Ted 演讲稿 脆弱的力量Word格式文档下载.docx

Ted 演讲稿 脆弱的力量Word格式文档下载.docx

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waslike,"

You'

regoingtocallmeawhat?

mgoingtocallyouastoryteller."

AndIwaslike,"

Whynotmagicpixie?

（Laughter） 

Iwaslike,"

Letmethinkaboutthisforasecond."

Itriedtocalldeeponmycourage. 

AndIthought,youknow,Iamastoryteller. 

maqualitativeresearcher. 

Icollectstories;

that'

swhatIdo. 

Andmaybestoriesarejustdatawithasoul. 

AndmaybeI'

mjustastoryteller. 

AndsoIsaid,"

Youknowwhat?

Whydon'

tyoujustsayI'

maresearcher-storyteller."

Andshewent,"

Haha.There'

snosuchthing."

SoI'

maresearcher-storyteller, 

mgoingtotalktoyoutoday-- 

we'

retalkingaboutexpandingperception-- 

andsoIwanttotalktoyouandtellsomestories 

aboutapieceofmyresearch 

thatfundamentallyexpandedmyperception 

andreallyactuallychangedthewaythatIliveandlove 

andworkandparent.

Andthisiswheremystorystarts. 

WhenIwasayoungresearcher,doctoralstudent, 

myfirstyearIhadaresearchprofessor 

whosaidtous, 

Here'

sthething, 

ifyoucannotmeasureit,itdoesnotexist."

AndIthoughthewasjustsweet-talkingme. 

Really?

andhewaslike,"

Absolutely."

Andsoyouhavetounderstand 

thatIhaveabachelor'

sinsocialwork,amaster'

sinsocialwork, 

andIwasgettingmyPh.D.insocialwork, 

somyentireacademiccareer 

wassurroundedbypeople 

whokindofbelieved 

inthe"

life'

smessy,loveit."

AndI'

mmoreofthe,"

smessy, 

cleanitup,organizeit 

andputitintoabentobox."

AndsotothinkthatIhadfoundmyway, 

tofoundacareerthattakesme-- 

really,oneofthebigsayingsinsocialwork 

is,"

Leanintothediscomfortofthework."

mlike,knockdiscomfortupsidethehead 

andmoveitoverandgetallA'

s. 

Thatwasmymantra. 

SoIwasveryexcitedaboutthis. 

AndsoIthought,youknowwhat,thisisthecareerforme, 

becauseIaminterestedinsomemessytopics. 

ButIwanttobeabletomakethemnotmessy. 

Iwanttounderstandthem. 

Iwanttohackintothesethings 

Iknowareimportant 

andlaythecodeoutforeveryonetosee.

SowhereIstartedwaswithconnection. 

Because,bythetimeyou'

reasocialworkerfor10years, 

whatyourealize 

isthatconnectioniswhywe'

rehere. 

It'

swhatgivespurposeandmeaningtoourlives. 

Thisiswhatit'

sallabout. 

Itdoesn'

tmatterwhetheryoutalktopeoplewhoworkinsocialjusticeandmentalhealthandabuseandneglect, 

whatweknowisthatconnection, 

theabilitytofeelconnected,is-- 

neurobiologicallythat'

showwe'

rewired-- 

it'

swhywe'

SoIthought,youknowwhat,I'

mgoingtostartwithconnection. 

Well,youknowthatsituation 

whereyougetanevaluationfromyourboss, 

andshetellsyou37thingsyoudoreallyawesome, 

andonething--an"

opportunityforgrowth?

Andallyoucanthinkaboutisthatopportunityforgrowth,right?

Well,apparentlythisisthewaymyworkwentaswell, 

because,whenyouaskpeopleaboutlove, 

theytellyouaboutheartbreak. 

Whenyouaskpeopleaboutbelonging, 

they'

lltellyoutheirmostexcruciatingexperiences 

ofbeingexcluded. 

Andwhenyouaskpeopleaboutconnection, 

thestoriestheytoldmewereaboutdisconnection.

Soveryquickly--reallyaboutsixweeksintothisresearch-- 

Iranintothisunnamedthing 

thatabsolutelyunraveledconnection 

inawaythatIdidn'

tunderstandorhadneverseen. 

AndsoIpulledbackoutoftheresearch 

andthought,Ineedtofigureoutwhatthisis. 

Anditturnedouttobeshame. 

Andshameisreallyeasilyunderstood 

asthefearofdisconnection:

Istheresomethingaboutme 

that,ifotherpeopleknowitorseeit, 

thatIwon'

tbeworthyofconnection?

ThethingsIcantellyouaboutit:

suniversal;

weallhaveit. 

Theonlypeoplewhodon'

texperienceshame 

havenocapacityforhumanempathyorconnection. 

Noonewantstotalkaboutit, 

andthelessyoutalkaboutitthemoreyouhaveit. 

Whatunderpinnedthisshame, 

this"

mnotgoodenough,"

-- 

whichweallknowthatfeeling:

mnotblankenough.I'

mnotthinenough, 

richenough,beautifulenough,smartenough, 

promotedenough."

Thethingthatunderpinnedthis 

wasexcruciatingvulnerability, 

thisideaof, 

inorderforconnectiontohappen, 

wehavetoallowourselvestobeseen, 

reallyseen.

AndyouknowhowIfeelaboutvulnerability.Ihatevulnerability. 

