Ted演讲稿子子脆弱地力量.docx

1、Ted演讲稿子子脆弱地力量Brene Brown： The power of vulnerabilitySo, Ill start with this:a couple years ago, an event planner called mebecause I was going to do a speaking event.And she called, and she said,Im really struggling with howto write about you on the little flier.And I thought, Well, whats the struggl

2、e?And she said, Well, I saw you speak,and Im going to call you a researcher, I think,but Im afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come,because theyll think youre boring and irrelevant.(Laughter)And I was like, Okay.And she said, But the thing I liked about your talkis youre a storyteller.So

3、 I think what Ill do is just call you a storyteller.And of course, the academic, insecure part of mewas like, Youre going to call me a what?And she said, Im going to call you a storyteller.And I was like, Why not magic pixie?(Laughter)I was like, Let me think about this for a second.I tried to call

4、deep on my courage.And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.Im a qualitative researcher.I collect stories; thats what I do.And maybe stories are just data with a soul.And maybe Im just a storyteller.And so I said, You know what?Why dont you just say Im a researcher-storyteller.And she went, Haha.

5、 Theres no such thing.(Laughter)So Im a researcher-storyteller,and Im going to talk to you today -were talking about expanding perception -and so I want to talk to you and tell some storiesabout a piece of my researchthat fundamentally expanded my perceptionand really actually changed the way that I

6、 live and loveand work and parent.And this is where my story starts.When I was a young researcher, doctoral student,my first year I had a research professorwho said to us,Heres the thing,if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.I was like, Really? and he

7、 was like, Absolutely.And so you have to understandthat I have a bachelors in social work, a masters in social work,and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work,so my entire academic careerwas surrounded by peoplewho kind of believedin the lifes messy, love it.And Im more of the, lifes messy,clean it u

8、p, organize itand put it into a bento box.(Laughter)And so to think that I had found my way,to found a career that takes me -really, one of the big sayings in social workis, Lean into the discomfort of the work.And Im like, knock discomfort upside the headand move it over and get all As.That was my

9、mantra.So I was very excited about this.And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me,because I am interested in some messy topics.But I want to be able to make them not messy.I want to understand them.I want to hack into these thingsI know are importantand lay the code out for everyone

10、 to see.So where I started was with connection.Because, by the time youre a social worker for 10 years,what you realizeis that connection is why were here.Its what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.This is what its all about.It doesnt matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice

11、and mental health and abuse and neglect,what we know is that connection,the ability to feel connected, is -neurobiologically thats how were wired -its why were here.So I thought, you know what, Im going to start with connection.Well, you know that situationwhere you get an evaluation from your boss,

12、and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome,and one thing - an opportunity for growth?(Laughter)And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right?Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well,because, when you ask people about love,they tell you about heartbreak.When yo

13、u ask people about belonging,theyll tell you their most excruciating experiencesof being excluded.And when you ask people about connection,the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly - really about six weeks into this research -I ran into this unnamed thingthat absolutely unrav

14、eled connectionin a way that I didnt understand or had never seen.And so I pulled back out of the researchand thought, I need to figure out what this is.And it turned out to be shame.And shame is really easily understoodas the fear of disconnection:Is there something about methat, if other people kn

15、ow it or see it,that I wont be worthy of connection?The things I can tell you about it:its universal; we all have it.The only people who dont experience shamehave no capacity for human empathy or connection.No one wants to talk about it,and the less you talk about it the more you have it.What underp

16、inned this shame,this Im not good enough, -which we all know that feeling:Im not blank enough. Im not thin enough,rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough,promoted enough.The thing that underpinned thiswas excruciating vulnerability,this idea of,in order for connection to happen,we have to allow

17、ourselves to be seen,really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.And so I thought, this is my chanceto beat it back with my measuring stick.Im going in, Im going to figure this stuff out,Im going to spend a year, Im going to totally deconstruct shame,Im going to und

18、erstand how vulnerability works,and Im going to outsmart it.So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, its not going to turn out well.(Laughter)You know this.So, I could tell you a lot about shame,but Id have to borrow everyone elses time.But heres what I can tell you that it boils down t

19、o -and this may be one of the most important things that Ive ever learnedin the decade of doing this research.My one yearturned into six years:thousands of stories,hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories -thousands of p

20、ieces of data in six years.And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is,this is how it works.I wrote a book,I published a theory,but something was not okay -and what it was is that,if I roughly took the people I interviewedand divided them into peoplewho really have a

21、 sense of worthiness -thats what this comes down to,a sense of worthiness -they have a strong sense of love and belonging -and folks who struggle for it,and folks who are always wondering if theyre good enough.There was only one variablethat separated the people who havea strong sense of love and be

22、longingand the people who really struggle for it.And that was, the people who havea strong sense of love and belongingbelieve theyre worthy of love and belonging.Thats it.They believe theyre worthy.And to me, the hard partof the one thing that keeps us out of connectionis our fear that were not wort

23、hy of connection,was something that, personally and professionally,I felt like I needed to understand better.So what I didis I took all of the interviewswhere I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,and just looked at those.What do these people have in common?I have a slight office supp

24、ly addiction,but thats another talk.So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie,and I was like, what am I going to call this research?And the first words that came to my mindwere whole-hearted.These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.So I wrote at the top of the ma

25、nila folder,and I started looking at the data.In fact, I did it firstin a four-dayvery intensive data analysis,where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.Whats the theme? Whats the pattern?My husband left town with the kidsbecause I always go into this Jacks

26、on Pollock crazy thing,where Im just like writingand in my researcher mode.And so heres what I found.What they had in commonwas a sense of courage.And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language

27、-its from the Latin word cor, meaning heart -and the original definitionwas to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.And so these folkshad, very simply, the courageto be imperfect.They had the compassionto be kind to themselves first and then to others,because, as it turns out, we cant

28、 practice compassion with other peopleif we cant treat ourselves kindly.And the last was they had connection,and - this was the hard part -as a result of authenticity,they were willing to let go of who they thought they should bein order to be who they were,which you have to absolutely do thatfor co

29、nnection.The other thing that they had in commonwas this:They fully embraced vulnerability.They believedthat what made them vulnerablemade them beautiful.They didnt talk about vulnerabilitybeing comfortable,nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -as I had heard it earlier in the shame

30、interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary.They talked about the willingnessto say, I love you first,the willingnessto do somethingwhere there are no guarantees,the willingnessto breathe through waiting for the doctor to callafter your mammogram.Theyre willing to invest in a relationship

31、that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal.I could not believe I had pledged allegianceto research, where our job -you know, the definition of researchis to control and predict, to study phenomena,for the explicit reasonto control and predict.And now my missionto control and predicthad turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerabilityand to stop controlling and predicting.This led to a little breakdown -(Laughter)- which actually looked more like this.(Laughter)And it did.I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spir