5 sentence conciseness.docx

5 sentence conciseness.docx

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5sentenceconciseness

Unit6

SentenceConcisenessandClarity

Conciseness─usingwordseconomicallyandeliminatingwordiness─isfundamentaltogoodwriting.Lookatthefollowingsentences:

InthemonthofMaypeopleofdifferentprofessionsfromallcirclesinthiscitywillholdmeetingstoelectrepresentatives,andtheserepresentativeswillgotoBeijing,thecapital,inOctobertoattendanationalcongressofmodelworkersfromthewholecountry.

　　InthemonthofMaycanbeshortenedtoInMaywithoutanylossofmeaning;ofdifferentprofessionsandfromallcirclesmeanthesamething,soonlyoneofthemisneeded;holdmeetingscanbeomittedbecauseitisnotimportant;theimportantthingisthattheywillelectrepresentatives;whocanbeusedinplaceoftheserepresentatives;thecapitalcanbeomitted;nationalandfromthewholecountryaresynonymous,sothephrasecanbedeleted:

InMaypeopleofdifferentprofessionsinthiscitywillelectrepresentatives,whowillattendanationalcongressofmodelworkersinBeijinginOctober.

Thenumberofwordsisreducedbyhalf,butthemeaningofthenewsentenceisthesameasthatoftheoriginalone.

Wewritesentencestoexpressideas.Theuseofwordsinasentence,therefore,isdecidedbytheideaitexpresses.Needlesswordsdonothelpexpressideas;onthecontrary,theyobscurethemeaningandconfusethereader.Sooneoftherulesofsentence-makingistouseonlythenecessarywords,orasfewwordsaspossiblesolongasthemeaningisfullyexpressed.

Butoftenwetendtoputasuperfluouswordhereandthereinasentence.Thishabitmaycomefromthewaywetalk.Itiscommoninspeakingtorepeataword,usewordsofsimilarmeaningtogether,andchangewordswehavesaidandeventhestructureofasentenceinthemiddleofit.Butweshouldnotdosoinwriting.Thisispossiblebecausewhenwewritewehavetimetocheckwhatwehavewrittenanddeleteallthewordsthatarenotneededfortheexpressionofideas,ortomakeoursentencesconcise.Inordertobeconciseinyourwriting,pleaseobservethefollowingguidelines:

1.Useapronouninsteadofrepeatinganoun.

Sample1

Wordy

MoreConcise

Thefactorybought2importedmachines.

Thefactorybought2importedmachines.Theybrokedownthenextday.

Thetwomachinesbrokedownthenextday.

2.Useawordinsteadofaphrasewiththesamemeaning,anduseaphraseinsteadofaclausewiththesamemeaning.

Wordy

MoreConcise

Sample2

themanwithambition

theambitiousman

Sample3

theclassshowing

thebestperformance

thebest-performingclass

Sample4

Thearticle,whichhasbeenpublishedrecentlyisinstructive.

Therecentlypublishedarticleisinstructive.

Sample5

theideathatismostinteresting

themostinterestingidea

*NowI'dlikeyoutoknowsomecommoncircumlocutionsthatcanbesimplifiedintooneword:

thereasonfor,forthereasonthat,owing/duetothefactthat,inlightofthefactthat,consideringthefactthat,onthegroundsthat,thisiswhy

=because,since,why

ontheoccasionof,inasituationinwhich,undercircumstancesinwhich

=when

asregards,inreferenceto,withregardto,concerningthematterof,where...isconcerned

=about

itiscrucialthat,itisnecessarythat,thereisaneed/necessityfor,itisimportantthat

=must,should

isableto,hasthecapacityfor,hastheabilityto

=can

itispossiblethat,thereisachancethat,itcouldhappenthat,thepossibilityexistsfor

=may,might,could

Wordy

MoreConcise

Sample6

Itispossiblethatnothingwillcomeoftheseexperiments.

Nothingmaycomeoftheseexperiments.

Sample7

Shehastheabilitytoinfluencetheelection.

Shecaninfluencetheelection.

Sample8

Itisnecessarythatwelookintothishotissue.

Wemustlookintothishotissue.

3.Ifnotforthesakeofspecialemphasis,donotrepeatwordsorphrasesinasentenceorinonethatfollows.

Sample9

Wordy

MoreConcise

Tomhasasister.

Tomhasasister.

Tom'ssisterisanurse.

Sheisanurse

Donotusedifferentwordsorphraseswithsimilarmeaningsinthesamesentence.

Wordy

MoreConcise

Sample10

Hiswifeconsideredtherefrigeratoranunneededluxury.

Hiswifeconsideredtherefrigeratoraluxury.

*RedundantPairs

Manypairsofwordshavesimilarimplications.Finishimpliescomplete,sothephrasecompletelyfinishisredundantinmostcases.Herearesomeothers（wordsinbracketscanbeomitted）:

（past）memories,（various）differences,（each）individual,（basic）fundamentals,（true）facts,（important）essentials,（end）result,（final）outcome,（free）gift,（past）history,（unexpected）surprise.

