Where Are You Going Where Have You Been.docx

Where Are You Going Where Have You Been.docx

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WhereAreYouGoingWhereHaveYouBeen

WHEREAREYOUGOING,WHEREHAVEYOUBEEN?

JoyceCarolOates

HernamewasConnie.Shewasfifteenandshehadaquick,nervousgigglinghabitofcraninghernecktoglanceintomirrorsorcheckingotherpeople'sfacestomakesureherownwasallright.Hermother,whonoticedeverythingandkneweverythingandwhohadn'tmuchreasonanylongertolookatherownface,alwaysscoldedConnieaboutit."Stopgawkingatyourself.Whoareyou?

Youthinkyou'resopretty?

"shewouldsay.Conniewouldraisehereyebrowsatthesefamiliaroldcomplaintsandlookrightthroughhermother,intoashadowyvisionofherselfasshewasrightatthatmoment:

sheknewshewasprettyandthatwaseverything.Hermotherhadbeenprettyoncetoo,ifyoucouldbelievethoseoldsnapshotsinthealbum,butnowherlooksweregoneandthatwaswhyshewasalwaysafterConnie.

"Whydon'tyoukeepyourroomcleanlikeyoursister?

How'veyougotyourhairfixed—whatthehellstinks?

Hairspray?

Youdon'tseeyoursisterusingthatjunk."

HersisterJunewastwenty-fourandstilllivedathome.ShewasasecretaryinthehighschoolConnieattended,andifthatwasn'tbadenough—withherinthesamebuilding—shewassoplainandchunkyandsteadythatConniehadtohearherpraisedallthetimebyhermotherandhermother'ssisters.Junedidthis,Junedidthat,shesavedmoneyandhelpedcleanthehouseandcookedandConniecouldn'tdoathing,hermindwasallfilledwithtrashydaydreams.Theirfatherwasawayatworkmostofthetimeandwhenhecamehomehewantedsupperandhereadthenewspaperatsupperandaftersupperhewenttobed.Hedidn'tbothertalkingmuchtothem,butaroundhisbentheadConnie'smotherkeptpickingatheruntilConniewishedhermotherwasdeadandsheherselfwasdeadanditwasallover."Shemakesmewanttothrowupsometimes,"shecomplainedtoherfriends.Shehadahigh,breathless,amusedvoicethatmadeeverythingshesaidsoundalittleforced,whetheritwassincereornot.

Therewasonegoodthing:

Junewentplaceswithgirlfriendsofhers,girlswhowerejustasplainandsteadyasshe,andsowhenConniewantedtodothathermotherhadnoobjections.ThefatherofConnie'sbestgirlfrienddrovethegirlsthethreemilestotownandleftthematashoppingplazasotheycouldwalkthroughthestoresorgotoamovie,andwhenhecametopickthemupagainatelevenheneverbotheredtoaskwhattheyhaddone.

Theymusthavebeenfamiliarsights,walkingaroundtheshoppingplazaintheirshortsandflatballerinaslippersthatalwaysscuffedthesidewalk,withcharmbraceletsjinglingontheirthinwrists;theywouldleantogethertowhisperandlaughsecretlyifsomeonepassedwhoamusedorinterestedthem.Conniehadlongdarkblondhairthatdrewanyone'seyetoit,andsheworepartofitpulleduponherheadandpuffedoutandtherestofitsheletfalldownherback.Sheworeapull-overjerseyblousethatlookedonewaywhenshewasathomeandanotherwaywhenshewasawayfromhome.Everythingaboutherhadtwosidestoit,oneforhomeandoneforanywherethatwasnothome:

herwalk,whichcouldbechildlikeandbobbing,orlanguidenoughtomakeanyonethinkshewashearingmusicinherhead;hermouth,whichwaspaleandsmirkingmostofthetime,butbrightandpinkontheseeveningsout;herlaugh,whichwascynicalanddrawlingathome—"Ha,ha,veryfunny,"—buthighpitchedandnervousanywhereelse,likethejinglingofthecharmsonherbracelet.

Sometimestheydidgoshoppingortoamovie,butsometimestheywentacrossthehighway,duckingfastacrossthebusyroad,toadrive-inrestaurantwhereolderkidshungout.Therestaurantwasshapedlikeabigbottle,thoughsquatterthanarealbottle,andonitscapwasarevolvingfigureofagrinningboyholdingahamburgeraloft.Onenightinmidsummertheyranacross,breathlesswithdaring,andrightawaysomeoneleanedoutacarwindowandinvitedthemover,butitwasjustaboyfromhighschooltheydidn'tlike.Itmadethemfeelgoodtobeabletoignorehim.Theywentupthroughthemazeofparkedandcruisingcarstothebright-lit,fly-infestedrestaurant,theirfacespleasedandexpectantasiftheywereenteringasacredbuildingthatloomedupoutofthenighttogivethemwhathavenandblessingtheyyearnedfor.Theysatatthecounterandcrossedtheirlegsattheankles,theirthinshouldersrigidwithexcitement,andlistenedtothemusicthatmadeeverythingsogood:

themusicwasalwaysinthebackground,likemusicatachurchservice;itwassomethingtodependupon.

