英文幽默故事.docx

1、英文幽默故事Lesson 1 A cats foreign languagerat fat cat The mother rat and her babies are playing in the garden. A fat cat is coming to catch them for dinner. The mother rat and her babies try to run away. But the baby rats cant run very fast. The cat is getting closer and closer. Suddenly, the mother rat

2、 stops running and turns around. She shouts at the cat like an angry dog, “ woof, woof, woof. ” The cat is afraid and runs away. The mother rat turns to her babies, and says, “ You see how important it is to learn a foreign language.”Lesson 2It is part of the game.plate wake late Mom is washing plat

3、es in the kitchen. Kate and her brother Dave are playing games in the living room. Kate is making a lot of noise. Mom says, “Kate, why do you yell and scream so much? Youre going to wake up your grandma. Please play quietly like Dave. See, he doesnt make a sound.” “Of course, he doesnt. Mom, its par

4、t of the game we are playing. He is daddy coming home late, and I m you.”Lesson3 The best Present.best get wet Ben and Ted are good friends. They always play together. One day, Ted sees a water gun in Bens hand, and he asks, “Who gave you the gun?” “My grandpa,” Ben says, “and this is the best prese

5、nt I have ever had.” “why?” Ted asks. “when I play with it, I get everything wet. So my mom gives me five dollars for not playing with it.” Ben answers. Lesson 4 I have his ear in my pocket.his big kidTim is a naughty boy. He often fights with his classmates at school. One day, Tim comes home with a

6、 bloody nose. His mother asks, “Tim, what happened?”“ A big kid bit me.” Tim answers.His mother is very angry to hear this.“ Would you recognize him if you saw him again?” asks his mother.“ I d know him anywhere.” Says Tim. “ I have his ear in my pocket.”Lesson 5My dog doesnt bite.white bite nice Mi

7、ke walks into a pet shop and sees a little white dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “ Does your dog bite?”The shopkeeper says, “ No, my dog doesnt bite.”“ What a nice dog,” Mike says to himself. Then he bends down and tries to touch the dog. The dog bites him.“ Ouch! ” he cries, “ You said your dog did no

8、t bite!”The shopkeeper replies, “ That is not my dog.”Lesson 6 I was not lost.dog stop hot Bob is an old man. He often walks his dog in the street after dinner and comes back home at seven oclock.One evening, a car stops at his house. A policeman helps Bob get out of the car. The policeman says to B

9、ob s wife, “ This old man got lost in the street. He asked me to take him home in the car.”After the policeman leaves, Bobs wife asks, “ Bob, you go to that street every day. How could you get lost?”“ I was not lost. It was too hot. I just didnt want to go home on foot,” Bob answers. Lesson 7 I brok

10、e them all.coke nose brokeLittle Rose is watching TV. Her mother asks, “Rose, whats on TV?” “ A guy is drinking a glass of coke through his nose.”“ Stop watching that stupid thing. Please go to the shop and buy some eggs for me.”“ Okay, mom.”“ Be careful not to choose any bad ones.” Half an hour lat

11、er, Rose comes back home with a yellow plastic bag. Her mother takes the bag, and looks inside.“ What is it? ” she asks.“ Eggs, of course!” Rose say, “ I broke them all. Every one is good.”“Are you joking?” her mother asks.Lesson 8 A man with a gun.bus run gun Its a sunny day. A woman gets off the b

12、us and goes into a butcher shop to buy some meat. A strange man follows her into the shop. At that time, some policemen are passing by. They find a gun in the mans pocket. The man is a robber.“Madam, thank you very much. Your scream saved me,” the butcher says , “but how did you know he was a robber

13、?”“ I didnt know,” replies the woman, “ I screamed because the meat was too expensive.”Lesson 9 Just use a pencil.cute excuse use Tom is a little boy. He is cute, but also very naughty. One evening, he eats a ballpoint pen. His mom quickly calls the doctor, “Excuse me, doctor, my son ate a ballpoint

14、 pen. Please come doctor, my son ate a ballpoint pen. Please come to my house at once.”“ Im sorry, but it is too late. Im already in bed.” The doctor refuses to help.“ Then what shall I do?” the mother says anxiously. “ Dont worry, mom. You can just use a pencil,” Tom says in pain.Lesson 10 A smart

15、answerfar car smart Marks father has a farm. Its far away from the city. One day Mark goes to the farm with his father by car.On the farm, Mark sees many hens. He looks at the hens and the question comes to his mind. He asks his father, “ Why are the hens legs so short, dad?”Marks father smiles and

