On the Decay of the Art of Lying.docx

On the Decay of the Art of Lying.docx

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OntheDecayoftheArtofLying

OntheDecayoftheArtofLyingbyMarkTwain[SameulClemens]

ESSAY,FORDISCUSSION,READATAMEETINGOFTHEHISTORICAL

ANDANTIQUARIANCLUBOFHARTFORD,ANDOFFEREDFORTHE

THIRTY-DOLLARPRIZE.[*]

[*]Didnottaketheprize.

Observe,Idonotmeantosuggestthatthe_custom_oflyinghassufferedanydecayorinterruption--no,fortheLie,asaVirtue,APrinciple,iseternal;theLie,asarecreation,asolace,arefugeintimeofneed,thefourthGrace,thetenthMuse,man'sbestandsurestfriend,isimmortal,andcannotperishfromtheearthwhilethisclubremains.Mycomplaintsimplyconcernsthedecayofthe_art_oflying.Nohigh-mindedman,nomanofrightfeeling,cancontemplatethelumberingandslovenlylyingofthepresentdaywithoutgrievingtoseeanobleartsoprostituted.InthisveteranpresenceI

naturallyenteruponthisthemewithdiffidence;itislikeanoldmaidtryingtoteachnurserymatterstothemothersinIsrael.Itwouldnotbecometometocriticiseyou,gentlemen--whoarenearlyallmyelders--andmysuperiors,inthisthing--ifIshouldhereandthere_seem_todoit,Itrustitwillinmostcasesbemoreinaspiritofadmirationthanfault-finding;indeedifthisfinestofthefineartshadeverywherereceivedtheattention,theencouragement,andconscientiouspracticeanddevelopmentwhichthisclubhasdevotedtoit,Ishouldnotneedtoutterthislament,orshredasingletear.

Idonotsaythistoflatter:

Isayitinaspiritofjustandappreciativerecognition.[Ithadbeenmyintention,atthispoint,tomentionnamesandtogiveillustrativespecimens,butindicationsobservableaboutmeadmonishedmetobewareoftheparticularsandconfinemyselftogeneralities.]

Nofactismorefirmlyestablishedthanthatlyingisanecessityofourcircumstances--thedeductionthatitisthenaVirtuegoeswithoutsaying.

Novirtuecanreachitshighestusefulnesswithoutcarefulanddiligentcultivation--therefore,itgoeswithoutsayingthatthisoneoughttobetaughtinthepublicschools--eveninthenewspapers.Whatchancehastheignorantuncultivatedliaragainsttheeducatedexpert?

WhatchancehaveI

againstMr.Per--againstalawyer?

_Judicious_lyingiswhattheworldneeds.

Isometimesthinkitwereevenbetterandsafernottolieatallthantolieinjudiciously.Anawkward,unscientificlieisoftenasineffectualasthetruth.

Nowletusseewhatthephilosopherssay.Notethatvenerableproverb:

Childrenandfools_always_speakthetruth.Thedeductionisplain--adultsandwisepersons_never_speakit.Parkman,thehistorian,says,"Theprincipleoftruthmayitselfbecarriedintoanabsurdity."Inanotherplaceinthesamechaptershesays,"Thesayingisoldthattruthshouldnotbespokenatalltimes;andthosewhomasickconscienceworriesintohabitualviolationofthemaximareimbecilesandnuisances."Itisstronglanguage,buttrue.Noneofuscould_live_withanhabitualtruth-teller;butthankgoodnessnoneofushasto.Anhabitualtruth-tellerissimplyanimpossiblecreature;hedoesnotexist;heneverhasexisted.Ofcoursetherearepeoplewho_think_theyneverlie,butitisnotso--andthisignoranceisoneoftheverythingsthatshameourso-calledcivilization.Everybodylies--everyday;everyhour;

awake;asleep;inhisdreams;inhisjoy;inhismourning;ifhekeepshistonguestill,hishands,hisfeet,hiseyes,hisattitude,willconveydeception--andpurposely.Eveninsermons--butthatisaplatitude.

InafarcountrywhereIoncelivedtheladiesusedtogoaroundpayingcalls,underthehumaneandkindlypretenceofwantingtoseeeachother;

andwhentheyreturnedhome,theywouldcryoutwithagladvoice,saying,"Wemadesixteencallsandfoundfourteenofthemout"--notmeaningthattheyfoundoutanythingimportantagainstthefourteen--no,thatwasonlyacolloquialphrasetosignifythattheywerenotathome--andtheirmannerofsayingitexpressedtheirlivelysatisfactioninthatfact.Nowtheirpretenceofwantingtoseethefourteen--andtheothertwowhomtheyhadbeenlessluckywith--wasthatcommonestandmildestformoflyingwhichissufficientlydescribedasadeflectionfromthetruth.Isitjustifiable?

Mostcertainly.Itisbeautiful,itisnoble;foritsobjectis,_not_toreapprofit,buttoconveyapleasuretothesixteen.Theiron-souledtruth-mongerwouldplainlymanifest,orevenutterthefactthathedidn'twanttoseethosepeople--andhewouldbeanass,andinflicttotallyunnecessarypain.

Andnext,thoseladiesinthatfarcountry--butnevermind,theyhadathousandpleasantwaysoflying,thatgrewoutofgentleimpulses,andwereacredittotheirintelligenceandanhonortotheirhearts.Lettheparticularsgo.

