老友记19.docx

老友记19.docx

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老友记19

TheOneWhereUnderdogGetsAway

Writtenby:

JeffGreenstein&JeffStrauss

Transcribedby:

MindyMattinglyPhillips

MinormodificationsandadjustmentsbyDanSilverstein

[Scene:

CentralPerk,Rachelisconfrontingherboss,Terry.]

Rachel:

Terry,I,I,IknowthatIhaven'tworkedhereverylong,butIwaswondering,doyouthinkitwouldbepossibleifIgota$100advanceinmysalary?

Terry:

Anadvance?

Rachel:

It'ssothatIcanspendThanksgivingwithmyfamily.See,everyyearwegoskiinginVail,andnormallymyfatherpaysformyticket,butIsortofstartedthewholeindependencething,youknow,whichisactuallywhyItookthisjob.

Terry:

Rachel,Rachel,sweetheart.You'reaterrible,terriblewaitress.Really,reallyawful.

Rachel:

Ok,I,Ihearwhatyou'resayin'.I'mwithyou.Um,butI,butI'mtryingreallyhard.AndIthinkI'mdoingbetter.Ireallydo.Doesanybodyneedcoffee?

（everyoneintheplaceraisestheirhand）Oh,lookatthat.

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

CentralPerk,Rachelisapproachingacustomer.]

Rachel:

Excuseme,sir.Hi,youcomeinherealltime.Iwasjustwondering,doyouthinkthere'sapossibilitythatyoucouldgivemeanadvanceonmytips?

Guy:

Huh?

Rachel:

Ok,ok,that'sfine.Fine.Hey,I'msorryaboutthatspillbefore.（picksupthetipheleaves）Only$98.50togo.

（Monicaenters.）

Monica:

Hey.Ross,didyouknowMomandDadaregoingtoPuertoRicoforThanksgiving?

Ross:

No,they'renot.

Monica:

Yes,theyare.TheBlymensinvitedthem.

Ross:

You'rewrong.

Monica:

Iamnotwrong.

Ross:

You'rewrong.

Monica:

No,Ijusttalkedtothem.

Ross:

（gettingup,upset）I'mcallingMom.

（Joeyenters.Hisfacelooksabnormallycolorful.）

Joey:

Hey,hey.

Chandler:

Hey.

Phoebe:

Hey.

Chandler:

Andthisfromthecry-for-helpdepartment.Areyouwearingmakeup?

Joey:

Yes,Iam.Asoftoday,IamofficiallyJoeyTribbiani,actorslashmodel.

Chandler:

That'ssofunny,'causeIwasthinkingyoulookmorelikeJoeyTribbiani,manslashwoman.

Phoebe:

Whatwereyoumodelingfor?

Joey:

Youknowthosepostersforthecityfreeclinic?

Monica:

Oh,wow,soyou'regonnabeoneofthose"healthy,healthy,healthyguys"?

Phoebe:

Youknow,theasthmaguywasreallycute.

Chandler:

Doyouknowwhichoneyou'regonnabe?

Joey:

No,butIhearlymediseaseisopen,so...（crossesfingers）

Chandler:

Goodluck,man.Ihopeyougetit.

Joey:

Thanks.

（Rosscomesbacktothecouch.）

Ross:

（toMonica）Well,youwereright.Howcantheydothistous,huh?

It'sThanksgiving.

Monica:

Ok,I'lltellyouwhat.HowaboutIcookdinneratmyplace?

I'llmakeitjustlikeMom's.

Ross:

Willyoumakethemashedpotatoeswiththelumps?

Monica:

Youknow,they'renotactuallysupposedtohave...（Rosslooksathersheepishly）I'llworkonthelumps.Joey,you'regoinghome,right?

Joey:

Yeah.

Monica:

AndIassume,Chandler,youarestillboycottingallthepilgrimholidays.

Chandler:

Yes,everysingleoneofthem.

Monica:

Phoebe,you'regonnabewithyourgrandma?

Phoebe:

Yes,andherboyfriend.Butwe'recelebratingThanksgivinginDecember'causeheislunar.

Monica:

Soyou'refreeThursday,then.

Phoebe:

Yeah.Oh,canIcome?

Monica:

Yeah.Rach,areyouthinkingyou'regonnamakeittoVail?

