Parsons Pleasure.docx

Parsons Pleasure.docx

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ParsonsPleasure

Parson’sPleasure

by

RoaldDahl

MRBOGGISWASDRIVINGthecarslowly,leaningbackcomfort¬ablyintheseatwithoneelbowrestingonthesilloftheopenwindow.Howbeautifulthecountryside,hethought;howpleasanttoseeasignortwoofsummeronceagain.Theprim¬rosesespecially.Andthehawthorn.Thehawthornwasexplodingwhiteandpinkandredalongthehedgesandtheprimrosesweregrowingunderneathinlittleclumps,anditwasbeautiful.

Hetookonehandoffthewheelandlithimselfacigarette.Thebestthingnow,hetoldhimself,wouldbetomakeforthetopofBrillHill.Hecouldseeitabouthalfamileahead.AndthatmustbethevillageofBrill,thatclusterofcottagesamongthetreesrightontheverysummit.Excel¬lent.NotmanyofhisSundaysectionshadaniceelevationlikethattoworkfrom.

Hedroveupthehillandstoppedthecarjustshortofthesummitontheoutskirtsofthevillage.Thenhegotoutandlookedaround.Downbelow,thecountrysidewasspreadoutbeforehimlikeahugegreencarpet.Hecouldseeformiles.Itwasperfect.Hetookapadandpencilfromhispocket,leanedagainstthebackofthecar,andallowedhispractisedeyetotravelslowlyoverthelandscape.

Hecouldseeonemediumfarmhouseoverontheright,backinthefields,withatrackleadingtoitfromtheroad.Therewasanotherlargeronebeyondit.TherewasahousesurroundedbytallelmsthatlookedasthoughitmightbeaQueenAnne,andthereweretwolikelyfarmsawayoverontheleft.Fiveplacesinall,Thatwasaboutthelotinthisdirection.

MrBoggisdrewaroughsketchonhispadshowingthepositionofeachsothathe'dbeabletofindthemeasilywhenhewasdownbelow,thenhegotbackintothecaranddroveupthroughthevillagetotheothersideofthehill.FromtherehespottedsixmorepossiblesfivefarmsandonebigwhiteGeorgianhouse.HestudiedtheGeorgianhousethroughhisbinoculars.Ithadacleanprosperouslook,andthegardenwaswellordered.Thatwasapity.Heruleditoutimmediately.Therewasnopointincallingontheprosperous.

Inthissquarethen,inthissectionthereweretenpossiblesinall.Tenwasanicenumber,MrBoggistoldhimself.Justtherightamountforaleisurelyafternoon'swork.Whattimewasitnow?

Twelveo'clock.HewouldhavelikedapintofbeerinthepubbeforehestartedbutonSundaystheydidn'topenuntilone.Verywell,hewouldhaveitlater.Heglancedatthenotesonhispad.HedecidedtotaketheQueenAnnefirst,thehousewiththeelms.Ithadlookednicelydilapidatedthroughthebinoculars.Thepeopletherecouldprobablydowithsomemoney.HewasalwaysluckywithQueenAnnes,anyway.MrBoggisclimbedbackintothecar,releasedthehandbrake,andbegancruisingslowlydownthehillwithouttheengine.

ApartfromthefactthathewasatthismomentdisguisedintheuniformofaclergymantherewasnothingverysinisteraboutMrCyrilBoggis.Bytradehewasadealerinantiquefurniture,withhisownshopandshowroomintheKing'sRoad,Chelsea.Hispremiseswerenotlarge,andgenerallyhedidn'tdoagreatdealofbusiness,butbecausehealwaysboughtcheap,veryverycheap,andsoldveryverydear,hemanagedtomakequiteatidylittleincomeeveryyear.Hewasatalentedsalesmanandwhenbuyingorsellingapiecehecouldslidesmoothlyintowhichevermoodsuitedtheclientbest.Hecouldbecomegraveandcharmingfortheagedobsequiousfortherich,soberforthegodly,master¬fulfortheweak,mischievousforthewidow,archandsaucyforthespinster.Hewaswellawareofhisgift,usingitshamelesslyoneverypossibleoccasion;andoften,attheendofanunusuallygoodperformance,itwasasmuchashecoulddotopreventhimselffromturningasideandtakingabowortwoasthethunderingapplauseoftheaudiencewentrollingthroughthetheatre.

Inspiteofthisratherclownishqualityofhis,MrBoggiswasnotafool.InfactitwassaidofhimbysomethatheprobablyknewasmuchaboutFrench,EnglishandItalianfurnitureasanyoneelseinLondon.Healsohadsurprisinglygoodtaste,andhewasquicktorecogniseandrejectanungracefuldesign,how¬evergenuinethearticlemightbe.Hisreallove,naturally,wasfortheworkofthegreateighteenthcenturyEnglishdesigners,Ince,Mayhew,Chippendale,RobertAdamsManwaringInigoJones,Hepplewhite,KentJohnsonGeorgeSmithLockSheraton,andtherestofthembutevenwiththeseheoccasionallydrewtheline.Herefusedforexample,toallowasinglepiecefromChippen¬dale'sChineseorGothicperiodtocomeintohisshowroomandthesamewastrueofsomeoftheheavierItaliandesignsofRobertAdam.