Themeninthatfarcountrywereliars,everyone.Theirmerehowdy-dowasalie,because_they_didn'tcarehowyoudid,excepttheywereundertakers.Totheordinaryinquireryouliedinreturn;foryoumadenoconscientiousdiagnosticofyourcase,butansweredatrandom,andusuallymisseditconsiderably.Youliedtotheundertaker,andsaidyourhealthwasfailing--awhollycommendablelie,sinceitcostyounothingandpleasedtheotherman.

Ifastrangercalledandinterruptedyou,yousaidwithyourheartytongue,"I'mgladtoseeyou,"andsaidwithyourheartiersoul,"Iwishyouwerewiththecannibalsanditwasdinner-time."Whenhewent,yousaidregretfully,"_Must_yougo?

"andfolloweditwitha"Callagain;"butyoudidnoharm,foryoudidnotdeceiveanybodynorinflictanyhurt,whereasthetruthwouldhavemadeyoubothunhappy.

Ithinkthatallthiscourteouslyingisasweetandlovingart,andshouldbecultivated.Thehighestperfectionofpolitenessisonlyabeautifuledifice,built,fromthebasetothedome,ofgracefulandgildedformsofcharitableandunselfishlying.

WhatIbemoanisthegrowingprevalenceofthebrutaltruth.Letusdowhatwecantoeradicateit.Aninjurioustruthhasnomeritoveraninjuriouslie.

Neithershouldeverbeuttered.Themanwhospeaksaninjurioustruthlesthissoulbenotsavedifhedootherwise,shouldreflectthatthatsortofasoulisnotstrictlyworthsaving.Themanwhotellsalietohelpapoordeviloutoftrouble,isoneofwhomtheangelsdoubtlesssay,"Lo,hereisanheroicsoulwhocastshisownwelfareinjeopardytosuccorhisneighbor's;

letusexaltthismagnanimousliar."

Aninjuriouslieisanuncommendablething;andso,also,andinthesamedegree,isaninjurioustruth--afactthatisrecognizedbythelawoflibel.

Amongothercommonlies,wehavethe_silent_lie--thedeceptionwhichoneconveysbysimplykeepingstillandconcealingthetruth.Manyobstinatetruth-mongersindulgeinthisdissipation,imaginingthatifthey_speak_nolie,theylienotatall.InthatfarcountrywhereIoncelived,therewasalovelyspirit,aladywhoseimpulseswerealwayshighandpure,andwhosecharacteransweredtothem.OnedayIwasthereatdinner,andremarked,inageneralway,thatweareallliars.Shewasamazed,andsaid,"Not_all_?

"

Itwasbefore"Pinafore's"time.soIdidnotmaketheresponsewhichwouldnaturallyfollowinourday,butfranklysaid,"Yes,_all_--weareallliars.

Therearenoexceptions."Shelookedalmostoffended,"Why,doyouinclude_me_?

""Certainly,"Isaid."Ithinkyouevenrankasanexpert."Shesaid"Sh-'sh!

thechildren!

"Sothesubjectwaschangedindeferencetothechildren'spresence,andwewentontalkingaboutotherthings.Butassoonastheyoungpeoplewereoutoftheway,theladycamewarmlybacktothematterandsaid,"Ihavemadearuleofmylifetonevertellalie;andI

haveneverdepartedfromitinasingleinstance."Isaid,"Idon'tmeantheleastharmordisrespect,butreallyyouhavebeenlyinglikesmokeeversinceI'vebeensittinghere.Ithascausedmeagooddealofpain,becauseI'mnotusedtoit."Sherequiredofmeaninstance--justasingleinstance.

SoIsaid--

"Well,hereistheunfilledduplicateoftheblank,whichtheOaklandhospitalpeoplesenttoyoubythehandofthesick-nursewhenshecameheretonurseyourlittlenephewthroughhisdangerousillness.Thisblankasksallmannersofquestionsastotheconductofthatsick-nurse:

'Didsheeversleeponherwatch?

Didsheeverforgettogivethemedicine?

'andsoforthandsoon.Youarewarnedtobeverycarefulandexplicitinyouranswers,forthewelfareoftheservicerequiresthatthenursesbepromptlyfinedorotherwisepunishedforderelictions.Youtoldmeyouwereperfectlydelightedwiththisnurse--thatshehadathousandperfectionsandonlyonefault:

youfoundyounevercoulddependonherwrappingJohnnyuphalfsufficientlywhilehewaitedinachillychairforhertorearrangethewarmbed.

Youfilleduptheduplicateofthispaper,andsentitbacktothehospitalbythehandofthenurse.Howdidyouanswerthisquestion--'Wasthenurseatanytimeguiltyofanegligencewhichwaslikelytoresultinthepatient'stakingcold?

'Come--everythingisdecidedbyabethereinCalifornia:

tendollarstotencentsyouliedwhenyouansweredthatquestion."Shesaid,"I

didn't;_Ileftitblank!

_""Justso--youhavetolda_silent_lie;youhaveleftittobeinferredthatyouhadnofaulttofindinthatmatter."Shesaid,"Oh,wasthatalie?

And_how_couldImentionheronesinglefault,andsheissogood?

--Itwouldhavebeencruel."Isaid,"Oneoughtalwaystolie,whenonecandogoodbyit;yourimpulsewasright,butyourjudgmentwascrude;

thiscomesofunintelligentpractice.Nowobservetheresultsofthisinexpertdeflectionofyours.YouknowMr.Jones'sWillieislyingverylowwithscarlet-fever;well,yourrecommendationwassoenthus