AboynamedEddiecameintotalkwiththem.Hesatbackwardsonhisstool,turninghimselfjerkilyaroundinsemicirclesandthenstoppingandturningbackagain,andafterawhileheaskedConnieifshewouldlikesomethingtoeat.Shesaidshewouldandsoshetappedherfriend'sarmonherwayout—herfriendpulledherfaceupintoabrave,drolllook—andConniesaidshewouldmeetherateleven,acrosstheway."Ijusthatetoleaveherlikethat,"Conniesaidearnestly,buttheboysaidthatshewouldn'tbealoneforlong.Sotheywentouttohiscar,andonthewayConniecouldn'thelpbutlethereyeswanderoverthewindshieldsandfacesallaroundher,herfacegleamingwithajoythathadnothingtodowithEddieoreventhisplace;itmighthavebeenthemusic.Shedrewhershouldersupandsuckedinherbreathwiththepurepleasureofbeingalive,andjustatthatmomentshehappenedtoglanceatafacejustafewfeetfromhers.Itwasaboywithshaggyblackhair,inaconvertiblejalopypaintedgold.Hestaredatherandthenhislipswidenedintoagrin.Connieslithereyesathimandturnedaway,butshecouldn'thelpglancingbackandtherehewas,stillwatchingher.Hewaggedafingerandlaughedandsaid,"Gonnagetyou,baby,"andConnieturnedawayagainwithoutEddienoticinganything.

Shespentthreehourswithhim,attherestaurantwheretheyatehamburgersanddrankCokesinwaxcupsthatwerealwayssweating,andthendownanalleyamileorsoaway,andwhenheleftheroffatfivetoelevenonlythemoviehousewasstillopenattheplaza.Hergirlfriendwasthere,talkingwithaboy.WhenConniecameup,thetwogirlssmiledateachotherandConniesaid,"Howwasthemovie?

"andthegirlsaid,'Youshouldknow."Theyrodeoffwiththegirl'sfather,sleepyandpleased,andConniecouldn'thelpbutlookbackatthedarkenedshoppingplazawithitsbigemptyparkinglotanditssignsthatwerefadedandghostlynow,andoveratthedrive-inrestaurantwherecarswerestillcirclingtirelessly.Shecouldn'thearthemusicatthisdistance.

NextmorningJuneaskedherhowthemoviewasandConniesaid,"So-so."

Sheandthatgirlandoccasionallyanothergirlwentoutseveraltimesaweek,andtherestofthetimeConniespentaroundthehouse—itwassummervacation—gettinginhermotherswayandthinking,dreamingabouttheboysshemet.Butalltheboysfellbackanddissolvedintoasinglefacethatwasnotevenafacebutanidea,afeeling,mixedupwiththeurgentinsistentpoundingofthemusicandthehumidnightairofJuly.Connie'smotherkeptdraggingherbacktothedaylightbyfindingthingsforhertodoorsayingsuddenly,'What'sthisaboutthePettingergirl?

"

AndConniewouldsaynervously,"Oh,her.Thatdope."Shealwaysdrewthickclearlinesbetweenherselfandsuchgirls,andhermotherwassimpleandkindenoughtobelieveit.Hermotherwassosimple,Conniethought,thatitwasmaybecrueltofoolhersomuch.Hermotherwentscufflingaroundthehouseinoldbedroomslippersandcomplainedoverthetelephonetoonesisterabouttheother,thentheothercalledupandthetwoofthemcomplainedaboutthethirdone.IfJune'snamewasmentionedhermother'stonewasapproving,andifConnie'snamewasmentioneditwasdisapproving.ThisdidnotreallymeanshedislikedConnie,andactuallyConniethoughtthathermotherpreferredhertoJunejustbecauseshewasprettier,butthetwoofthemkeptupapretenseofexasperation,asensethattheyweretuggingandstrugglingoversomethingoflittlevaluetoeitherofthem.Sometimes,overcoffee,theywerealmostfriends,butsomethingwouldcomeup—somevexationthatwaslikeaflybuzzingsuddenlyaroundtheirheads—andtheirfaceswenthardwithcontempt.

OneSundayConniegotupateleven—noneofthembotheredwithchurch—andwashedherhairsothatitcoulddryalldaylonginthesun.Herparentsandsisterweregoingtoabarbecueatanaunt'shouseandConniesaidno,shewasn'tinterested,rollinghereyestolethermotherknowjustwhatshethoughtofit."Stayhomealonethen,"hermothersaidsharply.Conniesatoutbackinalawnchairandwatchedthemdriveaway,herfatherquietandbald,hunchedaroundsothathecouldbackthecarout,hermotherwithalookthatwasstillangryandnotatallsoftenedthroughthewindshield,andinthebackseatpooroldJune,alldressedupasifshedidn'tknowwhatabarbecuewas,withalltherunningyellingkidsandtheflies.Conniesatwithhereyesclosedinthesun,dreaminganddazedwiththewarmthaboutherasifthiswereakindoflove,thecaressesoflove,andhermindslippedoverontothoughtsoftheboyshehadbeenwiththenightbeforeandhownicehehadbeen,howsweetitalwayswas,notthewaysomeonelikeJunewouldsupposebutsweet,gentle,thewayitwasinmoviesandpromisedinsongs;andwhensheopenedhereyesshehardlyknewwhereshewas,thebackyardranoffintoweedsandafence-likelineoftreesandbehindittheskywasperfectlyblueandstill.Theasbestosranchhousethatwasnowthreeyearsoldstartledher—itlookedsmall.Sheshookherheadasi