生活大爆炸英文剧本第二季1516.docx
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生活大爆炸英文剧本第二季1516
Scriptcompiledby
www.big-bang-forum.de
THEaddressforgeeksand„TheBigBangTheory“fans!
THEBIGBANGTHEORY
by
ChuckLorre&BillPrady
Season2,Episode15（s02e15）
Title:
TheMaternalCapacitance
--->Dialogonly<---
RAJESH
[singing:
„UndertheBridge“,bytheRedHotChiliPeppers]Idon'teverwannafeel.LikeIdidthatday.TakemetotheplaceIlove.Takemealltheway.Idon'teverwannafeel.LikeIdidthatday.TakemetotheplaceIlo...
PENNY
Fellas,please.
HOWARD
Penny,comeon.Wewerejustfindingoursound.
PENNY
Youfoundit.It'sthesoundofacatbeingrunoverbyalawnmower.
LEONARD
I'mreallyverybusy.IsthereanywaythatwecanputthisoffuntilIhavemoretimetoprepare?
Ofcourse.But,uh,youunderstandmytrepidation.
PENNY
What'sthatabout?
HOWARD
Notaclue.
LEONARD
Can'twejustpostponeittillthespring?
Maybenextsummer?
SHELDON
Thisshouldbefairlyeasytodeduce.He'sholdingthephonetohisleftear.Earsdonotcrosshemispheres,sohe'susingtheanalyticalratherthantheemotionalsideofthebrain,suggestingthathehasnopersonalrelationshipwiththecaller.
LEONARD
No,Ididn'trealizeithadbeensolong.Sure,Iguessthere'snootherchoicebuttojustgoaheadanddoit.
LEONARD
He'sreferringtoanactivityhehasdonebefore.It'sunpleasantandneedstoberepeated.Thissuggestssomesortofinvasivemedicaltest,likeperhapsacolonoscopy.
LEONARD
Aren'tthereanyotheroptions?
There'snotalotofroom.It'sgonnabeuncomfortable.
SHELDON
Yes,yes.I'mdefinitelygoingwithcolonoscopy.
LEONARD
Okay,bye.Mymother'scomingtovisit.
HOWARD
Howaboutthat?
youwereright.
=================================
===========THEMESONG==========
=================================
PENNY
It'soutoforder.
BEVERLY
Yes,Icanreadthesign.I'mjustponderingtheimplications.
PENNY
Ithinkitimpliesthattheelevatordoesn'twork.
BEVERLY
Again,Icanreadthesign.Butthesignandthetapearecoveredwithalayerofdust,whichindicatesthattheelevatorhasbeennonfunctionalforasignificantamountoftime.Whichsuggestseitheraremarkablepassivityamongthe,Iassume,24to36residentsofthisbuilding,basedonthenumberofmailboxesandgiventypicalurbanpopulationdensityorashareddelusionoffunctionality.
PENNY
YoumustbeLeonard'smother.
BEVERLY
Oh,Idon'tknowifImustbe,butyes.
PENNY
Uh,I'mPenny.I'mhisneighbor.
BEVERLY
Oh,Dr.BeverlyHofstadter.
PENNY
Oh,nicetomeetyou.
BEVERLY
Oh,you'reahandshaker.Interesting.
PENNY
Uh,whydon'tyoucomewithme.I'llwalkyoutotheapartment.
BEVERLY
Oh,allright.Wouldyouliketoexchangepleasantriesontheway?
PENNY
Yeah,sure,Iguess.
BEVERLY
Allright,youstart.
PENNY
Okay.Youknow,I'vealwaysbeencurious.WhatwasLeonardlikewhenhewaslittle?
BEVERLY
Oh,Ithinkyoumeanyoung.He'salwaysbeenlittle.
PENNY
Right.Okay,whatwashelikewhenhewasyoung?
BEVERLY
You'llhavetobemorespecific.
PENNY
Oh,um,okay,like,fiveorsix.Five.
BEVERLY
Oh,well,atthatage,hewaswellenmeshedinwhatFreudwouldcallthephallicstageofpsychosexualdevelopment.Anoutmodedtheory,ofcourse,buttheboydidspendmostofhiswakinghourswithatightgrasponhispenis.
