The Discovery of What It Means to Be an AmericanWord格式文档下载.docx
《The Discovery of What It Means to Be an AmericanWord格式文档下载.docx》由会员分享,可在线阅读,更多相关《The Discovery of What It Means to Be an AmericanWord格式文档下载.docx(8页珍藏版)》请在冰豆网上搜索。
2IleftAmericabecauseIdoubtedmyabilitytosurvivethefuryofthecolorproblemhere.(SometimesIstilldo.)IwantedtopreventmyselffrombecomingmerelyaNegro;
oreven,merelyaNegrowriter.Iwantedtofindoutinwhatwaythespecialnessofmyexperiencecouldbemadetoconnectmewithotherpeopleinsteadofdividingmefromthem.(IwasasisolatedfromNegroesasIwasfromwhites,whichiswhathappenswhenaNegrobegins,atbottom,tobelievewhatwhitepeoplesayabouthim.)
3Inmynecessitytofindthetermsonwhichmyexperiencecouldberelatedtothatofothers,Negroesandwhites,writersandnon-writers,Iproved,tomyastonishment,tobeasAmericanasanyTexasG.I.AndIfoundmyexperiencewassharedbyeveryAmericanwriterIknewinParis.Likeme,theyhadbeendivorcedfromtheirorigins,anditturnedouttomakeverylittledifferencethattheoriginsofwhiteAmericanswereEuropeanandminewereAfrican–theywerenomoreathomeinEuropethanIwas.
4ThefactthatIwasthesonofaslaveandtheywerethesonsoffreemenmeantless,bythetimeweconfrontedeachotheronEuropesoil,thanthefactthatwewerebothsearchingforourseparateidentities.Whenwehadfoundthese,weseemedtobesaying,why,then,wewouldnolongerneedtoclingtotheshameandbitternesswhichhaddividedussolong.
5ItbecameterriblyclearinEurope,asitneverhadbeenhere,thatweknewmoreabouteachotherthananyEuropeanevercould.Anditalsobecameclearthat,nomatterwhereourfathershadbeenborn,orwhattheyhadendured,thefactofEuropehadformedusboth,waspartofouridentityandpartofourinheritance.
6IhadbeeninParisacoupleofyearsbeforeanyofthisbecamecleartome.Whenitdid,Ilikemanyawriterbeforemeuponthediscoverythathispropshaveallbeenknockedoutfromunderhim,sufferedaspeciesofbreakdownandwascarriedofftothemountainsofSwitzerland,There,inthatabsolutelyHiroshimalandscape,armedwithtwoBessieSmithrecordsandatypewriterIbegantotrytorecreatethelifethatIhadfirstknownasachildandfromwhichIhadspentsomanyyearsinflight.
7ItwasBessieSmith,throughhertoneandhercadence,whohelpedmetodigbacktothewayImyselfmusthavespokenwhenIwasapickaninny,andtorememberthethingsIhadneverlistenedtoBessieSmithinAmerica(inthesamewaythat,foryears,Iwouldnottouchwatermelon),butinEuropeshehelpedtoreconcilemetobeinga“nigger”.
8IdonotthinkthatIcouldhavemadethisreconciliationhere.OnceIwasabletoacceptmyrole–asdistinguished,Imustsay,frommy“place”—intheextraordinarydramawhichisAmerica,IwasreleasedfromtheillusionthatIhatedAmerica.
9ThestoryofwhatcanhappentoanAmericanNegrowriterinEuropesimplyillustrates,insomerelief,whatcanhappentoanyAmericanwriterthere.Itisnotmeant,ofcourse,toimplythatithappenstothemall,forEuropecanbeverycripplingtoo;
and,anyway,awriter,whenhehasmadehisfirstbreakthrough,hassimplywonacrucialskirmishinadangerous,unendingandunpredictablebattlestill,thebreakthroughisimportant,andthepointisthatanAmericanwriter,inordertoachieveit,veryoftenhastoleavethiscountry.
10TheAmericanwriter,inEurope,isreleased,firstofall,fromthenecessityofapologizingforhimself.Itisnotuntilheisreleasedfromthehabitofflexinghismusclesandprovingthatheisjusta“regularguy”thatherealizeshowcripplingthishabithasbeen.Itisnotnecessaryforhim,there,topretendtobesomethingheisnot,fortheartistdoesnotencounterinEuropethesamesuspicionheencountershere.WhatevertheEuropeansmayactuallythinkofartists,theyhavekilledenoughofthemoffbynowtoknowthattheyareasreal–andaspersistent–asrain,snow,taxesorbusinessmen.
11Ofcourse,thereasonforEurope’scomparativeclarityconcerningthedifferentfunctionsofmeninsocietyisthatEuropeansocietyhasalwaysbeendividedintoclassesinawaythatAmericansocietyneverhasbeen.AEuropeanwriterconsidershimselftobepartofanoldandhonorabletradition–ofintellectualactivity,ofletters–andhischoiceofavocationdoesnotcausehimanyuneasywonderastowhetherornotitwillcosthimallhisfriends.ButthistraditiondoesnotexistinAmerica.