Rachel:

Absolutely.Shoop,shoop,shoop.Onlyahundredandtwodollarstogo.

Chandler:

Ithoughtitwas$98.50.

Rachel:

Yeah,wellitwas.I,Ibrokeacup.

Ross:

Well,I'mofftoCarol's.

Phoebe:

Ooh,ooh!

Whydon'tweinviteher?

Ross:

（mimicking）Ooh,ooh.Becauseshe'smyex-wife,andwillprobablywanttobringher,ooh,ooh,lesbianlifepartner.

[Scene:

CarolandSusan'sapartment,Susanisthere.Rossenters.]

Ross:

Hi,isuh,isCarolhere?

Susan:

No,she'satafacultymeeting.

Ross:

Oh,Iuh,justcamebytopickupmyskull.Well,notmine,but...Susan:

Comein.

Ross:

Thanks.Yeah,Carolborroweditforaclass,andIhavetogetitbacktothemuseum.

Susan:

What'sitlooklike?

Ross:

Kindalikeabigfacewithoutskin.

Susan:

Yes,I'mfamiliarwiththeconcept.Wecanjustlookforit.

Ross:

Ok.（browsingtheapartment）Wow,youguyssurehavealotofbooksaboutbein'alesbian.

Susan:

Well,youknow,youhavetotakeacourse.Otherwise,theydon'tletyoudoit.

Ross:

（pickingupabook）Hey,hey,YertletheTurtle.Aclassic.

Susan:

Actually,I'mreadingittothebaby.

Ross:

Theuh,thebabythathasn'tbeenbornyet?

Wouldn'tthatmeanyou're...crazy?

Susan:

What,youdon'tthinktheycanhearsoundsinthere?

Ross:

You'renotserious,Imean,youreally...youreallytalktoit?

Susan:

Yeah,allthetime.Iwantthebabytoknowmyvoice.

Ross:

Doyouuh,doyoutalkaboutme?

Susan:

Yeah,yeah,allthetime.

Ross:

Really?

Susan:

Butum,wejustrefertoyouasBobotheSpermGuy.

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,everyoneistherebutRachel.]

Ross:

Look,ifshe'stalkingtoit,IjustthinkthatIshouldgetsomebellytimetoo.NotthatIbelieveanyofthis.

Phoebe:

Oh,Ibelieveit.Ithinkthebabycantotallyheareverything.Icanshowyou.Look,thiswillseemalittleweird,butyouputyourheadinsidethisturkey,andthenwe'llalltalk,andyou'llheareverythingwesay.

Chandler:

I'djustliketosaythatI'mtotallybehindthisexperiment.Infact,I'dverymuchliketobutteryourhead.

（Rachelenters.）

Monica:

Hey,Rach,didyoumakeyourmoney?

Rachel:

No,notevenclose.ForgetVail,forgetseeingmyfamily,forgetshoop,shoop,shoop.

Monica:

Rach,here'syourmail.

Rachel:

Thanks,youcanjustputitonthetable.

Monica:

（insistently）No,here'syourmail.

Rachel:

Thanks,youcanjustputitonthetable.

Monica:

（givesheranenvelope）Wouldyoujustopenit?

（Rachelopensit.Insideisthemoneysheneeded.）

Rachel:

Ohmygod,oh,youguysaregreat.

Monica:

Weallchippedin.

Joey:

（toMonica）Wedid?

Monica:

（toJoey）Youoweme20bucks.

Rachel:

Thankyou.Thankyousomuch!

Monica:

（handsChandlerabag）Chandler,hereyougo,gotyourtraditionalThanksgivingfeast,yougotyourtomatosoup,yourgrilledcheesefixin's,andyourfamilysizebagofFunyuns.

Rachel:

Wait,wait,Chandler,thisiswhatyou'rehavin'forThanksgivingdinner?

What,what,whatisitwithyouandthisholiday?

Chandler:

Allright,I'mnineyearsold.

Ross:

Oh,Ihatethisstory.

Chandler:

WejustfinishedthismagnificentThanksgivingdinner.Ihave--andIrememberthispartvividly--amouthfulofpumpkinpie,andthisisthemomentmyparentschoosetotellmethey'regettingdivorced.

Rachel:

Ohmygod.