16、says, “ If the hens legs are long, they will drop their eggs into pieces.”“Dad, you are so smart. You know everything, ” Mark says.Lesson 11 Im the driverover sister driver School is over. My sister and I are hurrying home for dinner. We fight our way onto the bus. The bus is really crowded. Just th

17、en, we see a man trying to get on, but no one gives way to him. “ Hey, let me get on the bus!” the man shouts. “ Its too crowed. Youd better take the next bus,” a passenger says to him. “ But you cant go without me. Im the driver!” the man answers.Lesson 12A bedtime story about birdsskirt bird third

18、 Its time for bed. Mary takes off her skirt and puts on her pajamas. But she isnt sleepy at all. So the little girl asks her mother to tell her a very, very long story, or she is not going to bed. So her mother begins to tell her a story like this, “ There is a very big old house, and there is some

19、rice in it. One day, a big bird goes into the house and comes out with a grain of rice. Then another bird goes into the house and comes out with a brain of rice. Then a third bird goes into the house and comes out with a grain of rice. Then a fourth bird Then a fifth bird” “ Stop, stop! I want to sl

20、eep,” Mary shouts.Lesson 13 A bad school reporthorse sport short Ford was born in the year of the horse. He is a third-grade student. He likes playing sports, but doesnt like his lessons. His father is forty years old and has a short temper. One day, ford gets his school report, and it is not a good

21、 one. Ford knows what will happen if his father sees the report, but he has to ask his father to sign it. At last, he has a good idea. In the evening , ford turns off the light. The room is very dark. Then he gives his father the school report, and says, “ can you sign it in the dark, dad?” Ford get

22、s what he wants.Lesson 14 The nurse should give me some moneynurse turn purse One day, Joe is ill. His mother takes him to the hospital. The doctor asks the nurse to give him an injection. Joe cries for a long time. “ Dear son, dont cry. Youll feel better after a while.” When Joe turns around, he se

23、es his mother take out some money from her purse and give it to the nurse. Joe says angrily , “No, she hurt me. She made me cry. She should give me some money.Lesson 15A different roast every daycoat boat goat Jack puts on his thick coat and leaves home for his winter holiday. He takes a boat to a s

24、mall island and wants to stay there for two weeks. But four days later, he is back home. His mother asks why. “On the first day, a goat died, and we had roast mutton for dinner,” Jack says, “On the second day, a cow died, and we had roast beef for dinner. On the third day, a pig died, and we had roa

25、st pork for dinner.”“ Very good. A different roast every day.” His mother says.“ On the fourth day, a farmer died, and we didnt dare to stay for dinner,” Jack says.Lesson 16A noisy girl and five hundred ducksnoisy noise voice Some girls are making a lot of noise in class. Their teacher says in a lou

26、d voice, “ stop making so much noise. A girl is really like five hundred ducks. You are driving me mad!”A girl student stands up and goes to the restroom. When she comes back to the classroom, she says to the teacher, “ one thousand ducks outside are waiting for you, sir.” The teacher is very surpri

27、sed and goes out to see what it is. To his surprise, he sees his wife and his daughter standing outside the classroom.Lesson 17 A lazy brookbook look cookBrook is a lazy boy. One evening, he is reading a story book on the sofa. His mother says to him, “ here is some money. Go and get some meat.”“Loo

28、k, Im busy, mom,” says Brook. So his mother gets the meat.“Brook, here is the meat. Now cook it, please.”“But Im not good at cooking, mom,” Brook answers. So his mother cooks the meat again.After a while, the mother says to Brook, “ The meat is ready. Come and eat.”“ Yes, mom,” Brook jumps up from t

29、he sofa, and says, “ I dont like saying no all the time.”Lesson 18 She is a foolboots pool fool Today is Marys first day of school. She puts on her new boots and says goodbye to her mother.When she comes home from school in the afternoon, her mother asks, “ Mary, do you like your new school?”“ Yes,

30、my school is very pretty. Our classroom is big and clean, and we have a very nice swimming pool,” Mary answers.“ How about your teachers?” mother asks. “ I like them all except the math teacher, She is really a fool. I cant believe her. First she says three and three is six, and then she says two an

31、d four is six too,” Mary says.Lesson 19 Other moms also want to be proudproud about loudly Peter gets a bad mark in school, and his mother is very angry with him.“ Last year, I was proud of you,” she shouts, “ You were the best pupil in the class.”The little boy is very sorry about that. He thinks f

32、or a moment, then he looks at his mother with a smile and says loudly, “ But other moms also want to be proud of their children and that will be impossible if I am always the first!”Lesson 20 Follow the flies.snow know lowIts snowing. Tom is walking home, cold and hungry. So he goes into a restaurant.He wants to go to the restroom to wash his hands before he starts h