PENNY
Yeah,Leonardmentionedyouwereapsychiatrist.
BEVERLY
Well,thatisoneofmydegrees.Myprimaryfieldisneuroscience.
PENNY
Oh.Well,I'manactress.
BEVERLY
Why?
PENNY
Ha.Whatdoyoumean,why?
BEVERLY
Well,therearestudiesthatsuggestthatmanywhogointotheperformingartssufferfromanexternallocusofidentity.
PENNY
Yeah,Idon'tknowwhatthatmeans.
BEVERLY
Well,itmeansyouvalueyourselfonlyasothersvalueyou,whichisoftentheresultofunmetchildhoodemotionalneeds.
PENNY
Oh,well,Ihadawonderfulchildhood.
BEVERLY
Tellmeaboutit.
PENNY
Iknowmydadwantedaboy.I...Ijust...Itriedbeinggoodatsports,butIhatedgettingdirty.
BEVERLY
Andthen,I'massuming,youenteredadolescence.Uh-huh.HecalledmesluggeruntilIgotmyfirsttrainingbraandthenhejuststoppedplayingcatchwithme.Iwasn'tsluggeranymore.Yourmother'shere.
BEVERLY
Ifyouwanttohaveintercouewiththatgirl,findoutwhatkindofcologneherfatherwore.
LEONARD
Goodtoseeyou,mother.Here'syourtea,mother.
BEVERLY
Oolong?
LEONARD
Yes.
BEVERLY
Loose,notbagged?
LEONARD
Yes.
BEVERLY
Steepedthreeminutes?
LEONARD
Yes.
BEVERLY
Two-percentmilk?
LEONARD
Yes.
BEVERLY
Warmedseparately?
LEONARD
Yes.
BEVERLY
Oneteaspoonsugar?
LEONARD
Yes.
BEVERLY
Rawsugar?
LEONARD
Yes.
BEVERLY
It'scold.
LEONARD
I'llstartagain.
SHELDON
Ihavethesameproblemwithhim.Mytheoryisthathislackoffocusstemsfromanover-developedsexdrive.
BEVERLY
Oh,Idon'tknowwherehewould'vegottenthat.Asidefromapro-formaconsummationofourmarriage,hisfatherandIonlyhadintercourseforthepurposesofreproduction.
SHELDON
Thatseemsafairlyefficientarrangement.
BEVERLY
Yes,wethinkso.We'vebothdonepapersonit.Minefromtheneuroscientificpointofviewandhisfromananthropological.Mine,ofcourse,wastheonlyoneworthreading.
SHELDON
Ofcourse.Iwouldverymuchliketoreadaboutyoursexlife.Well,it'sallonlineoryoucanorderitfromthePrincetonUniversityPress.
LEONARD
Here'syourtea,mother.So,whatareyouguystalkingabout?
SHELDON
Thefrequencywithwhichyourparentshadintercourse.
LEONARD
Swell.Ifyou'relucky,maybeshe'llshowyouthePowerPointpresentation.
BEVERLY
I'msorry,it'sonmyotherlaptop.
SHELDON
Aw...
LEONARD
So,Mother...what'snew?
BEVERLY
You'llhavetobemorespecific.
LEONARD
Allright.Uh,what'snewwithyou?
BEVERLY
Oh,well,I'vebeenhavingsomefascinatingmenopausalsymptomsrecently.
LEONARD
Maybesomethinglesspersonal.
BEVERLY
Oh.YourUncleFloyddied.
LEONARD
Oh,myGod.Whathappened?
BEVERLY
Hisheartstoppedbeating.Ihavetourinate.
SHELDON
Whataremarkablewoman.
LEONARD
Yeah,I...Ithoughtyouguysmighthititoff.
SHELDON
Ienvyyouyourchildhood.
LEONARD
Ihatetotellyou,buttheonlywarmmemoriesIhaveofmychildhoodareofmyUncleFloyd.
SHELDON
You'reclearlymisremembering.Yourmotherisbrilliant,analytical,insightful.AndI'mbettingsheneverhityouwithaBiblebecauseyouwouldn'teatyourBrusselssprouts.
