ToRoomNineteenDORISLESSIN十九号房英文原文.docx
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ToRoomNineteenDORISLESSIN十九号房英文原文
To-Room-Nineteen——DORIS-LESSIN十九号房英文原文
DORISLESSING
Lessing1/les/,Doris(May)(b.1919),Britishnovelistandshort-storywriter,broughtupinRhodesia.AnactiveCommunistinheryouth,shefrequentlydealswithsocialandpoliticalconflictsinherfiction,especiallyastheyaffectwomen;TheGoldenNotebook(1962)washailedasalandmarkbythewomen'smovement.OtherworksincludeTheGrassisSinging(1950)aboutinterracialrelationshipsinAfrica,andaquintetofscience-fictionnovelscollectivelyentitledCanopusinArgus:
Archives(1979-83).ShewonNobelPrizeforLiteraturein2007.
ToRoomNineteen
Thisisastory,Isuppose,aboutafailureinintelligence:
theRawlings’marriagewasgroundedinintelligence.
Theywereolderwhentheymarriedthanmostoftheirmarriedfriends:
intheirwell-seasonedlatetwenties.Bothhadhadanumberofaffairs,sweetratherthanbitter;andwhentheyfellinlove—fortheydidfallinlove—hadknowneachotherforsometime.Theyjokedthattheyhadsavedeachother“fortherealthing.”Thattheyhadwaitedsolong(butnottoolong)forthisrealthingwastothemaproofoftheirsensiblediscrimination.Agoodmanyoftheirfriendshadmarriedyoung,andnow(theyfelt)probablyregrettedlostopportunities;whileothers,stillunmarried,seemedtothemarid,self-doubting,andlikelytomakedesperateorromanticmarriages.
Notonlythey,butothers,felttheywerewellmatched:
theirfriends’delightwasanadditionalproofoftheirhappiness.Theyhadplayedthesameroles,maleandfemale,inthisgrouporset,ifsuchawide,looselyconnected,constantlychangingconstellationofpeoplecouldbecalledaset.Theyhadbothbecome,byvirtueoftheirmoderation,theirhumour,andtheirabstinencefrompainfulexperiencepeopletowhomotherscameforadvice.Theycouldbe,andwere,reliedon.Itwasoneofthosecasesofamanandawomanlinkingthemselveswhomnooneelsehadeverthoughtoflinking,probablybecauseoftheirsimilarities.Buttheneveryoneexclaimed:
Ofcourse!
Howright!
Howwasitweneverthoughtofitbefore!
Andsotheymarriedamidgeneralrejoicing,andbecauseoftheirforesightandtheirsenseforwhatwasprobable,nothingwasasurprisetothem.
Bothhadwell-paidjobs.MatthewwasasubeditoronalargeLondonnewspaper,andSusanworkedinanadvertisingfirm.Hewasnotthestuffofwhicheditorsorpublicisedjournalistsaremade,buthewasmuchmorethan“asubeditor,”beingoneoftheessentialbackgroundpeoplewhoinfactsteady,inspireandmakepossiblethepeopleinthelimelight.Hewascontentwiththisposition.Susanhadatalentforcommercialdrawing.Shewashumorousabouttheadvertisementsshewasresponsiblefor,butshedidnotfeelstronglyaboutthemonewayortheother.
Both,beforetheymarried,hadhadpleasantflats,buttheyfeltitunwisetobaseamarriageoneitherflat,becauseitmightseemlikeasubmissionofpersonalityonthepartoftheonewhoseflatitwasnot.TheymovedintoanewflatinSouthKensingtonontheclearunderstandingthatwhentheirmarriagehadsettleddown(aprocesstheyknewwouldnottakelong,andwasinfactmoreahumorousconcessiontopopularwisdomthanwhatwasduetothemselves)theywouldbuyahouseandstartafamily.
Andthisiswhathappened.Theylivedintheircharmingflatfortwoyears,givingpartiesandgoingtothem,beingapopularyoungmarriedcouple,andthenSusanbecamepregnant,shegaveupherjob,andtheyboughtahouseinRichmond.Itwastypicalofthiscouplethattheyhadasonfirst,thenadaughter,thentwins,sonanddaughter.Everythingright,appropriate,andwhateveryonewouldwishfor,iftheycouldchoose.Butpeopledidfeelthesetwohadchosen;thisbalancedandsensiblefamilywasnomorethanwhatwasduetothembecauseoftheirinfalliblesenseforchoosingright.
AndsotheylivedwiththeirfourchildrenintheirgardenedhouseinRichmondandWerehappy.Theyhadeverythingtheyhadwantedandhadplanned
for.
Andyet...
Well,eventhiswasexpected,thattheremustbeacertainflatness....
Yes,yes,ofcourse,itwasnaturaltheysometimesfeltlikethis.Likewhat?
Theirlifeseemedtobelikeasnakebitingitstail.Matthew’sjobforthesakeofSusan,children,house,andgarden—whichcaravanseraineededawell-paidjobtomaintainit.AndSusan’spracticalintelligenceforthesakeofMatthew,thechildren,thehouseandthegarden—whichunitwouldhavecollapsedinaweekwithouther.
Buttherewasnopointaboutwhicheithercouldsay:
“Forthesakeofthisisalltherest.”Children?
Butchildrencan’tbeacentreoflifeandareasonforbeing.Theycanbeathousandthingsthataredelightful,interesting,satisfying,buttheycan’tbeawellspringtolivefrom.Ortheyshouldn’tbe.SusanandMatthewknewthatwellenough.