12Onthecontrary,wehaveaverydeep-seateddistrustofrealintellectualeffort(probablybecausewesuspectthatitwilldestroy,asIhopeitdoes,thatmythofAmericatowhichweclingsodesperately).AnAmericanwriterfightshiswaytooneofthelowestrungsontheAmericansocialladderbymeansofpurebull-headednessandanindescribableseriesofoddjobs.Heprobablyhasbeena“regularfellow”formuchofhisadultlife,anditisnoteasyforhimtostepoutofthatlukewarmbath.
13Wemust,however,consideraratherseriousparadox;
thoughAmericansocietyismoremobilethanEurope’s,itiseasiertocutacrosssocialandoccupationallinestherethanitishere.Thishassomethingtodo,Ithink,withtheproblemofstatusinAmericanlife.Whereeveryonehasstatus,itisalsoperfectlypossible,afterall,thatnoonehas.Itseemsinevitable,inanycase,thatamanmaybecomeuneasyastojustwhathisstatusis.
14ButEuropeanshavelivedwiththeideaofstatusforalongtime.Amancanbeasproudofbeingagoodwaiterasofbeingagoodactor,andinneithercasefeelthreatened.AndthismeansthattheactorandthewaitercanhaveafreerandmoregenuinelyfriendlyrelationshipinEuropethantheyarelikelytohavehere.Thewaiterdoesnotfeel,withobscureresentment,thattheactorhas“madeit,”andtheactorisnottormentedbythefearthathemayfindhimself,tomorrow,onceagainawaiter.
15ThislackofwhatmayroughlybecalledsocialparanoiacausestheAmericanwriterinEuropetofeel–almostcertainlyforthefirsttimeinhislife–thathecanreachouttoeveryone,thatheisaccessibletoeveryoneandopentoeverything.Thisisanextraordinaryfeeling.Hefeels,sotospeak,hisownweight,hisownvalue.
16Itisasthoughhesuddenlycameoutofadarktunnelandfoundhimselfbeneaththeopensky.And,infact,inParis,Ibegantoseetheskyforwhatseemedtobethefirsttime.Itwasborneinonme–anditdidnotmakemefeelmelancholy–thatthisskyhadbeentherebeforeIwasbornandwouldbetherewhenIwasdead.Anditwasuptome,therefore,tomakeofmybriefopportunitythemostthatcouldbemade.
17IwasborninNewYork,buthavelivedonlyinpocketsofit.InParis,Ilivedinallpartsofthecity–ontheRightbankandtheLeft,amongthebourgeoisieandamonglesmiserables,andknewallkindsofpeople,frompimpsandprostitutesinPigalletoEgyptianbankersinNeuilly.Thismaysoundextremelyunprincipledorevenobscurelyimmoral:
Ifoundithealthy.Ilovetotalktopeople,allkindsofpeople,andalmosteveryone,asIhopewestillknow,lovesamanwholovestolisten.
18ThisperpetualdealingwithpeopleverydifferentfrommyselfcausedashatteringinmeofpreconceptionsIscarcelyknewIheld.ThewriterismeetinginEuropepeoplewhoarenotAmerican,whosesenseofrealityisentirelydifferentfromhisown.Theymayloveorhateoradmireorfearorenvythiscountry–theyseeit,inanycase,fromanotherpointofview,andthisforcesthewritertoreconsidermanythingshehadalwaystakenforgranted.Thisreassessment,whichcanbeverypainful,isalsoveryvaluable.
19Thisfreedom,likeallfreedom,hasitsdangersanditsresponsibilities.Onedayitbeginstobeborneinonthewriter,andwithgreatforce,thatheislivinginEuropeasanAmerican.IfhewerelivingthereasaEuropean,hewouldbelivingonadifferentandfarlessattractivecontinent.
20ThiscrucialdaymaybethedayonwhichanAlgeriantaxi-drivertellshimhowitfeelstobeanAlgerianinParis.Itmaybethedayonwhichhepassesacafé
terraceandcatchesaglimpseofthetense,intelligentandtroubledfaceofAlbertCamus.OritmaybethedayonwhichsomeoneaskshimtoexplainLittleRockandhebeginstofeelthatitwouldbesimpler–and,cornyasthewordsmaysound,morehonorable–togotoLittleRockthansitinEurope,onanAmericanpassport,tryingtoexplainit.
21Thisisapersonalday,aterribleday,thedaytowhichhisentiresojournhasbeentending.Itisthedayherealizesthattherearenountroubledcountriesinthisfearfullytroubledworld;
thatifhehasbeenpreparinghimselfforanythinginEurope,hehadbeenpreparinghimself–forAmerica.Inshort,thefreedomthattheAmericanwriterfindsinEuropebringshim,fullcircle,backtohimself,withtheresponsibilityforhisdevelopmentwhereitalwayswas:
inhisownhands.
22Eventhemostincorrigiblemaverickhastobebornsomewhere.Hemayleavethegroupthatproducedhim–hemaybeforcedto–butnothingwilleffacehisorigins,themarksofwhichhecarrieswithhimeverywhere.Ithinkitisimportant