LEONARD
Sheldon,youdon'tgiveyourmotherenoughcredit.She'swarm,she'sloving,shedoesn'tglueelectrodestoyourheadtomeasureyourbrainwaveswhilepottytraining.
SHELDON
Youwerelucky.WhenIwasakid,ifIwantedanEEG,Ihadtoattachmyownelectrodes.
HOWARD
So,Dr.Hofstadter,Leonardrarelytalksabouthisincrediblysuccessfulbrotherandsister.
LEONARD
Please,don'tgothere,Howard.
HOWARD
Iunderstandthat,unlikeLeonard,they'reatthetopoftheirrespectivefields.
LEONARD
Boy,yousuck.
BEVERLY
Well,Leonard'syoungerbrother,Michael,isatenuredlawprofessoratHarvard,andhissisterjustsuccessfullygrewahumanpancreasinanadolescentgibbon.
HOWARD
So,she'sclosetocuringdiabetes?
BEVERLY
Whyelsewouldyougrowapancreasinateenagedgibbon?
HOWARD
Wow,youmustbeveryproud.
BEVERLY
Why?
They'renotmyaccomplishments.Ihavetourinate.
LEONARD
Whyareyoudoingthis?
HOWARD
Youknowtherules.Youbroughtyourmomtowork.Youmustsuffer.
SHELDON
Leonard,Ihadnoideayoursiblingsweresomuchmoresuccessfulthanyou.
RAJESH
Yeah,you'reliketheJarJarBinksoftheHofstadterfamily.
HOWARD
Oh,meesathinkyousalookin'so,sosad.
LEONARD
Youknow,ratherthanmockme,myfriendsmightrealizethatthisisdifficultandtrytohelpmethroughit.
RAJESH
Nope,Ithinkmockingyouismorefun.
HOWARD
Nexttime,don'tyousabringmamatowork.Okee-day?
LEONARD
Thatwasfast.
BEVERLY
Oh,themiddlestallwasoccupied.I'llhavetotryagainlater.
SHELDON
That'stotallyunderstandable.Inbladdervoiding,asinrealestate,it'slocation,location,location.
BEVERLY
So,wherewerewe?
LEONARD
HowardliveswithhismotherandRajcan'tspeaktowomenunlesshe'sdrunk.Go.
BEVERLY
Oh,that'sfascinating.Selectivemutismisquiterare.Ontheotherhand,anadultJewishmalelivingwithhismotherissocommonitbordersonsociologicalcliché.
HOWARD
It'sjusttemporary.Ipayrent.
LEONARD
Helivesinthesameroomwherehisbassinetwas.
BEVERLY
Youknow,bothselectivemutismandaninabilitytoseparatefromone'smothercanstemfromapathologicalfearofwomen.Itmightexplainwhythetwoofyouhavecreatedanersatzhomosexualmarriagetosatisfyyourneedforintimacy.
HOWARD
Saywhat?
That'sbasicallywhatIjustsaid.
LEONARD
Youbroughtyourhusbandtowork.Youknowtherules.Meesathinkingyousalookingprettysadnowtoo,betcha,betcha.
BEVERLY
Leonard,it's1:
00.Weren'tyougoingtoshowmeyourlaboratoryat1:
00?
LEONARD
Yeah,there'snohurry,mother.Tellthemmoreabouttheirsecretloveforeachother.
BEVERLY
Butit's1:
00.Youweregoingtoshowmeyourlaboratoryat1:
00.
SHELDON
Herreasoningisunassailable.Itis1:
00.
LEONARD
Fine.Let'sgo.Ithinkyou'llfindmyworkprettyinteresting.I'mattemptingtoreplicatethedarkmattersignalfoundinsodiumiodide-crystalsbytheItalians.
BEVERLY
So,nooriginalresearch?
LEONARD
No.
BEVERLY
Well,what'sthepointofmyseeingit?
IcouldjustreadthepapertheItalianswrote.
HOWARD
Justfortherecord,we'renotinanersatzhomosexualrelationship.
RAJESH
Well,thenwhydidn'tyousaythattoher?
HOWARD
Whyisitalwaysmyresponsibility?
RAJESH
It'snotalwaysyourresponsibility.Iswear,thisisthe
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