Taming the Anger Monster.docx

Taming the Anger Monster.docx

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TamingtheAngerMonster

AProfessionalEssaytoConsider

Readthefollowingprofessionalessay.Thenanswerthequestionsandreadthecommentsthatfollow.

TamingtheAngerMonster（byAnneDavidson）

LauraHouserremembersthedaywithembarrassment.

“MymotherwasvisitingfromIllinois,”shesays.“We'dgoneouttolunchanddonesomeshopping.Onourwayhome,westoppedatanintersection.Whenthelightchanged,theguyaheadofuswaslookingatamaporsomethinganddidn'tmoverightaway.Ileanedonmyhornandautomaticallyyelled—well,whatIgenerallyyellatpeoplewhomakemewait.Ididn'teventhinkaboutwhatIwasdoing.OnemomentIwastalkingandlaughingwithmymother,andthenextIwasshoutingcursesatastranger.Mom'sjawjustdropped.Shesaid,‘Well,Iguess you've beenlivinginthecitytoolong.’That'swhenIrealizedthatmyangerwasoutofcontrol.”

Laurahasplentyofcompany.Hereareafewexamplespluckedfromtheheadlinesofrecentnewspapers:

∙Amtrak'sWashington–NewYorktrain:

Whenawomanbeginstousehercellphoneinadesignated“quietcar,”herseatmategrabsthephoneandsmashesitagainstthewall.

∙Reading,Mass.:

Arguingoverroughplayattheirten-year-oldsons'hockeypractice,twofathersbeginthrowingpunches.Oneofthedadsbeatstheothertodeath.

∙Westport,Conn.:

Twosupermarketshoppersgetintoafistfightoverwhoshouldbefirstinajust-openedcheckoutline.

Readingthesestoriesandcountlessotherslikethemwhichhappendaily,it'shardtoescapetheconclusionthatweareoneangrysociety.Anentirevocabularyhasgrownuptodescribesituationsofout-of-controlfury:

roadrage,sidelinerage,computerrage,bikerrage,airrage.Bookstoreshelvesarefilledwithauthors'adviceonhowtodealwithouranger.Court-orderedangermanagementclasseshavebecomecommonplace,andanger-managementworkshopsareadvertisedinlocalnewspapers.

Humanbeingshavealwaysexperiencedanger,ofcourse.Butinearlier,morecivildecades,publicdisplaysofangerwereunusualtothepointofbeingaberrant.Today,however,whetherinpettyordeadlyforms,episodesofunrepressedragehavebecomepartofourdailylandscape.

Whathashappenedtous?

Arewethatmuchangrierthanweusedtobe?

Havewelostallinhibitionsaboutexpressingouranger?

Arewe,asasociety,literallylosingourabilitytocontrolourtempers?

WhyAreWeSoAngry?

AccordingtoSybilEvans,aconflict-resolutionexpertinNewYorkCity,therearethreecomponentstoblameforoursocietalbadbehavior:

time,technologyandtension.

What'seatingupourtime?

Tobeginwith,Americansworklongerhoursandarerewardedwithlessvacationtimethanpeopleinanyotherindustrialsociety.Overanaverageyear,forexample,mostBritishemployeeswork250hourslessthanmostAmericans;mostGermansworkafull500hoursless.AndmostEuropeansaregivenfourtosixweeksvacationeveryyear,comparedtotheaverageAmerican'stwoweeks.Tomakemattersworse,manyAmericansfacelongstressfulcommutesatthebeginningandendofeachlongworkday.

OnceweAmericansfinallygethomefromwork,ourbusydayisrarelydone.Weareinvolvedincommunityactivities;ourchildrenparticipateinsports,schoolprograms,andextracurricularactivities;andourhouses,yardsandcarscryoutformaintenance.Tomakemattersworse,wearereluctanttousethelittlebitofleisuretimewedohavetocatchuponoursleep.ComparedwithAmericansofthenineteenthandearlytwentiethcenturies,mostofusarechronicallysleepdeprived.Whileourancestorstypicallysleptnine-and-a-halfhoursanight,manyofusfeelluckytogetseven.We'recriticalof“lazy”peoplewhosleeplonger,andweassociatenapswithtoddlerhood.（Indoingso,weignoretheexampleofsuccessfulpeopleincludingWinstonChurchill,AlbertEinstein,andNapoleon,allofwhomweredevotedtotheirafternoonnaps.）

Thebottomline:

wearetime-challengedandjustplaintired—andtiredpeoplearecrankypeople.We'rereadytoblow—tosnapattheslow-movingcashier,totapthebumperoftheslowpokeaheadofus,ortodosomethingfarworse.

Technologyisalsotoblameforthebadbehaviorsowidespreadinculture.Amazinggadgetsweresupposedtomakeourliveseasier—buthavethey?