Chandler:

Yes.It'sverydifficulttoappreciateaThanksgivingdinneronceyou'veseenitinreverse.

[Scene:

Thesubway,Joeyspotsagorgeouswomanwaiting.Hegoesuptoher.]

Joey:

Uh,hi.Weuh,weusedtoworktogether.

Girl:

Wedid?

Joey:

Yeah,atMacy's.YouweretheObsessiongirl,right?

IwastheAramisguy.（pretendstospraycologne）Aramis?

Aramis?

Girl:

Yeah,right.

Joey:

Igottatellyou.You'rethebestinthebusiness.

Girl:

Getout.

Joey:

I'mserious.You'reamazing.Youknowwhentospritz,whentolayback.

Girl:

Really?

Youdon'tknowwhatthatmeanstome.

Joey:

Ooh,yousmellgreattonight.What'reyouwearing?

Girl:

（provocatively）Nothing.

Joey:

Listen,uh,youwannagogetadrinkorsomething?

Girl:

Yeah.（shegetsup,noticessomethingbehindJoey）Oh.

Joey:

What'swrong?

Girl:

Ijustremembered,Ihavetodosomething.

Joey:

Oh.What?

Girl:

Um,leave.

Joey:

Wait,wait,wait!

（Joeyturnsaroundandseeshisfaceonaposterinthesubway.Thepostersays:

WhatMarioisn'ttellingyou...V.D.,youneverknowwhomighthaveit.AvarietyofscenesareshownwiththeposterdisplayedalloverNewYorkCity.）

[Scene:

CentralPerk,Joeyenters,amongstsnickersfromthegang.]

Joey:

SoIguessyouallsawit.

Rachel:

Sawwhat?

Phoebe:

No,wewerejustlaughing.Youknow,howlaughtercanbeinfectious.

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,Joeyenters,upset.]

Joey:

SetanotherplaceforThanksgiving.MyentirefamilythinksIhaveVD.

Chandler:

Tonight,onaveryspecialBlossom.

CommercialBreak

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,MonicaiscookingThanksgivingdinner.Chandlerisstandinginthedoorway,notwantingtoparticipateinthefestivities.]

Monica:

Mmm,lookinggood.Ok,cider'smulling,turkey'sturking,yamsareyamming.（noticesRossisdepressed）What?

Ross:

Idon'tknow.It'sjustnotthesamewithoutMominthekitchen.

Monica:

Allright,that'sit.Youknowwhat?

Justgetoutofmywayandstopmoping.

Ross:

That'scloser.

（Rachelenters,excited.）

Rachel:

Igotthetickets!

Igotthetickets!

Fivehoursfromnow,shoop,shoop,shoop.

Chandler:

Oh,youmuststopshooping.

Rachel:

Ok,I'mgonnagetmystuff.

Joey:

Chandler,willyoujustcomeinalready?

Chandler:

No,Iprefertokeepasafedistancefromallthismerriment.

（PhoebetakesasliceofpumpkinpieandwavesitinfrontofChandler'sface.）

Phoebe:

Lookout,incomingpumpkinpie!

Chandler:

Ok,wealllaughedwhenyoudiditwiththestuffing,butthat'snotfunnyanymore.

（Chandlerleaves.）

Joey:

Hey,Monica,Igotaquestion.Idon'tseeanytatertots.

Monica:

That'snotaquestion.

Joey:

Butmymomalwaysmakesthem.It'slikeatradition.Yougetalittlepieceofturkeyonyourfork,alittlecranberrysauce,andatot!

It'sbadenoughIcan'tbewithmyfamilybecauseofmydisease.

Monica:

Allright,fine.Tonight'spotatoeswillbebothmashedwithlumps,andintheformoftots.

Ross:

Ok,I'mofftotalktomyunbornchild.

（Rossgrabsforsomefood,Monicaslapshishandaway.）

Monica:

Ah!

Ross:

Ok,Momneverhit.

（Rossexits.）

Phoebe:

（stirringpot）Ok,alldone.

Monica:

What,Phoebe,didyouwhipthepotatoes?

Rossneedslumps!

Phoebe:

Oh,I'msorry,oh,Ijust,Ithoughtwecouldhavethemwhippedandthenaddsomepeasa