02 购物狂的自白.docx
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02购物狂的自白
WhenIwasalittlegirl
therewererealpricesandmomprices.
Realpricesgotyoushiny
sparklythingsthatlastedthreeweeks
andmompricesgotyoubrownthings...
...thatlastedforever.
Younoticetheywerepercentoff?
Lookat...
ButwhenIlooked
intoshopwindows
Isawanotherworld.
Adreamyworldfullofperfectthings.
Aworldwheregrownupgirls
gotwhattheywanted.
Theywerebeautiful.
Likefairiesorprincesses.
Theydidn'tevenneedanymoney
theyhadmagiccards.
Iwantedone.
LittledidIknow...
...Iwouldendupwith.
RebeccaBloomwood.
OccupationJournalist.
JacketVisa.DressAMEX.
BeltMasterCard.
It'svintage.AndIgot
onepercentcashback.
BagGucci!
Andwortheverypenny.
MovingtoNewYorkImetguys.
Andthatkindofputthings
inperspective.
'Causeyouknowthatthingwhenyousee
someonecuteandhesmiles
andyourheartkindofgoes
likewarmbutter
slidingdownhottoast?
Wellthat'swhatit'slike
whenIseeastore.
Onlyit'sbetter.
Yousee
amanwillneverloveyou
ortreatyouaswellasastore.
Ifamandoesn'tfityoucan't
exchangehimsevendayslater
foragorgeouscashmeresweater.
Andastorealwayssmellsgood.
Astorecanawakenalustforthings
youneverevenknewyouneeded.
Andwhenyourfingersgrasp
thoseshinynewbags...
Ohyes!
Ohyes!
Ohno...Ispent$.
Soyouarecovering
theyardandtooIexporight?
I'monit.
OKdon'tpanic.
Calm.Calm.Bloomingdale's.
Wellthatwouldbethepants.
Ihadtogetthepantstomatchthe...
Ohshoes.
I...
Holdon...
Somebody'sstoIenmycreditcard!
OhmyGod.
SomebodyhasstoIen
mycreditcardandgone
onaninsanespendingspree
aroundNewYork.
No!
Yeah!
OutdoorWorId?
I'veneverbeen
toOutdoorWorId.
Yesyouhave.
Youboughtthattentremember?
NoIdidn't.
ForKristen'sgoingawaypresent.
Neverseenatent.
IorganizedthecoIIection
andgaveyouthemoney.
Oh...
''SpeciaIskiIIsFencing''?
FIuentinFinnish?
What?
Whodoesn'tpadtheirresume?
Shoe!
Thanks.
Whycan'tyougetchanged
inyourownoffice?
AndIeteveryoneatGardeningToday
knowI'vesecretIyarranged
aninterviewatAlettemagazine?
DidImentionIhave
aninterviewatAlettemagazine?
OnIyaboutabiIIiontimes.
OK...
It'skindofaIeapisn'tit?
Gardeningtofashion?
ImeannotthatImeant
youcouIdn'tdoit...
Suze...sinceIwas
IwantedtoworkatAlettemagazine.
IfIcanjustgetthisjob
IwiIIbehappyforever.
Wow.
Rebeccayoujust
gotacreditcardbillof$.
Youdonotneedascarf.
Thenagain...
...whoneedsascarf?
WrapsomeoIdjeansaround
yourneckthat'IIkeepyouwarm.
That'swhatyourmotherwouIddo.
You'rerightshewouId.
Thepointaboutthisscarfisthat
itwouIdbecomepart
ofadefinitionofyour...
Ofyourpsyche.
DoyouseewhatImean?
NoIdo.KeeptaIking.
ItwouIdmakeyoureyesIookbigger.
Mmm...
ItwouIdmakemyhaircut
Iookmoreexpensive.
You'dwearitwitheverything.
ItwouIdbeaninvestment.
YouwouIdwaIkinto
thatinterviewconfident.
Confident.
Andpoised.
Poised.
ThegirIinthegreenscarf.
ThegreenscarfpIease.
Goodchoice.It'stheIastone.
That'IIbe$.
HowwouIdyouIiketopay?
Here's$incash
canyouputonthiscard...
Tenonthat.
Twentyonthat.
It'ssocute.
DecIined.
ReaIIy?
CouIdyoujust...
CouIdyoutryitagain?
ReaIIydecIined.
CouIdyouputthistooneside...?
Ican'thoIdsaIeitems.
Excuseme.It'sanemergency.
BackoftheIine!
Excusemethisisanemergency.
Excuseyouexcuseme!
Doyoudocashback?
What?
IfIgiveyouacheckfor$
wiIIyougiveme
oneofyourhotdogs
and$cashbackpIease?
DoIIookIikeabank?
Ihaveaninterview.
Theydon'thoIditems.
It'sadesperateIyimportantscarf.
DesperateIyimportantscarf.
Knowwhat?
It'sformygreataunt.
She'sinthehospitaI.
Canyouaskthem
toturntheheatingup?
Wantmustardwiththat?
PIease.IwiIIbuyaIIofyourhotdogs.
You'IItakehotdogs?
Done.
WhodoImakeit...
Thatmeansyoujustpaid
$forahotdog!
YouwantyourscarfIwantmyhotdog.
Costandworth
areverydifferentthings.
Thankyou!
Myaunt
wiIIreaIIyappreciateit.
Hi.
Hi.
I'mherefortheinterview
atAlettemagazine.
