At that time I was just a child第三节.docx

At that time I was just a child第三节.docx

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AtthattimeIwasjustachild第三节

Chapter3Homeboy

IlookedlikeLi'lAbner.Mason,Michigan,waswrittenalloverme.Mykinky,reddishhairwascuthickstyle,andIdidn'tevenusegreaseinit.Mygreensuit'scoatsleevesstoppedabovemywrists,thepantslegsshowedthreeinchesofsocks.Justashadelightergreenthanthesuitwasmynarrow-collared,three-quarterlengthLansingdepartmentstoretopcoat.MyappearancewastoomuchforevenElla.ButshetoldmelatershehadseencountrifiedmembersoftheLittlefamilycomeupfromGeorgiainevenworseshapethanIwas.

　　Ellahadfixedupanicelittleupstairsroomforme.AndshewastrulyaGeorgiaNegrowomanwhenshegotintothekitchenwithherpotsandpans.Shewasthekindofcookwhowouldheapupyourplatewithsuchashamhock,greens,black-eyedpeas,friedfish,cabbage,sweetpotatoes,gritsandgravy,andcornbread.Andthemoreyouputawaythebettershefelt.IworkedoutatElla'skitchentableliketherewasnotomorrow.

　　Ellastillseemedtobeasbig,black,outspokenandimpressiveawomanasshehadbeeninMasonandLansing.OnlyabouttwoweeksbeforeIarrived,shehadsplitupwithhersecondhusband-thesoldier,Frank,whomIhadmettheretheprevioussummer;butshewastakingitrightinstride.Icouldsee,thoughIdidn'tsay,howanyaveragemanwouldfinditalmostimpossibletoliveforverylongwithawomanwhoseeveryinstinctwastoruneverythingandeverybodyshehadanythingtodowith-includingme.AboutmyseconddaythereinRoxbury,Ellatoldmethatshedidn'twantmetostarthuntingforajobrightaway,likemostnewcomerNegroesdid.Shesaidthatshehadtoldallthoseshe'dbroughtNorthtotaketheirtime,towalkaround,totravelthebusesandthesubway,andgetthefeelofBoston,beforetheytiedthemselvesdownworkingsomewhere,becausetheywouldneveragainhavethetimetoreallyseeandgettoknowanythingaboutthecitytheywerelivingin.Ellasaidshe'dhelpmefindajobwhenitwastimeformetogotowork.

　　SoIwentgawkingaroundtheneighborhood-theWaumbeckandHumboldtAvenueHillsectionofRoxbury,whichissomethinglikeHarlem'sSugarHill,whereI'dlaterlive.IsawthoseRoxburyNegroesactingandlivingdifferentlyfromanyblackpeopleI'deverdreamedofinmylife.Thiswasthesnooty-blackneighborhood;theycalledthemselvesthe"FourHundred,"andlookeddowntheirnosesattheNegroesoftheblackghetto,orso-called"town"sectionwhereMary,myotherhalf-sister,lived.

　　WhatIthoughtIwasseeingthereinRoxburywerehigh-class,educated,importantNegroes,livingwell,workinginbigjobsandpositions.Theirquiethomessatbackintheirmowedyards.TheseNegroeswalkedalongthesidewalkslookinghaughtyanddignified,ontheirwaytowork,toshop,tovisit,tochurch.Iknownow,ofcourse,thatwhatIwasreallyseeingwasonlyabig-cityversionofthose"successful"NegrobootblacksandjanitorsbackinLansing.TheonlydifferencewasthattheonesinBostonhadbeenbrainwashedevenmorethoroughly.Theypridedthemselvesonbeingincomparablymore"cultured,""cultivated,""dignified,"andbetteroffthantheirblackbrethrendownintheghetto,whichwasnofurtherawaythanyoucouldthrowarock.Underthepitifulmisapprehensionthatitwouldmakethem"better,"theseHillNegroeswerebreakingtheirbackstryingtoimitatewhitepeople.

　　AnyblackfamilythathadbeenaroundBostonlongenoughtoownthehometheylivedinwasconsideredamongtheHillelite.Itdidn'tmakeanydifferencethattheyhadtorentoutroomstomakeendsmeet.Thenthenative-bornNewEnglandersamongthemlookeddownuponrecentlymigratedSouthernhome-ownerswholivednextdoor,likeElla.AndabigpercentageoftheHilldwellerswereinElla'scategory-Southernstriversandscramblers,andWestIndianNegroes,whomboththeNewEnglandersandtheSouthernerscalled"BlackJews."UsuallyitwastheSouthernersandtheWestIndianswhonotonlymanagedtoowntheplaceswheretheylived,butalsoatleastoneotherhousewhichtheyrentedasincomeproperty.ThesnootyNewEnglandersusuallyownedlessthanthey.

　　InthosedaysontheHill,anywhocouldclaim"professional"status-teachers,preachers,practicalnurses-alsoconsideredthemselvessuperior.ForeigndiplomatscouldhavemodeledtheirconductonthewaytheNegropostmen,Pullmanporters,anddiningcarwaitersofRoxburyacted,stridingaroundasiftheywerewearingtophatsandcutaways.