Duringthepastfewyears,MrBoggishadachievedconsider¬ablefameamonghisfriendsinthetradebyhisabilitytoproduceunusualandoftenquiterareitemswithastonishingregularity.Apparent¬lythemanhadasourceofsupplythatwasalmostinexhaustible,asortofprivatewarehouse,anditseemedthatallhehadtodowastodriveouttoitonceaweekandhelphimself.Whenevertheyaskedhimwherehegotthestuff,hewouldsmileknowinglyandwinkandmurmursomethingaboutalittlesecret.

TheideabehindMrBoggis'slittlesecretwasasimpleone,andithadcometohimasaresultofsomethingthathadhap¬penedonacertainSundayafternoonnearlynineyearsbefore,whilehewasdrivinginthecountry.

Hehadgoneoutinthemorningtovisithisoldmother,wholivedinSeveno¬aks,andonthewaybackthefan-beltonhiscarhadbroken,causingtheenginetooverheatandthewatertoboilaway.Hehadgotoutofthecarandwalkedtothenearesthouse,asmallishfarmbuildingaboutfiftyyardsofftheroadandhadaskedthewomanwhoansweredthedoorifhecouldpleasehaveajugofwater.

Whilehewaswaitingforhertofetchit,hehappenedtoglanceinthroughthedoortotheli¬vingroomandthere,notfiveyardsfromwherehewasstanding,hespottedsomethingthatmadehimsoexcitedthesweatbegantocomeoutalloverthetopofhishead.Itwasalargeoakarmchairofatypethathehadonlyseenoncebeforeinhislife.Eacharmaswellasthepanelattheback,wassupportedbyarowofeightbeautifullyturnedspindles.Thebackpanelitselfwasdecoratedbyaninlayofthemostdelicatefloraldesign,andtheheadofaduckwascarvedtoliealonghalfthelengthofeitherarm.GoodGodhethought.Thisthingislatefifteenthcentury!

Hepokedhisheadinfurtherthroughthedoor,andthere,byheavens,wasanotherofthemontheothersideofthefire¬place!

Hecouldn'tbesure,buttwochairslikethatmustbeworthatleastathousandpoundsupinLondon.Andoh,whatbeautiestheywere!

WhenthewomanreturnedMrBoggisintrodu¬cedhimselfandstraightawayaskedifshewouldliketosellherchairs.

Dearme,shesaid.Butwhyonearthshouldshewanttosellherchairs?

Noreasonatall,exceptthathemightbewillingtogiveheraprettyniceprice.

Andhowmuchwouldhegive?

Theyweredefinitelynotforsale,butjustoutofcuriosity,justforfun,youknow,howmuchwouldhegive?

Thirtyfivepounds.

Howmuch?

Thirtyfivepounds.

Dearme,thirtyfivepounds.Well,well,thatwasveryinterest¬ing.She'dalwaysthoughttheywerevaluable.Theywereveryold.Theywereverycomfortabletoo.Shecouldn'tpossiblydowithoutthem,notpossibly.No,theywerenotforsalebutthankyouverymuchallthesame.

Theyweren'treallysoveryoldMrBoggistoldher,andtheywouldn'tbeatalleasytosell,butitjusthappenedthathehadaclientwhoratherlikedthatsortofthing.Maybehecouldgoupanothertwopoundscallitthirtyse¬ven.Howaboutthat?

Theybargainedforhalfanhour,andofcourseintheendMrBoggisgotthechairsandagreedtopayhersomethinglessthanatwentiethoftheirvalue.

Thatevening,drivingbacktoLondoninhisoldstationwagonwiththetwofabulouschairstuckedawaysnuglyinthebackMrBoggishadsuddenlybeenstruckbywhatseemedtohimtobeamostremarkableidea.

‘Lookhere’,hesaid.‘Ifthereisgoodstuffinonefarmhouse,thenwhynotinothers?

’Whyshouldn'thesearchforit?

Whyshouldn'thecombthecountryside?

HecoulddoitonSundays.Inthatway,itwouldn'tinterferewithhisworkatall.HeneverknewwhattodowithhisSundays.

SoMrBoggisboughtmaps,largescalemapsofallthecoun¬tiesaroundLondon,andwithafinepenhedividedeachofthemupintoaseriesofsquares.Eachofthesesquarescoveredanactualareaoffivemilesbyfive,whichwasaboutasmuchterritory,heestimatedashecouldcopewithonasingleSunday,werehetocombitthoroughly.Hedidn'twantthetownsandthevillages.Itwasthecomparativelyisolatedplaces,thelargefarm¬housesandtheratherdilapidatedcountrymansions,thathewaslookingforandinthisway,ifhedidonesquareeachSunday,fiftytwosquaresayear,hewouldgraduallycovereveryfarmandeverycountryhouseinthehomecounties.

Butobviouslytherewasabitmoretoitthanthat.Countryfolkareasuspici¬ouslotSoaretheimpoverishedrich.Youcan'tgoaboutringingtheirbellsandexpectingthemtoshowyouaroundtheirhousesjustfortheasking,becausetheywon'tdoit.Thatwayyouwouldnevergetbeyondthefrontdoor.Howthenwashetogainadmittance?

Perhapsitwouldbebestifhedidn'tletthemknowhewasadealeratall.Hecouldbethetelephoneman,theplumber,thegasinspector.Hecouldevenbeaclergy¬man....'

Fromthispointon,thewholeschemebegantotakeonamorepracticalaspect.MrBoggisorderedalargequantityofsuperiorcardsonwhichthefollowinglegendwasengraved:

THEREVEREND

CYRILWINNINGTONBOGGIS

PresidentoftheSocietyforthePreserva¬ti¬onof¬RareFurniture.Inassocia¬ti