Alette...OhfiIIedinternaIIy.
Yesterday.
TheydidpostitontheWeb.
Let'sseewhogotthejob?
Oh...
SpeakofthedeviI.
AIicia...BiIIington.
ShehastheIongestIegsintheworId.
ShenotesresentfuIIy.
Great.FauIty.
Nicescarf.
Thanks.Iboughtitfortheinterview.
Scusi...Comeon.
AswespeakinterviewsarebeingheId
atSuccessfulSaving.
Themoneymagazine?
SnortnotsweetchiId.
AlettemaybeyourEmeraIdCity
butSuccessfulSaving
couIdbeyouryeIIowbrickroad.
DantayWestisafamiIyofmagazines
thatactsIikeafamiIy.
DeepIynepotistic.Ugh.
SomyadvicetoyoudearDorothy
isthus...
Onceyou'rein...you'rein.
I'min.
HeIIoSuccessfulSaving.
Ms.BIoomwood?
Sowhatformdoesthisinterviewtake?
IsitjustmainIy
ageneraIchathobbies...
Ohnonono.
It'sveryspecificonfinance.
ButterfIyinvestmentsfutures.
Thatsortofthing.
Buthe'sworth.biIIion...
GoodIuck.
Thanks.
WetaIkedandtaIked.Saidnothing.
YeahofcourseIdid.
HeunderstandstheruIes.
It'saIways...
OfcoursewegotthebiII.
ListenI'vegottogo.
I'minterviewing.
Mmmm.
Yeahnonotme...Bye.
Sorryaboutthat.
RightumRebecca...
Ah!
Wemet!
Hi!
Wedid.Thankyou.
Sickauntscarf.Yep.
Didyougetittoher?
Idid.Andwhenastranger
iskindIikethatit'sjust...
Wow.
That'sIoveIy.Um...
Doyouhavearesumeforme?
Ido.YesIdo!
Ah...
I...couIdprettymuchjustteIIyou.
MynameisRebeccaBIoomwood
I'vebeenajournaIistforfiveyears.
I'mverycomfortabIejuggIingnumbers
IspeakfIuentFinnishIknow...
Finnish?
YesFinnish.
I'maIso...
That'sinteresting.WhyFinnish?
What'sbehindyou?
Um...
OhmyGod.
Ohit'sanakedman.Ohsorry.
Itgavemesuchafright.Iuh...
Ididn'tknowwhatitwas.
CIearIyhe'sbeheaded.
WhowouIddothattohim?
WeIIafewquestions.
ButIook!
Makesyouwonder
whatthey'reIookingat
onthefifthfIoorright?
YoucouIdturnyourdeskaround
andjuststareatitaIIday.
IwouId.
Not.
Ms.BIoomwood.
I'mnotapervert.
Sitdown.
I'msorryI'mterribIeatinterviews.
AnyfinanciaIstoriesthathave
caughtyoureyerecentIy?
Yes.AndIamgIad
thatyoubroughtthatup.
BecauseIamfurious.
NoIreaIIyam.
NoImeanwhatisthestory
withtherecentfishcrisis?
Fishcrisis?
FiscaI...crisis.
FiscaIcrisis.
Terrifying.FiscaIIyImean.
Howso?
ForthefiscaIfamiIy.
I'msorry.
Notamomenttoosoon.
Ms.BIoomwoodyoudroppedyourscarf.
Shedied.
OhMs.BIoomwoodyouhavehad
averyverytoughminutes.
I'mgIadyouunderstand!
SomanypeopIejust...Right.
OKsoIwouIdproposewecurtaiI...
Didyoujustscrubmynameoff?
Ohno.Routine.
Thatseemspremature.
OKI'mgonnaproposethat
wecurtaiIthisinterviewforthwith.
SoI'IIIeaveyouandyournumbers
butthankyouverymuchforseeingme
andIappreciate...Oh!
Iappreciateeverything.
Goodday.
Goodday.
Comeon.Let'sgogive
Mrs.GreatOutdoorshertent.
She'snotretiring.
What?
She'sabandoningasinkingship.
ThatIittIerat!
Themagazine's
foIdingandsheknew!
Sheknewandshedidn'tteIIanybody.
WeIIonthebrightside
youhatedworkingforthatmagazine.
ItwasmyincomeSuze.
Ineedmyincome!
OKBexthemostimportantthing
isnottopanic.
Don'tanswerthephone!
No!
ItmightbeadebtcoIIector!
HeIIo?
It'sDerekSmeath.
TheIist.GettheIist!
IthinkIsawitoverhere.
TaketheIamp!
It'shere!
BIoomingdaIe's...
HospitaIfordepression.
DetainedinFinIandonwork.
Visadeaddog.
AIICityDebtCoIIection.
Youhavetodoit.
HeIIo!
Hi!
Ms.Bloomwood?
Hello.
I'msorry.It'sactuaIIynot.
She'sstiIIrecoveringfrom...
Youknow...OK.
I'IIhavehercaIIyouassoonas...
Yes?
Assoonasshe'scomeback
from...From...
FinIand!
FinIand!
Clearlyshe'snottoo...
Aah!
Whydosomanyofyourexcuses
invoIveFinIand?
'Causenoonechecksup
onFinIandTarkie.
HowamIgoingtopayyoutherentnow?
WeIII'mrippingupyourrentcheck!
NoSuzeyoucan'tdoitagain.
It'smya