711 Inside the mind of a master procrastinator.docx
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711Insidethemindofamasterprocrastinator
7-1.1
TimUrban
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TED2016
Insidethemindofamasterprocrastinator
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Soincollege,Iwasagovernmentmajor,whichmeansIhadtowritealotofpapers.Now,whenanormalstudentwritesapaper,theymightspreadtheworkoutalittlelikethis.So,youknow--
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yougetstartedmaybealittleslowly,butyougetenoughdoneinthefirstweekthat,withsomeheavierdayslateron,everythinggetsdone,thingsstaycivil.
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AndIwouldwanttodothatlikethat.Thatwouldbetheplan.Iwouldhaveitallreadytogo,butthen,actually,thepaperwouldcomealong,andthenIwouldkindofdothis.
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Andthatwouldhappeneverysinglepaper.
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Butthencamemy90-pageseniorthesis,apaperyou'resupposedtospendayearon.AndIknewforapaperlikethat,mynormalworkflowwasnotanoption.Itwaswaytoobigaproject.SoIplannedthingsout,andIdecidedIkindofhadtogosomethinglikethis.Thisishowtheyearwouldgo.SoI'dstartofflight,andI'dbumpitupinthemiddlemonths,andthenattheend,Iwouldkickitupintohighgearjustlikealittlestaircase.Howhardcoulditbetowalkupthestairs?
Nobigdeal,right?
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Butthen,thefunniestthinghappened.Thosefirstfewmonths?
Theycameandwent,andIcouldn'tquitedostuff.Sowehadanawesomenewrevisedplan.
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Andthen--
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Butthenthosemiddlemonthsactuallywentby,andIdidn'treallywritewords,andsowewerehere.Andthentwomonthsturnedintoonemonth,whichturnedintotwoweeks.AndonedayIwokeupwiththreedaysuntilthedeadline,stillnothavingwrittenaword,andsoIdidtheonlythingIcould:
Iwrote90pagesover72hours,pullingnotonebuttwoall-nighters--humansarenotsupposedtopulltwoall-nighters--sprintedacrosscampus,doveinslowmotion,andgotitinjustatthedeadline.
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Ithoughtthatwastheendofeverything.ButaweeklaterIgetacall,andit'stheschool.Andtheysay,"IsthisTimUrban?
"AndIsay,"Yeah."Andtheysay,"Weneedtotalkaboutyourthesis."AndIsay,"OK."Andtheysay,"It'sthebestonewe'veeverseen."
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（Applause）
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Thatdidnothappen.
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Itwasavery,verybadthesis.
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Ijustwantedtoenjoythatonemomentwhenallofyouthought,"Thisguyisamazing!
"
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No,no,itwasvery,verybad.Anyway,todayI'mawriter-bloggerguy.IwritetheblogWaitButWhy.Andacoupleofyearsago,Idecidedtowriteaboutprocrastination.Mybehaviorhasalwaysperplexedthenon-procrastinatorsaroundme,andIwantedtoexplaintothenon-procrastinatorsoftheworldwhatgoesonintheheadsofprocrastinators,andwhywearethewayweare.Now,Ihadahypothesisthatthebrainsofprocrastinatorswereactuallydifferentthanthebrainsofotherpeople.Andtotestthis,IfoundanMRIlabthatactuallyletmescanbothmybrainandthebrainofaprovennon-procrastinator,soIcouldcomparethem.Iactuallybroughtthemheretoshowyoutoday.Iwantyoutotakealookcarefullytoseeifyoucannoticeadifference.Iknowthatifyou'renotatrainedbrainexpert,it'snotthatobvious,butjusttakealook,OK?
Sohere'sthebrainofanon-procrastinator.
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Now...here'smybrain.
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Thereisadifference.BothbrainshaveaRationalDecision-Makerinthem,buttheprocrastinator'sbrainalsohasanInstantGratificationMonkey.Now,whatdoesthismeanfortheprocrastinator?
Well,itmeanseverything'sfineuntilthishappens.
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[Thisisaperfecttimetogetsomeworkdone.][Nope!
]
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SotheRationalDecision-Makerwillmaketherationaldecisiontodosomethingproductive,buttheMonkeydoesn'tlikethatplan,soheactuallytakesthewheel,andhesays,"Actually,let'sreadtheentireWikipediapageoftheNancyKerrigan/TonyaHardingscandal,becauseIjustrememberedthatthathappened.
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Then--
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Thenwe'regoingtogoovertothefridge,toseeifthere'sanythingnewintheresince10minutesago.Afterthat,we'regoingtogoonaYouTubespiralthatstartswithvideosofRichardFeynmantalkingaboutmagnetsandendsmuch,muchlaterwithuswatchinginterviewswithJustinBieber'smom.
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"Allofthat'sgoingtotakeawhile,sowe'renotgoingtoreallyhaveroomonthescheduleforanyworktoday.Sorry!
"
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（Sigh）
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Now,whatisgoingonhere?
