English SMS JokesWord文档格式.docx

English SMS JokesWord文档格式.docx

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alwaysstarttostudylatefor“Exams”.

Becauseitteacheshowtomanage“Time”

andtackle“Emergencies”!

Toaccomplishgreatthings,

Wemustnotonlyact,

Butalsodream,

Notonlyplanbutalsobelieve,

ExamsarelikeGirlfriends

-Toomanyquestions

-Difficulttounderstand

-Moreexplanationisneeded

-Resultisalwaysfail!

Astudentgrabbedacoin,

Flippeditintheair&

said,

“Head,Igotosleep.”

Tail,Iwatchamovie.

IfitstandsontheedgeI’llstudy

Ittakes15treesto

producetheamount

ofpaperthatwe

usetowriteoneexam.

joinusinpromotingthenoble

causeofsavingtrees.

SAYNOTOEXAMS

Youmustbeagoodrunnerbecause

youarealwaysrunninginmymind,

youmustbeagoodthiefbecause

youhavestolenmyheart,

and

iamalwaysabadshooterbecause

IMissYouAlways...

Trueloveislikeapillow

UcouldHUGitwhenurintrouble

UcouldCRYonitwhenurinpain

UcouldEMBRACEitwhenurhappy

WantTrueLove?

SpendRs.50BUYAPILLOW

Dictionaryisdaonlyplacewheredeathcomesbeforelife,

successbeforework,

&

divorcebeforemarriage.

buttheBestpartis

Friendcomesbeforerelatives:

）

AtrueFriend

isnotlike

'

"

'

Rain'

WhichRained&

leftaway.

Atruefriendislike

~_~AIR_~_~

Symptomssilientbutalwaysaroundu:

TakeCarealot

Mayourfriendshipturnintosilver,silverintogold,goldintodiamonds...andmayourdiamondsbeforever...Thenwe'

llsellitOK?

Fifty-Fifty

Threedreamsofaman:

Tobeashandsomeashismotherthinks.Tobeasrichashischildbelieves.Tohaveasmanywomenashiswifesuspects

ChildDonkey:

MumwithwhomshallIplay,everydonkeyisbusy.MotherDonkey:

Don'

tworryson,seehere,thisdonkeywillbefreeafterreadingthisSMS.

Husbandasks,doyouknowthemeaningofWIFE.Itmeans…WithoutInformationfightingeverytime!

WIFEsaysNo,itmeans-WithIdiotForEver

What'

sthedifferencebetweenstress,tensionandpanic?

Stressiswhenwifeispregnant,

Tensioniswhengirlfriendispregnant,

Paniciswhenbotharepregnant.

GALILEO:

greatmind

EINSTEIN:

geniusmind

NEWTON:

extraordinarymind

BILLGATES

brilliantmind

ME:

mastermind

YOU:

oh!

nevermind

Ihaveaconfessiontomake

eversinceImetuitsbeenhardformeto4getu

everynightIseeuinmydreams

andfindmyselfshouting

GHOSTGHOST!

Sometimessmall

thingsinlife

hurtalot.....

Ifudon'

tagree

withme....

Then>

>

Trytosit

onaCommonPin!

Tolivethislifeineedaheartbeat,tohaveaheartbeatineedahearttohaveaheartineedhapinesandtohavehapinessineedu

Wroteyournameonthesands.....Itgotwashedaway,iwroteyournameinair....Itgotblownaway,soiwriteyournameinmyheart...Igotheartattack!

Yourattentionplease

Thanks4urattention.Nowcarryonurwork...

Heylisten......

Twopeoplewereasking

Meaboutyou,

Igivethemuraddress

Andcellno,

Theywillbvisitingusoon,

Theirnamesrjoynhappiness.

Letme

drawur

face!

Dont

MOVE!

Nearly

finished

OK

Done!

Wannahave

alook?

.,|!

|,.

（o）（o）

（,）

Heightoffashion?

Dhotiwidzip.

Heightofsecrecy?

Blankvisitingcard.

Heightofstupidity?

Lookingthruakeyholeofglassdoor.

Heightofhonesty?

Pregnantwomanpurchases1&

ahalfticket.

Heightofde-hydration?

Acowgivingmilkpowder.

Heightoftimewasting?

Ureadingthewholemsg.

Friendshipistherainbowbetween

2hearts

sharingof7colors.

1.LOVE

2.SADNESS

3.HAPPINESS

4.TRUST

5.FAITH

6.SECRET

7.CARE

TakeCarenHaveaniceday:

-）

A992i

n0279qbiquT2

2m2pni992

.2iHT9>

IiI

（usemirrortoread）

plsdnterase!

itsreallyinteresting

Thisizcrimestory

5frndzlivedinaroom

Namely

MAD

BRAIN

FOOL

NOBODY

SOMEBODY

1daySOMEBODYkilledNOBODY.

AtthattimeBRAINwasinbathroom,

MADcalledpolice.

MAD:

Isitpolicestation?

Police:

Yes,whtizthematter?

SOMEBODYkilledNOBODY.

Rumad?

Yes,i"

mMAD.

Dntu'

veBRAIN.

BRAINizinbathroom..

UFOOL...

No,FOOLisreadingthissMs

ittakes15trees2producedamountofpaperdatweuse2writein1exam.joinusinpromotingdnoblecozofsavingtreez.....sayNO2exams:

I

miss

"

STARS"

sTARsthinkimserious

bUtimjoking!

MOON"

m00nthinksimserious

bUtimjoking!