　　I'dguessthateightoutoftenoftheHillNegroesofRoxbury,despitetheimpressive-soundingjobtitlestheyaffected,actuallyworkedasmenialsandservants."He'sinbanking,"or"He'sinsecurities."ItsoundedasthoughtheywerediscussingaRockefelleroraMellon-andnotsomegray-headed;dignity-posturingbankjanitor,orbond-housemessenger."I'mwithanoldfamily"wastheeuphemismusedtodignifytheprofessionsofwhitefolks'cooksandmaidswhotalkedsoaffectedlyamongtheirownkindinRoxburythatyoucouldn'tevenunderstandthem.Idon'tknowhowmanyforty-andfifty-year-olderrandboyswentdowntheHilldressedlikeambassadorsinblacksuitsandwhitecollars,todowntownjobs"ingovernment,""infirnance,"or"inlaw."IthasneverceasedtoamazemehowsomanyNegroes,thenandnow,couldstandtheindignityofthatkindofself-delusion.

　　SoonIrangedoutofRoxburyandbegantoexploreBostonproper.HistoricbuildingseverywhereIturned,andplaquesandmarkersandstatuesforfamouseventsandmen.OnestatueintheBostonCommonsastonishedme:

aNegronamedCrispusAttucks,whohadbeenthefirstmantofallintheBostonMassacre.Ihadneverknownanythinglikethat.

　　Iroamedeverywhere.Inonedirection,IwalkedasfarasBostonUniversity.Anotherday,Itookmyfirstsubwayride.Whenmostofthepeoplegotoff,Ifollowed.ItwasCambridge,andIcircledallaroundintheHarvardUniversitycampus.Somewhere,IhadalreadyheardofHarvard-thoughIdidn'tknowmuchmoreaboutit.NobodythatdaycouldhavetoldmeIwouldgiveanaddressbeforetheHarvardLawSchoolForumsometwentyyearslater.

　　Ialsodidalotofexploringdowntown.Whyacitywouldhavetwobigrailroadstations-NorthStationandSouthStation-Icouldn'tunderstand.Atbothofthestations,Istoodaroundandwatchedpeoplearriveandleave.AndIdidthesamethingatthebusstationwhereEllahadmetme.MywanderingsevenledmedownalongthepiersanddockswhereIreadplaquestellingabouttheoldsailingshipsthatusedtoputintoportthere.

　　InalettertoWilfred,Hilda,Philbert,andReginaldbackinLansing,Itoldthemaboutallthis,andaboutthewinding,narrow,cobblestonedstreets,andthehousesthatjammedupagainsteachother.

　　DowntownBoston,Iwrotethem,hadthebiggeststoresI'deverseen,andwhitepeople'srestaurantsandhotels.ImadeupmymindthatIwasgoingtoseeeverymoviethatcametothefine,air-conditionedtheaters.

　　OnMassachusettsAvenue,nextdoortooneofthem,theLoew'sStateTheater,wasthehuge,excitingRoselandStateBallroom.Bigpostersoutinfrontadvertisedthenationallyfamousbands,whiteandNegro,thathadplayedthere."COMINGNEXTWEEK,"whenIwentbythatfirsttime,wasGlennMiller.Irememberthinkinghownearlythewholeevening'smusicatMasonHighSchooldanceshadbeenGlennMiller'srecords.Whatwouldn'tthatcrowdhavegiven,Iwondered,tobestandingwhereGlennMiller'sbandwasactuallygoingtoplay?

Ididn'tknowhowfamiliarwithRoselandIwasgoingtobecome.

　　Ellabegantogrowconcerned,becauseevenwhenIhadfinallyhadenoughsight-seeing,Ididn'tstickaroundverymuchontheHill.ShekeptdroppinghintsthatIoughttominglewiththe"niceyoungpeoplemyage"whoweretobeseenintheTownsendDrugstoretwoblocksfromherhouse,andacoupleofotherplaces.ButevenbeforeIcametoBoston,Ihadalwaysfeltandactedtowardanyonemyageasiftheywereinthe"kid"class,likemyyoungerbrotherReginald.TheyhadalwayslookeduptomeasifIwereconsiderablyolder.OnweekendsbackinLansingwhereI'dgotogetawayfromthewhitepeopleinMason,I'dhungaroundintheNegropartoftownwithWilfred'sandPhilbert'sset.Thoughallofthemwereseveralyearsolderthanme,Iwasbigger,andIactuallylookedolderthanmostofthem.

　　Ididn'twanttodisappointorupsetElla,butdespiteheradvice,Ibegangoingdownintothetownghettosection.Thatworldofgrocerystores,walk-upflats,cheaprestaurants,poolrooms,bars,storefrontchurches,andpawnshopsseemedtoholdanaturallureforme.

　　NotonlywasthispartofRoxburymuchmoreexciting,butIfeltmorerelaxedamongNegroeswhowerebeingtheirnaturalselvesandnotputtingonairs.EventhoughIdidliveontheHill,myinstinctswerenever-andstillaren't-tofeelmyselfbetterthananyotherNegro.

　　Ispentthefirstmonthintownwithmymouthhangingopen.Thesharp-dressedyoung"cats"whohungonthecomersandinthepoolrooms,barsandrestaurants,andwhoobviouslydidn'tworkanywhere,completelyentrancedme.Icouldn'tgetovermarvelingathowtheirhairwasstraightandshinylikewhitemen'shair;Ellatoldmethiswascalleda"conk."Ihadnevertastedasipofliquor,neverevensmokedacigarette,andhereIsawlittleblackchildren,tenandtwelveyearsold,shootingcraps,playingcards,fighting,gettinggrown-upstoputapennyoranickelontheirnumberforthem,thingslikethat.AndthesechildrenthrewaroundswearwordsI'dneverheardbefore,even,andslangexpressionsthatwerejustasnewtome,suchas"stud"and"cat"and"chick"and"cool"and"hip."EverynightasIlayinbedIturnedthesenewwordsoverinmymind.Itwasshockingtomethatintown,especiallyafterdark,you'doccasionallyseeaw