TheInstantGratificationMonkeydoesnotseemlikeaguyyouwantbehindthewheel.Helivesentirelyinthepresentmoment.Hehasnomemoryofthepast,noknowledgeofthefuture,andheonlycaresabouttwothings:
easyandfun.
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Now,intheanimalworld,thatworksfine.Ifyou'readogandyouspendyourwholelifedoingnothingotherthaneasyandfunthings,you'reahugesuccess!
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AndtotheMonkey,humansarejustanotheranimalspecies.Youhavetokeepwell-slept,well-fedandpropagatingintothenextgeneration,whichintribaltimesmighthaveworkedOK.But,ifyouhaven'tnoticed,nowwe'renotintribaltimes.We'reinanadvancedcivilization,andtheMonkeydoesnotknowwhatthatis.Whichiswhywehaveanotherguyinourbrain,theRationalDecision-Maker,whogivesustheabilitytodothingsnootheranimalcando.Wecanvisualizethefuture.Wecanseethebigpicture.Wecanmakelong-termplans.Andhewantstotakeallofthatintoaccount.Andhewantstojusthaveusdowhatevermakessensetobedoingrightnow.Now,sometimesitmakessensetobedoingthingsthatareeasyandfun,likewhenyou'rehavingdinnerorgoingtobedorenjoyingwell-earnedleisuretime.That'swhythere'sanoverlap.Sometimestheyagree.Butothertimes,itmakesmuchmoresensetobedoingthingsthatareharderandlesspleasant,forthesakeofthebigpicture.Andthat'swhenwehaveaconflict.Andfortheprocrastinator,thatconflicttendstoendacertainwayeverytime,leavinghimspendingalotoftimeinthisorangezone,aneasyandfunplacethat'sentirelyoutoftheMakesSensecircle.IcallittheDarkPlayground.
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Now,theDarkPlaygroundisaplacethatallofyouprocrastinatorsoutthereknowverywell.It'swhereleisureactivitieshappenattimeswhenleisureactivitiesarenotsupposedtobehappening.ThefunyouhaveintheDarkPlaygroundisn'tactuallyfun,becauseit'scompletelyunearned,andtheairisfilledwithguilt,dread,anxiety,self-hatred--allofthosegoodprocrastinatorfeelings.Andthequestionis,inthissituation,withtheMonkeybehindthewheel,howdoestheprocrastinatorevergethimselfoverheretothisbluezone,alesspleasantplace,butwherereallyimportantthingshappen?
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Well,turnsouttheprocrastinatorhasaguardianangel,someonewho'salwayslookingdownonhimandwatchingoverhiminhisdarkestmoments--someonecalledthePanicMonster.
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Now,thePanicMonsterisdormantmostofthetime,buthesuddenlywakesupanytimeadeadlinegetstoocloseorthere'sdangerofpublicembarrassment,acareerdisasterorsomeotherscaryconsequence.Andimportantly,he'stheonlythingtheMonkeyisterrifiedof.Now,hebecameveryrelevantinmylifeprettyrecently,becausethepeopleofTEDreachedouttomeaboutsixmonthsagoandinvitedmetodoaTEDTalk.
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Now,ofcourse,Isaidyes.It'salwaysbeenadreamofminetohavedoneaTEDTalkinthepast.
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（Applause）Butinthemiddleofallthisexcitement,theRationalDecision-Makerseemedtohavesomethingelseonhismind.Hewassaying,"Areweclearonwhatwejustaccepted?
Dowegetwhat'sgoingtobenowhappeningonedayinthefuture?
Weneedtositdownandworkonthisrightnow."AndtheMonkeysaid,"Totallyagree,butlet'sjustopenGoogleEarthandzoomintothebottomofIndia,like200feetabovetheground,andscrollupfortwoandahalfhourstilwegettothetopofthecountry,sowecangetabetterfeelforIndia."
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Sothat'swhatwedidthatday.
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Assixmonthsturnedintofourandthentwoandthenone,thepeopleofTEDdecidedtoreleasethespeakers.AndIopenedupthewebsite,andtherewasmyfacestaringrightbackatme.Andguesswhowokeup?
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SothePanicMonsterstartslosinghismind,andafewsecondslater,thewholesystem'sinmayhem.
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AndtheMonkey--remember,he'sterrifiedofthePanicMonster--boom,he'supthetree!
Andfinally,finally,theRationalDecision-MakercantakethewheelandIcanstartworkingonthetalk.
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Now,thePanicMonsterexplainsallkindsofprettyinsaneprocrastinatorbehavior,likehowsomeonelikemecouldspendtwoweeksunabletostarttheopeningsentenceofapaper,andthenmiraculouslyfindtheunbelievableworkethictostayupallnightandwriteeightpages.Andthisentiresituation,withthethreecharacters--thisistheprocrastinator'ssystem.It'snotpretty,butintheend,itworks.ThisiswhatIdecidedtowriteaboutontheblogacoupleofyearsago.
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WhenIdid,Iwasamazedbytheresponse.Literallythousandsofemailscamein,fromalldifferentkindsofpeoplefromallovertheworld,doingalldifferentkindsofthings.Thesearepeoplewhowerenurses,bankers
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