U"

Uthinkimjoking

butimserious!

Medicinesandfriendship

cureourproblems.

Theonlydifferenceisthat,

Friendshipdon'

thaveanexpirydate.

TodayisDonaldDuck'

sbirthday....:

）

Sowishhimbysendingthissmstoeverycartoonyouknow.

JustlikeIdidbysendingthissmstoyou...

Rosesrredvioletsrblue.

MonkeyslikeushouldkeptinazooDon'

tgetangrybecauseuwillfindmetheretoo.Notinacagebutlaughingatyou

Dearcustomer,

UrnotusingurSmSserviceproperly.Ursimwillbedeactivatedsoon.Toavoidthis,urgentlyreplywithacuteSmStothesender.

Sndr'

swatng?

3monkeysescapedfromzoo!

IstwatchingT.V.2ndplayssoccern3rdis...

Notuyaar!

3rdiseatingbanana.yuralwaysthinkuramonkey

Watsdheightofhope?

?

Itis:

sittinindexamhall,

holdindquestionpaperinhand

ntellinurself

“dude,dntworry.

Examswilgetpostponed!

”

I'

dlovetotakeuout4dinner,makeusitbesidethecandlelight,showeruwithrosesandutterthose3magicalwordsinurear"

PAYTHEBILL

OnceUponaTime,Somethinghappenedtome.

Itwasthesweetestthingthatevercouldbe.

Itwasafantasy,adreamcometrue

itwasthedayImetyou.

Loveislikeacloud...

loveislikeadream...

loveis1wordandeverythinginbetween...

loveisafairytalecometrue...

CozIfoundlovewhenIfoundU.

Rosesarered,violetsareblue,

Iwasbornbeautiful,

butwhatthehellhappenedtoyou?

Girlsarelikephones,

weliketobeheldandtalkedtoo,

butifyoupressthewrongbuttonyou'

llbedisconnected!

Wewillnowupgradeyourbrain,

pleasewait....

Searching....

searching...

stillsearching....

sorry,

NOBRAINfound...!

Rosesrred,violetsrblue,

Sugarissweet,andsoareu.

Buttherosesrwilting,thevioletsrdead,

Thesugarbowl'

semptyandsoisyourhead!

ThissmscanonlybereadbysomeoneSMART,

tryagain,

again,

maybeyouare..

justnotsmart?

onemoretime.

heydon'

tforceitugly!

LastnightIwantedtosendyouamsg,

ButallIcouldwritewas,

“nohss!

w!

”.

Itdidn’tmakemushsense

UntilIreaditupsidedown...

dlovetoaskhowoldyouare,

butunfortunatelyIknowyoucan'

tcountthathigh.

WhosaidEnglishiseasy?

FillintheblankswithYESorNO.

1.______Idon’thaveBrain.…

2.______Idon’thaveSense.…

3.______IamStupid....

Aphysiologicalstudyhasprovedthat

allthefools,donkeys,monkeys

usedtheirthumbstoreadthemessages

Don’tchangeyourfingerknowitstoolate.

Howtokeepanidiotentertained

*pressdown*

…………………………………

*pressup*

FRIENDSHIPisn'

thowUforgetbuthowUforgive,

NothowUlistenbuthowUUnderstand,

NotwhatUseebuthowUfeel,

andnothowULetGobuthowUholdon!

WIFE:

WorriesInvitedForEver

AFriendshipisSweetwhenitsNEW..

ItsSweeterwhenitsTRUE

ButItsSweetestwhenthefriendislikeU.

Doctor:

Apersonwhocurestheillsbypills,

andkillsbyhisbills.

Howdoyoukeepanidiotinsuspense............?

Tellyoulater........

HelloIamavirusandIamenteringyourbrainrightnow...

SorryIamleavingnow,Ican'

tfindabrain

Amillionwordswouldnotbringyouback,

Iknow,becauseI'

vetried.

Neitherwouldamilliontears.

vecried.

Heyfriendrememberthatwithoutstupidity

therecanbenowisdomand

withoutuglinesstherecanbenobeauty.

sotheworldneedsYOUafterall!

MindsarelikeParachutes.

Theyworkbestwhenopen

IfIcouldrearrangethealphabet,

dputUandItogether

Aimforthestars.

Butfirst,aimfortheirbodyguards

ALGEBRA:

Aweaponofmathdestruction

Whyweremalescreatedbeforefemales?

Becauseyoualwaysneedaroughdraftbeforethefinalcopy

Thisdog,isdog,adog,gooddog,waydog,

todog,keepdog,andog,idiotdog,busydog,

fordog,20dog,secondsdog!

...

Nowreadwithouttheworddog.

AlldayIthoughtofyou....

Iwasatthezoo.

CNNNews.

Bushorders15,000FBItraineddogstotrackdownOsama.

FBIawaitingfurtherordersasoneofthedogsisreadingthis

Callingyouanidiotwouldbeaninsulttoallthestupidpeople.

Hithere,I'

mahumanbeing!

Whatareyou?

Brainsaren'

teverything.

Infactinyourcasethey'

renothing

Iheardsomeonewhisperyourname,

butwhenIturnedaroundtoseewhoitwas,

InoticeIwasalone,

thenIrealizeitwasmyheart

tellingmethatImissyou.

MyeyesarehurtingcozIcan'

tseeU,

MyarmsareemptycozIcan'

tholdU,

MylipsarecoldcozIcan'

tkissU

but,MyheartisbreakingcozI'

mnotwithU!

Ineedyoutoknowourfrie