疗的最佳方式。和恋人一起旅行的时候，你能够全方位了解对方的习惯和性格。”弗利克说。“然后你可以做出决定自己能否适应他的习惯。”所以行动起来，去旅行不过并不要求异域风情的旅游景点。16.You dont have your own life迷失自己的生活I

29、f youre always waiting around for him, he has no incentive to get more serious. You dont need to make him feel like he could lose you, but make sure he knows you have a life.如果你总是围着他转，他就没有更加认真的动机。你不需要让他觉得随时可能失去你，但是一定要让他知道，你有自己的生活。“You are a needy and that is a complete turnoff,” says Flicker. “A man

30、 loves confidence and a woman who is confident is a busy body always planning, attending and living life. If you are not confident then act as if because at least that is more attractive than being available and needy!”“你总是依赖他，这是一个很大的错误。”弗利克说。“男人喜欢信心，也喜欢有信心，忙于计划，参与和融入生活的女性。如果你没有信心，可以表现得好像有信心，因为这样这样至

31、少比唯唯诺诺随叫随到更有吸引力。”17.Your relationship exists online网络恋情Its fine to meet your partner online, but if you dont take the next step and meet IRL (in real life) taking another step forward will be even more unlikely to happen.在网上开始一段恋情并无不可，但是如果不采取下一步，在现实中见面，你们的恋情更不可能发展。“Get out of your room, log off your

32、 computer and step outside theres a whole world out there!” says Flicker. “Meet real people and actually face them. Look into someones eyes and smile at him instead of at your computer screen.”“走出房间，关闭电脑，步入外界大千世界无比精彩！”弗利克说。“和真人见面，切实地面对他们。直视他们的双眼，真诚地微笑，而不是通过冰冷的电脑屏幕谈情说爱。”18.You havent brought him into your world未带他进入你的世界If youve shied away from introducing him to friends and family (or h