*RedundantCategories

Specificwordsimplytheirgeneralcategories,soweusuallydon'thavetostateboth.Weknowthataperiodisasegmentoftime,andthatpinkisacolor.Ineachofthefollowingphrases,thegeneralcategorytermcanbedropped,leavingjustthespecificdescriptiveword:

large（insize）,（ofa）bright（color）,heavy（inweight）,round（inshape）,（atan）early（time）,in（thefieldof）economics,honest（incharacter）,（ina）confused（state）,unusual（innature）,extreme（indegree）,（ofa）strange（type）.

●Anotherthreehelpfulmethods:

1.Donotoverusetheformit+be-verborthere+be-verbatthebeginningofsentences.

　　Suchexpressionshavesomerhetoricaleffectforemphasisinsomecases,butunnecessaryuseofsuchstructuresresultsinwordywriting.Mostoftenyoucanwriteamoreconcisesentencebygettingridofsuchopenings.Youcanmakethenounthesubjectofthesentenceandremovetherelativepronoun.

Wordy

MoreConcise

Sample11

Therearefourquestionsthatshouldbeanswered:

···

Fourquestionsshouldbeanswered:

···

Sample12

Therewasabigexplosion,whichshatteredthewindows,andpeopleranoutoftheirhouses.

Abigexplosionshatteredthewindows,andpeopleranoutoftheirhouses.

2.Useverbsintheiractiveratherthanpassivevoice.

Wordy

MoreConcise

Sample13

MyEnglishwastaughtbyMrs.Green.

Mrs.GreentaughtmeEnglish.

Sample14

YouraccountswerecheckedbytheDirector.

TheDirectorcheckedyouraccounts.

3.Donotoverusenominalizations（thenounformsofverbs）.

Wordy

MoreConcise

Sample15

Thefunctionofthemovieistheentertainmentforpeople.

Themovieentertainspeople.

Sample16

Thecurrentfocusofthemedicalprofessionisdiseaseprevention.

Themedicalprofessioncurrentlyfocusesondiseaseprevention.

Task:

Revisethefollowingsentencestomakethemmoreconcise

（1）Theumbrellaispinkincolor.

（2）IntheearlypartofthemonthofJuly,thestudentswillhavetheirsummerholiday.

（3）Inmyopinion,Ithinkyourplanisnotpractical.

（4）Duringthatperiodoftime,manygirlspreferredskirtsthatareredincolorandmadeofcotton.

（5）Thiskindoforganismswereroundinshapeandpeculiarinnature.

（6）Imagineamentalpictureofsomeoneengagedintheintellectualactivityoftryingtolearnwhattherulesareforhowtoplaythegameofchess.

（7）Someoftheuniversitiesarejointlyrunbyacompanyincollaborationwiththelocalgovernment.

（8）Smokingisconsideredahandsomeactbysomestudents.

（9）Thetheoryisn'tprovedbythisexperiment.

（10）Inthisessayisanexampleoftheuseoftherefutationinargumentation.

Makethefollowingsentencesmoreconciseandclear.

1.Hisfatherisnotlikeherfather.Herfatherreadsmorebooks.

2.Manyuneducatedcitizenswhohaveneverattendedschoolbegintotakeparttimetrainingcourses.

3.BeijingForeignStudiesUniversity,whichwasfounded60yearsago,iswellknowninChina.

4.Atthispointintime,weshouldpaymuchattentiontoqualityeducation.

5.Thegrasswaslikeacarpet.Itcoveredthewholefield.Thecolorofthegrasswasfreshgreen.

6.Annaspokeinalowandhard-to-hearvoice.

7.Thiswasahistorymuseumplannedwithagreatdealcare.

8.Thesewereissuesthatinessencewererelatedtoeconomy.

9.ThenovelswrittenbyHemingway（海明威）aredifferentfromthenovelscomposedbyFaulkner（福克纳）.

10.IntheearlypartofDecembertherewasaheavysnowinthisarea,anditsnowedforthreedayswithoutletup.

11.Earlyinthemorningtherewasafog,whichcoveredallthingsinthecityandpeoplewhoweredrivingwerecarefulandtheyhadtodriveveryslowly.

12.HehastastedthewinesproducedindifferentplacesandhesaystheredwinemadeinBeijingisthebest.

13.Eachtimetherewasaknockatthedoorhewasnervous,forhefearedthatsomeonemightcometobringhimmorebadnews.

14.Chinahasapopulationof1.2billion.Shemustdomuchtolimitthegrowthofpopulation.

15.Somepeopleliketosay"that'sneat"whentheymeantosay"that'sgood."Itisaslangexpression.

16.Studentswhoareintheirfourthyearattheuniversitygotovisitthelibraryregularlytolookformaterialandreferencebooksusefulforthewritingoftheirgraduationpapers.

17.Thesechildrenarebusyplayingwithtoys.Theyhavelittletimeforstudies.

18.Whenyoureadthebeginningofthebook,youcannotunderstandthemeaningofthetitle.Youwillunderstanditwhenyoucometotheendofthebook.

19.Herearetwenty-fivestudentswhohavealreadyexpressedadesiretoattendtheprogramnextsummer.Itistheyandtheirparentswhostandtogainthemostbythegovernmentgrant.

20.Inresponsetotheproblemsidentifiedintheself-study,severalactivitieshaveevolvedatthiscollegetomeettheever-expandingneedsofourstudents,butthetraditionalgoalsofthecollege,whicharetoeducatethewholeper