AndsoIthought,thisismychance 

tobeatitbackwithmymeasuringstick. 

mgoingin,I'

mgoingtofigurethisstuffout,I'

mgoingtospendayear,I'

mgoingtototallydeconstructshame, 

mgoingtounderstandhowvulnerabilityworks, 

mgoingtooutsmartit. 

SoIwasready,andIwasreallyexcited.Asyouknow,it'

snotgoingtoturnoutwell. 

Youknowthis. 

So,Icouldtellyoualotaboutshame, 

dhavetoborroweveryoneelse'

stime. 

Buthere'

swhatIcantellyouthatitboilsdownto-- 

andthismaybeoneofthemostimportantthingsthatI'

veeverlearned 

inthedecadeofdoingthisresearch. 

Myoneyear 

turnedintosixyears:

thousandsofstories,hundredsoflonginterviews,focusgroups. 

Atonepoint,peopleweresendingmejournalpagesandsendingmetheirstories-- 

thousandsofpiecesofdatainsixyears. 

AndIkindofgotahandleonit.

Ikindofunderstood,thisiswhatshameis, 

thisishowitworks. 

Iwroteabook, 

Ipublishedatheory, 

butsomethingwasnotokay-- 

andwhatitwasisthat, 

ifIroughlytookthepeopleIinterviewed 

anddividedthemintopeople 

whoreallyhaveasenseofworthiness-- 

that'

swhatthiscomesdownto, 

asenseofworthiness-- 

theyhaveastrongsenseofloveandbelonging--andfolkswhostruggleforit, 

andfolkswhoarealwayswonderingifthey'

regoodenough.Therewasonlyonevariable 

thatseparatedthepeoplewhohave 

astrongsenseofloveandbelonging 

andthepeoplewhoreallystruggleforit. 

Andthatwas,thepeoplewhohave 

believethey'

reworthyofloveandbelonging. 

That'

sit.Theybelievethey'

reworthy. 

Andtome,thehardpart 

oftheonethingthatkeepsusoutofconnection 

isourfearthatwe'

renotworthyofconnection, 

wassomethingthat,personallyandprofessionally, 

IfeltlikeIneededtounderstandbetter. 

SowhatIdid 

isItookalloftheinterviews 

whereIsawworthiness,whereIsawpeoplelivingthatway, 

andjustlookedatthose.

Whatdothesepeoplehaveincommon?

Ihaveaslightofficesupplyaddiction, 

butthat'

sanothertalk. 

SoIhadamanilafolder,andIhadaSharpie, 

andIwaslike,whatamIgoingtocallthisresearch?

Andthefirstwordsthatcametomymind 

werewhole-hearted. 

Thesearewhole-heartedpeople,livingfromthisdeepsenseofworthiness. 

SoIwroteatthetopofthemanilafolder, 

andIstartedlookingatthedata. 

Infact,Ididitfirst 

inafour-day 

veryintensivedataanalysis, 

whereIwentback,pulledtheseinterviews,pulledthestories,pulledtheincidents.What'

sthetheme?

What'

sthepattern?

Myhusbandlefttownwiththekids 

becauseIalwaysgointothisJacksonPollockcrazything, 

whereI'

mjustlikewriting 

andinmyresearchermode.Andsohere'

swhatIfound. 

Whattheyhadincommon 

wasasenseofcourage. 

AndIwanttoseparatecourageandbraveryforyouforaminute. 

Courage,theoriginaldefinitionofcourage,whenitfirstcameintotheEnglishlanguage-- 

sfromtheLatinwordcor,meaningheart--andtheoriginaldefinition 

wastotellthestoryofwhoyouarewithyourwholeheart. 

Andsothesefolks 

had,verysimply,thecourage 

tobeimperfect. 

Theyhadthecompassion 

tobekindtothemselvesfirstandthentoothers, 

because,asitturnsout,wecan'

tpracticecompassionwithotherpeople 

ifwecan'

ttreatourselveskindly. 

Andthelastwastheyhadconnection, 

and--thiswasthehardpart-- 

asaresultofauthenticity, 

theywerewillingtoletgoofwhotheythoughttheyshouldbe 

inordertobewhotheywere, 

whichyouhavetoabsolutelydothatforconnection.

Theotherthingthattheyhadincommon 

wasthis:

Theyfullyembracedvulnerability. 

Theybelieved 

thatwhatmadethemvulnerable 

madethembeautiful. 

Theydidn'

ttalkaboutvulnerability 

beingcomfortable, 

nordidtheyreallytalkaboutitbeingexcruciating-- 

asIhadhearditearlierintheshameinterviewing. 

Theyjusttalkedaboutitbeingnecessary. 

Theytalkedaboutthewillingness 

tosay,"

Iloveyou"

first, 

thewillingness 

todosomething 

wheretherearenoguarantees, 

tobreathethroughwaitingforthedoctortocall 

afteryourmammogram. 

They'

rewillingtoinvestinarelationship 

thatmayormaynotworkout.Theythoughtthiswasfundamental.

Ipersonallythoughtitwasbetrayal. 

IcouldnotbelieveIhadpledgedallegiance 

toresearch,whereourjob-- 

youknow,thedefinitionofresearch 

istocontrolandpredict,tostudyphenomena, 

fortheexplicitreason 

tocontrolandpredict. 

Andnowmymission 

tocontrolandpredict 

hadturneduptheanswerthatthewaytoliveiswithvulnerability 

andtostopcontrollingandpredicting. 

Thisledtoalittlebreakdown-- 

--whichactuallylookedmorelikethis. 

Anditdid. 

Icallitabreakdown;

mytherapistcallsitaspir