Matthew’sjob?
Ridiculous.Itwasaninterestingjob,butscarcelyareasonforliving.Matthewtookprideindoingitwell;buthecouldhardlybeexpectedtobeproudofthenewspaper:
thenewspaperheread,hisnewspaper,wasnottheoneheworkedfor.
Theirloveforeachother?
Well,thatwasnearestit.Ifthiswasn’tacentre,whatwas?
Yes,itwasaroundthispoint,theirlove,thatthewholeextraordinarystructurerevolved.Forextraordinaryitcertainlywas.BothSusanandMatthewhadmomentsofthinkingso,oflookinginsecretdisbeliefatthisthingtheyhadcreated:
marriage,fourchildren,bighouse,garden,charwomen,
presumablyitwasn’timportanteitherwhenMatthewandIfirstwenttobedwitheachotherthatafternoonwhosedelightevennow(likeaverylongshadowatsundown)laysalong,wand-likefingeroverus.(WhydidIsaysundown?
)Well,ifwhatwefeltthatafternoonwasnotimportant,nothingisimportant,becauseifithadn’tbeenforwhatwefelt,wewouldn’tbeMr.andMrs.Rawlingswithfourchildren,etc.,etc.Thewholethingisabsurd—forhimtohavecomehomeandtoldmewasabsurd.Forhimnottohavetoldmewasabsurd.Formetocare,orforthatmatternottocare,isabsurd...andwhoisMyraJenkins?
Why,nooneatall.
Therewasonlyonethingtodo,andofcoursethesesensiblepeopledidit:
theyputthethingbehindthem,andconsciously,knowingwhattheyweredoing,movedforwardintoadifferentphaseoftheirmarriage,givingthanksforpastgoodfortuneastheydidso.
Foritwasinevitablethatthehandsome,blond,attractive,manlyman,MatthewRawlings,shouldbeattimestempted(oh,whataword!
)bytheattractivegirlsatpartiesshecouldnotattendbecauseofthefourchildren;andthatsometimeshewouldsuccumb(awordevenmorerepulsive,ifpossible)andthatshe,agood-lookingwomaninthebigwell-tendedgardenatRichmond,wouldsometimesbepiercedasbyanarrowfromtheskywithbitterness.Exceptthatbitternesswasnotinorder,itwasoutofcourt.Didthecasualgirlstouchthemarriage?
Theydidnot.RatheritwastheywhoknewdefeatbecauseofthehandsomeMatthewRawlings’marriagebodyandsoultoSusanRawlings.
InthatcasewhydidSusanfeel(thoughluckilynotforlongerthanafewsecondsatatime)asiflifehadbecomeadesert,andthatnothingmattered,andthatherchildrenwerenotherown?
Meanwhileherintelligencecontinuedtoassertthatallwaswell.WhatifherMatthewdidhaveanoccasionalsweetafternoon,theoddaffair?
Forsheknewquitewell,exceptinhermomentsofaridity,thattheywereveryhappy,thattheaffairswerenotimportant.
Perhapsthatwasthetrouble?
Itwasinthenatureofthingsthattheadventuresanddelightscouldnolongerbehers,becauseofthefourchildrenandthebighousethatneededsomuchattention.Butperhapsshewassecretlywishing,andevenknowingthatshedid,thatthewildnessandthebeautycouldbehis.Buthewasmarriedtoher.Shewasmarriedtohim.Theyweremarriedinextricably.Andthereforethegodscouldnotstrikehimwiththerealmagic,notreally.Well,wasitSusan’sfaultthatafterhecamehomefromanadventurehelookedharassedratherthanfulfilled?
(Infact,thatwashowsheknewhehadbeenunfaithful,becauseofhissullenair,andhisglancesather,similartohersathim:
WhatisitthatIsharewiththispersonthatshieldsalldelightfromme?
)Butnoneofitbyanybody’sfault.(Butwhatdidtheyfeeloughttobesomebody’sfault?
)Nobody’sfault,nothingtobeatfault,noonetoblame,noonetoofferortotakeit...andnothingwrong,either,exceptthatMatthewneverwasreallystruck,ashewantedtobe,byjoy;andthatSusanwasmoreandmoreoftenthreatenedbyemptiness.(Itwasusuallyinthegardenthatshewasinvadedbythisfeeling:
shewascomingtoavoidthegarden,unlessthechildrenorMatthewwerewithher.)Therewasnoneedtousethedramaticwords,unfaithful,forgive,andtherest:
intelligenceforbadethem.Intelligencebarred,too,quarrelling,sulking,anger,silencesofwithdrawal,accusationsandtears.Aboveall,intelligenceforbidstears.
Ahighpricehastobepaidforthehappymarriagewiththefourhealthychildreninthelargewhitegardenedhouse.
Andtheywerepayingit,willingly,knowingwhattheyweredoing.Whentheylaysidebysideorbreasttobreastinthebigcivilisedbedroomoverlookingthewildsulliedriver,theylaughed,often,fornoparticularreason;buttheyknewitwasreallybecauseofthesetwosmallpeople,SusanandMatthew,supportingsuchanedificeontheirintelligentlove.Thelaughcomfortedthem;itsavedthemboth,thoughfromwhat,theydidnotknow.
Theywerenowbothfortyish.Theolderchildren,boyandgirlweretenandeight,atschool.Thetwins,six,werestillathome.Susandidnothavenursesorgirlstohelpher:
childhoodisshort;andsh