Sure,technologyhasitspositiveaspects.Itisablessing,forinstance,tohaveacellphoneonhandwhenyourcarbreaksdownfarfromhomeortobeableto“instantmessage”afriendontheothersideoftheglobe.Butthedownsidesaremany.Cellphones,pagers,faxmachines,handheldcomputersandthelikehaverobbedmanyofusofwhatwasoncevaluabledowntime.Nowwe're always availabletotakethaturgentcalloractonthatlast-minutedemand.Thenthereistheendlesspressureoffeelingweneedtokeepupwithourgadgets'latesttechnologicaldevelopments.Forexample,it'snotsufficienttouseyourcellphoneforphonecalls.Nowyoumustlearntousethephonefortext-messaginganddownloadinggames.It'snotenoughtotakestillphotoswithyourdigitalcamera.Youshouldknowhowtoshootultrahigh-speedfast-actionclips.It'snotenoughtohaveanenviableCDcollection.YoushouldbedownloadingnewsongsinMP3format.Thecomputersinyourhouseshouldbeconnectedbyawirelessrouter,andonlineviahigh-speedDSLservice.Inotherwords,ifit'sbeenmorethantenminutessinceyou'veupdatedyourtechnology,you'reprobablybehind.

Infact,you'renotonlybehind;you'reastupidloser.Atleast,that'showmostofusendupfeelingaswe'reconfrontedwithmoreandmoreunexpectedtechnologies:

thedo-it-yourselfcheckoutatthesupermarket,thetelephone“helpcenter”thatoffersarecordedseriesofmessages,butnohumanhelp.Andfeelinglikelosersmakesusfrustratedand,youguessedit,angry.“It'snotanyonethingbutlotsoflittlethingsthatmakepeoplefeelliketheydon'thavecontroloftheirlives,”saysJaneMiddleton-Moz,anauthorandtherapist.“Asenseofhelplessnessiswhattriggersrage.It'swhypeopleendupkickingATMmachines.”

Herexampleisnotfar-fetched.AccordingtoasurveyofcomputerusersinGreatBritain,aquarterofthoseunderage25admittedtohavingkickedorpunchedtheircomputersonatleastoneoccasion.Othersconfessedtoyankingoutcablesinarage,forcingthecomputertocrash.OnthissideoftheAtlantic,aWisconsinman,afterrepeatedattemptstogethisdaughter'smalfunctioningcomputerrepaired,tookittothestorewherehehadboughtit,placeditinthefoyer,andattackeditwithasledgehammer.Arrestedandawaitingacourtappearance,hetoldlocalreporters,“Itfeelsgood,inaway.”Hehadputintoactionafantasymanyofushavehad—thatoftakingoutourfeelingsofrageonthemachinesthatsofrustrateus.

Tension,thethirdmajorculpritbehindourepidemicofanger,isintimatelyconnectedwithourlackoftimeandthepressuresoftechnology.Merelyourchronicexhaustionandourfrustrationinthefaceofabewilderingarrayoftechnologieswouldbeenoughtocauseourstresslevelstoskyrocket,butwearedealingwithmuchmore.Ourtensionisoftenfueledbyareserveofangerthatmightbetheresultofacriticalboss,maritaldiscord,or（somethingthatmanyoftoday'smenandwomenexperience,iffewwilladmitit）ageneralsenseofbeingstupidandinadequateinthefaceofthedemandsofmodernlife.Andalongwiththechallengesofeverydaylife,wenowlivewithawidespreadfearofsuchhorrorsasterroristacts,globalwarming,andantibiotic-resistantdiseases.Oursenseofdreadmaybeoutofproportiontoactualthreatsbecauseoftechnology'sabilitytosoconstantlybombarduswithworrisomeinformation.Twenty-fourhoursadaynewsstationsbringastreamofhorrorintoourlivingrooms.Asweworkonourcomputers,headlinesandgraphicimagesarenevermorethanamouseclickaway.

TheResultofOurAnger 

Additalltogether—ourfeelingofneverhavingenoughtime;thechronicaggravationcausedbytechnology;andourendless,diffusesenseofstress—andwebecometimebombswaitingtoexplode.Ourangryoutburstsmaybebrieflysatisfying,butafterwardsweareleftfeeling—well,likejerks.Worse,flyingoffthehandleisaself-perpetuatingbehavior.BradBushman,apsychologyprofessoratIowaStateUniversity,says,“Catharsisisworsethanuseless.”Bushman'sresearchhasshownthatwhenpeopleventtheiranger,theyactuallybecomemore,notless,aggressive.“Manypeoplethinkofangerasthepsychologicalequivalentofthesteaminapressurecooker.Ithastobereleased,oritwillexplode.That'snottrue.Thepeoplewhoreactbyhitting,kicking,screaming,andswearingjustfeelmoreangry.”

Furthermore,theunharnessedventingofangermayactuallydousphysicalharm.Thevigorousexpressionofangerpumpsadrenalineintooursystemandraisesourbloodpressure,settingthestageforheartattackandstrokes.Frequentlyangrypeoplehaveevenbeenshowntohavehighercholesterollevelsthaneven-temperedindividuals.

HowtoDealwithOurAnger 

Unfortunately,theculpritsbehindmuchofouranger—lackoftime,frustratingtechnology,andmega-levelsofstress—arenotlikelytoresolvethemselvesanytimesoon.Sowhatarewetodowiththeangerthatarisesasaresult?

AccordingtoCarolTavris,authorof Anger:

TheMisunderstoodEmotion, thekeystodealingwithangerarecommonsenseandpatience.Shepointsoutthatalmostnosituationisimprovedbyanangryoutburst.Atrafficjam,afrozencomputer,oramisplacedsetofcarkeysareannoying.Toactupontheangryfeelingsthosesituationsprovoke,however,isanexerciseinfutility.Shouting,fuming,orleaningonthecarhornwon'tmaketrafficbegintoflow,thescreenun